James was roughly shaken from his light snooze.
"James, wake up!" Jessie snapped.
"Huh?" James blinked. "Oh, whoops," he wiped the drool away and shook his head. "Sorry, Jess."
"Just start the next round!"
"Sure thing." James adjusted his headset and cued up the corny theme yet again. The limelight flared up, revealing couples on a series of loveseats.
"Welcome back to the Newlywed Game Show - brought to you in part by our friends at Quality PokeBall Producers; if it's not Quality, then why the hell did you go to Kurt?"
Rox-chan herself changed during the commercial break, having tired of sleazy and now going for the playmate look, with a bowtie, feathery bunny ears, and a long tight black dress with fur trim. Ash meanwhile found a seat next to the podium, taking a break from his prayer for lightning to come down and strike him. He got a look at the questions and turned green again.
"Irasshaimase!" Rox-chan quoted in Japanese with open arms, the index cards of this round's set of questions clutched in her right hand. "Still hosted by I, Rox-chan," she added with another wink, "And now we begin Round One! During the break, we separated one spouse from each couple and asked their partners a set of five questions, which they wrote on their cards. Their spouses will be asked the same questions this round and must guess what their spouses answer is. They will be awarded 25 points for each correct response!"
"Ash, would you be a dear and carry out the first round's questions?"
Ash cried and shook his head furiously.
"Very well," Rox-chan continued stuffily, "I'll just do the round by myself."
She grinned and looked at the first card.
"Question number one: What is your favorite position? So, Brock, you and Cassidy are our first couple chosen at random. What is your partner's favorite position?"
Ash covered his ears, humming On the Road to Viridian City loudly so he would not hear his best friend's answer. Cassidy did not seem embarrassed in the least actually.
"Me on top," Cassidy nodded. A loud BUZZ followed her response, indicating she had been wrong. Cassidy glared at Brock.
"Cassidy!" Brock exclaimed, turning his card around. It read: Brocko on top.
"Oh, too bad," Rox-chan said insincerely, "Well, don't worry yet; you still have four questions. Next couple - Domino and Gary Oak! Domino, what is Gary's favorite position?"
"Ano..." Domino blushed as a DING rang out. Gary flipped his card over to show the audience his answer, which read Ano... along with a picture of furiously blushing Gary.
"Uh...okay, that was strange...Judges?" Rox-chan tossed her head.
Domino gave a threatening glare to the Rocket members on the judges panel. "We'll accept it!!" Jessie cried worriedly.
"Twenty-five points...I think! Now, onto our next couple; Mewtwo, what is Mew's favorite position?"
"Doggy style!" Mewtwo said cautiously.
DING! Mew flipped the card over. It read: Doggy style.
"The two Pokemon have more points than us!" Cassidy growled, glaring homicidally at Brock.
"Twenty-five points for our Poke-couple!" Rox-chan applauded cautiously, along with the audience.
"All right, onto our last, but certainly not least, couple." Rox-chan smiled at the boy with a cat on his lap.
Meowth raised an eyebrow. "Mondo's favoirite poisition," he said smoothly, "is whatever ah say."
BUZZ!
Mondo shook his head sadly and flipped over his card. It read, Meowth-chan on Mondo-kun's lap.
"Yoir lap?" hissed Meowth.
"Aww, Meowthy, you know you love to sit on my lap. And you're just so dern kawaii!"
Rox-chan looked down at the next question card and perked up. "Well, if I were a contestant my answer to this one would be--"
From his position in the announcer's booth above, James shrieked.
"--found on my online journal." Ash sighed in relief, but Rox-chan continued. "It completely brightened an otherwise boring trip to the Orange Islands."
Apparently unaware of the audience's horror-struck silence, Rox-chan turned to the contestants and clapped her hands. "So, where is the most unconventional location you've ever had sex? Cassidy, you start us off again, please."
Cassidy gave a cute smile and tossed her golden hair. "How easy! Suzi's breeding center!"
DING!
Brock bounced in his chair as he turned over his second card, revealing Suzi's written on it, complete with a winking smiley face, its tongue sticking out.
Misty gasped from the Judge's panel. "You said you were going to check on--"
"Well done," interrupted Rox-chan invidiously, "twenty-five points to Cassidy and Brock!"
"Finally," Cassidy muttered, "We might catch up now."
"Mr. Oak?" Rox-chan asked, not looking at the him but at the camera, showing off a blinding smile.
Nervously, Gary looked first at Domino, then at the announcer booth and judge panel; he cleared his throat. "Giovanni's desk."
Interrupting, James goggled. "Really? Boss's desk?"
Gary nodded. "Actually, on Mewtwo's analysis papers. But they were on his desk at the time."
Mewtwo and Mew looked like they understood something they really wished they didn't.
"Right," said Rox-chan, "although not exactly quite as unconventional as-- ah, I see my assistant wants me to find out if Mr. Oak's answer matches Domino's."
DING!
Domino flipped her card over. On it, of course, was written Gio's office.
"Mews, here's a chance to pull into the lead! Mewtwo, where was the most unconventional place you and Mew...."
"Pacific Ocean, off the coast of Tokyo I'd say." Mewtwo stated.
After the loud BUZZ! Rox-chan didn't bother to hide her disappointment. "You think the Pacific is the most unconventional place you've had sex with your wife. I hope his answer is more exciting."
The card simply said, Lab. Mew pouted, thinking that he should've known.
And apparently Mewtwo did. "Ix-nay on the ab-lay." He motioned to Gary, who's eyes were boggling, apparently who'd been working on the project as well.
Rox-chan looked even more disappointed. "Our next couple better be kinkier."
Meowth sneered. "Ah'm shoire. It was in doi Jeep."
DING!
Surely enough, printed on Mondo's card was, Jeep.
"Well, as you got that correct, it looks like everyone's tied at twenty-five points each, except for Domino and Gary, who are in the lead with fifty!" Rox-chan shifted his cards. "And onto the next question: What is your lover's pet name?"
"I call him 'Blindy'," said Cassidy dubiously, "but I don't think that counts."
"It doesn't," said Brock, as the buzzer BUZZed furiously. She'd written down: Senior Squinty.
"I didn't think that counted either." Cassidy growled.
Brock pouted, slumping in the seat. "But you make it sound so cute."
"Tough luck," said Rox-chan as she faked a pout for a brief moment before returning to her seductive wink. "Mr. Oak?"
"Tulip?" Gary exclaimed, quickly followed by the DING! Domino threw up the card which had a black tulip through it.
"Correct, twenty-five points to our second couple." Rox-chan turned to the third couple. "Mewtwo?" He sunk into the loveseat.
"Pinky," Mewtwo said in a low hiss, but loud enough to be heard. Everyone sniggered.
DING!
Mew flipped over her card, confirming the answer and the couple kissed.
Rox-chan awarded them twenty-five points and turned to the fourth couple. "And you, Mondo?"
Mondo grinned. "Meowth-chan?"
"Er...does that count?" Rox-chan asked. She scratched the side of her head and looked to the judges. Before anyone could advise her, the distinct sound of approval was heard.
DING!
Meowth flipped over his card, which read: Meowth-chan.
"Wonderful!" Rox-chan cried, happily tossing that card away. "Twenty-five points to the Cub Scout and his kitty cat!" She cleared his throat and moved to the next question. "Our fourth question comes back to Cassidy and Brock - Cassidy, what is Brock's secret fetish?"
Cassidy seemed to think. "Breasts?"
DING!
Redder than a beet, Brock quickly flipped the card over so the entire world could know he was obsessed with 'em. Cassidy buttoned up her shirt. At least they were catching up.
"Very good!" Rox-chan praised condescendingly. Coughing and loosening her tie, she moved on to Domino and Gary. "Mr. Oak what is your lovers number one secret fetish?"
Gary finally perked up, a slight blush on his face.
"Well, I'm just going to say electricity and hope for the best!"
BUZZ!
Domino flipped over her card, thorns.
"Ooh, sorry." Rox-chan narrated. She moved onto the Pokemon couple.
"Bubbles?" Mewtwo shrugged.
DING!
"25 points! And now... Mondo, what is your lover's fetish?"
"Well," Mondo giggled, "Tongue."
DING!
Mondo rubbed the stomach of the feline on his lap, Meowth now purring loudly into the mic clipped on his collar as he began to lick his paw daintily.
"Twenty-five points for our fourth couple!" Rox-chan announced, moving on to the last card. "We're now at our last question of this round. The couple with the least points at the end of this round will not be able to move onto round two, and only three couples will remain after our next commercial break. This last question will be worth fifty points, just to prove the importance of this round." Rox-chan gave a dramatic pause with YET another wink. "All right, couples," she said, "the last question is: where is your lover's *cough cough* zone?" Rox-chan flushed nonchalantly. "Cassidy, if you would?"
"Well," she drawled, "Brockie is a teenage male, so I'd have to say the groin."
"I'm not a teenage male," he stuck out his tongue. "I'm a qualified Pokemon Breeder."
"Act like it then."
DING!
"Fifty points," said Rox-chan sarcastically, "Very nice, viewer-friendly."
Brock snuffed and threw his large card at Cassidy. "Teenage," he repeated. "Teenage. You wouldn't know teenage if it bit you on the ass."
"But Brockie, doesn't it?" said Cassidy slyly, "You always--"
"No," said the bottle green Ash, "I DON'T want to know."
Rox-chan turned to Domino and Gary. "If you answer this next question correctly, you will pull into the lead. Where is your lover's...zone?"
"Neck."
BUZZ!
Domino blushed, Chest, read the sign.
"Oh, only 75 points. If one of the other couples don't get these correct, you'll be doing a tie breaker to fight for your spot in the next round." Rox-chan proclaimed. .
Mewtwo scowled, with a cat-like 'Go to Hell' look on his face, "Tail."
DING!
Mew giggled and flipped over the card which read that exactly.
"Fifty bonus points for our Pokemon couple!" Rox-chan turned to the last couple. "Mondo?"
"Under the chin."
DING!
Meowth purred again.
"Well, then!" Rox-chan said loudly. "We're sorry, but with only seventy-five points, good-bye Gary and Domino! But that's okay, because you'll receive a lifetime supply of Rare Candy Bars as a consolation prize! Thanks for participating!"
The audience gave a polite applause for Gary and Domino, who exited, stage left.
"Mondo and Meowth along with Mew and Mewtwo are tied in first with 125 points each! Cassidy and Brock are in second with one hundred even." Rox-chan lifted one arm in the air dramatically, announcing the end of round one. "Ladies and gentlemen, please sit tight for round two to begin - right after a word from our sponsors!"
James picked up one of the cards before him. "Buy Bott Skirts, they're the most comfortable--" James dropped the card, surprised as Rox-chan hopped into the booth. "I'm afraid, Jimmy, that this sponsor is a little behind on their payments, so you'll just have to use this--" She pulled a card covered in silver metallic glitter from an unseen rear pocket, "--instead."
"Rox Star," read James from the card. "Listen to the beautiful mistress Rox-chan sing all his favorite pop songs! Including such smash hits as Oops...I Did it Again, Dirty, Sk8r Boi, A New Day Has Come, and, with Kelly Rowland, Bootylicious. A percentage of all proceeds fund the Save the Environment...Kill a Cow society, who encourages you to eat a beef enchilada today."
"I'll sing one for you," Rox-chan told the audience hopefully from the announcer's booth. She cleared her throat and began to shake it. "Uhuh, uhuh, cuz life's like this. Uhuh, uhuh, that's the way it is."
Ash banged his head on the desk.
"...Chill out, what ya yellin' for? Lay back, it's all been done before. And if you could only let it be, you will see..."
*fade out to commercial*
"James, wake up!" Jessie snapped.
"Huh?" James blinked. "Oh, whoops," he wiped the drool away and shook his head. "Sorry, Jess."
"Just start the next round!"
"Sure thing." James adjusted his headset and cued up the corny theme yet again. The limelight flared up, revealing couples on a series of loveseats.
"Welcome back to the Newlywed Game Show - brought to you in part by our friends at Quality PokeBall Producers; if it's not Quality, then why the hell did you go to Kurt?"
Rox-chan herself changed during the commercial break, having tired of sleazy and now going for the playmate look, with a bowtie, feathery bunny ears, and a long tight black dress with fur trim. Ash meanwhile found a seat next to the podium, taking a break from his prayer for lightning to come down and strike him. He got a look at the questions and turned green again.
"Irasshaimase!" Rox-chan quoted in Japanese with open arms, the index cards of this round's set of questions clutched in her right hand. "Still hosted by I, Rox-chan," she added with another wink, "And now we begin Round One! During the break, we separated one spouse from each couple and asked their partners a set of five questions, which they wrote on their cards. Their spouses will be asked the same questions this round and must guess what their spouses answer is. They will be awarded 25 points for each correct response!"
"Ash, would you be a dear and carry out the first round's questions?"
Ash cried and shook his head furiously.
"Very well," Rox-chan continued stuffily, "I'll just do the round by myself."
She grinned and looked at the first card.
"Question number one: What is your favorite position? So, Brock, you and Cassidy are our first couple chosen at random. What is your partner's favorite position?"
Ash covered his ears, humming On the Road to Viridian City loudly so he would not hear his best friend's answer. Cassidy did not seem embarrassed in the least actually.
"Me on top," Cassidy nodded. A loud BUZZ followed her response, indicating she had been wrong. Cassidy glared at Brock.
"Cassidy!" Brock exclaimed, turning his card around. It read: Brocko on top.
"Oh, too bad," Rox-chan said insincerely, "Well, don't worry yet; you still have four questions. Next couple - Domino and Gary Oak! Domino, what is Gary's favorite position?"
"Ano..." Domino blushed as a DING rang out. Gary flipped his card over to show the audience his answer, which read Ano... along with a picture of furiously blushing Gary.
"Uh...okay, that was strange...Judges?" Rox-chan tossed her head.
Domino gave a threatening glare to the Rocket members on the judges panel. "We'll accept it!!" Jessie cried worriedly.
"Twenty-five points...I think! Now, onto our next couple; Mewtwo, what is Mew's favorite position?"
"Doggy style!" Mewtwo said cautiously.
DING! Mew flipped the card over. It read: Doggy style.
"The two Pokemon have more points than us!" Cassidy growled, glaring homicidally at Brock.
"Twenty-five points for our Poke-couple!" Rox-chan applauded cautiously, along with the audience.
"All right, onto our last, but certainly not least, couple." Rox-chan smiled at the boy with a cat on his lap.
Meowth raised an eyebrow. "Mondo's favoirite poisition," he said smoothly, "is whatever ah say."
BUZZ!
Mondo shook his head sadly and flipped over his card. It read, Meowth-chan on Mondo-kun's lap.
"Yoir lap?" hissed Meowth.
"Aww, Meowthy, you know you love to sit on my lap. And you're just so dern kawaii!"
Rox-chan looked down at the next question card and perked up. "Well, if I were a contestant my answer to this one would be--"
From his position in the announcer's booth above, James shrieked.
"--found on my online journal." Ash sighed in relief, but Rox-chan continued. "It completely brightened an otherwise boring trip to the Orange Islands."
Apparently unaware of the audience's horror-struck silence, Rox-chan turned to the contestants and clapped her hands. "So, where is the most unconventional location you've ever had sex? Cassidy, you start us off again, please."
Cassidy gave a cute smile and tossed her golden hair. "How easy! Suzi's breeding center!"
DING!
Brock bounced in his chair as he turned over his second card, revealing Suzi's written on it, complete with a winking smiley face, its tongue sticking out.
Misty gasped from the Judge's panel. "You said you were going to check on--"
"Well done," interrupted Rox-chan invidiously, "twenty-five points to Cassidy and Brock!"
"Finally," Cassidy muttered, "We might catch up now."
"Mr. Oak?" Rox-chan asked, not looking at the him but at the camera, showing off a blinding smile.
Nervously, Gary looked first at Domino, then at the announcer booth and judge panel; he cleared his throat. "Giovanni's desk."
Interrupting, James goggled. "Really? Boss's desk?"
Gary nodded. "Actually, on Mewtwo's analysis papers. But they were on his desk at the time."
Mewtwo and Mew looked like they understood something they really wished they didn't.
"Right," said Rox-chan, "although not exactly quite as unconventional as-- ah, I see my assistant wants me to find out if Mr. Oak's answer matches Domino's."
DING!
Domino flipped her card over. On it, of course, was written Gio's office.
"Mews, here's a chance to pull into the lead! Mewtwo, where was the most unconventional place you and Mew...."
"Pacific Ocean, off the coast of Tokyo I'd say." Mewtwo stated.
After the loud BUZZ! Rox-chan didn't bother to hide her disappointment. "You think the Pacific is the most unconventional place you've had sex with your wife. I hope his answer is more exciting."
The card simply said, Lab. Mew pouted, thinking that he should've known.
And apparently Mewtwo did. "Ix-nay on the ab-lay." He motioned to Gary, who's eyes were boggling, apparently who'd been working on the project as well.
Rox-chan looked even more disappointed. "Our next couple better be kinkier."
Meowth sneered. "Ah'm shoire. It was in doi Jeep."
DING!
Surely enough, printed on Mondo's card was, Jeep.
"Well, as you got that correct, it looks like everyone's tied at twenty-five points each, except for Domino and Gary, who are in the lead with fifty!" Rox-chan shifted his cards. "And onto the next question: What is your lover's pet name?"
"I call him 'Blindy'," said Cassidy dubiously, "but I don't think that counts."
"It doesn't," said Brock, as the buzzer BUZZed furiously. She'd written down: Senior Squinty.
"I didn't think that counted either." Cassidy growled.
Brock pouted, slumping in the seat. "But you make it sound so cute."
"Tough luck," said Rox-chan as she faked a pout for a brief moment before returning to her seductive wink. "Mr. Oak?"
"Tulip?" Gary exclaimed, quickly followed by the DING! Domino threw up the card which had a black tulip through it.
"Correct, twenty-five points to our second couple." Rox-chan turned to the third couple. "Mewtwo?" He sunk into the loveseat.
"Pinky," Mewtwo said in a low hiss, but loud enough to be heard. Everyone sniggered.
DING!
Mew flipped over her card, confirming the answer and the couple kissed.
Rox-chan awarded them twenty-five points and turned to the fourth couple. "And you, Mondo?"
Mondo grinned. "Meowth-chan?"
"Er...does that count?" Rox-chan asked. She scratched the side of her head and looked to the judges. Before anyone could advise her, the distinct sound of approval was heard.
DING!
Meowth flipped over his card, which read: Meowth-chan.
"Wonderful!" Rox-chan cried, happily tossing that card away. "Twenty-five points to the Cub Scout and his kitty cat!" She cleared his throat and moved to the next question. "Our fourth question comes back to Cassidy and Brock - Cassidy, what is Brock's secret fetish?"
Cassidy seemed to think. "Breasts?"
DING!
Redder than a beet, Brock quickly flipped the card over so the entire world could know he was obsessed with 'em. Cassidy buttoned up her shirt. At least they were catching up.
"Very good!" Rox-chan praised condescendingly. Coughing and loosening her tie, she moved on to Domino and Gary. "Mr. Oak what is your lovers number one secret fetish?"
Gary finally perked up, a slight blush on his face.
"Well, I'm just going to say electricity and hope for the best!"
BUZZ!
Domino flipped over her card, thorns.
"Ooh, sorry." Rox-chan narrated. She moved onto the Pokemon couple.
"Bubbles?" Mewtwo shrugged.
DING!
"25 points! And now... Mondo, what is your lover's fetish?"
"Well," Mondo giggled, "Tongue."
DING!
Mondo rubbed the stomach of the feline on his lap, Meowth now purring loudly into the mic clipped on his collar as he began to lick his paw daintily.
"Twenty-five points for our fourth couple!" Rox-chan announced, moving on to the last card. "We're now at our last question of this round. The couple with the least points at the end of this round will not be able to move onto round two, and only three couples will remain after our next commercial break. This last question will be worth fifty points, just to prove the importance of this round." Rox-chan gave a dramatic pause with YET another wink. "All right, couples," she said, "the last question is: where is your lover's *cough cough* zone?" Rox-chan flushed nonchalantly. "Cassidy, if you would?"
"Well," she drawled, "Brockie is a teenage male, so I'd have to say the groin."
"I'm not a teenage male," he stuck out his tongue. "I'm a qualified Pokemon Breeder."
"Act like it then."
DING!
"Fifty points," said Rox-chan sarcastically, "Very nice, viewer-friendly."
Brock snuffed and threw his large card at Cassidy. "Teenage," he repeated. "Teenage. You wouldn't know teenage if it bit you on the ass."
"But Brockie, doesn't it?" said Cassidy slyly, "You always--"
"No," said the bottle green Ash, "I DON'T want to know."
Rox-chan turned to Domino and Gary. "If you answer this next question correctly, you will pull into the lead. Where is your lover's...zone?"
"Neck."
BUZZ!
Domino blushed, Chest, read the sign.
"Oh, only 75 points. If one of the other couples don't get these correct, you'll be doing a tie breaker to fight for your spot in the next round." Rox-chan proclaimed. .
Mewtwo scowled, with a cat-like 'Go to Hell' look on his face, "Tail."
DING!
Mew giggled and flipped over the card which read that exactly.
"Fifty bonus points for our Pokemon couple!" Rox-chan turned to the last couple. "Mondo?"
"Under the chin."
DING!
Meowth purred again.
"Well, then!" Rox-chan said loudly. "We're sorry, but with only seventy-five points, good-bye Gary and Domino! But that's okay, because you'll receive a lifetime supply of Rare Candy Bars as a consolation prize! Thanks for participating!"
The audience gave a polite applause for Gary and Domino, who exited, stage left.
"Mondo and Meowth along with Mew and Mewtwo are tied in first with 125 points each! Cassidy and Brock are in second with one hundred even." Rox-chan lifted one arm in the air dramatically, announcing the end of round one. "Ladies and gentlemen, please sit tight for round two to begin - right after a word from our sponsors!"
James picked up one of the cards before him. "Buy Bott Skirts, they're the most comfortable--" James dropped the card, surprised as Rox-chan hopped into the booth. "I'm afraid, Jimmy, that this sponsor is a little behind on their payments, so you'll just have to use this--" She pulled a card covered in silver metallic glitter from an unseen rear pocket, "--instead."
"Rox Star," read James from the card. "Listen to the beautiful mistress Rox-chan sing all his favorite pop songs! Including such smash hits as Oops...I Did it Again, Dirty, Sk8r Boi, A New Day Has Come, and, with Kelly Rowland, Bootylicious. A percentage of all proceeds fund the Save the Environment...Kill a Cow society, who encourages you to eat a beef enchilada today."
"I'll sing one for you," Rox-chan told the audience hopefully from the announcer's booth. She cleared her throat and began to shake it. "Uhuh, uhuh, cuz life's like this. Uhuh, uhuh, that's the way it is."
Ash banged his head on the desk.
"...Chill out, what ya yellin' for? Lay back, it's all been done before. And if you could only let it be, you will see..."
*fade out to commercial*