Disclaimer: We don't own Jarod, Miss Parker, The Centre, Sydney, Broots, Raines, Mr Parker, Lyle, Brigitte, Zoe, Thomas, Parker's drink, her house, NBC and other three letter places that 'know drama' (I wanna meet drama), the car, the road they're driving on, the annoying lady, the elevator, or the one bed. That's depressing. There's some other stuff we don't own, too. Like, Miss P's pretty socks or Bugs Bunny or the sexy song. And we don't own any part of Ms Congeniality Or the Faith Hill song that Parker sings. There goes my self esteem for the day. Okay, I think we're done now. No, yes, umm.. yea. I know, right?
Road Trip
part 2 - The Hotel Place
by Aqua & Mac
Why do I feel so warm comfy cozy. Big pillow. Dang it that's a big pillow. Why is it moving. Last time I checked, pillows did not breathe. Smells good, too. Now the big question is should I investigate or enjoy this unique experience. The pillow- its a brunette pillow. I'm starting to think that's not a pillow. Oh! Oh wow. Oh- it's Parker! Parker? This could become a problem. Oh no, this really is bad, I need to cough. Perhaps I should untangle myself from her before she pulls a gun on me. Maybe this is a cootie.
"What the hell do you think you're doing!?"
Oh, she's awake. That can't be good. This trip just keeps getting better and better. The good news is she hasn't pulled her gun. Nevermind, scratch that. I am now looking down the barrel of a 9mm Smith and Wesson. We get along much better when she's drunk. Where is that-... No! I'm not going to make Parker an alcoholic on account of me. Well, it might be a little too late for that.
"Excuse me, but you were the one who was all over me," I countered. If it wasn't for these clothes ... I don't want to think of what would happen to me. Then again, Broots .... might ... like that.
"Well, Boy Wonder, you can keep some of those natural wonders to yourself next time!"
"Next time?" Hey...
"There won't be a next time!" Oh...
"Admit it Parker, you were all over me. In your subconcious state, you knew that is what you wanted."
"Jarod- just shut up. You know what- don't talk to me for the remainder of this trip. Wait a minute- where the hell are we going?"
"Where do you want to go?"
"Home."
"As soon as you have one, I'll take you to it."
"That was so cold, Jarod. Am I really rubbing off on you that much. Bad influence- yes, but gosh."
"You've only rubbed on me once, and then you pulled a gun," I look at my watch, "It was only five minutes ago." I raise five fingers for extra emphasise.
I walk over to the mini fridge. Oh wow. Look at all these goodies!
"Want some YooHoo, Parker?"
"Dear Lord, spare me now."
"That's not a very nice thing to say."
"Would you rather I spare you?" That's not very appetizing.
"No. Not really."
"Order some room service."
"What's the magic word?"
"Now!"
"Good enough for you."
I now order some pancakes and orange juice for my perky roommate. Sometimes she is just a little too happy.
"Oh wow. You can order movies, too?" I ask the clerk on the other end of the line.
"Yes. We're having a classic musical special today."
"Send me two of them, I'm sure they will be quite enjoyable."
"Yes sir. Your food will be there in approximatly ten minutes and your movie is starting on channel 114," He told me and then he hung up. People have a tendancy to hang up on me. There's that annoying kharma again! What comes around goes around, but really- do I have a sticker on my head that says 'hang up on me.' I flip to the correct channel and see a woman singing on a mountain.
"The hills are alive with the sound of music-" she says.
"No. NO. NO! We are not watching The Sound Of Music!"
"So that's what its called. What a clever concept-"
"You are infuriating and incorrigible. I swear to God- you and your classic movies. If you start singing 'Somewhere Over the Rainbow' I'm knocking you straight to-"
"Where?"
"Anywhere but here!"
"Hey isn't that a book?"
I hear the door slam. It was just a simple question dang it. Fine, she can stay in the bathroom. That means I get her food.
"Don't you dare think about eating my food!" Well there goes my breakfast. How did she do that?
"Wow. I kinda like this movie! The whole concept of acting, singing, and dancing at the same time... that's remarkable! What do they call them? Actors? Singers? Dancers? This is kind of confusing even for a genius?"
"Jarod! Who the hell are you talking to?"
"Oh. Did I say that out loud?" By that time Parker had walked out of the bathroom.
"I tend to talk to myself now and then-"
"Jarod. Shut up!"
"I mean as a little kid growing up in The Centre the only person I could talk to was... well, me."
"Jarod. Stop talking!"
"But then again, I occasionaly had you or Angelo to converse with-"
"JAROD! STOP TALKING!"
"Ok?!? Jeez. You don't have to yell. You could've just asked."
"I did ask. Several times actually."
"You did? Oh. Hey what do you call these people? Actors? Singers? or Dancers? They do all three."
"They're triple threats-"
"Who do they threaten?"
"They don't-"
"Then why are they called triple threats?"
"Because they can do all three."
"All three what?"
"Oh. My. God! I've yet to meet this exceptional genius that I've spent five years looking for!"
"Wow. I always thought you were looking for me?" That's about the time the door slammed...again.
***************
"I'm going to cut you off now. I'll call you a cab." the Bartender told me.
"No! I want Jarod to come get me."
"Who's Jarod?"
"Umm..... that's a toughy. No one's quite sure on that one. He doesn't know either."
"Ok, sure. What does he look like?"
"He's about ten feet tall, and he's really pretty. He's a pretty boy. Did 'ya know that he was a model once. And a Lawyer. And a Doctor. And a Photographer. And a Bounty Hunter. And a-"
"Ok. Just who is this guy?"
"He's a Pretender! There are Pretenders among us. In 1963 a corporation known as The Centre isolated a young pretender named Jarod, and exploited his genius for their research. And then one day their Pretender ran away."
"Right? umm. does this guy have a phone number?"
"Yup."
"Well, what is it."
"I don't know."
"Well how do you know he has a phone number?"
"Duh! He has a phone. It's little, an-and black, kinda rectangular-"
"Ok. Thank you for the description of basically every phone in America-"
"Look it! It's Jarod. Do you want his autograph?"
Jarod walks up to me and says,"I had a feeling I'd find you here."
"Really did your inner sense tell you that?"
"Ok. umm... she said something about you being a Pretender?" said the Bartender.
"Bartender, Pretender. They sound the same. Ha ha ha. That's funny! Isn't that funny Jarod!?"
"Don't listen to her. She's a little tipsy if you didn't notice."
"No I'm not!" I try to stand up but fail miserably. Fortunatly Jarod caught me. "Weeh, that was fun! Lets do that again!"
"Parker, I'm gonna take you back to the hotel and let you sleep it off."
"But I wanna paaarty!
"Come out to the car now Parker"
"Bye Mr Bartender, guy, sir, lady-man. Can I have one to go? No? Ok. You were very helpful! hee hee."
"Ok. Parker. Come on."
"You're magically delicious!" Did I just lick Jarod?
"Did you just lick me?"
"No."
"I think 'ya did."
"Well maybe it's time for a thinking alteration. Wow! that was funny. hee hee hee hee!"
"Now you're scaring me. It's hard enough to get a smile out of you, and now you're giggling excessively."
"Hee hee hee hee hee."
"I think it's time for you to lay down."
"Okie dokie smokie."
"NO! NOT ON THE CEMENT! Parker, Why are you crying?"
"Well," snif snif, "you yelled at me, I was just doing what you said."
"I'm sorry Parker."
"Are you sure?" snif snif
"Yes."
"Okay!"
"Um...Excuse me? What happened to the crying?"
"Oh, that? I learned to turn on and off while at boarding school. It's cold down here."
"Here's a suggestion, get up."
"I can't."
"Why?"
"Because...I'm stuck! hee hee hee" Jarod yanks me off of the sidewalk, "Look at me! Look at me! I can fly! hee hee hee."
"I think I'm gonna take you back to the hotel so you can lay down in a bed."
"Only if you lay down with me," I slurred.
"Um ... You can't do that by yourself?" Jarod asked. He's so silly.
"Nope." I started bobbing my head back and forth.
"Woah. Okay. If it makes you feel better, and you don't pull a gun on me again."
"Why would I do that?"
"Gee. I don't know. Maybe because you're Parker!?"
"I am?"
"Oh. My. God. This is going to be a long night. Now I'll have to keep you on a leash."
"I know you want me Jarod, but that's just a little extreme. Not to mention desperate." I take a few second to think, "I like it!"
"We're here!"
"Where?"
"Our hotel room."
"They should call it a hotel place. 'Ya know, you get more than one room, there's the bathroom too."
"Ok. Parker. Time to lay down."
"No. I wanna sing a song! You can kiss me in the moonlight, on the rooftop under the sky,You can kiss me with the windows open, while the rain comes pouring inside...Kiss me in sweet slow-"
"Ok. As much as I enjoyed your musical talents, I'm really gonna have to ask you to stop."
"Strip?"
"NO! I don't want you to strip! Just...Just stop singing."
"You don't like my singing?" I start to cry.
"No. I think it was beautiful." I cheer up conisderably.
"You think I'm beautiful? Aww... Well I think you're beautiful too Jarod."
"Um... Thanks. I think?"
"Don't worry. Just because I think you're beautiful doesn't mena I'm gonna jump you the first chance I get. But if you get the uncontrollable urge to 'attack' me, well...-"
"Parker. Sleep.Now."
"Remember our agreement? I sleep when you sleep. And you sleep with me."
Jarod's eyebrows rose, they look like catterpillars. Hee hee.
"Why are you laughing?"
"Sleep sleep. Don't confuse me. You said sleep and now you wanta chit chat. What's it gonna be?"
"Go to bed, Parker," he told me.
"Okie dokie smokie! You comin', too?"
He pondered this a moment, shrugged his shoulders, and followed. I always knew he was a smart boy.
===================
Quick question to all the people reading these: Can you tell that we like Parker drunk? I mean I know we're not the only ones who think that it's absolutely hilarious. *Aqua sighs, she knows her reputation as a Pretender fanfic writer has just gone down the drain*
So one bag of Shrek Sour Punch Bites, one worn out dictionary, Aqua's 35 glasses of water, and an hour and a half of sensless giggling, you get this second installment in the Road Trip vignette.....
Hey if we're totally freaking you out and you think we need serious help or you like our story (there's really no plot but we'll just call it a story for kicks) or you want to yell and scream at us because we're so tired. Then send us some yummy feedback! Whatever works for you...
Road Trip
part 2 - The Hotel Place
by Aqua & Mac
Why do I feel so warm comfy cozy. Big pillow. Dang it that's a big pillow. Why is it moving. Last time I checked, pillows did not breathe. Smells good, too. Now the big question is should I investigate or enjoy this unique experience. The pillow- its a brunette pillow. I'm starting to think that's not a pillow. Oh! Oh wow. Oh- it's Parker! Parker? This could become a problem. Oh no, this really is bad, I need to cough. Perhaps I should untangle myself from her before she pulls a gun on me. Maybe this is a cootie.
"What the hell do you think you're doing!?"
Oh, she's awake. That can't be good. This trip just keeps getting better and better. The good news is she hasn't pulled her gun. Nevermind, scratch that. I am now looking down the barrel of a 9mm Smith and Wesson. We get along much better when she's drunk. Where is that-... No! I'm not going to make Parker an alcoholic on account of me. Well, it might be a little too late for that.
"Excuse me, but you were the one who was all over me," I countered. If it wasn't for these clothes ... I don't want to think of what would happen to me. Then again, Broots .... might ... like that.
"Well, Boy Wonder, you can keep some of those natural wonders to yourself next time!"
"Next time?" Hey...
"There won't be a next time!" Oh...
"Admit it Parker, you were all over me. In your subconcious state, you knew that is what you wanted."
"Jarod- just shut up. You know what- don't talk to me for the remainder of this trip. Wait a minute- where the hell are we going?"
"Where do you want to go?"
"Home."
"As soon as you have one, I'll take you to it."
"That was so cold, Jarod. Am I really rubbing off on you that much. Bad influence- yes, but gosh."
"You've only rubbed on me once, and then you pulled a gun," I look at my watch, "It was only five minutes ago." I raise five fingers for extra emphasise.
I walk over to the mini fridge. Oh wow. Look at all these goodies!
"Want some YooHoo, Parker?"
"Dear Lord, spare me now."
"That's not a very nice thing to say."
"Would you rather I spare you?" That's not very appetizing.
"No. Not really."
"Order some room service."
"What's the magic word?"
"Now!"
"Good enough for you."
I now order some pancakes and orange juice for my perky roommate. Sometimes she is just a little too happy.
"Oh wow. You can order movies, too?" I ask the clerk on the other end of the line.
"Yes. We're having a classic musical special today."
"Send me two of them, I'm sure they will be quite enjoyable."
"Yes sir. Your food will be there in approximatly ten minutes and your movie is starting on channel 114," He told me and then he hung up. People have a tendancy to hang up on me. There's that annoying kharma again! What comes around goes around, but really- do I have a sticker on my head that says 'hang up on me.' I flip to the correct channel and see a woman singing on a mountain.
"The hills are alive with the sound of music-" she says.
"No. NO. NO! We are not watching The Sound Of Music!"
"So that's what its called. What a clever concept-"
"You are infuriating and incorrigible. I swear to God- you and your classic movies. If you start singing 'Somewhere Over the Rainbow' I'm knocking you straight to-"
"Where?"
"Anywhere but here!"
"Hey isn't that a book?"
I hear the door slam. It was just a simple question dang it. Fine, she can stay in the bathroom. That means I get her food.
"Don't you dare think about eating my food!" Well there goes my breakfast. How did she do that?
"Wow. I kinda like this movie! The whole concept of acting, singing, and dancing at the same time... that's remarkable! What do they call them? Actors? Singers? Dancers? This is kind of confusing even for a genius?"
"Jarod! Who the hell are you talking to?"
"Oh. Did I say that out loud?" By that time Parker had walked out of the bathroom.
"I tend to talk to myself now and then-"
"Jarod. Shut up!"
"I mean as a little kid growing up in The Centre the only person I could talk to was... well, me."
"Jarod. Stop talking!"
"But then again, I occasionaly had you or Angelo to converse with-"
"JAROD! STOP TALKING!"
"Ok?!? Jeez. You don't have to yell. You could've just asked."
"I did ask. Several times actually."
"You did? Oh. Hey what do you call these people? Actors? Singers? or Dancers? They do all three."
"They're triple threats-"
"Who do they threaten?"
"They don't-"
"Then why are they called triple threats?"
"Because they can do all three."
"All three what?"
"Oh. My. God! I've yet to meet this exceptional genius that I've spent five years looking for!"
"Wow. I always thought you were looking for me?" That's about the time the door slammed...again.
***************
"I'm going to cut you off now. I'll call you a cab." the Bartender told me.
"No! I want Jarod to come get me."
"Who's Jarod?"
"Umm..... that's a toughy. No one's quite sure on that one. He doesn't know either."
"Ok, sure. What does he look like?"
"He's about ten feet tall, and he's really pretty. He's a pretty boy. Did 'ya know that he was a model once. And a Lawyer. And a Doctor. And a Photographer. And a Bounty Hunter. And a-"
"Ok. Just who is this guy?"
"He's a Pretender! There are Pretenders among us. In 1963 a corporation known as The Centre isolated a young pretender named Jarod, and exploited his genius for their research. And then one day their Pretender ran away."
"Right? umm. does this guy have a phone number?"
"Yup."
"Well, what is it."
"I don't know."
"Well how do you know he has a phone number?"
"Duh! He has a phone. It's little, an-and black, kinda rectangular-"
"Ok. Thank you for the description of basically every phone in America-"
"Look it! It's Jarod. Do you want his autograph?"
Jarod walks up to me and says,"I had a feeling I'd find you here."
"Really did your inner sense tell you that?"
"Ok. umm... she said something about you being a Pretender?" said the Bartender.
"Bartender, Pretender. They sound the same. Ha ha ha. That's funny! Isn't that funny Jarod!?"
"Don't listen to her. She's a little tipsy if you didn't notice."
"No I'm not!" I try to stand up but fail miserably. Fortunatly Jarod caught me. "Weeh, that was fun! Lets do that again!"
"Parker, I'm gonna take you back to the hotel and let you sleep it off."
"But I wanna paaarty!
"Come out to the car now Parker"
"Bye Mr Bartender, guy, sir, lady-man. Can I have one to go? No? Ok. You were very helpful! hee hee."
"Ok. Parker. Come on."
"You're magically delicious!" Did I just lick Jarod?
"Did you just lick me?"
"No."
"I think 'ya did."
"Well maybe it's time for a thinking alteration. Wow! that was funny. hee hee hee hee!"
"Now you're scaring me. It's hard enough to get a smile out of you, and now you're giggling excessively."
"Hee hee hee hee hee."
"I think it's time for you to lay down."
"Okie dokie smokie."
"NO! NOT ON THE CEMENT! Parker, Why are you crying?"
"Well," snif snif, "you yelled at me, I was just doing what you said."
"I'm sorry Parker."
"Are you sure?" snif snif
"Yes."
"Okay!"
"Um...Excuse me? What happened to the crying?"
"Oh, that? I learned to turn on and off while at boarding school. It's cold down here."
"Here's a suggestion, get up."
"I can't."
"Why?"
"Because...I'm stuck! hee hee hee" Jarod yanks me off of the sidewalk, "Look at me! Look at me! I can fly! hee hee hee."
"I think I'm gonna take you back to the hotel so you can lay down in a bed."
"Only if you lay down with me," I slurred.
"Um ... You can't do that by yourself?" Jarod asked. He's so silly.
"Nope." I started bobbing my head back and forth.
"Woah. Okay. If it makes you feel better, and you don't pull a gun on me again."
"Why would I do that?"
"Gee. I don't know. Maybe because you're Parker!?"
"I am?"
"Oh. My. God. This is going to be a long night. Now I'll have to keep you on a leash."
"I know you want me Jarod, but that's just a little extreme. Not to mention desperate." I take a few second to think, "I like it!"
"We're here!"
"Where?"
"Our hotel room."
"They should call it a hotel place. 'Ya know, you get more than one room, there's the bathroom too."
"Ok. Parker. Time to lay down."
"No. I wanna sing a song! You can kiss me in the moonlight, on the rooftop under the sky,You can kiss me with the windows open, while the rain comes pouring inside...Kiss me in sweet slow-"
"Ok. As much as I enjoyed your musical talents, I'm really gonna have to ask you to stop."
"Strip?"
"NO! I don't want you to strip! Just...Just stop singing."
"You don't like my singing?" I start to cry.
"No. I think it was beautiful." I cheer up conisderably.
"You think I'm beautiful? Aww... Well I think you're beautiful too Jarod."
"Um... Thanks. I think?"
"Don't worry. Just because I think you're beautiful doesn't mena I'm gonna jump you the first chance I get. But if you get the uncontrollable urge to 'attack' me, well...-"
"Parker. Sleep.Now."
"Remember our agreement? I sleep when you sleep. And you sleep with me."
Jarod's eyebrows rose, they look like catterpillars. Hee hee.
"Why are you laughing?"
"Sleep sleep. Don't confuse me. You said sleep and now you wanta chit chat. What's it gonna be?"
"Go to bed, Parker," he told me.
"Okie dokie smokie! You comin', too?"
He pondered this a moment, shrugged his shoulders, and followed. I always knew he was a smart boy.
===================
Quick question to all the people reading these: Can you tell that we like Parker drunk? I mean I know we're not the only ones who think that it's absolutely hilarious. *Aqua sighs, she knows her reputation as a Pretender fanfic writer has just gone down the drain*
So one bag of Shrek Sour Punch Bites, one worn out dictionary, Aqua's 35 glasses of water, and an hour and a half of sensless giggling, you get this second installment in the Road Trip vignette.....
Hey if we're totally freaking you out and you think we need serious help or you like our story (there's really no plot but we'll just call it a story for kicks) or you want to yell and scream at us because we're so tired. Then send us some yummy feedback! Whatever works for you...