"You can't hold me here forever," I said, though I sat with Kuja's arms around me. I hated it more than anything but I could no longer struggle. I had so many wounds from trying to force him away from me; ones that he purposely let heal by themselves to remind me of my failures.
He ran his hands through my hair, not listening to a single word I said, and hummed a song I had either forgotten or didn't know. I hated how he did this – how he seemed to be normal. He loved playing these twisted little games and unfortunately, sometimes I fell for them. My mind would wander and I'd let my guard down; thoughts would flood my mind about so many things. How Kuja wasn't really evil, and that I could help him.
Another of his games was the silver choker – a collar – that sat on the dresser. That thing mocked me from its wooden podium, begging me to pick it up just so I could go outside. How long had it been? Too long now; at least a month. No one had come so far and I didn't think they would. If they were looking for me, they probably couldn't find a lead and would never find me, let alone rescue me. I longed to leave this damn room, even just for a moment. The furthest I got was the bathroom, which technically was just the same room with a door. It didn't lead anywhere and I never went past those large wooden doors at the entrance.
So that I would slowly go mad, I was granted no form of entertainment. All I could do was stare out that window, and when I felt particularly agitated, I would jump around on the furniture. The only break to my day was Kuja's visits, and I preferred it when he didn't. I don't know what he did for the rest of the time but I knew it wasn't something good. Over the month, he'd brought me more things; mostly new furniture and trinkets to set around the room. I wasn't interesting in those at all. But sometimes he would bring me things he'd found – feathers, shells, or interesting stones – and that's what threw me. He seemed so excited about them and seemed like he genuinely wanted to make me happy by giving them to me. I always ignored him but there was now a growing pile of things on the table by the window.
Every day I thought about the collar. I'd expected to wake up many a time to find that thing around my neck, but it always stayed on that dresser, glinting in the sunlight. Kuja didn't really need to let me out of this room, since he had what he wanted. He'd taken to sleeping in the same room as me now, but he was always gone before breakfast. I'd tried to wake up before him, or fall asleep after him, but it was impossible. Whatever spell he cast on me, had me sleep exactly when he wanted, along with letting him do whatever he wanted to me.
The only reason for leaving this room was my own. However, for me to put on the damn collar would mean he won – that I'd submitted. It would mean that I was his property. I couldn't allow that, even if it meant that I died in this room.
I knew someone would rescue me though. They had to. Surely they hadn't just forgotten about me – not everyone. Tantalus would wonder where I was, especially after so long. Blank would wonder…wouldn't he?
It had been such a long time. I hadn't expected to be here more than a couple weeks, but the weeks were dragging into months. I kept reassuring myself that there was a reason for their delayed rescue – that they couldn't find out where Kuja was keeping me or there were complications in travel, anything to convince me that they were actually coming and they hadn't just deserted me. They wouldn't do that – not after everything we'd been through together.
"Why are you doing this to me?" I asked. I don't think I really expect a sane answer, but I had to ask. Maybe he would surprise me.
Kuja leant forward, his own thick locks of silver hair mixing with the ordinary brown of my own. I could feel him smiling – if that was possible. He pressed his lips to the skin above my collar before speaking the words I never wanted to hear from him.
"Because I love you."
I later scrubbed my body until it was red. Blood swirled down the drain from the wounds he'd inflicted on me. The soap stung but it made me feel clean again. It wasn't what he'd done to me – I'd grown accustomed to that – but it was the words. They circled in my head and just thinking about it made me want to heave. I slumped against the tiled wall, the scrubbing brush slipping from my hands and clattering on the floor. I barely had enough energy to stand. He hadn't stayed with me; he'd gathered his clothes and pulled them on before leaving me on the stained sheets, barely able to move. I don't know how long it took me to get to the bathroom. I switched off the water and sunk to the floor. My head was swimming and not just because of the pain.
Kuja was slowly becoming more affectionate – amongst inflicting pain. It was as if he couldn't decide what to do with me. Some of his kisses though, they were intimate, and perhaps even loving. It was far between but sometimes I felt his insecurities; it was as if he had no idea what he was doing. It felt like we were both silly teenagers again. I liked that part.
I dragged myself from the shower, droplets of blood spilling onto the clean tile floor. Using the basin as leverage, I staggered to my feet. Among the things scattered across the counter surface was a razor. I know there's no point in cutting myself with it. He can heal any sort of damage I may do to myself, and even if I did manage to kill myself he would bring me back with one of those spells of his. Slitting ones wrists isn't exactly dying of 'natural causes'.
A lock of fawn coloured hair flopped against my face, still wet from my shower. I went to push the offending piece back into place but stopped – my fingers clutching the strands tightly.
Kuja was always commenting on my hair, if not playing with it.
I picked up the razor, holding it level with the piece of hair. I like my hair as it is, but this is something I can still do; something I still have control of. I dragged the razor across the lock of hair, letting the light strands fall into the basin. I smile at my small accomplishment and set about cutting the rest of my shoulder length hair.
Kuja was notably angry and I felt so proud. It was such a small victory, but it was all I had. My hair was short – just reaching my ears – and jagged. I'd cut it with no thought of style at all, since I'd wanted it to look terrible. I laughed and threw the bundle of hair at him, all neatly tied together with the leather cord. It fell short and landed at his feet.
"This time I got you a present." I smirked, my tail flicking by my legs. He closed the gap between us quickly and I had no time to escape. He caught me in his arms and grinned. I didn't understand it at all. He was supposed to be angry!
"How adorable," he commented. "I knew you had a strong will. It's when you defy me that you're so attractive."
I was left gaping. It hadn't gone at all like planned. Sure, Kuja didn't like my hair short, but he loved the way I resisted him. Did they weigh even? Hardly. I struggled from his hold and slid back over to the window to stare out into the freedom I may never have again.
And when he left me I threw the collar across the room angrily. It bounced off the wall – leaving a dent where it hit – and rolled back to where I stood. I growled angrily and kicked it towards the door. I hated that thing and I wasn't even wearing it. The idea alone taunted me. Kuja always asked about it and no matter how many times I tried to get rid of it – placing it on the dinner tray in hope it would be taken too, or hiding it with the laundry – it always ended up back on the dresser, glinting at me like a silver demon. I dropped to my knees, my fringe falling into my eyes but no further than that. Pounding the floor with my fist I yelled obscenities at the locked doors. No one would hear but yelling aired my frustration.
I fell backwards, lying in the middle of the room and staring at the ceiling. It felt so foolish to be in this room doing absolutely nothing. I found myself waiting for Kuja's visits just so that he would entertain me. I know that's what he wanted too, so I never told him. In fact I made everything as difficult as physically possible. I paid little attention to him and I made sure I looked bored – I knew that annoyed him. I smiled to myself – it wasn't much, but anything to prove I was still my own person.
That was the only thing keeping me going – that and the knowledge that I would be rescued soon. They surely wouldn't just leave me. So I knew they were coming to get me…it was just taking a while. Kuja laughed every time I affirmed the fact. I still have no idea where we are, but wherever this place is it must be somewhere really hard to find and/or get to. Kuja seems to think I'll never be rescued but I know better.
Staring at the ceiling I listened to the outside noises. Generally there was the sound of birds and water, occasionally even people though not many of them. Today though, there were no such noises. There had been birds that morning, hadn't there?
I listened closer and picked up the whooshing of the sea; but nothing else. It was eerily quiet.
Jumping to my feet I hurried to the window, leaning out as far as I could before the barrier stopped me. There was another noise in the distance; it almost sounded like a propeller. My eyes lit up – an airship! The tiny speck moved towards me and the hum of propeller's grew louder. I crossed my fingers, hoping with everything I had that this was my rescue; hoping that I would finally get out of here and away from Kuja.
The sound of cannon fire broke into the air and I jumped in fright. It had come from here! I couldn't see any cannon but who knew how big this place was outside of this room? The shot was answered by one from the airship, then two more to follow. I stepped back from the window cautiously – not much of a rescue if they managed to get me killed!
The airship was clearly visible now – but it wasn't one I recognized. It had to be new, since there was no mist to run the old ones. From the mast flew a flag bearing Alexandrian colours. I gave a whoop of joy – even if it was Garnet who was rescuing me, anything was better than this. At least I could tell Garnet I wasn't interested; sure, she wouldn't be happy, but she would back off.
Another round of cannons fired into the air causing the building to shake on impact. Those ones were close to this room.
The doors swung open with force, clattering against the walls on either side. Kuja stood at the entrance, smirking at me.
"You were right, love. They are trying to rescue you. I never thought they would find you."
"Well, you were wrong! They're going to rescue me and I'll never have to see you again!" I yelled at him, clapping my hands together in delight. Kuja still smirked at me, his silvery tail swishing idly from side to side. I chose to ignore him and stared out the window, waving wildly as the airship turned. I don't think anyone saw me but I was far too happy.
Kuja wandered over, placing his hand on my shoulder and turned me to face him. I was forced into a kiss before he pulled away and headed for the door again. I glared angrily at him – he didn't even seem to care that my friends were here.
He stopped at the door and glanced over his shoulder, flicking hair from his face. "Oh yes," he began, "You might want to say good bye to your friends. Not that you'll see them, but…well you'll see."
I didn't know what he was talking about, but anger welled inside me. I ran at him only to come into contact with closed doors. I staggered backwards before pounding on the heavy wood, yelling that he had better come back or else. I didn't exactly have an end to that threat but something was up and if it jeopardized my chances of being rescued then I was going to do everything I could to stop it.
I stopped my rage, panting with effort. I couldn't do anything from this damn room. I licked my dry lips and tasted something strange; it had a metallic taste almost and it tasted bad! I made a face as my head swam; splotches of colour swimming in the places where objects had been. Staggering backwards I fell against the bed, slipping to the floor slowly. My last conscious thoughts were of the cruel luck I had – Kuja had drugged me with a sleeping potion.