Life Styles of the Crazy and Marveled: Bayville High
Man o' Man. "Mainstream" was terrible. First of all, what is up with the Brotherhood working WITH Duncan? ARRRGGGHHHH. And don't get me started about how that episode threw a wrench into the Lance/Kitty relationship thing. And as a die hard Lancitty Shipper, I was extremely pissed off at the writers. And were the hell was Wanda at? Anyhow, enough of my ranting.
ON WITH THE SHOW!!!
(P.S. For those of you who haven't gotten it yet, Jamie is talking like Will Ferrel does when he does Celebrity Jeopardy on SNL)
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Bayville High
"Salutations, and welcome to "Life Styles of the Crazy and Marveled". Jamie said, wearing a fine business suit and speaking with a British accent. "I am your cultured host, James Madrox. Today on Life Styles, we will be touring the establishment that is known as Bayville High School." Jamie said as he walked around the outside of Bayville High. He didn't notice the Brotherhood in the background pounding the tar out of Duncan. (That's what's supposed to happen damn it!!!) "Bayville High has a long history of keeping the dignity and respect of its students." Jamie said as Blob held Duncan down in the background as Wanda decorated his face with makeup. The Brotherhood then ran him up the flagpole by his underwear. "Bayville High is also the place were Professor Xavier sends his students to school." Jamie said as the X-Men appeared. "He sends them here to learn how to control their powers and show respect towards other mutants and humans." Jamie said as the Brotherhood and X-men began to fight quite violently in the background. "Let's begin our tour inside, shall we?" Jamie said as he entered the building, not noticing the Brotherhood and X-Men fighting, stray energy blast shooting all over the place.
(Inside)
"Bayville High is a large school, Capable of holding over 1000 students." Jamie said as a chicken walked behind him. "What the Duce is that?" Jamie asked in surprise as he saw the chicken.
"Here chicky, chicky…Here Chicky!!!" A cafeteria worked called out as he wandered the halls with an axe in his hands. "The little Basterds want fresh meat, I'll give them fresh meat. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" The worker laughed as he ran down the hall after the chicken.
"Horrifying." Jamie stated. "Let us move on to the science lab's…"
(Science Lab's)
"Bayville High is renown for it's top of the line Scientific facility's." Jamie said as he opened the door to one. The Brotherhood was inside; all of them were wearing lab coats. Suddenly Lance held a beaker in the air.
"YES!!! We've done it!!!' Lance shouted as the Brotherhood gathered around. "We've developed a chemical that will actually remove the stench of failure AND defeat!!!" The Brotherhood all applauded as Jamie closed the door.
"Lets' move on to a different Lab, Shall we?" Jamie asked as sweat began to bead on his forehead. He walked toward another door and opened it. Inside a student wearing a tuxedo was strapped to a table, a laser moving slowly upwards toward his genitals.
"Goldfinger, your mad." The student said in a British accent. Another student, with a finger covered in Gold merely laughed as the beam moved upward. "What is it you want!?!"
"It's quite simple Mr. Bond, I want you to die." The Gold fingered student laughed as Jamie slammed the door immediately.
"And, I hate my life." Jamie said sarcastically. "Let's move on the teacher's lounge."
(Teacher's Lounge)
"The Teacher's at Bayville put up with so much stress that they need a safe and fun way to let out their emotions. This lounge allows them to do that." Jamie said as he opened the door. The Librarian and the Janitor were sitting at a table, wearing Japanese headbands. They looked drunk. The other teachers surrounded them, cheering them on and waving bills of cash. Principle Kelly was wearing an eye patch as he put a revolver between the two.
"Do'me Nowe, Do'me Nowe" Principal Kelly shouted as he spun the chamber of the gun and handed it to the Librarian. The Librarian put the gun to her head as Jamie slammed the door shut.
"Horrifying…" Jamie muttered. "Let's move onto the classrooms…"
(Various Classrooms)
"English 201 is one of the toughest English classes in Bayville's history…" Jamie said as he opened the door. The class was running wild because the teacher was duct taped to the ceiling. "Let's try another one…" Jamie said as he closed the door and opened another one. "Ahhh Math 234, a fine class." Jamie said as he looked inside. The teacher was tied to the chalkboard; various students were throwing sharpened pencils at him, barely missing him. Jamie slammed the door shut. "Um, Three times the charm…" Jamie said with a weak smile as he opened another door. The class was all but empty except for a single teacher, who was drinking from a flask, while muttering about joining the Russian circus.
"Sad." Jamie stated as he closed the door. "Let's check out the restrooms."
(Restrooms)
"The restrooms are a breeding ground for the waste of the school." Jamie said as a few students in the background were smoking something that wasn't cigarettes. "Why just look at this horrid mess…" Jamie muttered as he opened up the boy's bathroom. A putrid smell radiated outward, causing a few student to pass out. Blob emerged from a toilet stall, a huge smile on his face.
"What? I didn't have any corn!" Blob shouted as he looked back into the stall.
"Both disturbing and disgusting." Jamie muttered as he closed the door. "Let us move on to the athletics field…"
(Athletics Field)
"Bayville's athletic department is one of the finest in the state." Jamie said as he walked in the middle of the football field. He didn't notice the Brotherhood running away from the stands in the background. "As such Bayville has many championship trophy's and that they are quite proud of." Jamie said as the stands behind him suddenly blew up. "HOLY GOD!!!" Jamie shouted as he took cover from the flying debris. Principle Kelly ran outside and saw the stands on fire. He turned right around and walked back inside, muttering to himself. "HOLY GOD THIS PLACE IS INSANE!!!" Jamie shouted as he ran away from the fire. "Let us continue our tour inside the building with Principle Kelly's office…" Jamie stated as he ran away toward the building, not noticing the Brotherhood dancing around the fire in the background.
(Kelly's Office)
"Principle Kelly is the poor sap…Um, I mean lucky individual who is in charge of running Bayville High." Jamie said as he wiped his brow. "As such he bears quite the burden of responsibility. We can only wonder how he deals with such a tremendous task." Jamie said as he opened Kelly's door. Kelly's secretary, Dorothy, and he were in a 'scandalous' position on the desk. Bottles of liquor littered the floor. Kelly and Dorothy both looked up in horror at Jamie.
"GET OUT, GET OUT, GET OUT!!!" Kelly shouted as Jamie slammed the door shut.
"This school has warped my fragile little mind." Jamie said as simply. "And with that horrific sight we shall conclude our tour of Bayville High." Jamie said as he walked down the hall. "Join us next time when we take a look at The Avenger's Mansion. Until then, fine living and good day to you all." Jamie said as he walked outside the building. "I swear to God, someone wants me to go crazy…" Jamie muttered as he walked across the football field, not noticing the Brotherhood and X-Men fighting… again.
*********************
Ahhh, Another chapter in Jamie's continuing Odyssey through the homes of Marvel's cash cows. Up next, the Avenger's Mansion, followed by the New Mutant's room's. Until then…
Peace out,
Descendent
Man o' Man. "Mainstream" was terrible. First of all, what is up with the Brotherhood working WITH Duncan? ARRRGGGHHHH. And don't get me started about how that episode threw a wrench into the Lance/Kitty relationship thing. And as a die hard Lancitty Shipper, I was extremely pissed off at the writers. And were the hell was Wanda at? Anyhow, enough of my ranting.
ON WITH THE SHOW!!!
(P.S. For those of you who haven't gotten it yet, Jamie is talking like Will Ferrel does when he does Celebrity Jeopardy on SNL)
*********************
Bayville High
"Salutations, and welcome to "Life Styles of the Crazy and Marveled". Jamie said, wearing a fine business suit and speaking with a British accent. "I am your cultured host, James Madrox. Today on Life Styles, we will be touring the establishment that is known as Bayville High School." Jamie said as he walked around the outside of Bayville High. He didn't notice the Brotherhood in the background pounding the tar out of Duncan. (That's what's supposed to happen damn it!!!) "Bayville High has a long history of keeping the dignity and respect of its students." Jamie said as Blob held Duncan down in the background as Wanda decorated his face with makeup. The Brotherhood then ran him up the flagpole by his underwear. "Bayville High is also the place were Professor Xavier sends his students to school." Jamie said as the X-Men appeared. "He sends them here to learn how to control their powers and show respect towards other mutants and humans." Jamie said as the Brotherhood and X-men began to fight quite violently in the background. "Let's begin our tour inside, shall we?" Jamie said as he entered the building, not noticing the Brotherhood and X-Men fighting, stray energy blast shooting all over the place.
(Inside)
"Bayville High is a large school, Capable of holding over 1000 students." Jamie said as a chicken walked behind him. "What the Duce is that?" Jamie asked in surprise as he saw the chicken.
"Here chicky, chicky…Here Chicky!!!" A cafeteria worked called out as he wandered the halls with an axe in his hands. "The little Basterds want fresh meat, I'll give them fresh meat. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" The worker laughed as he ran down the hall after the chicken.
"Horrifying." Jamie stated. "Let us move on to the science lab's…"
(Science Lab's)
"Bayville High is renown for it's top of the line Scientific facility's." Jamie said as he opened the door to one. The Brotherhood was inside; all of them were wearing lab coats. Suddenly Lance held a beaker in the air.
"YES!!! We've done it!!!' Lance shouted as the Brotherhood gathered around. "We've developed a chemical that will actually remove the stench of failure AND defeat!!!" The Brotherhood all applauded as Jamie closed the door.
"Lets' move on to a different Lab, Shall we?" Jamie asked as sweat began to bead on his forehead. He walked toward another door and opened it. Inside a student wearing a tuxedo was strapped to a table, a laser moving slowly upwards toward his genitals.
"Goldfinger, your mad." The student said in a British accent. Another student, with a finger covered in Gold merely laughed as the beam moved upward. "What is it you want!?!"
"It's quite simple Mr. Bond, I want you to die." The Gold fingered student laughed as Jamie slammed the door immediately.
"And, I hate my life." Jamie said sarcastically. "Let's move on the teacher's lounge."
(Teacher's Lounge)
"The Teacher's at Bayville put up with so much stress that they need a safe and fun way to let out their emotions. This lounge allows them to do that." Jamie said as he opened the door. The Librarian and the Janitor were sitting at a table, wearing Japanese headbands. They looked drunk. The other teachers surrounded them, cheering them on and waving bills of cash. Principle Kelly was wearing an eye patch as he put a revolver between the two.
"Do'me Nowe, Do'me Nowe" Principal Kelly shouted as he spun the chamber of the gun and handed it to the Librarian. The Librarian put the gun to her head as Jamie slammed the door shut.
"Horrifying…" Jamie muttered. "Let's move onto the classrooms…"
(Various Classrooms)
"English 201 is one of the toughest English classes in Bayville's history…" Jamie said as he opened the door. The class was running wild because the teacher was duct taped to the ceiling. "Let's try another one…" Jamie said as he closed the door and opened another one. "Ahhh Math 234, a fine class." Jamie said as he looked inside. The teacher was tied to the chalkboard; various students were throwing sharpened pencils at him, barely missing him. Jamie slammed the door shut. "Um, Three times the charm…" Jamie said with a weak smile as he opened another door. The class was all but empty except for a single teacher, who was drinking from a flask, while muttering about joining the Russian circus.
"Sad." Jamie stated as he closed the door. "Let's check out the restrooms."
(Restrooms)
"The restrooms are a breeding ground for the waste of the school." Jamie said as a few students in the background were smoking something that wasn't cigarettes. "Why just look at this horrid mess…" Jamie muttered as he opened up the boy's bathroom. A putrid smell radiated outward, causing a few student to pass out. Blob emerged from a toilet stall, a huge smile on his face.
"What? I didn't have any corn!" Blob shouted as he looked back into the stall.
"Both disturbing and disgusting." Jamie muttered as he closed the door. "Let us move on to the athletics field…"
(Athletics Field)
"Bayville's athletic department is one of the finest in the state." Jamie said as he walked in the middle of the football field. He didn't notice the Brotherhood running away from the stands in the background. "As such Bayville has many championship trophy's and that they are quite proud of." Jamie said as the stands behind him suddenly blew up. "HOLY GOD!!!" Jamie shouted as he took cover from the flying debris. Principle Kelly ran outside and saw the stands on fire. He turned right around and walked back inside, muttering to himself. "HOLY GOD THIS PLACE IS INSANE!!!" Jamie shouted as he ran away from the fire. "Let us continue our tour inside the building with Principle Kelly's office…" Jamie stated as he ran away toward the building, not noticing the Brotherhood dancing around the fire in the background.
(Kelly's Office)
"Principle Kelly is the poor sap…Um, I mean lucky individual who is in charge of running Bayville High." Jamie said as he wiped his brow. "As such he bears quite the burden of responsibility. We can only wonder how he deals with such a tremendous task." Jamie said as he opened Kelly's door. Kelly's secretary, Dorothy, and he were in a 'scandalous' position on the desk. Bottles of liquor littered the floor. Kelly and Dorothy both looked up in horror at Jamie.
"GET OUT, GET OUT, GET OUT!!!" Kelly shouted as Jamie slammed the door shut.
"This school has warped my fragile little mind." Jamie said as simply. "And with that horrific sight we shall conclude our tour of Bayville High." Jamie said as he walked down the hall. "Join us next time when we take a look at The Avenger's Mansion. Until then, fine living and good day to you all." Jamie said as he walked outside the building. "I swear to God, someone wants me to go crazy…" Jamie muttered as he walked across the football field, not noticing the Brotherhood and X-Men fighting… again.
*********************
Ahhh, Another chapter in Jamie's continuing Odyssey through the homes of Marvel's cash cows. Up next, the Avenger's Mansion, followed by the New Mutant's room's. Until then…
Peace out,
Descendent