A/N: In this chapter I am poking a little fun into the Catholic Church and some current problems they are going through. I, myself, am a follower of Christ and I hope that I do not offend anyone. If you feel this would be sacreligious, please don't read.
Chapter 2
OPUS. Welcome back to The fairly Stupid Tales of...umm...Wufei...where did you get those scissors?
WUFEI. *Grins psychotically* Duo's underwear drawer...Muha...Muhaha...Muhahahahahahahaha!!!
OPUS. I suggest that you put them away before Duo finds out or you-
WUFEI. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! DAMNIT!!!
OPUS. ~.~ ...before you stab yourself with them...come here.
WUFEI. *Walks over to Opus, a pair of children's safety scissors jabbed into his left hand* sniff...sniff...
OPUS. *Grabs hold of scissors* On the count of three...one...tw-
WUFEI. WAIT!!! ...will it hurt?
OPUS. ~.~' ...possibly...one...two...thre-
WUFEI. HOLD ON!!! ...will I bleed?
OPUS. ...you're already bleeding...
WUFEI. Oh...okay then...pull....Except, I wanna count, okay?
OPUS. Sure...whatever.
WUFEI. ...When do I start?
OPUS. Now
WUFEI. Oh...Now? OPUS. YES, GODDAMNIT, NOW!!!
WUFEI. ...here goes nothin'...one...two...two...umm...er...
OPUS. Three, Wufei.
WUFEI. Ohhh...THREE!!!
OPUS. ~.~
WUFEI. O.O
OPUS. O.o
WUFEI. ^.^
OPUS. What's so exciting?
WUFEI. *Holds his hand up to his face. One eye stares gleefully through the bloody hole* oooOOOooo...Hahaha
OPUS. ...let's just start the chapter...
WUFEI. I see you, Dinny!!!
~-~-~-~-~
Super Wu-Man Goes to Church
OPUS. Today we find Wufei-
WUFEI. AHEM!!!
OPUS. ...er...I mean we find Super Wu-Man crouching beneath a bush in front of a fairly large building...
WUFEI. *Like Mojo Jojo* This is the secret base of OZ as Noin specified. Since this, the secret base of OZ, is specified by Noin that it, the secret base of OZ, is the secret base of OZ. I, Super Wu-Manmanmanmanman, shall destroy it, the secret base of OZ, because it is the secret base of OZ specified by Noin as the Secret Base of OZ. Thus it, the secret base of OZ, is no longer secret since the once-secret base of OZ specified by Noin to be the secret base of OZ will be soon destroyed by me, Super Wu-Manmanmanmanman...BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
OPUS. Unknown to Super Wu-Man, however, he had missed his true destination by three blocks and was, unfortunately, now standing before St. Chester Snapdragon McSpinbuckets Holy Apostolic Cathedral of Jehovah-en Latter Day Saints of Jesus Christ Obligation Congregation....
WUFEI. Now I, Super Wu-Manmanmanmanman, must discover a way to sneak into the not-so-much-secret base of OZ specified by Noin as the no-longer-secret base of OZ...But how?
OPUS. As Super Wu-Man concocted a plan involving his katanas, a rotten artichoke, and a wooden spoon, a rabid mongoose, that nested in an overhanging tree, was stalking him...slowly, it approached....and-
MONGOOSE. *chomp*
WUFEI. AHHHHHHH!!! GODDAMNIT!!!! SOMETHING BIT MY ASS!!!!
PRIEST. Shame on you! Using the Lord's name in vain!!! Cometh, you must repent!
OPUS. The priest drags the cursing super hero into the cathedral and sits him in a pew occupied by a few elderly women and a drunken hobo. As the service begins, Super Wu-Man whips out his...Handy-Dandy Notebook...and begins to take notes.
WUFEI. *As he writes thus* Dear Diary, today was a lovely day. *scribble-scribble* I bought a new set of Scooby-Doo print pajamas and a hose...but I won't go into details. *scribble-scribble* Not to my assignment, I seem to be in the not-so-much-secret-anymore base of OZ specified by Noin. *scribble* It appears to be the briefing room for their plans and I believe one will begin quite- *scribble-scribble-snap* DAMN PENCIL!!!
CONGREGATION. SHHHHHHHH!!!
WUFEI. ~.~ They seem to be unaware of my presence do to my Magik Cape(tm)...dun-dun-dun...that turns me invisible when no one is looking *shifty eyes*. There are many children and...what's this...there is a cross in front of the meeting area with what looks like...Heero! Heero nailed to a cross?! *reflectively* Actually it's kinda funny....Now they're reciting some chant in a foreign language...."Dona Nobis Pacem"...it must mean...Kill All Pilots...INJUSTICE!!! INHUMANITY!!!
CONGREGATION. O.o
PRIEST. *Frustrated* Sir, umm...what is your name?
WUFEI. *Thinks...evil grin* Vissmee...
PRIEST. Sir Vissmee, please be-
WUFEI. *horrifically* AHHH!!! This priest wants me to service him! GAY!!! PERVERT!!! SEXUAL HARRASMENT!!! RAPE!!! RAPE!!! INCEST!!!
CONGREGATION. O.O
PRIEST. ...shh....*to another priest* I thought you said our little secret wouldn't get out...
PRIEST-2. *shrugs* I didn't tell him.
PRIEST. Fine...but we are through...I'll take care of this myself...*to Wufei* Young Man! Come here and show reverence to our Savior.
WUFEI. ...okay...*struts up to the cross*...Now what?
PRIEST. ...show reverence...
WUFEI. Umm...okay...oh, what the heck! *rubs Jesus' tummy*
EVERYONE. O.O
OPUS. Suddenly, a small speck of dust falls from Jesus' kneecap and lands smack dab in the center of Super Wu-Man's eye causing him to thrash around wildly with his katanas.
WUFEI. GAH!!! I shall not be destroyed by your evil dust! Rather, I shall destroy you with my invisible blind third eye located on my left nipple!!! *rips off shirt and begins cutting random things apart* Finally I, Super Wu-Manmanmanmanman, will destroy the secret base of OZ specified by-
NOIN. *from inside Wufei's pocket* Wufei, where the hell are you?!
WUFEI. *stops and yells into a Fisher-Price walkie-talkie* MY NAME IS SUPER WU-MANMANMANMANMAN!!!
NOIN. ...*pause*...right...Super Wu-Man, where the hell are you?!
WUFEI. At the secret base of OZ you specified.
EVERYONE. ~.~'
NOIN. Umm...ask someone what the address is.
WUFEI. Hey, Pervert!!! Where am I?
PRIEST. *mumbling* ...how did he know...that deacon must have told him....oh! er...2914 Trinity Court.
WUFEI. O.O ...oh...*In a baritone voice* I seem to have mistaken the place in which I was to visit...I apologize for any damages...I'm off!!! *Throws cape over his head and begins singing theme song* Dun-na-nu-na-nu-na-nu-na-nu-na-nu-na-nu Super Wu-Man! Hi-Ho Magik Capetm! WOOSH!!! *runs out*
NOIN. ~.~' I need a vacation....
~-~-~-~-~
WUFEI. But I don't wanna!
OPUS. *Fighting with Wufei, trying to put a bandage on his hand* You need to see the doctor!
WUFEI. But I like my boo-boo!
OPUS. STOP WHINING!!!
WUFEI. But I'm not whining!
OPUS. Yes, you are!
WUFEI. Na-uh!
OPUS. Ya-huh!
WUFEI. Na-uh!
OPUS. Ya-huh!
WUFEI. Ya-huh!
OPUS. Na-uh!
WUFEI. Ya-huh!
OPUS. NO!!! You are not whining and that's final! ...O.O...wait....
WUFEI. Hahaha! I knew you'd see it my way, Dinny. G' night, Onna!
OPUS. ~.~'...I need an aspirin.
_____________________________
This wasn't as good as the first but
I still liked it a lot...all I have to say
is nothing beats St. Chester
Snapdragon McSpinbuckets Holy
Apostolic Cathedral of Jehovah-en
Latter Day Saints of Jesus Christ
Obligation Congregation!!! Wahoo!
.:Nigeru Usotachi:.
RR
OPUS. Welcome back to The fairly Stupid Tales of...umm...Wufei...where did you get those scissors?
WUFEI. *Grins psychotically* Duo's underwear drawer...Muha...Muhaha...Muhahahahahahahaha!!!
OPUS. I suggest that you put them away before Duo finds out or you-
WUFEI. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! DAMNIT!!!
OPUS. ~.~ ...before you stab yourself with them...come here.
WUFEI. *Walks over to Opus, a pair of children's safety scissors jabbed into his left hand* sniff...sniff...
OPUS. *Grabs hold of scissors* On the count of three...one...tw-
WUFEI. WAIT!!! ...will it hurt?
OPUS. ~.~' ...possibly...one...two...thre-
WUFEI. HOLD ON!!! ...will I bleed?
OPUS. ...you're already bleeding...
WUFEI. Oh...okay then...pull....Except, I wanna count, okay?
OPUS. Sure...whatever.
WUFEI. ...When do I start?
OPUS. Now
WUFEI. Oh...Now? OPUS. YES, GODDAMNIT, NOW!!!
WUFEI. ...here goes nothin'...one...two...two...umm...er...
OPUS. Three, Wufei.
WUFEI. Ohhh...THREE!!!
OPUS. ~.~
WUFEI. O.O
OPUS. O.o
WUFEI. ^.^
OPUS. What's so exciting?
WUFEI. *Holds his hand up to his face. One eye stares gleefully through the bloody hole* oooOOOooo...Hahaha
OPUS. ...let's just start the chapter...
WUFEI. I see you, Dinny!!!
Super Wu-Man Goes to Church
OPUS. Today we find Wufei-
WUFEI. AHEM!!!
OPUS. ...er...I mean we find Super Wu-Man crouching beneath a bush in front of a fairly large building...
WUFEI. *Like Mojo Jojo* This is the secret base of OZ as Noin specified. Since this, the secret base of OZ, is specified by Noin that it, the secret base of OZ, is the secret base of OZ. I, Super Wu-Manmanmanmanman, shall destroy it, the secret base of OZ, because it is the secret base of OZ specified by Noin as the Secret Base of OZ. Thus it, the secret base of OZ, is no longer secret since the once-secret base of OZ specified by Noin to be the secret base of OZ will be soon destroyed by me, Super Wu-Manmanmanmanman...BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
OPUS. Unknown to Super Wu-Man, however, he had missed his true destination by three blocks and was, unfortunately, now standing before St. Chester Snapdragon McSpinbuckets Holy Apostolic Cathedral of Jehovah-en Latter Day Saints of Jesus Christ Obligation Congregation....
WUFEI. Now I, Super Wu-Manmanmanmanman, must discover a way to sneak into the not-so-much-secret base of OZ specified by Noin as the no-longer-secret base of OZ...But how?
OPUS. As Super Wu-Man concocted a plan involving his katanas, a rotten artichoke, and a wooden spoon, a rabid mongoose, that nested in an overhanging tree, was stalking him...slowly, it approached....and-
MONGOOSE. *chomp*
WUFEI. AHHHHHHH!!! GODDAMNIT!!!! SOMETHING BIT MY ASS!!!!
PRIEST. Shame on you! Using the Lord's name in vain!!! Cometh, you must repent!
OPUS. The priest drags the cursing super hero into the cathedral and sits him in a pew occupied by a few elderly women and a drunken hobo. As the service begins, Super Wu-Man whips out his...Handy-Dandy Notebook...and begins to take notes.
WUFEI. *As he writes thus* Dear Diary, today was a lovely day. *scribble-scribble* I bought a new set of Scooby-Doo print pajamas and a hose...but I won't go into details. *scribble-scribble* Not to my assignment, I seem to be in the not-so-much-secret-anymore base of OZ specified by Noin. *scribble* It appears to be the briefing room for their plans and I believe one will begin quite- *scribble-scribble-snap* DAMN PENCIL!!!
CONGREGATION. SHHHHHHHH!!!
WUFEI. ~.~ They seem to be unaware of my presence do to my Magik Cape(tm)...dun-dun-dun...that turns me invisible when no one is looking *shifty eyes*. There are many children and...what's this...there is a cross in front of the meeting area with what looks like...Heero! Heero nailed to a cross?! *reflectively* Actually it's kinda funny....Now they're reciting some chant in a foreign language...."Dona Nobis Pacem"...it must mean...Kill All Pilots...INJUSTICE!!! INHUMANITY!!!
CONGREGATION. O.o
PRIEST. *Frustrated* Sir, umm...what is your name?
WUFEI. *Thinks...evil grin* Vissmee...
PRIEST. Sir Vissmee, please be-
WUFEI. *horrifically* AHHH!!! This priest wants me to service him! GAY!!! PERVERT!!! SEXUAL HARRASMENT!!! RAPE!!! RAPE!!! INCEST!!!
CONGREGATION. O.O
PRIEST. ...shh....*to another priest* I thought you said our little secret wouldn't get out...
PRIEST-2. *shrugs* I didn't tell him.
PRIEST. Fine...but we are through...I'll take care of this myself...*to Wufei* Young Man! Come here and show reverence to our Savior.
WUFEI. ...okay...*struts up to the cross*...Now what?
PRIEST. ...show reverence...
WUFEI. Umm...okay...oh, what the heck! *rubs Jesus' tummy*
EVERYONE. O.O
OPUS. Suddenly, a small speck of dust falls from Jesus' kneecap and lands smack dab in the center of Super Wu-Man's eye causing him to thrash around wildly with his katanas.
WUFEI. GAH!!! I shall not be destroyed by your evil dust! Rather, I shall destroy you with my invisible blind third eye located on my left nipple!!! *rips off shirt and begins cutting random things apart* Finally I, Super Wu-Manmanmanmanman, will destroy the secret base of OZ specified by-
NOIN. *from inside Wufei's pocket* Wufei, where the hell are you?!
WUFEI. *stops and yells into a Fisher-Price walkie-talkie* MY NAME IS SUPER WU-MANMANMANMANMAN!!!
NOIN. ...*pause*...right...Super Wu-Man, where the hell are you?!
WUFEI. At the secret base of OZ you specified.
EVERYONE. ~.~'
NOIN. Umm...ask someone what the address is.
WUFEI. Hey, Pervert!!! Where am I?
PRIEST. *mumbling* ...how did he know...that deacon must have told him....oh! er...2914 Trinity Court.
WUFEI. O.O ...oh...*In a baritone voice* I seem to have mistaken the place in which I was to visit...I apologize for any damages...I'm off!!! *Throws cape over his head and begins singing theme song* Dun-na-nu-na-nu-na-nu-na-nu-na-nu-na-nu Super Wu-Man! Hi-Ho Magik Capetm! WOOSH!!! *runs out*
NOIN. ~.~' I need a vacation....
WUFEI. But I don't wanna!
OPUS. *Fighting with Wufei, trying to put a bandage on his hand* You need to see the doctor!
WUFEI. But I like my boo-boo!
OPUS. STOP WHINING!!!
WUFEI. But I'm not whining!
OPUS. Yes, you are!
WUFEI. Na-uh!
OPUS. Ya-huh!
WUFEI. Na-uh!
OPUS. Ya-huh!
WUFEI. Ya-huh!
OPUS. Na-uh!
WUFEI. Ya-huh!
OPUS. NO!!! You are not whining and that's final! ...O.O...wait....
WUFEI. Hahaha! I knew you'd see it my way, Dinny. G' night, Onna!
OPUS. ~.~'...I need an aspirin.
_____________________________
This wasn't as good as the first but
I still liked it a lot...all I have to say
is nothing beats St. Chester
Snapdragon McSpinbuckets Holy
Apostolic Cathedral of Jehovah-en
Latter Day Saints of Jesus Christ
Obligation Congregation!!! Wahoo!
.:Nigeru Usotachi:.
RR