-=*=- Prelude to Austria -=*=-
Chapter IV
I didn't come down for supper that evening. I couldn't eat if I wanted to. I was lost in thoughts of both this afternoon and five nights ago. Why would Neil have kissed me the way he did if he was planning to never see me again? It certainly didn't seem to me, to be a 'good-bye' kiss, though it could have been that… I had no idea. A knock on my door startled me back to the present.
"Come in." I called without any feeling.
"You didn't come down for supper." Miss Alice said softly as she entered my room. "Are you alright?"
"I couldn't possibly eat, Miss Alice." I replied, still with little feeling.
"Is something wrong? You are not feeling ill again are you?" Miss Alice asked with concern as she placed her wrist against my forehead, checking for fever.
"No, it is not that. I am well, I assure you. It is just something between Neil and myself."
"Would you care to share it with me?" Miss Alice offered. "I know it is none of my affair, but perhaps I might be able to help you. I have known Neil MacNeill for a long time."
"I don't actually know what the problem *is*, Miss Alice." I said slowly. "I don't know if Neil would want me to tell you everything, but I'll try to tell you what I can without disclosing too much. If that's possible. Though I do need to unburden myself.
"When Neil was here five days ago he told me the same story you told me of his marriage to Margaret, only from his perspective, of course. I cried so hard listening to his story that night. I wanted to do something to help him feel better about himself. He started out by telling me he thought we shouldn't see each other in anything but a professional manner. I thought he had changed his mind when…he…. But now he won't even speak to me! I hadn't seen him or heard anything about him in five days so I rode out to his cabin today. To make a rather long story-short, after looking for him, I tried the door and it was locked from the inside. I finally gave up trying to get him to open the door and I left. As I was riding away I turned and looked up to see Neil watching me from the upstairs window. He looked as though he needed a friend, but if that's the case, why is he attempting to drive me away!?! I don't understand!"
"As I told you before, Neil thinks he's inferior, to some extent, after his marriage to Margaret. He's very insecure in that area of his character. In most other ways he's a very strong personality. It won't be easy to reach him there, I guarantee it, Christy."
"But you would think he would feel more secure about me since we professed our love for each other. I do not believe that I have ever given him cause to doubt my affection or my trustworthiness. I've stuck by him through everything, why would he still doubt me?"
"Maybe because you aren't weak in that area yourself, you don't quite understand what I'm saying.
"Now don't get me wrong! That's exactly what Neil needs, someone who is strong in that area of their personality to make up for his weakness there. We just have to find some way to get him to open up to you about why he feels the way he does."
"And *that* is easier said then done, isn't it Miss Alice?" I asked.
"It certainly is, Christy!!" Miss Alice agreed with a smile. "That it is!!"
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The answer to the problem came in a unique way. The following day there was no school and Miss Alice and I were in the Dining Room of the mission house, I was working on Lesson plans and Miss Alice was reading her Bible. A knock on the door sent us both jumping out of our seats. Miss Alice answered the door to find Jeb Spencer on the other side; his arm was wrapped up in a bloody rag.
Miss Alice looked at Mr. Spencer's arm and determined it would need stitches. She went to her dispensary, but found she had no sutures. "We'll need to take you to Dr. MacNeill." Miss Alice told Jeb.
"Christy, I think this would be a perfect opportunity for you to 'observe'." Miss Alice said as she raised her eyebrows and winked subtly at me. I nodded my head, unsure of what she meant. "You can ride with me, and Mr. Spencer can ride Buttons. Do you think you can ride alright, Mr. Spencer?"
"Ah'll do mah best Miz Alice."
"Alright then, let's go." Miss Alice announced opening the door quickly and guiding Mr. Spencer through.
As we rode along Miss Alice told me of her plan to find a chance for me to speak to Neil. She told me she would drop me off some distance down the path and I was to remain out of sight until she and Mr. Spencer were inside the cabin. Once they were inside, I should sneak into the cabin and hide. She would stay behind after Mr. Spencer left and try to speak with Neil about what was going on between him and I. Later, either after he opened up to Miss Alice, I was to make my presents known and possibly we could talk. Miss Alice promised to stick close to the cabin so Neil and I were not left alone.
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Miss Alice let me off a short distance down the path as she said she would. Mr. Spencer had a questioning look on his face, but asked nothing. He and Miss Alice rode up to the cabin, dismounted and tethered the horses out front. I stayed back in the bushes and watched from a distance as I was told to do.
Miss Alice knocked on the door…No answer. She knocked again, and this time tried the door to find it locked as I had the day before. Knocking again she announced, "Dr. MacNeill, it's Alice Henderson. I have Mr. Spencer with me. He's cut his arm pretty badly and needs stitches. I'm out of sutures, I need your help!" The door came open and Neil led Miss Alice and Mr. Spencer into the cabin. I waited a few moments to allow them to get into the locked room before I approached the cabin.
I sneaked inside and hid in the storage room listening to what was going on outside the door for quite some time before they emerged from the room. Jeb Spencer left, Miss Alice remained.
"Neil, I need to have an opportunity with thee." Miss Alice began.
"I'm listening Alice." Neil said with very little feeling.
"I have been speaking to a young woman who is extremely upset about the man she is in love with. It appears that he refuses to speak with her any longer. She seemed to think they were becoming quite close and now he looks as if he is pushing her away for some unknown reason. She is very anxious to find out the reasoning behind this sudden distance."
Neil turned away from Alice and looked out the window. "You're referring to Christy, I presume."
"Yes, Neil I am." Alice began. "What is going on that she doesn't know about?"
"I love Christy with all my heart. I want to be with her more then anything on this earth…but what if she looks on me the same way that Margaret did? Does she see me as her inferior also? Or worse, does she feel sorry for me? She kept saying she was sorry the other day. I don't want her to feel sorry for me. I just want her to love me…for me!!"
"Neil MacNeill, I thought you knew Christy Huddleston better then that!?" Miss Alice asked. "You know she would not still be with you if she thought of you that way, in fact I have never seen that young woman look on *anyone*--*ANYONE* as inferior. If she can look on the people of this cove and view them as equals, considering where she comes from, then certainly she must picture you the same way, at least! And I am convinced to the soles of my feet that her vision of you is considerably more than that!"
"How can I be sure, Alice?"
"If you don't trust Christy's word, then you are better off separated! You must have a trusting relationship for it to last!" Miss Alice said. "You must, take her at her word, that she means what she says. She is in love with you Neil, truly and deeply. There has been no doubt in my mind about that fact for quite sometime, but that aside, I have known Miss Huddleston long enough to realize she can be trusted! And if you can't then she is better off without you!"
Neil stood looking out the window. I emerged from my hiding place and Miss Alice slipped out onto the porch. Neil turned around to speak to Alice, his mouth open, but nothing came out as he noticed me standing there. His finger poised to point at Miss Alice to get his position across to her.
Slowly his hand went down and mouth closed. Then he found his speech again. "Christy, when did you get here?"
"I've been here all the while. I rode over with Miss Alice and Mr. Spencer." I admitted. "Neil, I heard what you said to Miss Alice. First of all, I feel the same way you do…I love you with all of my heart, Neil MacNeill! There's no one on this earth that I would rather be with then you." I walked up close to him and whispered. "I want to be with you more then anything in the world also! If anyone should be looked upon as inferior here, it's me! I'm no great scholar. I never finished college. You're an accomplished Physician *and* surgeon! All I ever wanted to do was help these people to have a better life the best way I could through education."
"Christy! You're not inferior to me or anyone!" Neil began but paused for quite some time as he gazed pensively out the window. "I need you to promise me something. Can you do that?"
"Of course I can, but it depends on what exactly you are asking me to promise."
"Would you promise me that you harbor no ill or inferior feelings toward me as Margaret did?"
I walked closer to him and took his hand and raised my right hand as a sign of making a pledge. "I do solemnly swear that I do not now, nor will I ever look on you as inferior. Nor will I ever see you as anything less then the wonderful man that you are. We may not be married, or even engaged, but I promise as though it were our wedding day that I love you with everything that is within me!! You will never lack for love from me and you will never have to wonder whether or not I truly love *you*, for *you*!"
A tear slid down Neil's cheek, and at that, I, of course, felt the tears welling up in my eyes as well. "May I hug you Christy?" Neil asked politely.
"Of course you may Neil!" I assured him. At that Neil wrapped his arms around me and drew me close and I did the same. It felt marvelous to be in his arms!
Relieved during the ride back to the mission with Miss Alice, I was happy remembering how this afternoon had ended.
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Two days later I heard a horse outside of the schoolhouse as I was cleaning up after school. I assumed it was Miss Alice or David stopping by, but when Neil entered the classroom I was shocked! I knew we had made up but I still was not sure what was going on in his mind. I hadn't seen him since the afternoon at his cabin with Miss Alice. Although this time I had heard of him checking on Jeb Spencer and some of the other people of the cove, he wasn't holed up in his cabin as he was before.
"Neil! What a pleasant surprise!" I announced.
He was pulling at the hair on the back of his neck once again. I knew he had something on his mind, but what?
"Hello, Christy." Neil began, looking shyly at the ground.
"Did you want to see me about something?" I asked.
"I wanted to speak with you, about--something." Neil began sheepishly. "Could we go for a walk." He asked, but quickly looked up at me and said "I promise, I won't try to push you away!"
"Well, as long as you put it that way I would be honored to accompany you Dr. MacNeill." I reached for his hand, afraid he might not reach out to me. He looked at me a bit shyly but grasped my hand firmly in his.
We walked around the pond and the meadow behind it. Neil picked wildflowers and gave them to me. I smiled. This was yet another first for us. "Thank-you. They're beautiful!"
Neil noticed a patch of grass among the wildflowers. "Could we sit over here for awhile?"
I nodded my head slightly. "Of course." I replied. Neil helped me to the ground then sat beside me. He seemed distant--distracted today. I wasn't sure what was going through his mind. I sat back and allowed him to lead the discussion, if there was to be any that is.
Neil cleared his throat. He was looking away from me. Picking a long blade of grass he placed it in his teeth, taking it out and put it back several times. Glancing at me out of the corner of his eye, then looking quickly away again.
"Is there a particular reason why you brought me out here, or did you just wish to be alone with me?" I asked shyly, knowing I could be making matters worse. "What I mean is, did you have something you needed to say to me. You seem to have something on your mind. If you don't that's fine, I was just wondering is all."
"Well--" Neil began and he cleared his throat once again. "I did have something to talk to you about." He removed the blade of grass from his teeth again and glanced sideways at me quickly then promptly looked away.
"I'm listening."
"I've been thinking about what we talked about the other day--and about what--happened--last week." My heart suddenly felt heavy. I remembered what Neil had promised in the schoolhouse, that he wouldn't try to drive me away, but this certainly sounded as though it were heading in that direction. Neil paused for a long while, pulling at the hairs at the back of his neck. I wanted to reach up and remove his hand from his hair and tell him he could say anything to me, but I wasn't sure I wanted to hear what he had to say. "This just isn't coming out the way I had practiced it!" Neil chided himself.
I looked at Neil, but he was looking away from me slightly so I couldn't see into his eyes. "What were you thinking about what we said the other day, maybe I can help. You can tell me anything, I hope you know that, Neil."
"I was thinking about when you told me you love me, that you can't live without me--and everything. Most especially the promise you made me." Neil fumbled for the words. He slapped his leg as he got mad at himself. "Why is it so much easier for me to argue with you then to propose to you!" Neil's eyes got wide. "That's not how I wanted to do this, Christy!" Neil yelled, more at himself then at me, I knew.
I felt tears stinging my eyes, but I kept them under control well enough that Neil wouldn't notice them. Especially since he didn't look me directly in the eyes.
I reached for his hand. He held on tight with both of his. "Christy--I meant what I said the other day. I can't bear to live without you. I want to be with you always. My heart aches when you aren't around. I do love you." He paused again, as he reached into his pocket and removed a ring. "Christy, this belonged to my mother. I would be honored if you would wear it--as a sign that you will become--my--wife?" He looked at the ring in his hand as he extended it toward me, but he did not look me in the eyes.
I placed my hand on his hand holding the ring and I picked up the ring with my fingers. I lifted it to get a better look at it. I smiled. "It's beautiful, Neil!" I placed my hand up to the side of my face as though I were thinking about something. "Hmm? Christy MacNeill?" I said.
"What?" Neil questioned.
"I'm trying it out to see if I like it--Christy MacNeill?" I said again. "I love it!! I would be honored to wear this ring as a sign that I will become your wife. And flattered to be your fiancée."
Neil looked at me with a shocked expression on his face. "Are you sure?"
"Yes!" I exclaimed with a determined look on my face and raised eyebrows. I placed my hand on his cheek. "I would be most proud to become your wife, Neil MacNeill!"
"Christy MacNeill?" Neil said out loud. "I like the sound of that myself!" We both laughed. Then Neil proceeded to place his ring on my finger then he kissed it.
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End of Chapter 4.
Chapter 5 Coming Soon!!