Bloodthirsty: Wow… long time no write, eh? Wellll, I've been talking with a certain authoress, and… some… interesting ideas have come up. We've bartered… But I must stop there, lest I create spoilers… Hehe… and as for you, dear sweet Kain… *leers*
Kain: *blinks* Oooh boy… why do I think I'm not going to enjoy this…
Bloodthirsty: *sitting on Kain's lap twirling a strand of his hair* what ever do you mean…? *innocent smile*
Kain: … Oh my…
Legolas: Wow… that's unnaturally creepy… I'm leaving now…
Bloodthirsty: Nuh uh! Stay right there! You'll love this! *cackles* I torment Kain even more!
Legolas: *grins and takes some popcorn*
Kain: What have I ever done to deserve this…? Erh… besides the obvious…
Vorador and Umah are walking around at night. The two are a search party, sent to find Kain. The brothers split up as well, and almost everyone is looking for him.
Umah: how hard can it be to find a distraught vampire Lord?
Vorador: Erh… how about we follow that trail of knocked down lampposts… *points to the knocked down lampposts*
Umah:… Smart ass.
So, the two follow the trail, and a few blocks away, Kain is spotted, talking to the lamppost.
Kain: You're not like the other ones… you don't laugh at me… *eyes narrow* Stop laughing! *points accusingly at the lamppost* Stop laughing!! I'll [censored]ing kill you!!! *knocks down the lamp post* [censored] you! You stupid censors!
Vorador: *looks at Umah*
Umah: Fiine… *walks up behind Kain, and bashes him over the head, effectively knocking him out* There, happy?
So, with Kain finally found, they take him home. Though it might not have been the smartest idea, as the boys have already arrived.
Rahab: Melchiah! Stop it!
Melchiah: But it's my new teddy bear! *holding up a dead cat*
Rahab: That's my science project! You can't have it for a teddy bear! Aren't you a little old?
Melchiah: No I'm not! It's not fair! Dad never tucked me in! He never read me a bed time story! And I never even had a mother to make it better! Stupid Ariel! She should be my mom! *starts to cry*
Rahab: *blinks* Just… just keep the cat… *slowly backs away*
And Ariel, who just happened to float by at that moment, heard poor Melchiah's anguished cries.
Ariel: Oh my… What have we done to the children!? They need real parents! Ohgodohgodohgod! That's why Zephon is such a bad child!
Zephon: Huh? What about me?
Ariel: *ignoring him* I swear from this moment on I'll never ignore the kids again! *floats away*
Zephon: *shrugs*
Umah and Vorador walk in, dragging Kain behind them.
Mom: *looks away from him* I can't bare to look at him anymore… He's not the lively little boy I used to know…
Vorador: Yup. Dying'll do that to you.
Mom: *glares* Shut up… you're ruining my moment…
Kain: *eyes flutter* Ouch… I have a killer headache…
Ariel: Kain, I know you have a lot of stress on you right now, and I'm not sure if your parents will approve, but I'm sure it will help you!
Kain: *still dazed* Wha…?
Ariel: You know, we aren't setting a good example for the kids… We should get married, Kain. A real marriage… *fidgets slightly, and glances at Kain's parents*
Dad: That's a wonderful idea!
Mom: *sniffles a little* My own daughter in law! *glares at Kain* If you refuse, then we know for sure you're gay…
Kain: *eyes widen* B-but- I- I'm not gay! I just can't be married!
Melchiah: *walks in, still sniffling a little, clutching and talking to the dead cat* I'm gonna call you… Mommy, cause you'll make me feel safe and happy, like the mother I never had… *walks past Kain, not even glancing at him*
Kain: … I-…
Ariel: Please Kain? For the kids? *Melchiah sniffles again*
Kain: *sighs dejectedly* Fine…
Vorador: *claps his hands* Splendid! I'll get the wedding ready!
Umah: Ooooh no! Not a chance, Dad. Last time you set it up, it was more like a honeymoon…
Vorador: Oh, pooh. Fine. Then who will?
Umah: Me, of course!
Kain: *blinks* This- this can't be happening… *squeezes his eyes shut* This isn't happening, this isn't happening, this isn't-
Mom: Shut up! You're getting married, and liking it!
Kain: *whimpers* You know, sacrificing myself doesn't seem like such a bad idea after all…
Zephon: *walks down the stairs* Hullo everyone.
Everyone: Ahhh!! He's possessed!!!
Zehpon: Nope. Not anymore. I made him a better deal with him. He now possesses the chainsaw in the garage.
Ariel: *blinks* Okay… I'll be sure to avoid the garage…
Kain: *rocking back and fourth* This isn't happening, this isn't happening…
Zephon: What's with Dad?
Vorador: *still wary of Zephon* He's getting married…
Zephon: Seriously!? To who!? Please say it's not Umah! Having the hots for your mother isn't cool!
Umah: No, it's not me. And what's this about having the hots for me?
Zephon: Erh…Well- hey! If it's not you… then that means… Kain is gay?!
V Raziel: *races down the stairs* I always knew it! That's why we have to wear leather!
Dumah: Dad's gay?!
Melchiah: Yay! Daddy's happy! *everyone stares at him* What…?
Rahab: *walks down the stairs calmly* I'm sure this is all a big misunderstanding. There's no way Dad is gay, and no way he's getting married.
Ariel: Uh, you're wrong about the marriage part… We're getting married.
Rahab: Nooooooooooo!!!!!!
Ariel: *is surprised* What?! I thought you'd be happy!
Rahab: *sniffles* I-it's not that… but, I'm never wrong! Never!!
Melchiah: *looks at Ariel blissfully* Mommy…?
Ariel: *eye and eye socket gets all watery* Son… *they leap at each other to hug, but Melchiah goes right through her*
SR Raziel: *raises an eyebrow* Did I miss something?
Zephon: Ariel and Kain are tying the knot!
SR Raziel: Ah, I thought I'd missed something import- What?!?
Kain: This isn't happening, this isn't happening…
SR Raziel: Ariel?! But- Kain- you-
Ariel: It'll be just the same as it is now.
Zephon: 'Cept now they can have-
Everyone except Melchiah: Shhh!!!
Melchiah: Have what?! Have what?!
Rahab: Erh… they can have… toiletries…
Ariel: *deadpan* Toiletries? Where the hell did that come from?
Rahab: *shrugs helplessly*
Mom: Whatever! Ariel, we have to get you a wedding dress! Where's the car?
Ariel: In the garage, with the- oh god… Kain's Ferrari! *sounds of a chainsaw can be heard*
Kain: *eyes widen* My… my… my baby… Nooo!! *gets up and races into the garage*
Ariel: Kain! That's suicide!!
Kain: I'll be damned, again, if I get married without my car there! *slams the door to the garage*
Ariel: Kain! *looking panicked*
The entire family just listens to the sound of Kain and the chainsaw fighting, no one daring to enter. After several minutes of fighting, and lots of censored curses from Kain, he emerges, covered in long chainsaw gashes. Followed by a tired out chainsaw as well.
Zephon: *looking nervous* I'm leaving now…
Chainsaw/demon: *makes chainsaw sounds*
Kain: *panting* Is that *pant* so?
Chainsaw/demon: *more chainsaw sounds*
Kain: [censored] you! What the [censored]? No! Not again! What's with all the censor bar thingies?!
Mom: They're for watching your mouth!
Kain: Aww… then why can I [censored] damn? *waits a few moments* What the hell [censored] that?
Mom: Aww sheeet… they're getting confused again.
Kain: That's just fricken [censored]. *growls* That's [censored] fricken peachy. *sighs* good enough.
V Raziel: The car!! How's the car?!
Kain: It's fine. I'm just really glad I followed the warning on it.
Ariel: Warning?
Kain: Yeah. 'do not try to stop chainsaw with genitals'.
Ariel: *looks disturbed* You could've been de-manned…
Kain: Yeah. Scary thought indeed.
Then, from out of no where, a werewolf named Billy-Joe walks in, bites Kain's groin, and walks out again.
Kain: *in a high pitched voice* sheeeeeeet…. *falls over unconscious*
V Raziel: Holy crap… *looks around, looking paranoid*
SR Raziel: I feel his pain…
Rahab: Erh… not really. If you want to get technical, everything that's gone was burnt off at the same time when you were tossed into the abyss, so one little thing like that would be irrelevant.
Both Raziels: *glares*
V Raziel: What do you mean by 'one little thing'…?
Rahab: *nervously* Heheh… what I meant was that, compared to your stomach, and lungs and such…
SR Raziel: *still glaring* you got lucky, book worm…
Ariel: *sighs exasperatedly* I want my wedding dress…
Mom: Yeah! Lets get going! This is wonderful! *eyes get all watery* I've always wanted to go shopping again for a wedding dress… Why don't we take the kids! My almost grandchildren! I'll buy them something… That's what grandmothers do… *sniffles*
All brothers: Yeah!
In all their excitement, they pile into Kain's Ferrari, forgetting about Kain himself. So, after hours of shopping, they come home, and finally realize they'd forgotten about Kain.
Mom: I hope he's okay… *opens the front door* Kain! You're alive!
Kain: *eye twitches* Indeed I am. And the only reason I'm still a man, is because of Vampiric healing ability. No thanks to any of you… *glares intensely, holding an ice pack to his… sensitive spot* Damn werewolves…
Ariel: Sorry… but guess what! We're getting married tomorrow! We took care of everything! We have two people to wed us, and people to come to our wedding! We got you a suite, and me a wedding dress, and the rings, and everything! *eyes get all stary*
Kain: So there's no chance of me getting out of this… Oh well. At least I'm not getting married to Umah.
Umah: *glares*
Bloodthirsty: It's done! Finally! Thanks to DHA for the idea!!
Kain: …
Legolas: *points and laughs*
Bloodthirsty: …okay… I guess Kain's a little peeved about the werewolf thing. Ah well. Shout outs!!
Wowza! Lotsa reviews! *huggles*
Chalcedony Blue: *laughs* Poor Moebius! Ah well. Kain's mom will get even meaner!
Kain: D'oh!
Bloodthirsty: Mwahahaha!! *huggles Turel plushie*
Angel-Chan: I'm so glad I made it better! *kicks wisdom teeth* who need's em?! And five klicks?! OMG!!! *dies from thinking about it* And here ya go! *tosses a SR Raziel plushie* Fwah! Collection completed!
Demon Hunter Anamae: Fwaaah! Thankies so much for the ideas! And the piccy!!! *sobweepsobsob* You're too kind to me! *tosses a Sebastian plushie* For yoou! Now you've got the three stooges! *tosses a Magnus for good measures* And I hoped ya liked the werewolf bit. Heheh… couldn't resist.
Jedi-And: Wheee!! People love me! They really love me! *tosses chocolates and Candy to Jedi-And and his muses* *sniffles* I feel so special! You have all these awesome ideas! I'll have to find some place to put them!! Thanks for the input!!
Z-F Kat: Awww!! I didn't mean to offend you! Nothing wrong with it! I love it! Ya make my life all happy! Three reviews from one person! T___T;;; *more tears of joy* Thankies!! *beats Kain wit a censor bar* Hug her damnit!
Kain: *awkwardly hugs her*
Bloodthirsty: Heheh… that's better!
Silveress: Oooooh!! That's why they're called wisdom teeth… but still, they sound like a major pain in the ass. And are you by any chance a fan of Darwin? Survival of the fittest? *laughs* Go to darwinawards.com! It's hilarious!
Rocker Baby: Fwahhh!! I'm glad ya find this hilarious! Chapter four?! …it's been that long since I updated…? *hangs head in shame* well, I've updated now! Enjoy!
Bloodthirsty: All done! There we go! Peoples enjoy!