Title - Road Trip Part 4:
Author - Aqua & Mac
e-mail address - Aquagirl157@cs.com for Aqua and Oldnavybabe2k@aol.com for Mac
Rating - PG
Category - Comedy ;-)
Spoilers - DO NOT ERASE. Otherwise known as Donoterase. Anything's game.
Keywords - MPJF I guess
Summary - LOL! That's all its for! A laugh for all our stressful lives...
Disclaimer: We do not own THE PRETENDER or any of its characters. We are merely using them for our own personal benefits in our plan to take over the world!!!insert evil maniac laugh here Just kidding... I stole someone's 'cracker jacks to you,' and I'm sorry. It just kinda fit and it was funny... haha. Oh and, we have absolutely nothing against the good people of 7-11 even though this the second time we've cracked on them. Hey, they gave me my light-up PEZ pen! So, if you feel you need to sue us for whatever compulsive reason it may be, I warn you now, we will deny everything and blame The Centre, for which all evil things take place beacuse of.
Road Trip
Part 4: Mr Hollywood, Mini Me, and Skim Milk
Aqua & Mac
"Do you think she's asleep yet, Jarod?" asked Tyler as they evacuated from their recently inhabited city. The green leaves of the trees had melted into a honey brown and they wavered in the gentle breeze as a rented vehicle passed by unnoticed. The three had been in the car for only 45 minutes and the boys were already getting ancy. Years at The Centre will do that to you.
Jarod started waving his hand in front of Miss Parker's face, "Parker, oh sweet angelic Park-"
"Wave your hand in front of my face again and you're going to come back without a finger, grr," a low mumbling voice replied.
"I guess this would be the whole day after, I'm still mad at the world hangover phase."
"Cracker Jacks to you, Einstein," she groaned, "Make the sun go away, Jarod."
"Would you like some sunglasses?" Jarod offered her some black plastic sunglasses after wiping some smudges off of the lense.
"What, did these come off the 99 cents rack at 7-11?" she scoffs, waving them away.
"Hey, they're still functional. I'll wear them if you won't." To prove his point, Jarod slipped the glasses on and folded his hands behind his head, content.
"So, Mr Hollywood, where are we going?"
Tyler piped in from the driver's seat, "Lets go to Vegas!"
"A little young to gamble now aren't we young buck?" Parker ridiculed while picking at her finger nail absently.
"I can still scratch can't I?"
"Scratch what?" Parker inquired, irritated at her own bewilderment.
"Scratch and sniff?" Jarod asked, intrigued.
"No, the lottery tickets. Just pick up a quarter and scratch scratch scratch your heart's content."
"Way too many verbs in one sentence, young man." Jarod scolded.
Parker, who had had enough, got to the point, "Head to the interstate, Tyler, and we'll figure it out from there."
"Where's the interstate?" he asked.
Jarod responded, "Next turn on the left."
"No, that'd be on the right, Franken Freak." Parker contradicted.
"I'm certain its on the left, Miss Parker."
"That'll send us to The Little House on the Praire! Do ya wanta hit a cow, Jarod?"
"Of course not, cows are sacred animals."
"Wrong side of the earth, Columbus."
"You are the one who has been too drunk to know what continent we are even on and now you know the road map of a foreign city. Explain that to me, the genius in this car. We need to go right," Jarod muttered after his rant.
Tyler argued, "Hey, I am a genius, too."
"I thought you said left," Parker said, disregarding Tyler completely.
"I don't remember now!"
They both sighed and threw their arms up in the air.
"Jarod! Stop copying me!" Parker said.
"I'm not mimicking you at all, I do have a personality of my own thank you very much."
"Why would I desire to immitate a lab rat who's been stuck under the earth all his life?"
Tyler giggles from the front seat.
"What's your problem, Mini Me!?"
"I know where to go. I just saw a sign about five minutes ago."
"Well, why didn't you inform us of this?" Jarod exclaimed.
"Well, one, you were too busy yelling at each other to bother asking the driver, of all people. And two, well, it's kinda like a train wreck. You know you shouldn't be watching, but you just can't look away."
****
"Fore!"
"Dad, its Putt-Putt, you don't have to say 'fore' every time you hit the little ball," Debbie muttered as she sipped on her Yoo-Hoo.
"Its the simple things in life, Honey," Broots responded paternally, "for example--that Yoo-Hoo you're drinking-- its not even real chocolate! Its chocolate flavored water, and yet its so darn tasty."
Debbie turned around and muttered, "Oh my God, my dad's a total dork. He's just a plethora of irrelivant facts."
The shrill of Broots' cell phone rang and he hesitantly pulled it out of his pocket and brought it to his ear.
"H-hello?"
"Broots, this is Sydney. I think I have a lead that Lyle may be up to something in a Las Vegas casino called Le Salon de Lama. You need to look into this now that Miss Parker is gone God knows where."
"Oh, well me and Debbie are enjoying ourselves playing Putt-Putt."
"Don't jump to conclusions, Daddy!" Sydney could hear the young voice pipe in.
Broots sighed, "Well, I guess--I guess I'll come. I'll be at The Centre after I drop Debbie off at one of her friend's."
"See you then."
Broots frowned, "I guess this puts an end to our Mini Golf Safari, Deb."
"I think I'll be okay," she replied.
Suddenly, the cell phone interrupted them once again and Broots answered grumpily, "Yes?"
"Its me again," came Sydney's thickly accented voice, with an actual hint of perkiness, "I called to tell you that there's a very interesting documentary on the Discovery Channel about the spotted Bluebird's mating rituals. I think you should tape it."
Broots' face scrunched with confusion, "Is this code? Like, the eagle flies south for the spring--"
"Its winter, dad." Broots pulled a double take as he heard his daughter say something that he could of sworn would have come out of Miss Parker's mouth, had she been there.
"No, not code, just, I thought you might want to see it. Never mind. I'll see you soon. Good-bye."
"Um, bye?" Broots shook his hand and lead his daughter to the parking lot.
*****
"Sunny days... chasing the... clouds away... on my way to where the air is sweet!" The last note of Jarod and Tyler's beloved Sesame Street car tune came out in all sorts of assorted notes. Parker had scooted over to the side door of the car and was inconspicuously rolling the window looking straight ahead. Her eyebrow started twitching, result of the late night visits from Mr Jack and Mrs Daniels.
Jarod looked over at her as she started to lean sideways and he stopped singing, "What are you doing?"
"Jumping."
"Jumping? Why ever would you want to do that?"
"To get away from you crack-heads."
"What did we do now?" Tyler asked.
"Do you want a list?" Parker grunted.
"Don't worry," Jarod assured her, "we are almost there. In fact, I have to make reservations."
"So what basement are we molding in this time?"
"Actually, I think you'll take this one to your liking Miss Parker. Five whole stars."
Miss Parker paused and slowly inched the window back up, not quite sure if she'd soon need to make a quick escape.
Jarod continued, "I hear they have a highly acclaimed golf trail there."
"Ooh!" Tyler exclaimed, "Putt-Putt?"
The window was suddenly back down again and Jarod had to grab Miss Parker by the waist to keep her in the vehicle.
"Not today, Miss Parker. We have so much to do."
"So much to do? I've been with you two freaks for I don't know how long and what have we got accomplished aside from being thrown out of about 5 bars and hotels?"
"Hey! You are the one who got us thrown out of those places. Its not our fault. I was happy watching The Sound of Music in our room."
"Don't you dare say the words 'our room' ever again if you wish to live to see Mommy again."
Jarod's face showed his hurt, "We're almost there."
The three sat in silence for an hour before anyone dared to speak.
Tyler finally broke the unbearable silence, "My foot hurts. I have never driven this far before. Actually, I've never driven before."
"What? Tyler!" Miss Parker scolded.
"Hey I can pretend can't I?" he replied.
"Well, pretend that you wanta drive a little longer."
"Would you rather I slump over and pass out on the steering wheel and crash into something?"
"Crash into something? Do you really see something to crash into?"
"Well--"
"Sorry. Took too long. It must not have been that important if you had to take that long to think of a reasonable answer. You're a disgrace to the Pretender kind!"
"Ooh ooh-- sign!" Tyler pointed to a sign for a nearby truck stop.
"Woo ooh," she flailed her arms about, "where did that little sunburst of energy come from? You don't seem too tired to drive now, Rip Van Winkle."
"I swear, for every comeback me and Tyler have, you just bust out with three more little miss Engergizer Bunny," Jarod piped in, snapping his fingers, "going and going and going and going and--"
"We get the picture! Tyler, pull over at that truck stop," Parker resigned.
Tyler pulled into an empty parking space between the 7-11 and the truck stop. The three got out of the car, Tyler tripping.
"Well, I'm glad we got him out of the front seat, tripping over his own two feet, we would've been dead soon enough," Parker said.
"See! Right there! What did I tell you? Snappy comeback!" Jarod accused with a pointed finger.
Miss Parker's long strides took her to the door of the truck stop and after opening the dirty glass doors, soon turned around and headed back.
"We are not setting one foot in that honky tonk retreat."
"Oh yes we are, Parker." Jarod grabbed her by the wrist and yanked her to the door, "its either this or the 7-11."
"I'm not hungry. Lets just go. I'll drive. Woah, what did I just say?"
"You said you would drive," Tyler informed her.
"No, I won't. I change my mind!"
"Haha, too late Miss Parker. You can wait in the car while we get some food."
"No. I don't trust you. I'm coming to make sure I get some real food."
"All right. Fine."
They entered the building and every eye turned on Parker.
She moaned, "I change my mind, I wanta wait in the car."
"Too late," Jarod grinned.
A man in overalls walked over, "How are you doing little lady?"
"Back off, Bubba."
"How did you know that was my name?" he responded.
"Lucky guess." She looked over at Jarod and Tyler as they piled junk and sweets onto the counter.
****
Back in the car, Jarod and Tyler sat in the backseat examining their goods. Miss Parker was unhappy in her new position as chaufer. She glanced at the two in the mirror, sighed, and gulped down some milk right out of the gallon-sized carton.
"What the hell is wrong with the two of you?"
Jarod looked up, "Us? We're not the ones chugging a gallon of skim milk."
"Hey! I have to get over my drinking problem some how! You got a better idea, Ratboy?"
"Why did I kidnap you, anyway?"
Miss Parker smirked and floored the gas, startling her two passengers.
AN:
Feedback please!
Aqua- Aquagirl157@cs.com
Mac- Oldnavybabe2k@aol.com
Author - Aqua & Mac
e-mail address - Aquagirl157@cs.com for Aqua and Oldnavybabe2k@aol.com for Mac
Rating - PG
Category - Comedy ;-)
Spoilers - DO NOT ERASE. Otherwise known as Donoterase. Anything's game.
Keywords - MPJF I guess
Summary - LOL! That's all its for! A laugh for all our stressful lives...
Disclaimer: We do not own THE PRETENDER or any of its characters. We are merely using them for our own personal benefits in our plan to take over the world!!!insert evil maniac laugh here Just kidding... I stole someone's 'cracker jacks to you,' and I'm sorry. It just kinda fit and it was funny... haha. Oh and, we have absolutely nothing against the good people of 7-11 even though this the second time we've cracked on them. Hey, they gave me my light-up PEZ pen! So, if you feel you need to sue us for whatever compulsive reason it may be, I warn you now, we will deny everything and blame The Centre, for which all evil things take place beacuse of.
Road Trip
Part 4: Mr Hollywood, Mini Me, and Skim Milk
Aqua & Mac
"Do you think she's asleep yet, Jarod?" asked Tyler as they evacuated from their recently inhabited city. The green leaves of the trees had melted into a honey brown and they wavered in the gentle breeze as a rented vehicle passed by unnoticed. The three had been in the car for only 45 minutes and the boys were already getting ancy. Years at The Centre will do that to you.
Jarod started waving his hand in front of Miss Parker's face, "Parker, oh sweet angelic Park-"
"Wave your hand in front of my face again and you're going to come back without a finger, grr," a low mumbling voice replied.
"I guess this would be the whole day after, I'm still mad at the world hangover phase."
"Cracker Jacks to you, Einstein," she groaned, "Make the sun go away, Jarod."
"Would you like some sunglasses?" Jarod offered her some black plastic sunglasses after wiping some smudges off of the lense.
"What, did these come off the 99 cents rack at 7-11?" she scoffs, waving them away.
"Hey, they're still functional. I'll wear them if you won't." To prove his point, Jarod slipped the glasses on and folded his hands behind his head, content.
"So, Mr Hollywood, where are we going?"
Tyler piped in from the driver's seat, "Lets go to Vegas!"
"A little young to gamble now aren't we young buck?" Parker ridiculed while picking at her finger nail absently.
"I can still scratch can't I?"
"Scratch what?" Parker inquired, irritated at her own bewilderment.
"Scratch and sniff?" Jarod asked, intrigued.
"No, the lottery tickets. Just pick up a quarter and scratch scratch scratch your heart's content."
"Way too many verbs in one sentence, young man." Jarod scolded.
Parker, who had had enough, got to the point, "Head to the interstate, Tyler, and we'll figure it out from there."
"Where's the interstate?" he asked.
Jarod responded, "Next turn on the left."
"No, that'd be on the right, Franken Freak." Parker contradicted.
"I'm certain its on the left, Miss Parker."
"That'll send us to The Little House on the Praire! Do ya wanta hit a cow, Jarod?"
"Of course not, cows are sacred animals."
"Wrong side of the earth, Columbus."
"You are the one who has been too drunk to know what continent we are even on and now you know the road map of a foreign city. Explain that to me, the genius in this car. We need to go right," Jarod muttered after his rant.
Tyler argued, "Hey, I am a genius, too."
"I thought you said left," Parker said, disregarding Tyler completely.
"I don't remember now!"
They both sighed and threw their arms up in the air.
"Jarod! Stop copying me!" Parker said.
"I'm not mimicking you at all, I do have a personality of my own thank you very much."
"Why would I desire to immitate a lab rat who's been stuck under the earth all his life?"
Tyler giggles from the front seat.
"What's your problem, Mini Me!?"
"I know where to go. I just saw a sign about five minutes ago."
"Well, why didn't you inform us of this?" Jarod exclaimed.
"Well, one, you were too busy yelling at each other to bother asking the driver, of all people. And two, well, it's kinda like a train wreck. You know you shouldn't be watching, but you just can't look away."
****
"Fore!"
"Dad, its Putt-Putt, you don't have to say 'fore' every time you hit the little ball," Debbie muttered as she sipped on her Yoo-Hoo.
"Its the simple things in life, Honey," Broots responded paternally, "for example--that Yoo-Hoo you're drinking-- its not even real chocolate! Its chocolate flavored water, and yet its so darn tasty."
Debbie turned around and muttered, "Oh my God, my dad's a total dork. He's just a plethora of irrelivant facts."
The shrill of Broots' cell phone rang and he hesitantly pulled it out of his pocket and brought it to his ear.
"H-hello?"
"Broots, this is Sydney. I think I have a lead that Lyle may be up to something in a Las Vegas casino called Le Salon de Lama. You need to look into this now that Miss Parker is gone God knows where."
"Oh, well me and Debbie are enjoying ourselves playing Putt-Putt."
"Don't jump to conclusions, Daddy!" Sydney could hear the young voice pipe in.
Broots sighed, "Well, I guess--I guess I'll come. I'll be at The Centre after I drop Debbie off at one of her friend's."
"See you then."
Broots frowned, "I guess this puts an end to our Mini Golf Safari, Deb."
"I think I'll be okay," she replied.
Suddenly, the cell phone interrupted them once again and Broots answered grumpily, "Yes?"
"Its me again," came Sydney's thickly accented voice, with an actual hint of perkiness, "I called to tell you that there's a very interesting documentary on the Discovery Channel about the spotted Bluebird's mating rituals. I think you should tape it."
Broots' face scrunched with confusion, "Is this code? Like, the eagle flies south for the spring--"
"Its winter, dad." Broots pulled a double take as he heard his daughter say something that he could of sworn would have come out of Miss Parker's mouth, had she been there.
"No, not code, just, I thought you might want to see it. Never mind. I'll see you soon. Good-bye."
"Um, bye?" Broots shook his hand and lead his daughter to the parking lot.
*****
"Sunny days... chasing the... clouds away... on my way to where the air is sweet!" The last note of Jarod and Tyler's beloved Sesame Street car tune came out in all sorts of assorted notes. Parker had scooted over to the side door of the car and was inconspicuously rolling the window looking straight ahead. Her eyebrow started twitching, result of the late night visits from Mr Jack and Mrs Daniels.
Jarod looked over at her as she started to lean sideways and he stopped singing, "What are you doing?"
"Jumping."
"Jumping? Why ever would you want to do that?"
"To get away from you crack-heads."
"What did we do now?" Tyler asked.
"Do you want a list?" Parker grunted.
"Don't worry," Jarod assured her, "we are almost there. In fact, I have to make reservations."
"So what basement are we molding in this time?"
"Actually, I think you'll take this one to your liking Miss Parker. Five whole stars."
Miss Parker paused and slowly inched the window back up, not quite sure if she'd soon need to make a quick escape.
Jarod continued, "I hear they have a highly acclaimed golf trail there."
"Ooh!" Tyler exclaimed, "Putt-Putt?"
The window was suddenly back down again and Jarod had to grab Miss Parker by the waist to keep her in the vehicle.
"Not today, Miss Parker. We have so much to do."
"So much to do? I've been with you two freaks for I don't know how long and what have we got accomplished aside from being thrown out of about 5 bars and hotels?"
"Hey! You are the one who got us thrown out of those places. Its not our fault. I was happy watching The Sound of Music in our room."
"Don't you dare say the words 'our room' ever again if you wish to live to see Mommy again."
Jarod's face showed his hurt, "We're almost there."
The three sat in silence for an hour before anyone dared to speak.
Tyler finally broke the unbearable silence, "My foot hurts. I have never driven this far before. Actually, I've never driven before."
"What? Tyler!" Miss Parker scolded.
"Hey I can pretend can't I?" he replied.
"Well, pretend that you wanta drive a little longer."
"Would you rather I slump over and pass out on the steering wheel and crash into something?"
"Crash into something? Do you really see something to crash into?"
"Well--"
"Sorry. Took too long. It must not have been that important if you had to take that long to think of a reasonable answer. You're a disgrace to the Pretender kind!"
"Ooh ooh-- sign!" Tyler pointed to a sign for a nearby truck stop.
"Woo ooh," she flailed her arms about, "where did that little sunburst of energy come from? You don't seem too tired to drive now, Rip Van Winkle."
"I swear, for every comeback me and Tyler have, you just bust out with three more little miss Engergizer Bunny," Jarod piped in, snapping his fingers, "going and going and going and going and--"
"We get the picture! Tyler, pull over at that truck stop," Parker resigned.
Tyler pulled into an empty parking space between the 7-11 and the truck stop. The three got out of the car, Tyler tripping.
"Well, I'm glad we got him out of the front seat, tripping over his own two feet, we would've been dead soon enough," Parker said.
"See! Right there! What did I tell you? Snappy comeback!" Jarod accused with a pointed finger.
Miss Parker's long strides took her to the door of the truck stop and after opening the dirty glass doors, soon turned around and headed back.
"We are not setting one foot in that honky tonk retreat."
"Oh yes we are, Parker." Jarod grabbed her by the wrist and yanked her to the door, "its either this or the 7-11."
"I'm not hungry. Lets just go. I'll drive. Woah, what did I just say?"
"You said you would drive," Tyler informed her.
"No, I won't. I change my mind!"
"Haha, too late Miss Parker. You can wait in the car while we get some food."
"No. I don't trust you. I'm coming to make sure I get some real food."
"All right. Fine."
They entered the building and every eye turned on Parker.
She moaned, "I change my mind, I wanta wait in the car."
"Too late," Jarod grinned.
A man in overalls walked over, "How are you doing little lady?"
"Back off, Bubba."
"How did you know that was my name?" he responded.
"Lucky guess." She looked over at Jarod and Tyler as they piled junk and sweets onto the counter.
****
Back in the car, Jarod and Tyler sat in the backseat examining their goods. Miss Parker was unhappy in her new position as chaufer. She glanced at the two in the mirror, sighed, and gulped down some milk right out of the gallon-sized carton.
"What the hell is wrong with the two of you?"
Jarod looked up, "Us? We're not the ones chugging a gallon of skim milk."
"Hey! I have to get over my drinking problem some how! You got a better idea, Ratboy?"
"Why did I kidnap you, anyway?"
Miss Parker smirked and floored the gas, startling her two passengers.
AN:
Feedback please!
Aqua- Aquagirl157@cs.com
Mac- Oldnavybabe2k@aol.com