Disclaimer: Nope, nump. Don't own it!
Warning: Heavy angst, syrupy kawaiiness? Basically, the same warnings in every chapter, a packet of sugar and some maple syrup. ^-^
Little Blog: Sorry about the delayed update, I've been kinda sick…I have a cold and suffer from depression, so a lot of times I just get too despondent to even write. But I won't give up! This would make a kawaii doujin, ne? ~.^
Lunar shadows reflected in the darkness against his smooth flesh, as he sleeps undisturbed, tangled in my sheets, his arms clutching at me tightly. His skin, so it seems, is always one extreme or the other; icy cold, frozen to the touch, or burning as with fever. Now he is permeating heat, a deep flame building within his body, consuming him, radiating onto my shivering body.
I gaze at his slightly parted lips, as he breathes evenly, in his dreams; his long, full eyelashes, fluttering like the wing of a trapped moth. His eyes roll to and fro within the confines of his eyelids, the constrictions of night's lucid reality. How magnificent this creature lying here, entwined about me in a web of sleek tanned limbs and extensions.
To have him here…
Holding him closer, kissing his lips gently, I run my gaunt hands through his hair, play with it idly as the moon treks across the endless river of darkness, alight faintly with glowing stars. If only I could express the deep feelings of my heart to him, so that he could understand, could grasp my intense love for him. I cannot say it is desire, for desire is passion for the physical need; yet it isn't purely friendship, either.
I shall attempt to explain what I'm feeling…
It is…
A growing warmth, in the center of my soul, gleaming with pure emotion; the sun in the stream, bright light searing through my eye.
It is…the green hills, littered with faerie rings; the scent of roses on the wind in spring…
Something so incredibly beautiful, so wonderful…futile to describe in mere words.
I wish, I wish…
To hold him for eternity.
He shifts slowly, arching his back, stretching. Curling up in a ball, he whimpers, snuggles against my chest like a child seeking protection. Stroking his face, I whisper to him, I sing to him, a song in my mind, perhaps from my infancy, a memory I cannot place.
A memory…my eye grows heavy with reverie, with visions…
Wind through the trees, a desperate silence. It caresses my face with numb hands, elongated fingers. I see nothing, all is dark. Yet I must be in the world of dreams. It must be that I have fallen into sleep, holding my beloved close.
My arms hold nothing here, I move them about in a slow, glassy manner, see them streak through the eternal darkness enveloping me. Body illuminating some strange light, I look down at my hands; they glow.
"There is nothing in this world…"
"Nothing that would drag me away from this place…"
"Memory…"
A blinding white light, I shut my eye in pain, feel the tears streaming down my cheeks, hiding my head beneath the folds of my sleeves. A voice, dematerialized, echoes in my soul.
"You must let go of this creature."
I open my eye, shielding it from the blazing beams of light rippling, twisting about me.
"Neither a creature of light…nor of darkness…an imbalance in the elements of the Netherworld…so he was created…"
I attempt to glimpse the form which emanates this intense light, my eye watering uncontrollably.
"Entirely rejected by the ljosalfar…maltreated by the svaltalfar…this creature…was never meant to exist in our world, nor in this one…" Transparent, glistening veils, swirling around long, luminous arms, and eyes, gray with the reflection of a pearl…
"So he sought out comfort…in the arms of an imperfect being…a mere mortal…to free him from his agony…his inevitable…fate…"
I reach out to this immortal creature, hands grasping nothing, feeling the burn of it's power against my decrepit flesh. I feel the strings of my heart convulse, strain, with want of disbelief. "Who are you..?" I weep, my shoulders heaving in my sorrow.
Silence is my answer, a strong, vibration numbing my senses.
"Our world…must never be mingled with that of yours… Do not grow to love this creature, mortal…Do not hold him in your heart…"
"He cannot stay with you…"
"He must return to this world…"
"So…the imperfection in the balance can be dissipated…"
Cries strangling my coherency, I scream, "You cannot mean…he will not be…You cannot hurt him!" I thrust out my staff, summon the elemental powers to me, feel them in my mind, swirling, mumbling a spell. "If you would do this…but first, battle against me! You…" gasping form the pain, the slivers of magic stretching through my limbs, and the blinding light…penetrating my soul, shattering it a portion at a time…
"You cannot…" The creature moves it's hands in a pattern, I feel an immense shudder in the earth, a sweeping power crush me, the blood running down the side of my face. Struggling to stand against it, holding my staff out to deflect the blows…
"I will not let you take him!"
I will not let him…be destroyed…
"I…"
A deep pain, ripping through my body, I see the blood fall out of my heart, spill onto the pure white nothingness…
Eyes like a winter storm, shrieking a spell into my mind…
"I won't…"
Hands like talons on me, digging into my weak flesh, tearing me apart, my soul…is coming apart within me…
"I love him!"
Love…him…
I wake to the sound of thin, piercing screams, combined with the tinkling of my wind chimes. He thrashes, caught in a seizure, his limbs pulsating, frantically clawing at his face, the sheets beneath him. I hold him against me tightly, rocking back and forth in a rhythm, our cries drowned out by the howling, icy wind…
"A'maelamin…" he slowly comes out of his trance, breathing hard, clinging to me, his body drenched with a cold sweat. "Amin hiraetha…melamin…"
"It's all right…It's all right…" I embrace him even tighter, I'll…
Never let you go…
He stares out of the window, gazing at the drifting snow as it falls soundlessly to the ground. Dark rings encircle his lovely ruby-colored eyes, he grips his arms tensely, pain permeated from his expression.
I wish I did not understand, now…now that I have come to know, to understand him, at last…
How blissful is ignorance. I stand beside him, put my arms around him gently. He trembles, glances over his shoulder at me, tears slipping from his lashes.
"You don't have to go…You could stay here with me…" I hear my own voice, distorted, crumbling in sadness. I bury my head in his shoulder, "Please don't leave me here…alone…"
"Ereb?" He smiles softly, kissing my hands, "Lirimaen…" Turns about, crushing me in his arms as I cry helplessly…
"I have to tell you…this thing…wants to hurt you…if you stay here, I'll protect you…we could be together forever…"I sob, "I don't care…what you are…or what you are not…"
He peers up into my face, eyes wide and shimmering. "Alye'…"
The snow falls, falls…
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