Disclaimer: I don't own FY. I don't own Billy Idol either, but wouldn't it be fun to have a Idol-san all of your own, for squeezing, slapping and whipping? ^-^
Warning: Angst, quite a bit of it and then some. As always, enough sweetness to keep you sugary ones satisfied.
Little Blog: I'll be heading to NY this weekend, and I won't be updating for about a little over a week, so I'll try and make this chapter especially significant. I'm kinda scared, first time on a plane!! ^-^' In reference to something I thought I should answer to: I actually did mean, Vermillion Phoenix. I wanted to keep some of the Chinese lore intertwined in the story, though it's medieval in all other senses. But I didn't want to totally disintegrate the whole Fushigi feel. ^-^
Forcing my way through the endless sea of sharp, claw-like branches reaching out towards me, as if to draw me into them, tearing my robe apart as I struggle to free myself from their spindly hands. Breath flutters obscurely in and out of my lungs; I feel a dank liquid come up onto my lips, the taste of a familiar pinkish-red metal, spilling down my chin as I stumble through the torrent of jagged rocks.
I must …stop. I cannot keep up at this pace, although I would to be sure that Tamahome had followed my instructions scrupulously, so as they should not be captured. I can only imagine the consequences for their actions, and though I have heard the king of the Southern Realm is one of mercy…doubt swells in my heart. Such a crime as this would be punishable by death, torture, or burning at the stake. Visions of his handsome face, twisted in agony, pervade my mind's eye, I cry out involuntarily, so clear are they, like the surface of a crystal.
How cruel this world, how terrible. That because of love, a love they could not vociferate, they should be punished by death eternal.
"Why must it be so?" I whisper into the icy air, smearing the blood dripping from my face unto my hand, conscience of the intense desire building in me to vomit, to scream. My lungs rattle loudly against the sound of a gentle wind. The sky, having grown quite black, absorbs the shadows of the gnarled trees, holding them close, cradling them in darkness, a thick shroud to cover their twisted, deformed bodies, leaking amber blood. Everything is ominous, speaks foreboding and gloom. The very spirits have dissipated from the mountain, leaving no trace of light or warmth, deserting me in my despair.
And my aelf…my aelf. Tears overwhelm my eye, stinging harshly for release as I shut it tight, biting back sobs from the depths of my barren soul. My aelf…
"I would it I could undo my very being, I would it you had never come to know me, my troubles…"
"I wish…"
"…I'm sorry…" Unable to control my emotions anymore, I quickly rise from the hollow stone I had temporarily rested upon, rubbing at my eye furiously, attempting to dry up fluid sorrow. I haven't far to go now; picking up my stride, despite the deep pain emanating from my lungs and body, in it's mortal weakness. All I can do now…
Is keep my promises, though in my heart…
I weep. I scream, I want release from the human world. Why did I involve myself with those who I deliberately ran away from? Why does my foolish heart dictate over my mind, my sense of duty still to those who age and die, like the leaves of the forest? Why can I not be free?
Freedom is not the choice of any. Even in the Netherworld, we are directed by the winds that tear through our hearts, pulling us into a cycle. All of creation exists to perform what it is they are intended, to give what they can, even if it seems impossible. So it is the way of mortals and immortals alike.
She stands before me, silvery eyes searing right into me, through me, detached yet strangely sympathetic. I feel distinct trepidation gripping my form; trembling, I fall to my knees before her presence, lowering my head to her luminosity.
A voice in my mind, like the intense ringing of bells, There is nothing more you can do, there is no one left to protect.
I raise my head up, meeting her void gaze. "What-- what do you mean?" Again, something powerful smashes into me, a wave of hallucinations, colors of vibrant, shattering passion, and pain, deep grief; the sound of a twig snapping. Closing my eye, I see crimson suns, dancing harmoniously, surging forwards into my heart, burning with a cold heat. The world is falling apart, this world I have come to know…
Floating airborne, faint mists washing across the richly green hills, I see a thousand flowers, the color of blood, glinting like edge of a sword in the sunlight, moving slowly though the wind rushes against them with violence…
There is blood in the water….
"No… The water is clean…I have seen it, time over and again…"
The ruby eyes glittering outside my window, his soft skin touching mine, "Amin mela lle."
"Amin mela lle, Chichiri."
"Amin mela lle."
Lightning splits the sky in pieces, dragons hurled to the earth, crying tears of fire, bleeding black mire unto the mountain, drowning the flowers, they wither, come apart in my hands…
"What is this!"
"Why is this happening!"
"Please! Please! I do not…I cannot…make it stop!" Grasping my skull in my thin, tremulous hands, I scream, I scream out in horror, in pain, as I watch them fall into a million pieces, hearts silent, bloodless shadows in the palm of my hand.
Do you understand now, why I must do what I must do. He is now unredeemable, his sin of being, existing heavy upon this world and my own. He has become mortal for you, he has killed for you, he dies for you now, selfish human.
"What do you mean?! You cannot mean…You cannot punish him!" breathing laboriously, sweat trickling down my ribcage, "He is but a child!"
Harsh, knife-like laughter rips open my skull, tremendous agony. I cannot see anything, anymore; a dull flash of white, and everything has disappeared from afore my eye. I sense her presence, shimmering, waves of energy bathing my helpless body in a strange sort of heat.
You are more child than he. True, he is unable to comprehend mortality. He is naïve, to believe he is like you, that he can be with you…That he can kill without being brought to judgment. He has been left go for too long; and now, I will--
Thrusting my staff into the ground, I cry out to the elements, my voice charged with rage, hoarse from my weeping. I feel the earth shatter, tremble; quaking beneath us as I murmur a Dark Earth spell. Power, pure energy surrounds us, creating a shield about my form, thousands of boulders borne into the sky. My eye waters as I attempt to open it against her light pouring out from her lips, eyes, and hands; I see the world standing still, time has ceased all movement, as I scream out chants, releasing the rocks from their positions, they fall onto her frail beauty, crushing the light, puffs of translucent smoke billowing in the high winds.
Yet I know I can do no harm to this creature, immortal and untouchable. The ground becomes silent; the wind still. Iridescent lights break apart the stones I have heaped upon her, a barrier acting as protection.
Foolish human, but it is so mortal…for you to attempt to save him…from what must be inevitable…
"He did nothing wrong! He does not understand, you claimed this!" Shaking, falling to the ground, whimpering with pain unspeakable, "It is…my fault…so kill me instead…"
You truly do not comprehend. He would have been terminated long past had he not run away to the mortal realm, seeking comfort with you. He is causing the very elements to tilt dangerously. I felt pity…Her eyes speak of the sympathy I formerly saw, I felt pity for him, his being born unintentionally into a world of perfection…I let him go, whence he should have died, by my sword…I was erroneous in my thinking, believing that such a creature, such a deformity, could be permitted to enter the human world…without causing strife…
Curled up, I hold my fist against my mouth, pressing inward the cries forming in my throat, suffocating them… "But…he is so…perfect…so beautiful, and innocent…" I gaze at this heartless being, how can she not see? How is it this thing can be so cruel? "What is it he has done that is so wrong?"
He has killed humans. He has cohabited with humans. With you. It is forbidden. He is no part of this world, nor of any other world. He is disgusting, and I will destroy him, like I should have, long ago…
"Please," I beg, on my knees, clutching at the swirling fabric of her skirts, burning my hands slightly, "Please, do not do this thing…Please…He's all…all I have…and I love him…I love him so much…" Blood dripping from betwixt my lips, staining the dark earth, "Please…he could stay with me…please, please…"
Hear you nothing? A surge of power pushes me away, slamming me into the ground damp with freshly fallen snow. It is release, I offer him! How do you think he shall live with himself, after he comes to know the truth of what he has accomplished? Will he not return to their rotting corpses, in futile effort to awaken them? Or will you tell him of what he is guilty?!
"He did it for me! It is my error, not his!"
Will he see it that way, since you cannot even comprehend one another? She draws her hands inward, against her heart, face impassive to my anguish. If you would go to him…but what of your duty, your loyalties to men?
I stand carefully, before her, my legs unsteady in their weakness. "I would fulfill my obligations, as I am under oath; but I would it you should not lay a hand unto him, for he has done nothing wrong. It is I who must bear your judgment, for enrapturing him, for forming an attachment to an aelfin creature. He knew no better."
Go to your fellow humans. I will not harm him. Yet, will it not be…that he will come to know the truth of his actions? And then…what shall he do? Her eyes, holding no pupil, stare blankly into my face; she dissipates into the shadows of the mountain, a soft buzzing sound filling the air.
I rush away quickly, towards the sound of the waterfall, water smashing against solid matter, fay drinking their fill near the edge of the bank. Eye evaluating the area, I catch the sight of something gleaming beneath the crystal veil, glinting armor. I wade into the lake; the shock of the coldness send chills through my limbs, teeth chattering noisily. As if pulling back curtains, I raise my arm alongside the veil, directing the ceaseless flow to another source.
"Mage!" Embraced by strong, hard arms, I feel myself go limp from fatigue. The world is spinning, spinning…
Vomiting blood into my hands, I sob wretchedly, delirious as he places me on his horse, murmuring soothing nothings in my ear. Her gentle, fair hands caress my face and hair, coaxing me to sip water from her cool palms. "We shall go to your abode, mage," I hear faintly, as the colors around me begin to fade…
"We'll tend to you…"
"Thank you…saved…"
Struggling to force away the crushing weariness having overcome me, I moan, blood bubbling up out of me, try to speak, try to tell them….
"Please…I must…."
I must go to him! I must find him, comfort him! I cannot leave him alone, not when he won't understand, not now, in this terrible moment…
Another vision, like a mirror reflecting moonlight, his lovely amber eyes searching frantically among the bodies of the black-clad monks, hands shaking at them, crying out in devastation at their immobile figures, covered in blood…He grips a lifeless heart, trying to pump life back into it with his own hands…
It all goes black.
^.^ Poor, poor Chiri! What will he do!?
Tasuki: Save me, hunneybunney!
Chichiri: Don't worry! I'm here to save the day…well, not yet, no da…
Review? More to come soon!