Disclaimer: Don't own it.
Warning: Angst, sweetness. The usual promenade of exaggerated, drawn-out descriptions, and plenty of color.
Little Blog: Well, I'm back! Actually, I've been back for about two weeks, but the 'calling' to my work has been nil. Hopefully I won't bore you to tears with this one, but f it seems less than average…feel free to opinionate it. Just don't critique it too harshly as I am perfectly capable of tearing myself asunder when it comes to these circumstances.
Endless dreams, interwoven with reality and darkness, befuddling my senses as I slowly pull myself out of sleep. A light blanket has been wrapped around me firmly, though I am terribly hot and covered in a translucent, heavy sweat. Everything seems dim; the clouds, hovering in the sky, spewing out hordes of delicate white snow, have concealed the moon entirely, stars barely giving off a glimmer of illumination. The window has been left open, I notice, in my mental haze, the chimes being thrashed about rather violently in the grip of a steady, wintry wind.
As I struggle to sit upright, I begin to take notice of other things, thing which are very strange, almost fearful. A white kerchief is lying neglected on the floor, smattered with blood, long dried, I assume, by it's dark brownish appearance. Several rags are soaking in a pail; I slip out of bed, gasping involuntarily at the effort needed to perform such a trivial movement. Tottering cautiously towards the window, I am gripped with agonizing spasms in my lungs, my heart.
What…is this?
I am alone. This seems peculiar, I remember voices, in and out of my contorting nightmares, reassuring me, comforting me, whispering things I could not distinguish. I had felt hands, small, soft ones, caressing my forehead, my face; and larger, strong ones, holding me close, a deep voice belting out sorrowful lamentations at my anguish. Who…what?
My memory has dissipated, for the moment, confusion filling my mind as I attempt to sort out what has taken place in the past few hours. I may have been drugged, but…with what? I have certain pain-killing herbs on my shelves that are known to distort the functions of thought, yet…for some reason, this seems unlikely to me. Besides, they are not labeled, so who could know their contents?
Pressing my hands to my face, I lean upon the window frame, allowing a rush of cold air to soothe my feverish body. Why can't I seem to recall to myself…the happenings of only hours? In my mind, fragments of images, swirling in a maelstrom of blinding color…
I cannot make sense of anything, this contracting upheaval of hallucinations. Seized by yet another spasm, my frail, languishing body crumples to the floor, defenseless, pitiful.
So this is what it means to be human: to be in pain, to die. And I, fool that I am! How I have strived to separate myself from the realm of mortality, by existing within the boundaries of the immortal spirits, creatures which, even now, I fail to comprehend. For all this pain, for all this suffering being wrought…
"What…what is happening to me…" voice weak, echoing softly in this solid isolation, crawling towards the door, with all my strength, and all my inevitable weakness….
Here I am, alone…
The one thing I sought never to be. Gripping the door post, I bring myself to my feet unsteadily, wavering, tremendous pressure on my heart. There is something…someone…I must find, must be with…and yet, I cannot remember who it is…all I remember is my love for this being, wrenching at my heartstrings frantically, a deep cut on my awareness.
Opening the door, I feel the violence of the winter winds, see the snowflakes dancing hysterically in the seamless threads of energy surrounding me. The sky is so black, an endless sea of night, contrasted painfully by the flurry of vicious, twirling whiteness. Pushing against the forceful stream of time and wind, into the deep wood near my home, I am searching…searching…
A mirror reflection, I suddenly open my eyes, the eyes of my mind…
Somewhere, in the shadow of the mountain, a cry, profound sorrow reaching the very heavens, a plea…Blood, running freely down smooth, dark hands, caressing shoulders and chest involuntarily…Eyes, the color of amber, leaking crimson tears, voiceless grief etched onto a countenance too beautiful to describe…
My…
Amin mela lle.
…aelf…
"My aelf, my aelf!" screaming into the raging snowstorm, binding my arms close about my body in a futile effort to sustain warmth, "My aelf, where are you, my aelf!"
"Please do not be afraid! I'm coming for you! I'll find you!"
"No one will hurt you anymore, my beautiful one!"
Running, where are you, where have you gone, my beloved, my everything, my life…I feel the chill of frost biting my lips, my fingers, but it matters not…all that matters…all that ever did…
"Wait for me, my love," I breathe, my clothes torn by the clawing, dead branches and thorns of the wood, I feel momentary pain, liquid slide down my ribcage, freezing; I feel his anguish, permeating the air itself, melting the light replicated in the snow, turning the color of night, the world is a chaos of demons and darkness…
"Please, please…" terror inflects in my voice, what if I would be too late, what if the Ljosalfar on the mountain…would she have slain him? But I would know it, I would feel the emptiness in my soul, were he to die…
Having come to the mountain path, I raise m voice above the shrieking winds, "Please!" gasping, "Where…where? Where are you, please tell me, show me..! My aelf…" the words fall out of my mouth so naturally, "I love you, don't hide yourself from me!"
"I love you!"
"I love you!"
A scream, shattering the roaring sound engulfing me, penetrates into my heart, a glass blade going right through me, painlessly. And I see his eyes, filled with confusion, sorrow, agony, face streaked with scarlet tears, lying motionless on the snow, moaning incomprehensible words. To see him, in such pain, causes my heart to bleed with sadness, the fault is mine…
"My aelf, my beautiful, my child…" I entwine him in my arms, raining myriads of kisses upon his face and neck, holding him close, feel his body, emanating a cold heat, "I'm so sorry…so…sorry.." I cannot keep my tears from flowing, they drip on to his chest, slipping over his throbbing heart, this heart so full of beauty and purity…
He peers into my eye, expressing without words his ceaseless misery, his heavy guilt. Moving his lips, he says my name in a jagged whisper; squeezing him tighter, "It's not your fault, you did nothing, you're wonderful…" Smoothing my hands along the contours of his face, wiping away the tears besmirching his features.
We lie in the snow, wrapped in a close embrace, as the world violently surges around us, saying nothing. What time may pass, there is no way to know. I feel excruciating pain in my body, a horrifying electricity, and suddenly I know, I know it is him that deals me this pain, I have been dying since we first touched, since our eyes locked. And knowing this, I care not if I should die, I care not for the pain…To die in his arms would give me more happiness than an entire existence of being without him…
Humans are so foolish. What views of love they harbor in such feeble, degenerate minds. Even death you would accept, over life, to be with such a creature?
"I would it we would be together for all eternity."
Knowing that it could mean nothing but eternal pain for you? If you were to live on, there would be nothing but pain and confusion.
"No physical pain could hurt me more than were I separated from him."
…I would punish him, I would kill him now, my sword putting out his dark light; yet, your queer devotion stays my hand. It seems you wish to endure his punishment. If that is what you will, mortal, than I will bestow it upon you; I will give to you a penalty that will, eventually, sever our human life.
"If he need suffer no more, I accept your gift."
It is your will, mortal. I do not yield to the word of mere humans, but something…something…you have shown me…to love such a terrible disruption in he balance, to suffer such tremendous pain at your own desire, simply for what you call 'love'…
Then, then there is pain, I have never experienced anything like it…I see his eyes, glowing red, full of confusion, his voice, shrill with anguish, calling out my name, but it grows fainter, the howling winds absorbing all sound, a deep silence surrounding me…
I see the stars, a thousand, thousand stars, quivering with the dynamic power of light; I see the hills of the highlands, covered in chamomile grasses and wildflowers…
Memory…will not dissipate…
Never will I leave this place…
I would to be with you forever…
I would suffer it all for you…I would give my very life for you…imperfect though it be…
He is holding my hands, and, together, we fly into midheaven, circling round and round, they are near us, dancing with us, wings like iridescent silk. I spread my arms wide, now I can join them, I can be a part of the perfect beauty forbidden to me for all of my lifetime…and I feel no pain, only joy, elation…
I see, far below, a knight in gleaming white armor riding upon a white stallion over the clouds, a maiden with golden eyes like the sun in his arms, and I know, I know…
It was not in vain. Whatever I must endure, whatever suffering it may bring…
Holding me close, we watch the snow slowly cease to fall, the sky open into a bright new day.
"Chichiri," he sighs, "Amin mela lle."
"I love you."
The sun gleams down upon us, his hair like a flame in the wind, eyes rubies in the light.
*^^* Well, what did you think?
Tasuki: *sniff, sniff* That was very nice!
Chichiri: See I'm a tough little son-of-a-gun, aren't I no da!
Expect a sequel to this! It's not over yet!!!!
Tasuki: 9.9