Crash and Burn
Disclaimer: Same thing as usual. I don't own the characters.
Author's Note: A few things to mention. This is a song fic (well, it is at first, but depending on how it develops it may be longer). Anything you see between this ~ is a thought. It worked better than italics, for me anyway. Well, onto the story!
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Ginny sat in the common room, struggling once again over her homework, this time Muggle Studies. She was supposed to write an essay on what it would be like to use the tube system in London. She'd never used it before and she really didn't know anyone else who had. She growled and threw down her quill, turning to look at the fire dancing in the fireplace. She saw her brother and Hermione on the couch, cuddling together. She smiled. They'd finally admitted their feelings to each other. ~I wish I could have that. But it'll never happen. I'm just Ginny, Ron's little sister to everyone. I'll never be loved. Nobody will ever date me,~ she thought bitterly. She got up suddenly and grabbed her cloak, running out of the common room. She headed out the door and out of the castle, headed for her favorite spot.
She wound up on her hill. She had found it her second year. Everyone had still been avoiding her knowing what had happened with the Chamber of Secrets. She smiled as she sat down. It had a wonderful view of the sunset over the lake. The brilliant shades of purple, pink, and blue radiating across the sky always had a certain way of cheering her up. She leaned back against the tree and closed her eyes, listening to the sounds of the world around her: the crickets chirping, the birds twittering before going to bed, the owls hooting. Even the sounds of the Forbidden Forest were soothing in a way. She heard someone approaching and opened her eyes long enough to see Harry coming up the hill. ~I wonder why he's coming here. I didn't think anyone knew about this hill except for me.~ He didn't appear to even see her as he went and sat against the other willow next to hers. She watched as he sat down and closed his eyes. She could see the glimmer of tears on his cheeks as the setting sun reflected off them.
Getting up, she went over by him, pulling out her handkerchief as she got by him and sat down. She put her hand on his shoulder as she sat next to him and wiped away his tears. "You wanna talk about it?"
When you feel all alone
And the world has turned it's back on you
Give me a moment please to tame your wild wild heart
I know you feel like the walls are closing in on you
It's hard to find relieve and people can be so cold
When darkness is upon your door and you feel like you can't take anymore
Harry turned to look who was there and was surprised to find Ginny. He didn't know that anyone else knew about this hill. He suspected that only he could see it. He'd tried to point it out to Hermoine and Ron before but they hadn't seen it. He came to that hill to relax, to be alone. Lately he'd been feeling like a third wheel around the two of them, and that, coupled with the guilt he felt over Voldemort's return and the death of Cedric Diggory was too much for him to handle. He cried nightly, although nobody knew it. He put on a good show, pretending that he was alright to everyone around him while he was crumbling inside.
"Not really." He turned his head away from her, unwilling to share his pain with anyone else. "You wouldn't understand."
"Fine then." She sat there and stared at the sunset, giving quiet companionship. She knew he wanted to talk. He had to talk. Everyone else may have been fooled by his cover, but she could see through it. She knew what he was going through. She could feel it. She was a bit better at hiding things. Every since first year when Voldemort's memory had invaded her mind, she had dreams, dreams of what he did or what he was going to do. She rarely had a good night's sleep but she didn't let it show. Perhaps it was she who needed to talk, though.
"You know, I know you're just putting on a show. I know how it feels, the threat of Voldemort." She heard him gasp at the fact that she had said his name. "The anguish, the pain. I feel it too, though nobody knows it. Every night I see what he does or what he's done. Everything. Who he attacked, who he killed. I see everything and wake up in a cold sweat. I know what he's going to do and the worst part is that I can't do anything to help it. Each day more happens and every day I read the Daily Prophet already knowing what I'm going to find." She rested her head on her knees. "Nobody knows about it. Not my parents, not my brothers, nobody. It's kinda like your scar, only you don't have to see what he does. You just feel it. The visions are worse than anything I've ever experienced." She let her tears fall, tears she hadn't felt in ages, although she did feel better about everything. She had long forgotten about her feelings of not being loved. The fact that she had gotten this off her shoulders was a relief.
Harry had turned to watch her as she spoke. He was shocked. He hadn't known that the Chamber of Secrets incident had left lasting reminders. He didn't know what she was going through, although he knew how it felt. He didn't see the visions though. If she was seeing this she truly was experiencing something much worse than he was. He scooted over and put his arm around her shoulders. "I never knew. I know how you feel, yet in the same way I don't think I ever will." He sighed. "I don't see what he's doing. I remember what he did. Every night the same scene plays itself over and over again. I see Cedric's death, the gathering of the Death Eaters, him being reborn, our duel, the people……..everything. I can't let anyone else know. They can't. Nobody would understand. I relive that night over and over. I can't shake it. It won't go away." He sighed again and leaned back against the tree.
Ginny turned to him and hugged him. She leaned her head against his shoulder. "But you told me, and that means you were ready to talk. I understand Harry, cause I'm going through the same thing. It seems as though we both needed to talk. We need to talk to somebody about this. It's destroying you. I've never seen you more withdrawn than you have been lately." She sighed, pulling back. "I don't know about you, but I feel a whole lot better, like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders." She turned to him and smiled.
Harry smiled back at her. "You know, you're right. I feel better now than I have in a long time. Thanks." He suddenly got a concerned look on his face. "You're not gonna tell anyone are you? Please. I don't want everyone worrying."
Ginny laughed. "So long as you do the same for me. I don't need my already overprotective brothers being more overprotective. You know, we should do this more often. Come here and talk I mean." She sighed, suddenly getting very down. "Unless you don't want to. I understand if you don't want to talk to me anymore. Nobody does." She went back to laying her head down on her knees. ~This is all a fluke. Nobody wants to talk to me. He won't talk to me ever again.~
Let me be the one you call
If you jump I'll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You're not alone
Harry turned to her and watched her go from her normally joyous self back to someone he didn't know. It's true, not many people talked to her. He didn't know anyone who did talk to her. It seemed like most people isolated her after what happened first year and, he realized, himself included. She was always by herself doing her homework, by herself in the halls, in her classes. He sighed. He was as guilty as everyone else. He leaned over a bit and gave her a hug. "I know you don't have many people to talk to. I know that after the Chamber of Secrets most people are a bit afraid to. I'm just as guilty as everyone else, but if you want to talk, I'm more than happy to. I never realized how much we excluded you and I'm sorry for that, but maybe we can make it up?"
She turned to him and wiped her tears away. "Sure. You wouldn't have ever traveled on the tube system in London ever would you? I need to write on what it would be like to use the tube system in London for Muggle Studies and I've never been on it."
"Sure. Come on. Let's go and get it done." They both got up and went. The sun had past set and it was dark outside as they entered the common room. Harry and Ginny went over to where she had left her parchment and work and set about talking about the tube system. Although he had only been to London once, he did remember a great lot about it from the readings they did in muggle school. He talked, she listened and wrote down whatever seemed pertinent, and soon they were done with her homework. She got up and stretched and headed over to the chairs by the fire. Harry followed her and sat in the chair opposite her. They both stared at the fire for a while before Ginny started talking again.
"Do you think they'll ever go away? The dreams, the visions I mean. Will they ever stop? Every day I ask myself that question, and everyday I can't answer it," she said, still staring at the fire.
"I don't know Gin. I don't think they'll stop, same as I don't think that my scar will stop burning when Voldemort's up to something, at least not until he's gone. Until he's stopped we're both going to have to endure. It's not the easiest thing to face, but we have to. Maybe one day we'll wake up and he'll be dead, gone forever, but until he is we'll just have to wait," he said, sighing and looking back at her. "I just wish you didn't have to deal with it. You didn't ask for it. You don't deserve it."
"And neither do you, but like you said, until he's gone your scar and my dreams won't stop hurting. We'll just have to deal. It's just a lot to handle," she said, looking back at him. Suddenly Harry's hand flew to his scar and he fell out of the chair, writhing in pain. "Make it stop!" he cried out. "Please make it stop!" Ginny was at his side immediately, calming him. She conjured up a cold cloth and put it over his scar. She hugged him to herself trying to stop him from moving. He stopped in a moment, his breathing heavy, his eyes closed, tears leaking from the corners. She kneeled down by him, lifting the cloth and kissing his scar. "I think out of the two of us, you have the worst part." She replaced the cloth and continued holding his head in her lap as his eyes slowly opened up.
He woke from the pain to see Ginny smiling down at him. She reached out and wiped away his tears. He sighed and sat up, leaning against the chair. He looked away from her. "I'm sorry you had to see that. It's not usually that bad, and normally I can keep myself from screaming." She looked down at the cold cloth still in her hand and looked back up at him. She gently took his chin with her fingertips and turned his head back towards her. She leaned forward a bit and kissed his scar again then put the cold cloth back on. "It's okay. I'm just glad I was the one here instead of my brother. He would've woken up the whole bloody house."
Harry just looked at her, admiration in his eyes. "Thank you, for everything." He closed his eyes, controlling his breathing to get it back to normal. When he opened them he found that Ginny had her head on his shoulder and asleep. He smiled slightly as he looked down at her, noticing the curve of her lips, her beautiful red hair as it cascaded around her, partially covering her face. She looked so angelic when she slept. He moved slightly so that her head was leaning against his arm. Slowly he stood up and picked her up with him. He knew he couldn't get into the girls' rooms so he lay her down on the couch. Removing his cloak, he put it over her, covering her up and tucking her in. He knelt down beside the couch and looked at her one more time. "Goodnight my angel," he said, kissing her forehead before he headed up the stairs to his room.
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Dumbledore sat in his office, going over everything that lay on his desk, trying to find some order to things. He got a vision in his scrying ball on his desk, one that showed him only the whereabouts of Harry. He'd had it tuned to him to show anything in case he was captured. Right now it showed him laying Ginny on the couch, him covering her up and kissing her forehead. He heard the words "Goodnight my angel." Smiling, he turned to Fawkes, his beautiful red and gold Phoenix. "Well Fawkes, it had begun. It was only a matter of time. I just hope that this time it's the right pair."