To Save You, a moulin rouge fanfic

To Save You
by She's a Star

Disclaimer: Moulin Rouge belongs to Bazzie. :) The loverly song 'You' belongs to Jennifer Love Hewitt. A line about wings and birds and such belongs to my darling friend Rachel, who composed the poem 'On Wings Of Birds'.

Author's Note: This is quite different from anything else I've written. I like how it turned out. Hope you guys do too. :)

I. The Poet

All night the penniless sitar player had waited...

I tell myself that you're not coming.

I've repeated it, God, it must be a thousand times in my head.

Satine is not coming.

I still don't want to believe it.

I never thought that it could end before. First, all I saw was glitter and diamonds and beauty and the woman that I was meant to have eternity with. Then as we danced across the sky, I felt something so perfect that I mentally proclaimed that God could never be so cruel to deny us of something so purely right.

As we embrace, the rich velvet curtains our shield from the rest of the world, I never stop to consider that the Duke's eyes could fall upon us at any moment.

When I kiss you, there is only you.

Everyone else disappears.

The world stops in its footsteps, making way for the most beautiful love to ever grace it. Romeo and Juliet pale beside us, with their proclamations of roses by any other name and parting being such a sweet sorrow. They cannot love as we do - they cannot feel the passion, the perfection that I have, wrapped in the warmth of you. And their love could not defy the gods, could not stop the clouds from gathering and the stars from colliding. Their love ended in tragedy, a sea of tears that I always believed would never reach us, my darling.

Until now.

I stare out at the windmill wings as they push through sultry Parisian air with steadfast determination. They glitter, painting flashes of scarlet across the royal blue sky.

It's a perfect sky to dance on...

If only you were here.

Satine is not coming.

And yet out of the corner of my eye, I keep seeing a flash of crimson curls dance through the night, hear sweet clarion peals of laughter ringing through the piercing silence.

And then my mind, a mind often wrapped up in nothing more distressing than love songs and roses, paints a picture that, with a shudder, shakes my form. His hands upon you, caressing that flawless ivory skin with a carnal severity that you've felt too many times before. You belong to him, you are his possession.

And I? I am a thief, stealing you away when you rightfully belong to another.

But I am also a savior, your valiant knight in shining armor. You don't deserve the lust-driven aggression that he's sure to pour upon you.

I only want you to be happy.

I only want you to love.

And suddenly the door swings open, slashing my jealous thoughts to pieces as I see the passion alight in your eyes.

You cross the room at once, wrapping your arms around my shoulders with a zealous sparkle in those ordinarily serene orbs of azure.

"I love you," you say, tone firm and almost forceful. "I love you, and I will always love you, no matter what happens, no matter what the future brings us."

Your unwavering passion is almost startling - idle 'I love you's have escaped your lips before, but never like this. Never with so much fervor and meaning.

And yet I can feel it.

Ever since my eyes first fell upon you, I've felt it.

"I know."

Relief seems to fill your features for a split-second before you press your lips hungrily to mine.

I taste fire in your kiss.

In the back of my mind, I wonder what has inspired this sudden rush of ardency.

I wonder why you say you love me.

I wonder if you mean it.

Alarmed paranoia sweeps through me, and I break the embrace.

"Where were you?" I question, insistent.

She studies me, almost sad for the tiniest flash of an instant.

"I was sick."

...And for the first time, he felt the cold stab of jealousy.

II. The Diamond

Inside, my heart is breaking...

I watch you as you sleep. A lazy smile has painted its way onto your face as even breathing escapes your lips, soft and serene.

I could stay in this moment, in this instant, for a thousand lifetimes and never be rid of this rush.

I could count a million reasons why I love you so much, but when I stop, I realize that really, only one truly matters.

You love me.

If you were dark and brooding, if you were forlorn and jaded and destroyed, I would still love you with all my heart.

Because you would still be my Christian, and you would still love me.

I've never been loved before.

Oh, there have been claims of it. Thousands of light, petty proclamations have fallen from the lips of assorted customers.

They only say it because every touch has been nothing more than a charade, a game that we both know we're playing.

They say it to mock me.

And every time a whispered 'I love you' escaped their lips, a needle seemed to pierce my heart.

You alone have loved me.

You alone have dared to even try.

I lift your hand to my lips, gently placing kisses on each fingertip.

Outside, the sweet sunrise drenches us in golden light. It seems the work of angels, smiling down upon us with the knowledge that our love is pure amongst this underworld of sin.

In silence, I ask God for forever.

Darling, do we deserve anything less?

I know that my days are numbered - I taste it in the blood that fills my throat, I feel it in my weakened heart.

But can't we make them beautiful?

Can't we build a lifetime?

Can't we stop the Earth from turning, spending an eternity in bliss?

I have never been naive.

I know that it's impossible.

And yet I have always been a dreamer.

And I can't stop my dreams, impossible as they may seem.

Perhaps in dreams, I'll always have you.

"Hold me now...stop the morning light from breaking," I whisper, caressing your face. "Something's coming over me...don't know what it is I'm saving."

Harold's orders are faint in the back of my mind - everything cold, everything ruthless, everything that I once drowned in disappears when I'm with you.

I know that precious seconds pass as I stare down at you, and once again I pray for the world to stand still.

Time can only destroy.

Even a love as perfect as ours cannot escape it.

"The clock ticks by," I sigh, wistful. "And it just might change everything...if I don't give you all that's waiting, who knows what tomorrow will bring?"

To some, tomorrow seems to symbolize hope.

I have always feared it with a passion one wouldn't expect the diamond with the icy exterior to feel.

I fight through my days, battling the pain and pretending that each encounter hasn't bruised my soul.

Tomorrow hangs over me, haunting, mocking, counting my numbered days.

It seems it will never leave me.

Only when I'm with you does it grant me sweet escape.

We've known each other mere months, and already I need you so desperately. You've become my air, my everything. I've never truly needed anything before, with the exception of diamonds and pretty clothes that I pretended I couldn't live without.

Now there is only you.

And yet I can't flaunt you like I do my dresses and jewels. I yearn to parade down the crowded city streets, hand in hand and stopping in the middle of the road to pause for kisses.

Instead, I must always pretend.

"If I try not to need you, I'd be hiding from myself."

Outside on the terrace, two lovebirds the shade of glistening pearls have stopped to rest, singing softly as they stare curiously in at us with ebony eyes.

I rise from the battered old mattress, wincing as it squeaks, and make my way towards them. They are gone at once, off in a flurry of snow white wings and soothing coos.

Oh, to fly on wings like those of birds...

My eyes fall back upon you, still sweetly sleeping, possessing a naive air that even the most talented of actors could never mimic.

Darling, you're so innocent. I fear that I'll be the one to destroy you, to show you that life isn't all silly love songs and dances on starry skies.

I don't want to jade you.

Only to leave you with the knowledge that you saved me.

Even Death herself cannot erase that.

"If tomorrow never comes, I would do it all again," I inform you in a whisper, cursing the tears that spring to my eyes. "If the light never breaks through, I would stay until the end. If I saved it all for you, I would have my faith again..."

This is the last song that we'll share, and I cannot even allow you to witness it.

"Then..."

I allow a single tear to dance its way down my cheek.

You are all I have to cry for.

"I would know it's you."

I long to dissolve in sobs, to drown in crystalline tears and thick glossy blood.

And yet I know that I cannot.

I have to do the right thing.

I have to save you from the underworld.

Save you before you are destroyed as I have been.

You awaken with a smile on your face, pressing your lips to mine in a tender kiss.

I force a smile, hoping that you don't notice the sheen of tears that veil my eyes.

"I swear, I've become too immersed in the production!" you proclaim laughingly, and I wish I could be as happy. "I swear, I dreamed about it."

"What did you dream?" I ask faintly.

"The courtesan doesn't come to the sitar player's humble abode until late one night," you say excitedly, your blue-gray eyes twinkling animatedly. "And he feels the first stab of jealousy...and then she sings to him..."

"What does she sing?" I question, forcing a weak smile that is not even a shadow of your own radiant grin.

"It just came to me," you say, shaking your head in awe. "I woke up and the song was on my lips."

"Well, let's hear it, then," I order, forcing feeble laughter.

You are quiet a moment, smiling at me.

"If tomorrow never comes," you smile at me, caress my cheek. "I would do it all again..."

You pause, waiting for my approval.

"Beautiful," I praise half-heartedly, a flash of pain shooting through my soul.

You rush to your typewriter, lightly callused fingers pressing down the keys at a frightening speed.

After many silent moments in which I observe you, treasuring each second, you look up at me.

Your smiles have disappeared, making way for a weak, helpless sort of fear.

"Where were you last night?"

I feel the blood gathering in my throat again, and cough lightly to force it away.

Death approaches swiftly, adamant and merciless.

Soon, I will be lost to her.

And I cannot tell you.

I cannot bring myself to cause you pain.

With a breathy nonchalance characteristic of the Sparkling Diamond, I reply, "I told you, I was sick."

The weak smile that I force doesn't even begin to fool you.

You see right through every act in an instant.

"You don't have to lie to me."

God, give me strength. Give me the knowledge that I'm saving him, not destroying him.

God, don't let me hurt him.

The words tumble into my mind, sprawling out of my lips with an icy finality that I can't even begin to feel.

"We have to end it."

I don't want to jade you.

...

Only to leave you with the knowledge that you saved me.

...

Even Death herself cannot erase that.

FIN