Hm... it's been quite some time since the last chapter, huh? Well, that has a reason, kind of…

When I decided to make this a longer story I also decided only to write the next part after getting at least three reviews. That was also to avoid me writing too fast, so I'd have an excuse for having a little pause between the chapters. And, of course, I wanted to get some feedback too, of course. And three reviews aren't that much, some people get so much more, so I thought I should be able to get them.

Well, I wasn't. And that's also my reason for hesitating for so long before I kicked myself into writing this damned last part. At first I waited because I was still hoping to get at least one more review and the I waited because I was too demoralised. Writing fanfics is no fun when you don't get any feedback at all…

But, I got at least one comment. And since I once promised I would continue this story as long as the was even one single person who liked it I had to finish this. Besides, I hate leaving stories unfinished. So here it finally is, the next and very last part.

Epilogue By Kia

***

Spring is coming. Now we can finally feel it. The air is so much warmer now than it was some weeks ago and the first flowers are already blooming on the meadow I'm walking on.  It's kind of pretty. After hesitating for so long to come I think spring is going to be really nice this year.

Too bad Zidane won't be here to see it.

No, I find myself thinking again, spring won't be pretty, or nice. How can anything be, without him? And then again I kick myself mentally and think that it is his own fault, after all, and that I shouldn't let what he did spoil everything. He was a fool to do what he did, and I am a fool to still think about him. Forget that idiot! is what I use to tell myself when I sit in the darkness of my room at night and the scent of him that still hangs in the air is making all those images appear before my mind's eye. These images are all good, telling stories of a time that was filled with laughter and fun and trust and affection so I don't understand why they're always filling my eyes with tears. Forget him. As if it was that simple.

I sigh and stop for a moment in my steps to look around me. No matter what I feel inside it is pretty here. Spring will indeed be nice, even without him. Somehow that thought seems unfair to me.

But I guess that's only natural. Right now it seems wrong that the world is still turning, a world in that the person that meant most to me doesn't exist anymore, but this feeling will pass after a while, I know. I only have to keep my head up until then, I only have to hold on long enough. The pain will never go away, but eventually it will fade away and become a normal part of my life. Someday I will be able to think about him and smile with the memory of all the good times we had, be happy because we had those times and not sad because they're over. Someday… I only have to repeat that thought often enough to believe myself and I can make it.

But I know life will never again be like it has been. Zidane has been a too large part of my world for it to remain whole without him. I can tell myself that I might be able to fix it someday or at least to life without it but deep inside I know that it is all a big lie. And once I'll stop being mad at him for leaving so cowardly, so unfair and without saying anything and start thinking about his reasons, once the anger is gone there'll be nothing to protect my heart from the pain his death has caused me. It's been three weeks, but somehow I still haven't really realised that he is gone. That he isn't here anymore and that this year will pass without him and the next year too and the year after that. But the day will come eventually and I'm afraid of it. I may not have yet realised his death but I already fear the moment that I do.

My steps lead me up a hill now, and though it isn't a big one I can see pretty far from it's top, see all of this green grass and colourful flowers and the gates of the city in the distance. There are a few trees on the top of the hill and in their shadow there is a small gravestone, marking the place where Zidane now lies. It is quiet here and all in all it is a beautiful place, especially in spring. He would have liked it.

As I stand before that stone that has his name written on it and nothing else I suddenly remember something he'd told me once, about some Black Mage who waited day after day in the graveyard of their village for his friend to come out of the earth he was buried in so they could play with each other again. I wish I was that naïve too.

The thought of the Black Mages reminds me of Vivi. Poor little Guy.

He's always admired you the most, Zidane. I don't know how you could disappoint him so.

Poor little Black Mage.

I think he took the news harder than anyone else, though Eiko ran off screaming and Freya had tears in her eyes while Vivi didn't cry at all. He only said that Zidane wouldn't want us to be sad and though he also admitted that he was sad none the less he told me that he would try not to give in to his sadness. He would try to just move on with his life because he thought that was what Zidane would have wanted.

He thought Zidane wouldn't want him to cry so he didn't. The memory of his words still bring tears to my eyes though I don't know why. But Vivi's so strong at heart, so honest to himself. I sometimes wish I could be a little bit more like him.

He always wanted to be like you, Zid, did you know that? He misses you now. Everyone else does too. Did you ever think of that?

….  I miss you.

Little Idiot.

The mental image of him pouting at my words makes me smile a little. There is wetness on my cheeks, though. But I pay no attention to it as I reach out to pick up a small white feather that somehow got caught in the high grass right before the gravestone. I hold it between two fingers and look at it for a moment. I makes me think of Kuja because feathers always make me think of Kuja and Kuja makes me think of Zidane, but who else should I be thinking of, standing before his gravestone?

I hope you two are happy now.

Kuja… take care of him for me.

And don't you dare hurting him ever again!

I slowly turn and step out of the shadows, back into the sunlight that feel warm on my skin, and sit down onto the high grass. Then I sigh and lay back to look up to the sky that is blue and clear with only a few clouds moving across it when it should be dark any rainy. One more sign how unimpressed the world is by the loss of just one more person.

Even if it was the person who saved it.

I sigh again and look at the feather once more before I let it go. It gets caught in a breeze and my gaze follows its way as it is carried away by the wind, as it moves higher and higher, up to the sky.

There are some words that want to be said, for so long already, four little words that are so silly and useless yet burn on my tongue like fire, so send them after it, up to the sky, because it doesn't really matter anymore.

"I love you, Zidane." I whisper, and it sounds so hollow, so meaningless with nobody to hear it but me. And my eyes never leave that small white feather until it disappears and becomes a part of the sky while I still lay down here on earth, staring at the clouds and saying those words as if he could hear me.

-end-

18.10.2002

Sorry again for taking so long. And, thanks to all people who did review (I love you!^^)and who probably wouldn't like how this story turned out in the end.

I'm sorry, but not every story has a happy ending.