Note: Hopefully, this'll shut the nags up for a little while. (Yes, I mean –you-! You know who you are!) This is the next-to-last chapter, folks; start looking for another victim! But not before you've told me how I'm doing? Pretty please?
Brother, My Brother
Chapter 9: Solutions, Truths And Consequences
Later, the former and present Rangers would agree that this was about the longest night they had ever had to live through, even though objectively speaking it had just the regular amount of hours, like any other night. It just seemed as if it would never end …
*
They stayed in the waiting area, sitting close together, drawing comfort from the fact that none of them was alone with their fears for Jason. For the most part, they were quiet, lost in their own thoughts as they waited … and were periodically alarmed by renewed activity in and around Jason's room. From the nurses, they gathered that he suffered two more fever seizures, each one a little worse than the last … and that nobody really knew what to expect next. Would it be doom, or deliverance?
"This is driving me nuts," Rocky groaned when he settled back down in his faux-leather chair again after the last such incident. His back ached abominably, both from his injury and from the uncomfortable seats. But even a fully-powered Megazord couldn't have dragged him away. Just like his friends, he needed to be here.
"Is there any news yet?"
"No," Tanya sighed, rubbing at her eyes. "Nothing at all." She'd drifted off a little, leaning against Adam, and was feeling a bit guilty about it – although she knew the others wouldn't blame her for succumbing to her exhaustion. It had been a long day, and an even longer night.
"They say that no news is good news …" Kat murmured, disbelief about the old adage evident in her tone.
"Yeah, right." Zack snorted through a jaw-cracking yawn. "Sorry. We should be so lucky."
"Let's hope Jason is," Billy said seriously. Usually he managed to lose himself in some scientific problem or another even under the most tense circumstances, but tonight even that method failed. It didn't really surprise him; Jason had been his friend and confidant, not to mention sometimes protector, for too long that he could forget about his plight. Besides, it was he who had brought the serum; what if it was unsafe, after all? Billy wasn't sure he could live with the guilt if it turned out he somehow had a hand in Jason's possible demise. Nor was he at all certain that Tommy, who had endorsed it, could. If worse came to worst, they might just lose two friends instead of one. "We just have to trust that Jase will pull through; he's a fighter, and his will to live has always been exceptionally strong."
The others nodded. Yet, the waiting and not knowing came hard to all of them. They settled back once more, not talking, but supporting each other just by being together. As they always had – always would.
~*~
Dawn was breaking over the distant mountains not far from Angel Grove when the big hospital began to wake up. The ER grew quiet, nurses working the night shift made a last round to check on their patients, most of whom were sleeping peacefully. Charts were signed, materials cleared away, and with a few smothered yawns, the tired personnel waited for their replacements to arrive. They duly did, singly and in groups, and their bright greetings to their colleagues filled the air with subdued cheer as the changeover progressed.
Kimberly was the first of the friends to rouse from a fitful doze; no-one among them had truly slept, but weariness of mind and body had let them find some uneasy rest at least. She sat up, stretched her arms and legs and was considering whether she dared nip off for a quick wash in the restroom, when she caught Adam's somber gaze from across the waiting area.
"Morning," she murmured. "Has anything happened? I snoozed a little, I guess." She smiled sheepishly.
"Not that I know of," he replied just as quietly. "Don't feel bad, Kim; I think none of us stayed completely awake all night. I know I didn't. Besides, I'm pretty sure someone would've told us if there'd been a change either way."
"You're probably right."
Around them, the others stirred as well.
"Ow, my back," Rocky moaned. He had lain on the only couch, but it was little more than a two-seater – far too short even for his medium height.
"Here, let me see," Trini offered, pulling him to his feet. Circling around to his back, she probed the muscles in his lower back, then applied gentle pressure. Rocky winced as her slender but strong hands kneaded the kinks out.
"Thanks," he sighed when Trini was done and he could move more easily.
She smiled tiredly. "You're welcome."
Billy had unobtrusively slipped away and talked to the ward nurse; he returned now with a frown on his face. "Nothing new," he reported to his anxious friends. "Dr. Jenkins has looked in on Jason a half-hour ago, but there was no change. The fever's still dangerously high."
"At least he hasn't had yet another seizure," Tanya tried to find the silver lining, but it was cold comfort; they all had be made aware that the fever in itself posed a threat to Jason, should it continue much longer.
"I wonder how Tommy and Jason's parents are holding up," Katherine said, a worried frown marring her smooth forehead. "I mean, it must've been pretty horrible for them to see Jase in so much discomfort."
"That's putting it mildly," Zack was about to answer, when he was distracted by the door to room 227 opening.
David was the first to recognize the tall figure clad in a red sweatshirt who came out into the hallway. He slowly rose from his seat, his heart starting to thump heavily in his chest.
"Tommy," he whispered hoarsely.
Tommy's face was pale and his eyes glazed over with strain. He carefully closed the door behind him, turned and swayed on his feet exhaustedly. He was facing his friends, but it was obvious that he saw none of them, even though only a few short feet separated him from them. The past and present Rangers all surged to their feet, closing ranks and looking to their leader for news, waiting with bated breath for what he had to tell them.
To their horror, tears began to fall from the red-rimmed eyes – first one, then another and another, until a steady stream of salty drops coursed down the lean cheeks. Tommy started to tremble all over; he practically folded in on himself, to lean against the nearest wall. His legs gave out from beneath him, and he slid bonelessly to the floor, silent sobs wracking his body.
"Oh my God," Trini choked, seeing her worst fears realized in Tommy's collapse. Before anyone else could utter a single word, two pink-shirted forms knelt next to the distraught young man.
"Oh Tommy, please don't," Kat implored, stroking the long hair with trembling fingers, her own eyes already blinded by tears.
"Let us help you," Kimberly begged, taking a limp hand into her suddenly cold ones. She, too, was weeping.
The girls exchanged a quick glance when Tommy didn't react, just hid his face on his drawn-up knees and inhaled a shuddering breath. Either wished deep in her heart to be alone with him, to take him into her arms and kiss away his tears, but neither was heartless enough to express that wish. There was no room for jealousy or resentment now; they were one in their desire to help the man they both cared about. This wasn't about them, or their problems – this was about Tommy, and Jason. Best friends, close as brothers. One of whom was …
Kimberly swallowed hard. Her voice unsteady with emotion, she nevertheless found the strength to ask the question all of them feared.
"Tommy? W-what about Jason? Is … is h-he …"
She could not bring herself to say it – that dreadful, final word.
Is he dead?
It hovered above them, like a malevolent miasma poisoning the very atmosphere. The fear rose to unbearable heights, paralysing all of them while they waited for Tommy to compose himself enough to speak, to give them the truth. The silence enveloping the group of friends was deafening in its intensity, more so as it was punctuated by a few isolated, quickly suppressed sobs and sniffles. Not all of which came from the girls.
At last, Tommy looked up. His chocolate eyes were burning with an intensity few had ever seen in them – only Billy, Rocky and Adam recognized the look. He had worn it before – once when Kimberly had been trapped in a time hole; again when Lord Zedd had captured her. And all of them had seen it when Jason had collapsed from the effects of the Gold Powers on his body. As then, it had the power to arrest their hearts and numb their minds.
"Tommy?" Billy's voice was strangled; he couldn't have produced another sound if his life depended on it.
It was enough to break the Red Ranger out of his stupor. He inhaled deeply, freeing his lungs to speak at last. His usually light voice was deep and rough with emotion.
"The fever broke half an hour ago. It was touch and go for a few minutes, but he's at peace now."
Tommy knew his lips were quivering and fresh tears were spilling over, but he didn't care. Not now. Not when, after this nightmarish day, his universe finally was right-side-up again.
"Guys … Jason's gonna live."
~*~
Days passed; Jason spent them in the hospital, slowly recuperating from his ordeal. The doctors were curious about the serum which had saved him and had told him that they'd given the last bit of it to a renowned laboratory to examine. Maybe it could be duplicated eventually, thus helping others experiencing the same or similar problems as Jason had.
He was glad about it, in a somewhat detached way; the whole affair already was taking on qualities of a distant nightmare for him, the only evidence that it ever happened at all being his all-encompassing weakness and a vague ache in his right leg. The puncture wounds from the actual bite had gotten infected after all, but that was nothing a standard antibiotic couldn't take care of. However, neither Dr. Jenkins, Mr. and Mrs. Scott nor Jason himself were willing to take any chances. Thus, in the hospital he remained.
Jason moved restlessly in his bed; the dinner tray had already been removed, visiting hours were already over, there was nothing on TV that really interested him, and he was too wary to hold a book for long. In other words, he was as bored as he could ever remember.
With nothing else to do but think, Jason let his mind wander back over the events of the last few days, ever since he'd woken from the deep sleep after his fever. Wondering what everybody was up to, now that they were no longer hovering over him like a bunch of mother hens. He didn't mind it so much from his mother – she was just being Mom, after all; it sort of came with the job, didn't it? – but it had been slightly embarrassing to accept so much solicitude from the girls. At least the guys hadn't been overly mushy.
*Thanks, Rocko, for dropping a word in their ears. Guess you would know; were we really that bad when YOU were injured?* Most likely they had been, Jason acknowledged with a rueful grin, reaching for a glass of water. It was one of the risks one ran when one had such good friends. *And all things considered, I wouldn't want it any other way. Not really.* Sipping slowly, one arm tucked behind his head, Jason let his eyes roam to the window as he went back to his musings.
~*~
The accident had happened around noon on Saturday; Billy had arrived in the early evening hours. Sunday he'd spent mostly dead to the world, barely conscious yet, so no visitors except family had been allowed. Not that he'd have truly noticed. Luckily, Monday had been a holiday, so the friends had all been able to look in on a weak, exhausted Jason before returning to their various homes, jobs and other duties. He was still sleeping a lot, his system needing the rest to recoup, but he'd recognized everybody and been extremely grateful for their support and good wishes. Despite a bothersome disorientation, he'd managed to extract a promise from Billy to come back to see him at the earliest opportunity – even if it should take years. Trini, Zack and Kimberly had been more frequent visitors, but the former two had to leave now in order not to miss college registration. While he was going to miss them, Jason wasn't selfish enough to keep them at his side. There would be other times to visit, and UCLA wasn't all that far away from Angel Grove.
Rocky was busy with his karate school and physiotherapy – something Jason knew he would have to start as well as soon as he was strong enough. The Aquitian serum had rid his body of both the venom and the antidote; an unexpected bonus, verified by a secret scan with Power Chamber equipment, had been that apparently any last, lingering effects from the Triforian Powers had been purged as well. *No more dizzy spells, or nausea attacks! Great!* Jason knew he would make a full recovery … after he regained all the ground he'd lost in the cure. He was weak as a baby, as if he'd been severely ill for months instead of days, and it would take time. Lots of time.
He groused about that to his friends, but only half-seriously. He was far too glad simply to be alive to care much either way – Jason wasn't stupid, after all. He knew in how much danger he'd been in. Well, it was over and done with; it was results that counted after all.
*If only I wasn't so bored!*
The Rangers were more than busy. It was getting increasingly difficult to combine their Rangering duties with the responsibilities of leading adult lives now – like holding down jobs instead of being in school. Which was why Tommy could spend so little time with him – he was more at the race track than in Angel Grove. *Damn. I miss him.* Additionally, none of them was very happy with their new mentor. Dimitria's eternal questions could be rather irritating, or so Jason had heard from the on-duty team. The word 'retire' had already been mentioned more than once. He sighed a little as regrets rose up within him of not having been able to say good-bye to Zordon. But there had been nothing he, or anyone else, had been able to do about it. Closing his eyes wearily, Jason switched off the lights and burrowed into his pillow. Remembering the old sage, he gradually drifted off into a deep, healing sleep once more.
~*~
Kimberly was talking a walk through the park by herself, memories about all the times she'd spent here as a child, then as a teenager assailing her wherever she looked. There was the picnic table she and Tommy had sat at when he'd returned as the White Ranger. Down there was the path to the lake she had taken so often to meet her friends. That was the bush Bulk had hidden behind in his silly lizard-monster costume, back when he was still trying to uncover the Rangers' secret identities. Here had she fought ArtistMole all by herself. And there was …
She smiled to herself, cutting off the flow of memories.
*We practically lived here,* she thought. *And what a life it has been!*
Kim grinned. A rather morbid thought for someone not yet nineteen! Even to herself, she sounded as if her life was all but over, or something. And that when her future was just beginning! Nevertheless, she let her mind roam free again, not caring where her feet took her. So it happened that she ended up at the small pond – the place where she and Tommy had first kissed. Then, he had been practising a kata, nearly oblivious to everything around him. Now, he was sitting on a flat rock next to that very spot, watching her approach with serious eyes. Almost as if he'd been expecting her to come.
*Maybe he had.*
"H-hello," she stammered, surprised and yet not.
"Hi, Kim," Tommy said somberly.
"I … I didn't expect you here."
*Liar!* her heart whispered.
"Didn't you? Didn't we always end up here eventually, whenever we had problems?" While they'd been together a long time, their relationship had had its bumps; they had never really quarrelled, but had their occasional disagreements, like anyone else. And not all of them caused by a spell of Rita's, either.
"Well … yeah," Kim admitted, taking a seat close by after a moment's hesitation. Not touching Tommy, but near enough to reach for his hand if she wanted to. "What we had wasn't perfect, was it?"
Tommy sighed. "No. But close." Which, as far as he was concerned, wasn't the whole truth – to him, everything about being with Kim had been perfect, or as near to it as made no difference. He had even started to think about asking Kim to 'make it official' when she decided to go to Florida – not marriage; he knew they were too young for that, but … an engagement had seemed distinctly possible. Until her letter. Chasing the memory of how that had hurt away, he meant to coax a nostalgic smile out of her at the least with his comment, but was surprised by Kim's reaction. Sure, he'd expected the guilty blush staining her cheeks, but not the visible flinch she couldn't control.
"Kim? Didn't you think so?"
"I … yes. No! It was too close," Kimberly whispered, looking down. Why, oh why were the good times all she could remember – the romantic walks, the tender kisses, the shared dreams? Desperately, she tried to find some detachment. She had given it all up of her own free will after all; there was no sense in hanging on to it.
"What do you mean, too close?" he asked, puzzled. Why wouldn't she look at him?
Kimberly was afraid that if she saw the expression on his face, she'd break down and bawl, and she didn't want that. There had been too many tears already … and Tommy had a right to know about them. That she had shed them, and why, and how they had led to her writing him that cursed letter.
She met his eyes at last.
"Tommy … I broke up with you because what we had was nearly perfect."
"Huh? That makes no sense," he protested. How could something be too close to perfect? And why throw it away?
The petite girl gulped. This was going to be so hard! But she owed Tommy the truth. In fact, he was way overdue for an explanation. *I just hope he'll understand …* Drawing a deep breath, she started to talk.
"Tommy … you know it wasn't easy for me to go, right? To leave everything and everyone behind?" She barely waited for his nod. "Well, when I got to Florida, I seriously expected to be homesick, to miss you guys … especially you. And I did – terribly. What I did not expect was that I cried myself to sleep every night for weeks because all I wanted was to be with you. Outside of practice, all I could think about was how much I missed you. I could talk about nothing else but you, my tutor was complaining about how my grades dropped, I sat in my room for ages just staring at your picture … it was like an obsession," she remembered. "The whole bit – I stopped eating, lay awake for hours when I should have been resting, rejected everybody who tried to make friends, couldn't concentrate … It got to the point where it was beginning to affect my training – and that got noticed by the coaches. They made me see the team counsellor, and with her help I figured out what made me so miserable."
"Oh man, Kim … I had no idea …" This was terrible; if he'd known, he could have made more of an effort to stay in touch via the phone, promised her a visit maybe … but Kimberly didn't seem to hear him.
She cleared her throat. This next bit was going to be hard for Tommy. "It was you."
"Wh-what?!?" Tommy couldn't believe his ears. HE had made Kim miserable? HOW??? To say he was shell-shocked would be putting it mildly.
Kim smiled wryly at Tommy's flabbergasted expression. "Yes. Oh, it was nothing you had said or done, just … our relationship, and how intense it had become. It scared me, Tommy."
That was pretty much the last thing he'd expected, and it showed in his incredulous voice.
"Scared you? How?"
Kim sighed. She hated being blunt, but she had no choice. Not when Tommy needed to understand. "Tommy – tell me, when I decided to leave … were you perhaps thinking of asking me to marry you? I kind of had that impression." She blushed; it wasn't exactly how she'd dreamed that topic would come up between them. Or her and anyone else, for that matter. But at the time, the air had been rife with yet-unspoken promises of a shared future. And a part of her had been thrilled and deeply affected by that realization.
"I … yeah," he admitted, blushing as well. It had been one of his boyish fantasies. One he'd thought was in his grasp. "I mean, I knew we couldn't have gotten married then, at least not anytime soon, but I did want to propose. Only, I thought I should at least have a ring to give you, so I decided to wait until I could afford to buy one." Which had been shortly after Christmas; Kim's birthday in February had seemed like the perfect opportunity. If she hadn't dumped him barely a week before.
"That's what I thought." Kim laid a hand on his knee until he would look at her. "And believe this, Tommy – I think it's very sweet. I'm very much honoured that you cared so deeply."
"Then why did you …"
The look in the brown eyes tore at Kimberly's heart, it was so lost and confused. Especially since she knew she would add more pain in just a second. But that couldn't be helped – things needed to be brought into the open once and for all.
"Because I wasn't ready for that kind of commitment," she said as gently as she could. "I still am not. And I had no idea how to tell you. Tommy, dearest – I never wanted to hurt you, even when I knew I had to. For myself. And for my career – gymnastics is what I want to do at this point in my life, and it doesn't really mix well with an intense relationship, especially not long-distance. And that's all we could've had. That's what I realized during my talks with the counsellor. I had to choose between you and my own goals … and I chose what was best for me. I admit, I was selfish, and cowardly, by sending you that letter, but at the time … would you have understood any other reason than the one I gave you?"
Tommy was at a loss for anything to say. It was difficult enough for him to grasp what Kim was telling him, and deep down, he felt a tiny flame that had continued to burn despite everything throughout the long months of their separation sputter and shrink, as if its oxygen supply was slowly being cut off. Mutely, he shook his head.
"I didn't think so," Kimberly murmured, feeling pretty choked up herself. "That's why I wrote to you I'd found someone else."
"A-are you saying there was no other guy?" Tommy demanded to know, experiencing a total jumble of emotions at that thought. Relief, anger, sadness … a whole host of things. And a surge of hope that maybe, just maybe …
But, no.
Km's next words doused that tiny flame inside of him as surely as a dash of cold water.
"Not at the time," she confessed in a whisper, feeling guilty. Both at the one-time lie and for causing him to blanch with pain. "But there is now."
"Oh."
Even Tommy's voice had become dead and lifeless, emphasized by his utter stillness. Kim knew it was the way he dealt with this blow.
"I'm so sorry, Tommy," she murmured. "I wish I had handled things differently, but I didn't, and …" Her shrug said it all.
Tommy felt numb all over. Could this really be the end? He knew that he wouldn't lose Kim completely, they'd still remain friends, but ever since he'd broken down in front of her at the hospital, he also knew that a part of him still wanted more, wanted her back despite everything. The break-up, the pain, time gone by, Kat … His heart was funny that way.
But all of that was utterly irrelevant now. What mattered was that Kim had just told him she had indeed found someone else. Someone other than him. When that had come to pass was ultimately unimportant.
"He … he doesn't scare you, then?" he managed to ask through stiff lips, trying to maintain at least some composure.
Kim smiled fondly, thinking of her new boyfriend. "No. Kurt is a bit older than we are, he's in grad school … he knows that right now, gymnastics is my life. That it has to be THE most important thing, and he accepts that, because he's pursuing his own goals. He just doesn't ask for the kind of commitment the two of us were heading for, and that's the way I want it to be."
Tommy nodded slowly. It galled to admit, but he knew he wouldn't have been able to step back, to make fewer demands of Kim. For himself, he would have welcomed a deeper relationship, wanted it, needed it to make himself feel more secure – but what if they had taken things a step further, into an official engagement or even intimacy, and then found out either one of them felt trapped, or whatever? They would both have been hurt. And he believed Kim that the decision hadn't been an easy one to make. Just as he – however reluctantly – had supported her dream to pursue a gymnastics career, he couldn't deny her the right to do what was best for herself. Then, or now. She meant too much to him to do that.
And if the best for Kim didn't include him anymore … well, he'd just have to learn to live with it.
Tommy heaved a sigh that seemed to rise from the soles of his feet. He looked at his former girlfriend, reading sincerity and honest regret in those large doe eyes. Briefly, Tommy closed his own eyes, burying a cherished dream once and for all. It was over. Perversely, he felt a tiny part of him cheer softly, as if he'd been freed from invisible shackles that were his lingering feelings for Kim. But he didn't want to look at that now. Not when it felt as if his heart was being broken all over again. More gently this time, and face to face, but still … it hurt not a whit less.
"Okay," he murmured. Then, more strongly, "Okay. If that's the way it has to be …"
"It does. I wish I could give you a different answer, but I can't. I'm truly sorry, Tommy."
"Yeah. So am I."
The two sat silently side by side, each lost in their own thoughts. Finally, Tommy spoke again. "I hope you'll be happy." How he managed to say it without bitterness, he never knew. Maybe because it was the truth – he did want Kim to be happy. Even without him.
"I'll be a lot happier now that I've finally told you," Kim admitted. "If I'd known how to tell you otherwise, I would have. And I'm sorry for lying to you."
He nodded. One last question was bothering him, but he was unsure whether he should ask it. Or if he even wanted to know the answer. In the end, he asked it anyway. Better to clear the air once and for all.
"This guy … Kurt? … Do you love him?"
Kim took her time answering, causing Tommy's throat to go dry. What if she didn't? Worse, what if she did?
At last she sighed a little. This was a bit of truth she'd avoided looking at too closely until now. But Tommy deserved to know.
"I … yes, I do. Well, I'm in love with him, anyway. Not the way I was with you, but … you're special. You always will be, Tommy," she added softly. "You'll always be my first love."
He had to smile at that. "Uh huh."
Kim couldn't blame him for not feeling greatly comforted. She wouldn't, either.
"If we'd met when we were a little older … or if things hadn't gotten so intense so fast …"
"Maybe. But we weren't, they did …"
"Yeah."
There was nothing more to be said. They both rose from their sitting positions, Tommy helping Kim up – then they stood, staring at each other just as they'd done that day when they'd kissed the first time. They were even in practically the same spot. He gently squeezed her hand which he still held and tried for a smile. He managed – not much, but a little.
"This is good-bye, then?"
Kim smiled back, feeling sad but as if a huge load had fallen off her slender shoulders.
"Yes. I'm leaving for Florida tomorrow morning."
"That's not what I meant, and you know it, Kim," Tommy chided gently.
"Oh." She blushed. "I – I think so," she mumbled.
He drew a deep breath. So. That was it. However, there was one small thing his injured heart wanted … very diffidently, kicking himself for needing this last thing, Tommy tilted up Kim's chin and gazed into her eyes.
"Can I kiss you one last time?"
Surprised, Kim blinked. Then, she smiled again. This was what she'd hoped for – how it should have been.
"Of course."
Her lids fluttered shut as Tommy kissed her gently, as sweetly as only he knew how. First kiss, last kiss … there was no difference, really, in the way it made her feel to be in his arms. And a part of her wished this feeling would never end. When it was over, she looked at him. Slightly breathless, she touched his cheek. An irresistible urge from deep within her made her say something she knew she shouldn't, but was unable to stop.
"Maybe … maybe in a couple years, when we're older … when we've both done what we want to do … if we're both free, and if we still care for each other … maybe …"
"Maybe we can try again? Is that what you're saying?"
It seemed that tiny flame hadn't gone out completely after all, Tommy realized. There was still a minuscule ember hidden and half-buried among the ashes, glimmering against the darkness. Only time would tell if it was strong enough to survive – or maybe even grow again.
Against her better judgement, Kim gave a barely perceptible nod. "No promises, though."
"I understand." It was more than he'd had only minutes before, after all, and hope was too strong to die. "Thank you. And … yes. I'd like that … if …"
"Uh huh. If."
Feeling immensely relieved, Kim extricated herself from Tommy's loose embrace and stepped back. Everything that needed to be said between them had been expressed, and it was time to let go. *For now,* that silly place in her heart, the one which wanted to stay with him regardless, said smugly. She deliberately ignored it.
"Good-bye, Tommy," was all she said. Without another word, she turned and walked away, out of his life.
*I'll NEVER tell him how much this is costing me!*
Tommy watched Kim go with longing in his eyes until she disappeared around a bend in the path, knowing he could do nothing else. With a last sigh, he shook himself once, then started a kata, losing himself in the fluid movements of the exercise, trying to forget. Soon, he was oblivious to the world, except for one thing filling his mind.
*Maybe.*
~*~
Tommy eased his foot off the accelerator and let his car coast into the pit; he knew he'd done well in today's practice and was looking forward to a hot shower, a meal and a chance to rest. A stock car wasn't exactly spacious, he really was a bit on the tall side for a driver, and each night he needed some time to ease the cricks out of his back and legs.
*Thank God the motel has a pool!*
Swimming was Tommy's preferred way to relax after a day of driving; he only hoped he'd get the chance and wouldn't have to deal with yet another lame-brained scheme by Divatox. He exchanged a few comments with his uncle and the pit crew, then went for his bag and left the track. On the way to the parking lot, he began making after-dinner plans.
*Maybe I can meet the gang … or call Jason; he doesn't leave for Montana until day after tomorrow. Bummer that he couldn't find a place for therapy closer to home. Yeah, I think I'll do that … after 20 laps and a large pizza …*
However, when he approached his 4X4, the tall figure leaning against it was a sure-fire indicator that his plans were most likely about to be cancelled.
"David," Tommy greeted his brother, surprised. "What are you doing here?"
"Looking for you," David replied subduedly. "You're never at home anymore, your friends tell me they haven't seen you outside of emergencies lately, you don't answer the phone … I think you're harder to get hold of than the President."
The attempt at levity fell woefully flat; Tommy just looked away to hide his guilty blush. David was right, he had been avoiding everyone – well, except Jason, that is. Whenever his time allowed, he was at the hospital, often sneaking past the nurses' station when official visiting hours were already over. But he needed to see his best friend, needed to see him alive and well and grumbling about the hospital food more often than not. Trying to cheer Jason up helped distract himself, to not to think about his problems – mainly, what to say to Kat. Who, truth be told, was avoiding him as much as he was keeping his distance from her. But the hurt in the blue eyes was more than Tommy could bear, especially knowing that he was responsible for it.
Forcing his thoughts into another direction, Tommy essayed a weak grin.
"Yeah well … I've just been real busy lately."
He saw right away that David wasn't buying that pitiful excuse for an explanation.
"Too busy even for your friends and family?"
"Sorry," he mumbled, lowering his eyes and starting to hunt for his keys.
David watched him fumble and fidget, then sighed. Seemed as if he would have to take the proverbial bull by the horns, after all. What he had to say to Tommy wasn't going to get any easier with procrastination.
"Tommy … we need to talk."
That was exactly what the Red Ranger had feared.
"What about?" he asked defensively.
"Lots of things. But mainly … about us. You and me, you and Jason … me and Jason."
Tommy shook his head, wanting to do anything but that, but he could read the message in David's eyes quite clearly. He wasn't going to take 'no' for an answer. Not this time. He finally managed to unlock the car. Throwing his bag on the back seat, he cast a sideways glance at David as he slid behind the steering wheel.
"I suppose you're going to bug me until I agree?"
"You bet your ass, little brother." The words might have sounded playful, but the intent was all-too-serious.
"Okay," Tommy sighed in defeat. "Get in; we can talk over dinner. I just want to swing by my room first for a quick shower, if you don't mind." *So much for my swim. Damn.*
"Fine by me."
Silently, the two drove to Tommy's motel.
~*~
The pizza at the cosy Italian restaurant a few blocks down from his digs Tommy had come to favor was excellent, but neither young man was in a mood to really do it justice. Still, the slices vanished with astonishing speed, all things considered. They were lingering over after-dinner coffee when Tommy couldn't stand making small talk anymore. He met David's eyes head-on.
"You wanted to talk. So talk."
Carefully, David set down his mug. He'd been pondering ways to get started all day, but now that the moment had finally arrived, he had no clue on how to broach the subject. Certainly not by jumping right into it, as Tommy seemed to expect him to do. Gulping, he sought the right words. Maybe if he backtracked just a little … yes, that might work …
*Here goes nothing!*
"You remember what we were talking about, that day in the desert? Up at the lookout, just before you were called away?"
"Sure. You said that you resented Jason's presence, that you felt Jase was an outsider," Tommy answered, his tone vaguely hostile. That remark still rankled. How could David – how could anyone even think that when he and Jason were so close?
"Yeah well … Tommy, when I said that, I had no idea how close the two of you really were."
"But I told you! I know I did, several times," Tommy interrupted, but subsided when David gestured to let him continue.
"Yes, you did. But Tommy … being told about something and really seeing it for myself are totally different things. You see … whenever we were together, all you would do was talk about him, praise him, compare things we did with what you'd already done with him … to me, it seemed as if there was nothing I could offer you that you didn't already share with Jason. And you wonder why I wasn't exactly thrilled to meet him?"
"Well …" David certainly had a point. However unintentional, Tommy knew he did tend to praise Jason to the skies. Wasn't that only natural, though, given how much they liked each other? "Dave, I-"
"Please, I'm not yet done; can you hear me out first? I've thought quite a bit about this, and I need to have my say."
A bit sulkily, Tommy sat back. "Go on."
David sighed. "Tommy … that trip was supposed to bring us closer; at least that's what I hoped would happen. Quality time, and all that, y'know? I wanted to get to know you better, to learn about the things that interest you, what makes you tick. To have to share that with a virtual stranger wasn't something I was looking very much forward to." He paused as the waitress appeared and refilled their coffee cups, briefly smiling his thanks. Tommy took that opportunity to comment.
"David, if you wanted to know stuff about me, all you had to do is ask!"
"Yes – and every time I did, I'd get another story or anecdote about your friends. More often than not, about Jason in particular. It got to the point where I wanted to slug you – or him, or something – if I had to hear his name one more time!"
Taken aback at the vehemence in the quiet voice, Tommy stared at David.
"But … but why?"
"Because I was jealous. I wanted to have what you have with him. I felt as if he had taken my place, as if there was no room in your life for me." Squirming often in guilt and shame, David continued to lay out his feelings for his brother, every bit of resentment and petty emotion that had eaten at him. Until that long stay at the hospital, where Jason's friends and family had absolved him from responsibility for Jason's accident.
"Tommy … as I started to say at the beginning, I hadn't truly known, in my heart, how much Jason means to you. But seeing how hard it was for you to wait if he would live or die … it made me realize that I'll have to accept him as part of you. Just like your folks." The admission came hard to David, but he felt better for having made it.
"That doesn't mean I'm over my jealousy," he muttered. "I still wish that there was something special that I could give you. Something he can't."
Amazed, Tommy tried to take everything in what David had just revealed to him. It literally boggled his mind. Sure, he, too had experienced jealousy at one time or another – most notably whenever Kimberly would smile at another guy before he'd ever had the guts to ask her out himself – but never to the degree he'd just heard. Nor was it in Tommy's nature to attack someone over it – be it verbally or physically. That his own brother could have picked a fight with his best friend was inconceivable.
"I had no idea," he murmured.
"I'm not exactly proud of it," David confessed. "Actually, I was feeling pretty miserable while I was being nasty. I knew what I was doing was wrong, and still couldn't stop myself." He hadn't needed Sam's lecture to come to that conclusion. "All I wanted was to have you to myself, at least now and then. I'm sorry. "
Mostly, David was sorry about having caused Tommy further distress. But that revelation might have to wait for another time.
~*~
Tommy only half heard what his brother was telling him. He was way too busy to sort through his own muddle of feelings … irritation, anger, disgust, confusion … and yet, some part of him understood David, too. When he first came to Angel Grove and after he'd been freed from Rita's spell, it hadn't been easy for him to become part of a tightly-knit group of friends who had known each other for years and were extremely protective of each other. If it hadn't been for the instant rapport he'd shared with Jason, and Kim's badly-hidden attraction towards him, it was anyone's guess if, when and how he could have been integrated into the very first Ranger team. 'Outsider' didn't even begin to cover what he'd felt like at times!
Now, David was in his shoes. Only, he had it all wrong.
It had never been Jason or the Rangers who were the outsiders, as far as Tommy was concerned. It was David himself.
He was trying to form a bond with someone who already had a strong support group. Tommy was perfectly willing to include his brother in his activities, but he was equally unwilling to agree to any form of exclusivity. He knew his friends would accept David for no other reason than because he was of Tommy's family, they cared that much, but it was definitely a two-way street. Quite rightly, they expected the same kind of acceptance in return. David would have to do his own bit, too.
"You've got to try, Dave," Tommy said at last, very seriously. "I can see where you're coming from, and I want you to play a part in my life, but you gotta understand, I'm not giving up my friends for you. Or for anyone else. Ever. They come with me. Jason more so than the rest. Sorry, but you'll just have to deal."
"I know," David replied. "Only … I know I'm repeating myself, but what can I give you that he doesn't already? What good am I to you as long as you have him?"
He'd meant to say 'them', but somehow it all got back to Jason. Tommy's chosen brother. The big question, which David was shying actively away from, was whether that bond would prove ultimately stronger than the biological one – the only bond he had with Tommy, or so he believed.
Incredulously, Tommy blinked. *He's not serious, is he?* It was so obvious to him – could it really be that David didn't know, didn't see?
Apparently he didn't. Well, he'd tell him.
"Everything," he said simply. He shook his head in wonder when the puzzlement in David's eyes intensified.
"How? In what way?"
"It's so simple," Tommy mused, chuckling a little. He just knew, with sudden conviction, that David would understand once he explained. "I can't believe you can't see it!"
*Idiot. David wasn't adopted, like you were. He also didn't move around so much as a kid. HIS life has always had stability and permanence. Not like mine until we moved here.*
"Well, I don't," David grumbled when nothing more was forthcoming for a couple of minutes while Tommy just sat there, eyes glowing and a strange little smile played around his mouth as he absently toyed with the handle of his cup. "Are you gonna tell me, or what?"
The gruff question, and more so the genuine need behind it, startled Tommy out of his reverie. He leaned forward, nearly pushing his forgotten coffee mug off the table top in the process, and put a hand on his brother's forearm.
"You are giving me something nobody else can, David," he stated firmly. "Not my folks, not Jase, not any of the others." He drew a deep breath. After all, he was about to reveal a very personal thing, and that was never easy, brother or not.
David sensed the importance of what he was about to hear. He tensed in anticipation. "What's that?" he asked softly.
Tommy smiled, his look warm and affectionate.
"You're giving me roots."
"Roots?" David asked, bemused.
"Yeah. You see … my folks honestly are the best, I couldn't have better parents if I advertised for them, but … there's nobody else. We are the whole family. Neither Mom nor Dad have any sibs, I barely got to know the grandparents before they died, there are no cousins on either side … it's why they chose to adopt a kid in the first place. And they chose me partly because there seemed to be no biological family lurking in the background. Until you showed up, everybody thought I was totally orphaned in that car crash."
Tommy had been barely a year old when his parents had taken him across the country and gotten caught in a multiple-car pile-up on the highway. Their car and its passengers had been burned beyond recognition when the tank ignited; only by a stroke of sheer luck, the baby boy on the back seat was thrown out by the force of the explosion, escaping with only a few minor scrapes.
"I used to think it was just the three of us. Even my birthday … the folks set it up so that it's the date my adoption became final."
David had to smile at that. Strange how Tommy had never asked about such a personal detail before. "You were born on September 17."
"Really? Cool – that's Jason's birthday, too! Another thing we have in common," Tommy remarked without thinking. He blushed when he noticed David's grimace. "Oops, I did it again, right? Sorry. It's a nice coincidence, nothing more – trust me, after eighteen years of thinking my birthday is in November, I'm not about to change my official birthdate. Way too much hassle. Unless I can find a way to finagle double presents out of everyone," he laughed.
"Dream on," was all David said when he accepted the implied apology without further comment, but there was no doubt Tommy was pleased about this information. *Guess I'd be tickled pink, too, if I had a friend like Jason,* David was honest enough to admit to himself.
"Anyway, roots … yeah. Since there were no papers or anything when I was found by the State Troopers at the accident site where my other parents died, just wearing a bib with 'Tommy' embroidered on it, my folks pretty much had to create their own history for me. I was only 18 months old when I came to live with them, after eight months or so in a state orphanage, so I have no memories at all of before. Meeting you, finding out I do have a family besides the Olivers … this may sound pompous, but it filled a hole in me I didn't even know was there. And I can't wait for a chance to meet all those uncles and cousins and whatever Sam's been mentioning."
The prospect was rather daunting, but also very exciting.
"I'll take you to the next big tribe powwow," David promised. He hid a small smirk; Tommy had no idea what he was letting himself in for. All the elderly relatives wanting to know every last detail of one's personal life … and the unmarried girls looking for a husband … he was going to be lucky if he escaped without being scrutinized to death!
"Just make sure you'll have the time," David said blandly. If Tommy didn't, he would, he promised silently. It was going to be worth it to see how an essential loner like Tommy dealt with the tribe as a whole – an enormously large extended family in which everything was everybody's business. "You'll get roots up the kazoo," he murmured.
"Awesome! I wouldn't miss it for the world!"
Grinning at Tommy's unfaked enthusiasm, David slowly finished his cooling coffee. Having learned that he had indeed a unique place in his brother's life, he felt more at peace within himself than he had in a long time. To be precise, not since he'd seen Jason and Tommy share an unembarrassed hug at the Scotts' residence that Saturday morning, before they went on their hike.
Which brought him back to his own problem – namely his envy of the relationship those two shared. Long discussions with Sam, the observations he'd been able to make of Tommy's emotional involvement with his best friend, and forcing himself to take a more rational look at his own situation had brought David to the grudging realization that he had tried to force something that demanded time to grow. Sure, instant rapport and friendship had sprung up between Tommy and Jason, but it was a rare thing. And even they readily admitted that the road to today's unshakeable bond hadn't always been an easy one for either of them, as they adjusted to dealing with another strong-willed character.
David knew now he needed time. Time to get to know his brother, to learn about the person he was (which included his family and friends), and to give Tommy the same opportunity in return. Because brotherly love was not just going to be handed to him. He would have to work for it in order to create something meaningful and lasting.
Tommy was willing to do that, he knew now; ergo, David couldn't do anything less. He had a feeling it was going to be worth it, though.
*Even if it means putting up with Jason!*
To Be Continued …