Disclaimer: I'm not Luna and Slayers belongs to somebody else. Get off my case, I'm not giving you anything.
Stuff: I'm writing off the assumption that the rumors that Deep Sea Dolphin a.) is insane and b.) hates Beastmaster Zelas are true. (If you want to nitpick about that, go read something else. I don't want to hear it.) I wrote this in stream-of-consciousness format, so the result is basically undistilled thoughts straight from the Dark Lord herself. Do the insane have smoothly flowing, grammatically perfect thoughts? I don't know about you, but I most certainly don't think so. Thank you to Elysia Erianthe and Seigi no Hoshi for giving me ideas, not to mention the title!
Review if you want; flame if you enjoy having torture inflicted upon yourself.
Life is Just a Bowl of Shrimp
A view on the "important" things in life according to Deep Sea Dolphin, along with a number of other, less coherent thoughts.
By Luna, Waitress of Doom
Hmm, there are many important things in life. I know because I am a Dark Lord and I have lived for a very, very long time. I lived through the War of the Monster's Fall, and...
...Ooh, look at the shiny bubbles!
What was I thinking about again?
Oh, yes. Important things. Tormenting others is important. Watching others suffer makes me feel good and keeps me healthy! As they always say, a victim a day keeps Lina away!
No, that's not it. A seashell a day makes seaweed clay? A spider soufflé lets stomachaches stay? No, no, no!
I see a minion! Let's see how fast he can run!
Not very fast. He's an ugly black streak on the floor now. Better clean him up.
Cleaning is not an important thing in life. That's what minions are for.
...What about when minions make the messes? Who does the cleaning then? A minion's minion?
...But I don't let my minions have minions! Then they think too highly of themselves, and I have to make them run for their lives, then I make them into ugly black streaks on the floor like the one that needs to be cleaned up. I don't like cleaning.
"Owowowowow! Beastmaster is not going to be happy about this!"
I don't like Beastmaster either. She dumps alcohol near my pretty fish and then they get drunk and die. Alcoholic fish taste nasty. And she drops ashes all over the place, and then I have to clean again, and I hate cleaning! That's why I tied Xellos over a geiser to boil. I don't like him either because he works for Beastmaster.
I'm hungry. I need to find something to torment.
Oh, way off-topic. What was I thinking about again? I remember now.
Having fun is also important. Living a very long life would be boring without fun. I like to play shark and chase schools of small fish for fun. I have the ones that drop dead of a heart attack for lunch. Seaweed and small fish salads are tasty. So are fish sticks. I live for fish sticks.
...No I don't! I live to return the world to chaos. That's what mazoku do!
Hmm, I haven't seen that kind of fish in a while. Isn't it supposed to be extinct?
Oh well, now it is!
Humans are not important. They keep killing my fish. The fish keep going extinct. Don't they know that's my job? I'll have to make the humans go extinct.
Wait a minute! Human agony is good for mazoku! Keeps us healthy!
Didn't I say that already?
Anyway, I'll just kill all the happy humans instead. Happy humans make me sick. Let's turn them into shark bait. Shark fins are good too. Why doesn't anyone make shark sticks like fish sticks?
"Glub-glub!"
Yay! The mail mazoku is here! He must have my fish sticks! I get to eat fish sticks for a week now!
Ew, nasty. My fish sticks are soggy and cold. Now I have another ugly black streak at the door. I hate cleaning.
Oh, not again. Talk about something important. Hmm...
Fish sticks are the most important things in the world.
Next to tormenting others, that is.