Wyrd Majik
Prolouge The Wyrd Sisters were doing fine. Granny Weatherwax seemed to grow tougher with age. Esme, Magrat's daughter, was 10, and turning out to be very much like her namesake. Magrat was a lot more confident now, Nanny Ogg was still the evil mother-in-law, and Perdita and Agnes, two people who occupied one body, was as contradictory as ever. Esme was trained by all four of the witches, and was very talented, even coming close to Granny's skill at Borrowing, the magic used by witches to occupy an animal's body for a time. But the Wyrd Sisters were about to go on an Adventure. That meant something big.
Granny lifted a bundle of firewood from the ground.* Firewood, she thought, was something that the world had just enough of. Granny, being a person with magic in her veins, knew when she would die. This trait is shared by wizards, although when they sense that the end is near they drink too much, eat even more than usual**, and borrow large sums of money from their friends. This has contributed to the fear of old wizards*** in many cultures. Granny knew she would not die for a while, and this allowed her to plan ahead. For instance, she would leave the cottage to Esme, and Nanny Ogg (a fellow witch) would get her personal belongings. Magrat would get a note stating, "You ain't a wet hen." This would satisfy Magrat easily. Now for Agnes/Perdita, the only witch with dual personalities, well... she would get the broomstick. Oh, yes, thought Granny. And Esme would get her Book... Granny walked back to her cottage, at the same time as history was being broken.
WHAT IS IT? asked Death.
"Something has gone wrong with history, I think. Sombody needs to fix it, but we can't." replied Lu Tze, history monk.
VERY WELL. I'M A BIT BUSY, BUT I KNOW JUST THE PERSON YOU NEED.
*Whole economies have been based on the seemingly infinite power of old women. **Unseen University, based in Ankh-Morpork, had a slogan which stated, "All who live in these halls are much more than normal men." This was very true, in terms of width and belt size. ***IE: All wizards.
Chapter One
Granny was walking back towards her cottage, when she heard footsteps behind her. Whirling around, she saw a seven foot tall anthromorphic personification in a black robe, carrying a scythe. In other words, she saw Death.
"Go away, you bugger! Its not my time yet and you know it!" she said in her best "I've got something better to do right now than talk to you so go away" voice.
I AM NOT HERE TO TAKE YOU INTO THE NEXT WORLD, BUT HERE TO ASK A FAVOR. said Death, in his traditional voice that sounded like two led slabs being dragged across one another, matching her stride for stride.
"A favor?" she snorted. "Why could Death want a favor?" she asked, sarcastically.
WELL, THERE ARE THESE BEINGS THAT HATE LIFE. CALL THEM THE AUDITORS. THEY HAVE CHANGED TIME. I CANNOT FIGHT THEM DIRECTLY BECAUSE OF RULES. THEY HAVE CREATED A NEW SOURCERER. IN CASE YOU DON'T KNOW, THEIRS POWER IS AS GREAT AS THE GODS.* replied Death. He was not good at sarcasm.
"So what do you want me to do about it?" questioned Granny, a bit shocked.
I WANT YOU TO STOP IT. I WOULD ASK SUSAN, MY GRANDDAUGHTER, BUT I MADE A PROMISE NOT TO BOTHER HER FOR A WHILE. answered Death.
Granny decided not to delve into the "granddaughter" topic, and instead asked, "But you know very well that the only thing that can take a Sorcerer on head to head is a master witch*, and there haven't been any of those for a couple of centuries. So what do you expect me to do? Die early?"
I KNOW YOU NEED A MASTER WITCH. THAT'S WHY YOU SHOULD TAKE ESMERELDA MARGARET NOTE SPELLING OF LANCRE. WHY NOTE SPELLING?
*Gods on the disc are more blamed than worshipped. **Master Witch: An eighth generation witch. Eight is considered powerful on the disc.
"That was an error. But are you telling me she's a master witch? Magrat's mother wasn't a witch!" replied Granny, incredulously.
YES SHE WAS. BUT ONLY FOR A VERY SHORT TIME. SHE REALIZED SHE WOULD NEVER BE THAT GOOD. BUT IT WAS ENOUGH. A MASTER WOULD BE BORN. HOWEVER, AS A PRECAUTION, YOU, MRS. OGG, AND MS. AGNES/PERDITA SHOULD GO WITH HER.
"Dang. And here I was thinking that I could retire." said Granny, mainly to herself.
IN OUR PROFESSION, THERE IS NO RETIRE. TRUST ME, I'VE TRIED. I WILL CONTACT YOU WHEN YOU FIVE ARE READY. and with that, Death disappeared.
Chapter Two "What do you mean, 'When'?!" yelled Granny but it was too late. "Dang again. What a strange old bugger."
Granny soon reached her cottage, and with that, walked inside, to find the other four waiting.
"What the heck are you three doing here? Oh, hi, Esme." she asked.
"Don't ask us, ask Esme!" replied Nanny Ogg.
"Well, Esme? Why did you need to come here?" asked Magrat.
"I... don't know. I just got this feeling that Granny was near death." Esme answered, a bit shakily.
"Near Death? Well, of course I was near Death. He just left!" said Granny.
"Er... What?" asked Agnes, confused.
"Never mind. Well, it looks like we have a big job to do." said Granny.
"Big job? What do you mean, big job? Do we get paid?" asked Perdita, after taking control of the body of Agnes. Perdita was the more cynical, conniving one.
"With money, no. But there will be rewards, of a different sort. Now listen, because I'm only going to say this once..."
Later...
"SAY WHAT?!" yelled Magrat.
Prolouge The Wyrd Sisters were doing fine. Granny Weatherwax seemed to grow tougher with age. Esme, Magrat's daughter, was 10, and turning out to be very much like her namesake. Magrat was a lot more confident now, Nanny Ogg was still the evil mother-in-law, and Perdita and Agnes, two people who occupied one body, was as contradictory as ever. Esme was trained by all four of the witches, and was very talented, even coming close to Granny's skill at Borrowing, the magic used by witches to occupy an animal's body for a time. But the Wyrd Sisters were about to go on an Adventure. That meant something big.
Granny lifted a bundle of firewood from the ground.* Firewood, she thought, was something that the world had just enough of. Granny, being a person with magic in her veins, knew when she would die. This trait is shared by wizards, although when they sense that the end is near they drink too much, eat even more than usual**, and borrow large sums of money from their friends. This has contributed to the fear of old wizards*** in many cultures. Granny knew she would not die for a while, and this allowed her to plan ahead. For instance, she would leave the cottage to Esme, and Nanny Ogg (a fellow witch) would get her personal belongings. Magrat would get a note stating, "You ain't a wet hen." This would satisfy Magrat easily. Now for Agnes/Perdita, the only witch with dual personalities, well... she would get the broomstick. Oh, yes, thought Granny. And Esme would get her Book... Granny walked back to her cottage, at the same time as history was being broken.
WHAT IS IT? asked Death.
"Something has gone wrong with history, I think. Sombody needs to fix it, but we can't." replied Lu Tze, history monk.
VERY WELL. I'M A BIT BUSY, BUT I KNOW JUST THE PERSON YOU NEED.
*Whole economies have been based on the seemingly infinite power of old women. **Unseen University, based in Ankh-Morpork, had a slogan which stated, "All who live in these halls are much more than normal men." This was very true, in terms of width and belt size. ***IE: All wizards.
Chapter One
Granny was walking back towards her cottage, when she heard footsteps behind her. Whirling around, she saw a seven foot tall anthromorphic personification in a black robe, carrying a scythe. In other words, she saw Death.
"Go away, you bugger! Its not my time yet and you know it!" she said in her best "I've got something better to do right now than talk to you so go away" voice.
I AM NOT HERE TO TAKE YOU INTO THE NEXT WORLD, BUT HERE TO ASK A FAVOR. said Death, in his traditional voice that sounded like two led slabs being dragged across one another, matching her stride for stride.
"A favor?" she snorted. "Why could Death want a favor?" she asked, sarcastically.
WELL, THERE ARE THESE BEINGS THAT HATE LIFE. CALL THEM THE AUDITORS. THEY HAVE CHANGED TIME. I CANNOT FIGHT THEM DIRECTLY BECAUSE OF RULES. THEY HAVE CREATED A NEW SOURCERER. IN CASE YOU DON'T KNOW, THEIRS POWER IS AS GREAT AS THE GODS.* replied Death. He was not good at sarcasm.
"So what do you want me to do about it?" questioned Granny, a bit shocked.
I WANT YOU TO STOP IT. I WOULD ASK SUSAN, MY GRANDDAUGHTER, BUT I MADE A PROMISE NOT TO BOTHER HER FOR A WHILE. answered Death.
Granny decided not to delve into the "granddaughter" topic, and instead asked, "But you know very well that the only thing that can take a Sorcerer on head to head is a master witch*, and there haven't been any of those for a couple of centuries. So what do you expect me to do? Die early?"
I KNOW YOU NEED A MASTER WITCH. THAT'S WHY YOU SHOULD TAKE ESMERELDA MARGARET NOTE SPELLING OF LANCRE. WHY NOTE SPELLING?
*Gods on the disc are more blamed than worshipped. **Master Witch: An eighth generation witch. Eight is considered powerful on the disc.
"That was an error. But are you telling me she's a master witch? Magrat's mother wasn't a witch!" replied Granny, incredulously.
YES SHE WAS. BUT ONLY FOR A VERY SHORT TIME. SHE REALIZED SHE WOULD NEVER BE THAT GOOD. BUT IT WAS ENOUGH. A MASTER WOULD BE BORN. HOWEVER, AS A PRECAUTION, YOU, MRS. OGG, AND MS. AGNES/PERDITA SHOULD GO WITH HER.
"Dang. And here I was thinking that I could retire." said Granny, mainly to herself.
IN OUR PROFESSION, THERE IS NO RETIRE. TRUST ME, I'VE TRIED. I WILL CONTACT YOU WHEN YOU FIVE ARE READY. and with that, Death disappeared.
Chapter Two "What do you mean, 'When'?!" yelled Granny but it was too late. "Dang again. What a strange old bugger."
Granny soon reached her cottage, and with that, walked inside, to find the other four waiting.
"What the heck are you three doing here? Oh, hi, Esme." she asked.
"Don't ask us, ask Esme!" replied Nanny Ogg.
"Well, Esme? Why did you need to come here?" asked Magrat.
"I... don't know. I just got this feeling that Granny was near death." Esme answered, a bit shakily.
"Near Death? Well, of course I was near Death. He just left!" said Granny.
"Er... What?" asked Agnes, confused.
"Never mind. Well, it looks like we have a big job to do." said Granny.
"Big job? What do you mean, big job? Do we get paid?" asked Perdita, after taking control of the body of Agnes. Perdita was the more cynical, conniving one.
"With money, no. But there will be rewards, of a different sort. Now listen, because I'm only going to say this once..."
Later...
"SAY WHAT?!" yelled Magrat.