*Duo stands solemnly under a spotlight, Quatre's voices echoes aloud*
QUATRE. Does your ass smell of Soy Sauce and Cream of Tartar?
DUO. *Nods*
QUATRE. Is your ass crusted with what looks like soggy corn flakes?
DUO. *Checks*...*Nods*
QUATRE. Then you should try...*drum roll* Dr. J's BUTT FLOSS!!!
DUO. *Gasps and covers mouth with hands*
QUATRE. Yes, with this revolutionary new design, you can easily and swiftly wipe clean your rump without pain or problem.
DUO. *Grabs box of floss and does Vanna White pose*
QUATRE. Tired of nasty rashes and chafing?
DUO. *Rubs his rear as he nods*
QUATRE. Don't give into those cheap, copycat brands that scar your cheeks and don't work; use DR. J's BUTT FLOSS!
*Scene cuts to Hilde who is holding up a box of floss*
HILDE. Before, I used Zech's Floss, but it would always make me bleed and scream leaving humonguous scabs which made it quite difficult for Duo to-
DUO. HILDE!!!
HILDE. Err...nevermind...Now I use Dr. J's and I feel great! *Does a very exaggerated peace sign* Thanks, Dr. J's Butt Floss; Your the Best!!!
*cuts back to Duo*
QUATRE. And now it can work for you, too, in our special offer! You can receive not one...not two...but THREE boxes for nine ninety-seven by calling 1-800-MY-ASSES. One of our friendly service operators will take your call.
*Corny jingle plays as Duo recites the disclaimer*
DUO. *In a deep voice* Not suitable for children over the age of six. Ask your doctor if Dr. J's Butt Floss is right for you. You should not use our product if you are pregnant, mentally ill, or socially challenged. Our company is not responsible for dog bites, sprained ankles, bee stings, vomiting, lightning strikes, rain, rough seas, car accidents, hurricanes, hail, Heero's Siamese, flying objects, bleeding, broken bones, broken hearts, black eyes, taxes, sewage, and my six legged, twenty-two and three quarter toed, autistic, deaf, blind, mute, six-year-old, purple mongoose during the usage of our product. Use at your own risk. Not sold in stores. For external use only. Use as directed. FDHPQCB tested. Safety approved. Side effects include fever, runny nose, diarrhea, corns, hepatitis C, rashes, drowsiness, constipation, and fatigue.
QUATRE. Now back to your feature presentation...
______________________
At least until I type up the
next chapter...*sigh*...