Disclaimer: We don't own Jarod, Miss Parker, The Centre, Sydney, Broots, Raines, Mr Parker, Lyle, Brigitte, Zoe, Thomas, Parker's drink, the hotel place, NBC and other three letter places that 'know drama' (I wanna meet drama), the car, the parking lot, the stalker bellboy, or the bunnies or the bunny song, actually we do own that. Yay! We don't have to be depressed today! You notice half the crap we write is stuff I say and you write it anyway, Aqua. Your point being? Its funny. Loss of originality points right there. Oh my Bob she's writing that. STOP! And we own Mr Bubba and the Llama Lounge and the stalker bellboy. I already said that but that's okay. We own Tyler's name but you can have him cause honestly, he gets on my (Aqua's) nerves. Little Clone Boy really pisses me off. Sorry, but hey he does not deserve to be a character. Little Jarod, yes. Little Clone Boy Jarod- no. Oh, and I have nothing against Ryan Merriman, he's a great actor and all, I'm just not digging the clone thing. Err, frustrates me... I'm sorry. Hey, Aqua, I think he's kinda cute. On a scale from cute guy to absolutely gorgous, I'd say he's up there on the absolutely gorgous side. sigh (Mac)_ Oh and we don't own the song that never ends or The West Side Story or Trace Adkins' cool song (Aqua, its country it can't be that cool. You are so wrong, Mac. You'll come to your senses one day my friend) or the toilet she's hurling in (TMI), but technicolor yawn is mine. I just thought you people would like to know that. I'm not sharing, just like Aqua with her stupid keyboard. I'm telling you, Mac, my house= my keyboard. Hands off, chicadee. I belive we are finished. Do we get a cookie or something for having the longest disclaimer ever made possible. I think we're forgetting something major. We're gonna be sued. Oh yes! We don't own The Pretender! Vital...
Authors' Note: All right, keeping the time. It is now 3:00 PM and we have just gotten home from a school day in which we have been opening every locker in the locker room and immediately slamming them all like dominos, pissing substitute teachers off, switching seats to make the teacher think he was as crazy as we are (weren't you sitting there? No, I was sitting here the whole time... ), cracking up during the assembly in front of the cool guest speaker (just say no to drugs), delaying an entire lunch block, and playing 'toss the pink, suicidal, Jiggly Puff' in gym! "Don't push her! She's a Pokemon on the edge! She's had one too many Pikachu's!" So hopefully we are high-per enough to entertain you again. And ourselves, hee hee. I didn't know you wrote that, Aqua! You write lots of stuff when I'm just cracking up! Cool! WOOOH! Boo yah!! In your face, disgrace!! NO! My dog is not dead! It just lays VERY still!
Another Author's Note: My (Aqua) mom said that this part would be harder to write, talk about family support. Yes, this was after my brother (also known as my "5th and a half cousin") went flying down the stairs breaking the plate into about a zillion pieces. I know that's not a real number, but you know what, you'll get over it. It was kinda like one of those moments when you're just sitting there, normal family dinner and then he falls and we simultaneously turn our heads and stare silently. Then, of course, I bust out laughing, Mom starts freaking out, and Dad continues to eat... I know you wanted to know my family adventures. There's plenty more where that came from! And now on to Mac! I'm thinking its time to write the story now, Aqua. They really don't need to know more about our dysfunctional (i can spell, i can spell!) lives. Okay, moving along now, rather quickly. And on that note... OK yeah....
PS
Do you know what PS means, it means post scriptum, I learned that in Latin class. Oh wait, what were we writing? Stop it! The keyboard is mine, all mine! It's my house, my keyboard. This is your house... YES! It is! I forget again. Oh yes, I think we're high-per enough right now! It is now 3:24... hee hee hee evil sinister laugh
PPS
I'm mad that the door opens, Aqua, when there is a lock on it. It's not locked! Ok, we are seriously gonna stop now as soon Mac stops suffocating herself. Oh, she has the hic-ups! Moving along now....
Author's PS note: I have a golf cart. AVALANCHE!!!spur of the moment comment, sorry couldn't resist. My mouth has a mind of its own as I've told many of my teachers. Guys, don't take that the wrong way. All done now
Author's PPS note: My little brother, Cade, is four years old and he is watching Mortal Kombat (isn't that scary) so we have the scary MK music in the background and Mac is doing the model walk and vogue. Whatever that is... OH MY BOB! Hey people, you watching the olympics? Well, they say that everyone has a twin out there and I saw mine! She was there! In the stands! It was so cool. Okay. Oh you're talking to me, Mac, as opposed to yourself. OK! We really need to start now. Hey maybe we'll get a little gold star for having the longest disclamer/author's note, before the title thing ever! (3:45)
Road Trip
part 3 - The Stalking Bellboy VS The Bunnies
by Aqua & Mac
What is that incessant noise coming from the other room of the hotel place? Sounds like... like technicolor vomitting, or was it technicolor buicks? Well, whatever Parker told me. I yawn. Oh my gosh! Its technicolor yawning! Not those other things. Wait, who would yawn at this hour or vom- whatever. Screw it! I'm going to go check in on our unexpected guest now.
"Hmm hmm hmm hum," I very much enjoy that wedding song. I walk around the one bed and knock on the door, "Parker?"
"Piss off!"
Ok... I'm thinking she's just a little mad, "Are you mad at me?"
"No, Pez-head, I'm hurling for my own pleasure."
"Hurling?" That doesn't sound like pleasure to me.
"I explained this to you the other day. You're a Pretender! Pretend you understand! Knock your head against the wall or jump off a bridge for all I care."
"Hey, I've done that once. Of course, I had a cable, but-"
"Shutup, I have a headache!"
"Its not my fault you know."
"Actually it is. You were the one who drove me to the bar where I got smashed and-"
"Umm, you walked."
"ERRGH!"
"You're right! I drove you didn't I?" he said nervously. "She best not put a gun in my face or I'll have to attack her like... like... like when vetetables attack! I saw this on a television guide programing pamphlet. It was quite intriguing."
"I can put a gun in your face if I damn well feel like it," she yelled."Jarod...who the hell are you talking to? Is the stalking bellboy out there? 'Cause if he is, I'll have to shoot you and him!"
Oh, yes. The stalking bellboy. Parker is convinced that this bellboy has been stalking her. She says he shows up unexpectedly around every corner...around which corners, I'm not sure. Maybe...well...around the corners to get some ice, or to the bathroom...well, hopefully not the bathroom. I whispered to the mystery man,"Hey, um... maybe you should go. I mean she has been kind of freaked out lately, and saying you follow her everywhere. But I don't think you...wait! What are you doing in my hotel place?"
"Um...mister, you wanted some clean sheets."
"I did?"
"JAROD!!" Parker yelled from no doubtedly, her spot on the tile floor.
"Um...yeah. The...the...brunette called and asked for them."
"Oooohhh...wait! How would you know what color hair she had over the phone?"
"JAROD!!Who the hell are you talking to?"
"Um...Um...no one."
"I swear to God. If you say you are talking to yourself"
"I'm not! I'm-"
"Then who are you talking to?" she asked incredulously.
"Um...I...um...bd-gh-uh-Brigitte?" The bellboy nodded in agreement.
"Really?" I could tell she was being sarcastic, by the tone of voice she had. 'Ya know? She used that a lot when we were kids when she didn't believe me.
"Uh...yeah! We're just...um...chillin', sittin' back, havin' a Bud."
"That's it. I'm coming out." she stated bluntly.
Oh man. I'm waving my hands frantically ushering that stalker out of MY hotel place. "Go go go go go," I strain. The door flys open and I immediately place my hand up on my head and start whistling.
"Who was that just leaving?"
"Um, Briggite. She didn't want to stay and play House with us."
"Excuse me." Her eyebrow was raised. That means T-R-O-U-B-L-E. That's a country song. FYI.
"Why are you angry, my pastry treat?" Wow! That woman has got a great right hook, "what was that for?"
"I have never been nor will I ever be referred to as a doughnut. Especially by you- you- Mr I Am Krispy Kreme! I'm leaving this hell hole!"
The door slammed, while Jarod remained standing in confusion.
"Ok," I guess she has to sort out her problems.
Miss Parker's figure reemmerged from the doorway. She looks a little pale.
"I hate you," she says in a high-pitched voice before plummeting to the ground.
"Why?" She's unconcious. I guess she's not about to reply. I don't understand.
============
Light. Ow. Pain. I open my eyes after having collapsed onto the ground I assume. Oh. My. God. There's two of them, now! Aww. I didn't think I'd hurt myself, not to mention kill myself! Because the only way this could happen to me is if I was in Hell......
"Good morning, Miss Parker! How are you doing on this bright beautiful sunshiney day?" Jarod asked me, "guess what guess what guess what! Tyler is going to stay with us for a while! Isn't that great?"
"Who? What? Why? Huh?" I'm in Hell. I'm sorry, God. I'll make it up to you. I won't curse, drink, smoke, carry my gun, I'll wear conservative clothes, skirts that come past my knees. Just make it all go away! Make the nightmare go away!
"Tyler, my brother, well you know him as Gemini, my clone. He's here! Voila!"
There's two of them. Two Jarods. I need a drink. A very, very strong drink.
I stood up and walked to the door. I turned back when I heard Jarod's voice, "Miss Parker, where are you going? You're going to miss our movie marathon! And this time, its 'West Side Story!'" He's much too perky to withstand.
I slammed the door.
============
There was a air of smoke pressuring in on Parker's senses from all around. Home, sweet home she thought. Ditch the football scenario behind her, and she was in Heaven. Jarod and Little Clone Boy were really starting to piss her off and this was definitely the way to go. The noise was irking her to no end, but soon all the pain would be forgotten.
"Back so soon?" asked the bartender as I slumped onto the stool I've come to claim.
"Shutup and serve me!" I demanded.
"What's the magic word?" He best not be thinking the "P" word.
"Now!"
"Someone's a little demanding."
"Well, I happen to be very thirsty." And someone happens to be very cocky.
"There also happens to be a convenience store down the street." 7 11 is not exactly my style.
"Are you refusing my service? 'Cause I'm thinking that a Big Gulp isn't exactly what I had in mind, Bubba."
"No. Just makin' a suggestion."
"You're not paid to make suggestions, you're paid to get me drunk."
"Depends on how much your payin'."
"You know, I'm gonna need you to stop talking and bring on the Vodka. Did I say tomorrow? No, I said yesterday. Now go!" I pointed towards his way and off he went like a busy little beaver.
Finally, after like a minute, he comes back.
"Well, I'm glad you didn't have a heart-attack at the pace you were going."
"Little Miss Impatient."
"What did you say to me, Bubba?"
"Um, are you on vacation?"
I really hope he doesn't think I'm falling for that line. I havn't even had my first sip, yet. I put the glass to my lips and ahh, soon I get a little taste of Heaven at last. Sigh. Like I said, Home Sweet Home.
=============
"Where do you think she went?" Tyler inquired innocently.
"Where she always goes," I answered.
I looked at the boy, "The Llama Lounge."
"The Llama Lounge?"
"Yes, the Llama Lounge. Local bar. We are in a pretty old fashioned kind of place. I guess. Maybe. I don't know. That's just what its called."
"Umm, okay, Jarod." I wonder if they'll have llamas there. They are quite facinating creatures and so unacknowledged.
"Lovable little things, huh?" I asked my companion.
"Don't they spit at you?"
"Only if they don't like you. Leave the poor things alone! They're just misunderstood!" Like me...
==============
"This is the song that never ends. Yes it goes on and on my friend. Some people-"
"I'm going to need you to stop displaying your musical expertise," Mr Bubba told me.
"Hey what's your name, Mr Bubba?"
"Its Jack."
"Well, Jack. Jack Frost. Hee hee. Robert Frost, Frosty the Snowman, Snow White, Jackedy Jack Jack, I'm gonna call ya Mr Bubba. Okay?"
"Okay, thanks for all the different variations of my name, but that's what you have been calling me."
"I have? Yeah I know. Why do you need to labor the point, Dude!?"
"Look, there's your friend, the pretender."
"Which sounds like bartender."
"Exactly." He's so smart. I think he's a pretender, too.
"Parker," it's Jarod! "such a surprise to see you here."
"No, I come here a lot. My new crib you know. Hey Bubba, these are my peeps, Jarod and Tyler. Aren't they cute? Hey- notice the smimilarity between 'em? Huh huh didja didja." I whisper and get closer to Bubba, "cause they's clones!"
"Right, and he's a pretender." He pointed at Jarod or Tyler. Not sure which, but hey what's the difference.
"Hey, how'd he know that?" Tyler said.
"Hee hee hee. His inner sense told him. Hello! Ooh ooh knock knock!"
They both kinda looked around.
"Oh yeah. I forgetted. Never mind."
All right, Parker I have some news for you."
"Gasp! News flash!" I said while falling off of my stool. Woah! Okay...
"I thought she was just supposed to gasp not actually inform us that she is in a state of gasping." Tyler is just a tad and a half slower than Jarod, but he's helpin' me up, so that's okay.
"She's drunk, son." Jarod patted him on the head.
"Hey hey hey," she waved her finger around after being placed back on my feet again, "he's not your son, Babe."
"Really? Hey, don't you want to hear the news."
"Go for it. Knock yourself out."
"I was searching through the database of the mainframe and found some intriguing documents-"
"Woah woah woah- two things. 1) this is not a news flash and b) lose the big words and speak slowly. Its early. I'm tired. Shut up or speak slowly. Oh and keep your words to a minimum of two ooh-ahs. Two claps, please."
"It is 4:30." Tyler informed us. Such a smart little whipper-snapper.
"Two claps?" Jarod asked. Not quite as sharp as his young follower.
"Yea. You know. Like, 'Par-ker'" she said while clapping her hands together twice.
"Do you mean syllables?" he ventured.
I giggled, "Yep that's the word I think. 'Cept right now I'm really not into that thinking thing- this aint no thinkin thing, right brain, left brain, it goes a little deeper than that. Its a physical, chemical, emotional, devotion, passion that -"
"Listen to me, Parker-"
"I am 'listening to you,' Jarod." She overexcessively repeated her air-quotes.
"I believe you use those twice. Once at the beginning and once at the end." Tyler just reeks of information!
"Oh my Bob! I've got bunnies!" I looked at my curled fingers and giggled at the sight of bunny ears on my hands. That's really delightful.
"Bunny bunny one bunny bunny two. Bunny bunny one bunny bunny 'b'. Bunny bunny-"
"Listen to me both of you!"
"Me in the bunnies are listening quite attenti-titit-intively. That's a real big word. Confusin. Hee hee hee hee." I started pulling one of those uncontrollable silent laughs and one big deep breath before repeating the process over again.
"Wait, Miss Parker, would you demonstate the bunny method once again. Its rather intriguing."
"Uh huh uh huh. It goes like this," I start bopping around again and bunnying, "bunny bunny one, bunny bunny 'b', bunny bunny six, bunny bunny oh, bunny bunny bunny bunnies everywhere we go!"
Tyler makes a valiant attempt, but you know. I am a lot better. I kicked his cotton tail! I am totally rocking it with the bunnies.
"Lyle and Briggite are on their way, as we speak! We have got to go, NOW!"
"Well, why don't we just stop talking and then they'll stop coming?"
Jarod stopped to think about this. "No," he shook his head, "we seriously need to go. Tyler, stop bunnying- I mean whatever you're doing. We are leaving now."
"Oh, I am sorry Jarod." Tyler started walking towards the car.
"I'm not about to go through the same routine as last time, Parker," Jarod said when Tyler had left throught the parting doors, "we don't have the time."
Weeh! I'm flying again! Obviously he decided to take the more direct route and just carry me to the car. I hope I don't drop the bunnies. Okay, we are at the car. He put me in the back and sat down next to me. Apparantly young Tyler is not so young and he can drive. I can use this to my advantage. Of course, we could just show a cop Jarod's picture. I mean he IS like the same kinda sorta person. Hey, what is that thing he just put on me. Its black, got some shiny hard stuff on it. I've never seen one of these before. Jarod must have invented it.
"Okay, Parker, time to put on your seatbelt."
"Seat...belt. Seatbelt. Nifty, what's it do what's it do?"
"Oh, that's right. You're not exactly accustomed to using one."
"Using what?"
"The seatbelt."
"Seat...belt. Seatbelt. Neat-O, what's it do what's it do? Don't leave me outta the loop."
"We just went over this. It keeps you from getting hurt." I'm confused. "Pain."
"Oh. I thought that's what sweepers were for."
He kinda sighs. And sits down next to bunny bunny one. Tyler turned the thing in the thing and the thing starts roaring. "Can we open the windows?"
"We havn't even moved yet."
There's a pause, "Are we there yet?"
"You mean out of the parking space? No."
"Oh okay. Where we going?"
"I don't know."
"Well, I kinda thought you had to know that to go somewhere."
"No not really."
"Why?"
"Because."
"Oh. Hey! I like that word. Because because because because because! Hey, because starts with a 'b' just like bunny. Because because because."
"Parker-"
"Because because because because-"
"Parker-"
"Because because bunny because because." I throw my arms up during the bunny! "Seatbelt goes click click click the seatbelt on the car goes click click clikc all the way to- where are we going again?"
"I do not know, Parker."
"Aww, you ruined my song. 'I do not know, Parker' does not rhyme! I'm not talking to you anymore."
"Thank God."
"Its Bob!"
"I thought you weren't talking to me."
"I'm not. I'm talkin' to the bunnies! This is Bob and this is Bobberta."
And everything goes black.
Please send feedback:
To Aqua: Aquagirl157@cs.com
To Mac: Oldnavybabe2k@aol.com
Author's Note: Whew, that was long and really stupid but we thought that maybe we should throw in some sort of a plot at some point. They are coming. There's your plot for you. The bunnies are coming, too! The gremlins! They are coming! The llamas! They are coming! STOP! I can't type that fast, Mac. I'm gonna cry. Hic-ups hurt. Guess what people. We took a break and played on my swingset and I fell and got a concussion and things were dizzy all on behalf of you. Don't you feel special? Then, Mac broke her neckalace and lost her charm and then I found it and then she lost it again and then she found it again. Where'd it go anyway? I thought you had it, Aqua. No. You kinda had it. Not really. Cade! LOL! That's funny. Okay, moving along. You wanta know something? We really hate it when Parker is drunk. I mean say no to alcohal people! Its only funny when- screw it- scratch that. Have you all noticed that throughout the whole series, we see Parker drinking in about 75% of the episodes and yet we only really see her drunk in one episode, Wake Up! They are coming the llamas are coming, the gremlins are coming. Aqua, why do you have to write everything I say? Cause its so funny and so realistic. I think half this post is our Notes and Disclamers. Oh and I'd like to mention the fact that I, Aqua, made this awesome title! Go me! I rock! Booyah! In your face disgrace, Mac. Okay yo, the whole Bunny thing was mine so talk to the hand Aqua, back up off me, Punk! You're a freak.... *cough cough* prep *cough cough...*
(Ending time: 1:32 AM hey we took a few breaks, went out to eat... had a life- something unknown to us...)
Authors' Note: All right, keeping the time. It is now 3:00 PM and we have just gotten home from a school day in which we have been opening every locker in the locker room and immediately slamming them all like dominos, pissing substitute teachers off, switching seats to make the teacher think he was as crazy as we are (weren't you sitting there? No, I was sitting here the whole time... ), cracking up during the assembly in front of the cool guest speaker (just say no to drugs), delaying an entire lunch block, and playing 'toss the pink, suicidal, Jiggly Puff' in gym! "Don't push her! She's a Pokemon on the edge! She's had one too many Pikachu's!" So hopefully we are high-per enough to entertain you again. And ourselves, hee hee. I didn't know you wrote that, Aqua! You write lots of stuff when I'm just cracking up! Cool! WOOOH! Boo yah!! In your face, disgrace!! NO! My dog is not dead! It just lays VERY still!
Another Author's Note: My (Aqua) mom said that this part would be harder to write, talk about family support. Yes, this was after my brother (also known as my "5th and a half cousin") went flying down the stairs breaking the plate into about a zillion pieces. I know that's not a real number, but you know what, you'll get over it. It was kinda like one of those moments when you're just sitting there, normal family dinner and then he falls and we simultaneously turn our heads and stare silently. Then, of course, I bust out laughing, Mom starts freaking out, and Dad continues to eat... I know you wanted to know my family adventures. There's plenty more where that came from! And now on to Mac! I'm thinking its time to write the story now, Aqua. They really don't need to know more about our dysfunctional (i can spell, i can spell!) lives. Okay, moving along now, rather quickly. And on that note... OK yeah....
PS
Do you know what PS means, it means post scriptum, I learned that in Latin class. Oh wait, what were we writing? Stop it! The keyboard is mine, all mine! It's my house, my keyboard. This is your house... YES! It is! I forget again. Oh yes, I think we're high-per enough right now! It is now 3:24... hee hee hee evil sinister laugh
PPS
I'm mad that the door opens, Aqua, when there is a lock on it. It's not locked! Ok, we are seriously gonna stop now as soon Mac stops suffocating herself. Oh, she has the hic-ups! Moving along now....
Author's PS note: I have a golf cart. AVALANCHE!!!spur of the moment comment, sorry couldn't resist. My mouth has a mind of its own as I've told many of my teachers. Guys, don't take that the wrong way. All done now
Author's PPS note: My little brother, Cade, is four years old and he is watching Mortal Kombat (isn't that scary) so we have the scary MK music in the background and Mac is doing the model walk and vogue. Whatever that is... OH MY BOB! Hey people, you watching the olympics? Well, they say that everyone has a twin out there and I saw mine! She was there! In the stands! It was so cool. Okay. Oh you're talking to me, Mac, as opposed to yourself. OK! We really need to start now. Hey maybe we'll get a little gold star for having the longest disclamer/author's note, before the title thing ever! (3:45)
Road Trip
part 3 - The Stalking Bellboy VS The Bunnies
by Aqua & Mac
What is that incessant noise coming from the other room of the hotel place? Sounds like... like technicolor vomitting, or was it technicolor buicks? Well, whatever Parker told me. I yawn. Oh my gosh! Its technicolor yawning! Not those other things. Wait, who would yawn at this hour or vom- whatever. Screw it! I'm going to go check in on our unexpected guest now.
"Hmm hmm hmm hum," I very much enjoy that wedding song. I walk around the one bed and knock on the door, "Parker?"
"Piss off!"
Ok... I'm thinking she's just a little mad, "Are you mad at me?"
"No, Pez-head, I'm hurling for my own pleasure."
"Hurling?" That doesn't sound like pleasure to me.
"I explained this to you the other day. You're a Pretender! Pretend you understand! Knock your head against the wall or jump off a bridge for all I care."
"Hey, I've done that once. Of course, I had a cable, but-"
"Shutup, I have a headache!"
"Its not my fault you know."
"Actually it is. You were the one who drove me to the bar where I got smashed and-"
"Umm, you walked."
"ERRGH!"
"You're right! I drove you didn't I?" he said nervously. "She best not put a gun in my face or I'll have to attack her like... like... like when vetetables attack! I saw this on a television guide programing pamphlet. It was quite intriguing."
"I can put a gun in your face if I damn well feel like it," she yelled."Jarod...who the hell are you talking to? Is the stalking bellboy out there? 'Cause if he is, I'll have to shoot you and him!"
Oh, yes. The stalking bellboy. Parker is convinced that this bellboy has been stalking her. She says he shows up unexpectedly around every corner...around which corners, I'm not sure. Maybe...well...around the corners to get some ice, or to the bathroom...well, hopefully not the bathroom. I whispered to the mystery man,"Hey, um... maybe you should go. I mean she has been kind of freaked out lately, and saying you follow her everywhere. But I don't think you...wait! What are you doing in my hotel place?"
"Um...mister, you wanted some clean sheets."
"I did?"
"JAROD!!" Parker yelled from no doubtedly, her spot on the tile floor.
"Um...yeah. The...the...brunette called and asked for them."
"Oooohhh...wait! How would you know what color hair she had over the phone?"
"JAROD!!Who the hell are you talking to?"
"Um...Um...no one."
"I swear to God. If you say you are talking to yourself"
"I'm not! I'm-"
"Then who are you talking to?" she asked incredulously.
"Um...I...um...bd-gh-uh-Brigitte?" The bellboy nodded in agreement.
"Really?" I could tell she was being sarcastic, by the tone of voice she had. 'Ya know? She used that a lot when we were kids when she didn't believe me.
"Uh...yeah! We're just...um...chillin', sittin' back, havin' a Bud."
"That's it. I'm coming out." she stated bluntly.
Oh man. I'm waving my hands frantically ushering that stalker out of MY hotel place. "Go go go go go," I strain. The door flys open and I immediately place my hand up on my head and start whistling.
"Who was that just leaving?"
"Um, Briggite. She didn't want to stay and play House with us."
"Excuse me." Her eyebrow was raised. That means T-R-O-U-B-L-E. That's a country song. FYI.
"Why are you angry, my pastry treat?" Wow! That woman has got a great right hook, "what was that for?"
"I have never been nor will I ever be referred to as a doughnut. Especially by you- you- Mr I Am Krispy Kreme! I'm leaving this hell hole!"
The door slammed, while Jarod remained standing in confusion.
"Ok," I guess she has to sort out her problems.
Miss Parker's figure reemmerged from the doorway. She looks a little pale.
"I hate you," she says in a high-pitched voice before plummeting to the ground.
"Why?" She's unconcious. I guess she's not about to reply. I don't understand.
============
Light. Ow. Pain. I open my eyes after having collapsed onto the ground I assume. Oh. My. God. There's two of them, now! Aww. I didn't think I'd hurt myself, not to mention kill myself! Because the only way this could happen to me is if I was in Hell......
"Good morning, Miss Parker! How are you doing on this bright beautiful sunshiney day?" Jarod asked me, "guess what guess what guess what! Tyler is going to stay with us for a while! Isn't that great?"
"Who? What? Why? Huh?" I'm in Hell. I'm sorry, God. I'll make it up to you. I won't curse, drink, smoke, carry my gun, I'll wear conservative clothes, skirts that come past my knees. Just make it all go away! Make the nightmare go away!
"Tyler, my brother, well you know him as Gemini, my clone. He's here! Voila!"
There's two of them. Two Jarods. I need a drink. A very, very strong drink.
I stood up and walked to the door. I turned back when I heard Jarod's voice, "Miss Parker, where are you going? You're going to miss our movie marathon! And this time, its 'West Side Story!'" He's much too perky to withstand.
I slammed the door.
============
There was a air of smoke pressuring in on Parker's senses from all around. Home, sweet home she thought. Ditch the football scenario behind her, and she was in Heaven. Jarod and Little Clone Boy were really starting to piss her off and this was definitely the way to go. The noise was irking her to no end, but soon all the pain would be forgotten.
"Back so soon?" asked the bartender as I slumped onto the stool I've come to claim.
"Shutup and serve me!" I demanded.
"What's the magic word?" He best not be thinking the "P" word.
"Now!"
"Someone's a little demanding."
"Well, I happen to be very thirsty." And someone happens to be very cocky.
"There also happens to be a convenience store down the street." 7 11 is not exactly my style.
"Are you refusing my service? 'Cause I'm thinking that a Big Gulp isn't exactly what I had in mind, Bubba."
"No. Just makin' a suggestion."
"You're not paid to make suggestions, you're paid to get me drunk."
"Depends on how much your payin'."
"You know, I'm gonna need you to stop talking and bring on the Vodka. Did I say tomorrow? No, I said yesterday. Now go!" I pointed towards his way and off he went like a busy little beaver.
Finally, after like a minute, he comes back.
"Well, I'm glad you didn't have a heart-attack at the pace you were going."
"Little Miss Impatient."
"What did you say to me, Bubba?"
"Um, are you on vacation?"
I really hope he doesn't think I'm falling for that line. I havn't even had my first sip, yet. I put the glass to my lips and ahh, soon I get a little taste of Heaven at last. Sigh. Like I said, Home Sweet Home.
=============
"Where do you think she went?" Tyler inquired innocently.
"Where she always goes," I answered.
I looked at the boy, "The Llama Lounge."
"The Llama Lounge?"
"Yes, the Llama Lounge. Local bar. We are in a pretty old fashioned kind of place. I guess. Maybe. I don't know. That's just what its called."
"Umm, okay, Jarod." I wonder if they'll have llamas there. They are quite facinating creatures and so unacknowledged.
"Lovable little things, huh?" I asked my companion.
"Don't they spit at you?"
"Only if they don't like you. Leave the poor things alone! They're just misunderstood!" Like me...
==============
"This is the song that never ends. Yes it goes on and on my friend. Some people-"
"I'm going to need you to stop displaying your musical expertise," Mr Bubba told me.
"Hey what's your name, Mr Bubba?"
"Its Jack."
"Well, Jack. Jack Frost. Hee hee. Robert Frost, Frosty the Snowman, Snow White, Jackedy Jack Jack, I'm gonna call ya Mr Bubba. Okay?"
"Okay, thanks for all the different variations of my name, but that's what you have been calling me."
"I have? Yeah I know. Why do you need to labor the point, Dude!?"
"Look, there's your friend, the pretender."
"Which sounds like bartender."
"Exactly." He's so smart. I think he's a pretender, too.
"Parker," it's Jarod! "such a surprise to see you here."
"No, I come here a lot. My new crib you know. Hey Bubba, these are my peeps, Jarod and Tyler. Aren't they cute? Hey- notice the smimilarity between 'em? Huh huh didja didja." I whisper and get closer to Bubba, "cause they's clones!"
"Right, and he's a pretender." He pointed at Jarod or Tyler. Not sure which, but hey what's the difference.
"Hey, how'd he know that?" Tyler said.
"Hee hee hee. His inner sense told him. Hello! Ooh ooh knock knock!"
They both kinda looked around.
"Oh yeah. I forgetted. Never mind."
All right, Parker I have some news for you."
"Gasp! News flash!" I said while falling off of my stool. Woah! Okay...
"I thought she was just supposed to gasp not actually inform us that she is in a state of gasping." Tyler is just a tad and a half slower than Jarod, but he's helpin' me up, so that's okay.
"She's drunk, son." Jarod patted him on the head.
"Hey hey hey," she waved her finger around after being placed back on my feet again, "he's not your son, Babe."
"Really? Hey, don't you want to hear the news."
"Go for it. Knock yourself out."
"I was searching through the database of the mainframe and found some intriguing documents-"
"Woah woah woah- two things. 1) this is not a news flash and b) lose the big words and speak slowly. Its early. I'm tired. Shut up or speak slowly. Oh and keep your words to a minimum of two ooh-ahs. Two claps, please."
"It is 4:30." Tyler informed us. Such a smart little whipper-snapper.
"Two claps?" Jarod asked. Not quite as sharp as his young follower.
"Yea. You know. Like, 'Par-ker'" she said while clapping her hands together twice.
"Do you mean syllables?" he ventured.
I giggled, "Yep that's the word I think. 'Cept right now I'm really not into that thinking thing- this aint no thinkin thing, right brain, left brain, it goes a little deeper than that. Its a physical, chemical, emotional, devotion, passion that -"
"Listen to me, Parker-"
"I am 'listening to you,' Jarod." She overexcessively repeated her air-quotes.
"I believe you use those twice. Once at the beginning and once at the end." Tyler just reeks of information!
"Oh my Bob! I've got bunnies!" I looked at my curled fingers and giggled at the sight of bunny ears on my hands. That's really delightful.
"Bunny bunny one bunny bunny two. Bunny bunny one bunny bunny 'b'. Bunny bunny-"
"Listen to me both of you!"
"Me in the bunnies are listening quite attenti-titit-intively. That's a real big word. Confusin. Hee hee hee hee." I started pulling one of those uncontrollable silent laughs and one big deep breath before repeating the process over again.
"Wait, Miss Parker, would you demonstate the bunny method once again. Its rather intriguing."
"Uh huh uh huh. It goes like this," I start bopping around again and bunnying, "bunny bunny one, bunny bunny 'b', bunny bunny six, bunny bunny oh, bunny bunny bunny bunnies everywhere we go!"
Tyler makes a valiant attempt, but you know. I am a lot better. I kicked his cotton tail! I am totally rocking it with the bunnies.
"Lyle and Briggite are on their way, as we speak! We have got to go, NOW!"
"Well, why don't we just stop talking and then they'll stop coming?"
Jarod stopped to think about this. "No," he shook his head, "we seriously need to go. Tyler, stop bunnying- I mean whatever you're doing. We are leaving now."
"Oh, I am sorry Jarod." Tyler started walking towards the car.
"I'm not about to go through the same routine as last time, Parker," Jarod said when Tyler had left throught the parting doors, "we don't have the time."
Weeh! I'm flying again! Obviously he decided to take the more direct route and just carry me to the car. I hope I don't drop the bunnies. Okay, we are at the car. He put me in the back and sat down next to me. Apparantly young Tyler is not so young and he can drive. I can use this to my advantage. Of course, we could just show a cop Jarod's picture. I mean he IS like the same kinda sorta person. Hey, what is that thing he just put on me. Its black, got some shiny hard stuff on it. I've never seen one of these before. Jarod must have invented it.
"Okay, Parker, time to put on your seatbelt."
"Seat...belt. Seatbelt. Nifty, what's it do what's it do?"
"Oh, that's right. You're not exactly accustomed to using one."
"Using what?"
"The seatbelt."
"Seat...belt. Seatbelt. Neat-O, what's it do what's it do? Don't leave me outta the loop."
"We just went over this. It keeps you from getting hurt." I'm confused. "Pain."
"Oh. I thought that's what sweepers were for."
He kinda sighs. And sits down next to bunny bunny one. Tyler turned the thing in the thing and the thing starts roaring. "Can we open the windows?"
"We havn't even moved yet."
There's a pause, "Are we there yet?"
"You mean out of the parking space? No."
"Oh okay. Where we going?"
"I don't know."
"Well, I kinda thought you had to know that to go somewhere."
"No not really."
"Why?"
"Because."
"Oh. Hey! I like that word. Because because because because because! Hey, because starts with a 'b' just like bunny. Because because because."
"Parker-"
"Because because because because-"
"Parker-"
"Because because bunny because because." I throw my arms up during the bunny! "Seatbelt goes click click click the seatbelt on the car goes click click clikc all the way to- where are we going again?"
"I do not know, Parker."
"Aww, you ruined my song. 'I do not know, Parker' does not rhyme! I'm not talking to you anymore."
"Thank God."
"Its Bob!"
"I thought you weren't talking to me."
"I'm not. I'm talkin' to the bunnies! This is Bob and this is Bobberta."
And everything goes black.
Please send feedback:
To Aqua: Aquagirl157@cs.com
To Mac: Oldnavybabe2k@aol.com
Author's Note: Whew, that was long and really stupid but we thought that maybe we should throw in some sort of a plot at some point. They are coming. There's your plot for you. The bunnies are coming, too! The gremlins! They are coming! The llamas! They are coming! STOP! I can't type that fast, Mac. I'm gonna cry. Hic-ups hurt. Guess what people. We took a break and played on my swingset and I fell and got a concussion and things were dizzy all on behalf of you. Don't you feel special? Then, Mac broke her neckalace and lost her charm and then I found it and then she lost it again and then she found it again. Where'd it go anyway? I thought you had it, Aqua. No. You kinda had it. Not really. Cade! LOL! That's funny. Okay, moving along. You wanta know something? We really hate it when Parker is drunk. I mean say no to alcohal people! Its only funny when- screw it- scratch that. Have you all noticed that throughout the whole series, we see Parker drinking in about 75% of the episodes and yet we only really see her drunk in one episode, Wake Up! They are coming the llamas are coming, the gremlins are coming. Aqua, why do you have to write everything I say? Cause its so funny and so realistic. I think half this post is our Notes and Disclamers. Oh and I'd like to mention the fact that I, Aqua, made this awesome title! Go me! I rock! Booyah! In your face disgrace, Mac. Okay yo, the whole Bunny thing was mine so talk to the hand Aqua, back up off me, Punk! You're a freak.... *cough cough* prep *cough cough...*
(Ending time: 1:32 AM hey we took a few breaks, went out to eat... had a life- something unknown to us...)