[For pettigrew for her editing, ideas and, well… plot! Many thanks!]
We've Got Work to Do...
"Colonel… we need to talk." Sam jogged up to O'Neill as the colonel walked briskly down the hallway.
"I don't want to hear it, Carter."
"You can't just pretend this didn't happen-."
"I'm not pretending anything. This is the job. We lose people all the time."
"We're talking about Daniel."
"What do you want me to do? He's gone. We've got work to do."
Sam slowed to a halt, her head dropping as she considered his words. We've got work to do. She wanted to go after him, shake that damn untouchable attitude from him. She knew it was a lie… and she knew Daniel was the only one who'd ever been able to call him on it. Before she knew it, she was retreating. She couldn't face him now. Not with what she would likely end up saying to him.
- - - - -
On the shuttle, O'Neill put together his gun piece by piece. Slide. Lock. Latch. Lock. Check. The mechanical 'click' of the pieces fitting together was the only sound in the shuttle. Carter and Teal'c stared numbly at the controls while he sat in the back desperately pretending everything was normal… Pretending… I'm not pretending anything. This is the job. We lose people all the time. He thought he meant those words. Thought he could say them and pretend like nothing had happened. We're talking about Daniel. Yeah… there's the rub. Daniel. He felt his chest constrict with the pain, forcing the air out of his lungs in a rush, making him cough to hide what would otherwise be a groan.
How many lives… how many friends had been lost in their battle with the Goa'uld? Sergeant Perkins and the Stargate guards… Kawalsky… Sha're… SG5… SG11… Rothman… Martouf… The list kept growing, adding dozens, hundreds of names. What was one more? He locked the last piece in place, slamming it home with his palm. My life is no more valuable than anybody else's.
Dying never got old, but it had lost its sense of permanence when it came to Daniel. The images flashed through his mind one by one. Noooo! Daniel screamed as the staff blast hit him mid-section. I'll stay and watch your back, he gasped as he lay bleeding, the bloody hole in his jacket still smoking. Dammit, Daniel, breathe! Jack's heart in his throat as he stared into Daniel's still, lifeless face. Each time he was able to pull him back. Each time they came home together. But this time…this last time…
Jack looked up as it finally got past his layers of armour. Daniel was not coming home. No-one to pull out of the fire. No more trips to the infirmary. Hey Danny-boy. How ya doin'? No more jokes, no playing games, no good-natured snide remarks. Uh… actually, we drew straws. I lost. This was as good as it got… and as good as it would ever, ever get.
- - - - -
"Are you not alright, Major Carter?" The silence between them had become too great, and Teal'c felt compelled to speak.
"Fine." She replied in that particular tone that women use on men they know to indicate that, oh, they were anything but fine.
"You continue to mourn the loss of Daniel Jackson."
"Yeah, I do. Tell me I'm not the only one." It finally came out with only a slight note of desperation. O'Neill had put up his brick wall, more anger than anything. God, it was like he didn't give a damn.
Teal'c looked sideways at her, slow and deliberate as always. He looked… hesitant. Perhaps he was offended that she would actually believe he didn't care. "I will perform the proper rituals when the opportunity presents itself. Until that time, this mission must take priority."
Sam turned her head away and smiled. It was not a happy smile. "Please, Teal'c, don't give me that 'way of the warrior' crap. I get enough of that from Colonel O'Neill."
"Daniel Jackson has ascended to a higher plane of existence. Many Jaffa have dedicated their lives to achieving such a goal."
"So, I'm supposed to celebrate?"
Teal'c let the silence drag out for another long couple of seconds. He couldn't answer in the affirmative and was left with, "It is a great accomplishment." He spoke like it was something he had memorized. Something to tell yourself when all else fails.
Sam had to marshal her thoughts, tears threatening to fall. "We were a team, Teal'c. No-one can even begin to understand what we went through together. What we mean to each other. So maybe Daniel has achieved something of great cosmic significance, I don't know… and to be honest with you, right now, I don't really care. I'd rather have him back." Her voice finally broke on the last word.
The Jaffa considered her words, the barest hint of sadness passing across his features. Finally, he tilted his head and acknowledged in a soft voice, just shy of breaking. "As would I." For all his words, for his cool Jaffa exterior, Daniel's death had shaken him to the core. He could get by telling himself that Daniel was better off… it was an accomplishment… he was somewhere that most people could only wish to be… but in the smallest, most selfish part of his heart, he just wanted his friend back.
Sam felt a weight lift off her chest. Daniel's death had fractured the team as each retreated to the safety of their own thoughts to deal with it. What do you want me to do? He's gone. We've got work to do. She shook her head. Or not deal with it. She was not wrong about Teal'c, he cared as much as she did. Perhaps there was hope for them all.