Adam's POV
I couldn't believe I actually left him. The ride from the college to Edina seemed so unreal. I don't think I've ever felt as empty at any other point in my life as I did that day. I don't even remember saying a word to Dean and Fulton as they helped me carry my boxes up to my bedroom. Thinking back the situation was rather comical, all of this started because Charlie thought I wanted to be with a straight guy that I didn't find all that attractive. But there were two very hot gay men bringing in my stuff for me once we broke up. I'm pretty sure I managed a 'thank you' at least, but that may have been all. In truth if they hadn't have been there that day I probably would've chickened out and stayed with Charlie. After Portman threatened him though I realized how real the situation was, I needed to leave him. Yet as I sat there alone in my room that night, I missed his warm breath on my neck and the way he rested his hand on my stomach jut below my bellybutton as we lay in bed together.
For the first time in my life something or someone didn't define me. In the peewees I was Banks best player on the team, then I was Banks the resident Cake-Eater, after that came Banks mostly likely to succeed, lastly was Banks Charlie's boyfriend. I was no longer any of those things.
Practically drowning in my depression I heaved myself off my bed and crossed the room to turn my stereo on. I found the station least likely to play some bleeding hearted, melodramatic dribble that would only remind me of Charlie and furthermore dispiriting me. Then I crawled back onto the bed to wallow longer in my self-pity. In the middle of the Freebird piano rift, I heard a faint knock on the door. I had two choices; I could ignore the noise and pretend to be so enthralled in Lynyrd Skynyrd that I couldn't hear them open it up, therefore exposing them to my mood and myself to whatever it was they had to say.
"Adam honey open up." Ugh, my mother, I couldn't just leave her standing in the hallway. So I let out an annoyed sigh and went to let her in.
"Hi mom." I stepped back so she could enter my room and she walked directly over to my bed.
"Come talk to me sweetie." She patted a spot next to her on the bed and I begrudgingly went to sit by her.
"What do you want to talk about?"
"Well I was thinking you'd tell me what's going on between you and Charlie."
"I'd rather not if it's all the same."
"No Adam it's not. Please tell me what's happening concerning you two. You've never kept anything from me."
I tossed myself back onto my pillows with a groan and glared at the ceiling as if it had in some way offended me.
"He's getting really angry lately, angrier then I've ever seen anyone, even Dad. But the anger, that's not really the problem anyhow, it's what he does to me when he's angry." I held up my wrist and slowly began to unravel the bandage.
I guess she wasn't expecting it to look the way it did, nearly black and swollen to double its normal size. The expression on her face was a totally horrified one, "Oh my god! He did that to you?"
"Yeah, that's what happens when he had a long day at work and you try to leave during a fight."
"And the black eye?"
"That's after he's had a bottle of After Shock and you pushed him because you're not in the mood to get frisky." I replied softly beginning to rewrap my wrist.
"Oh sweetheart." Funny I hadn't even noticed I was crying until my mom wiped a tear from my eye, "I never thought of Charlie as such a beast."
"Neither did I, that's why I let myself fall in love with him. Am I a complete fool?"
"No, you're not a fool. You're a sweet, smart, talented, good looking, young man that deserves so much more better then someone like Charles Conway."
"Thanks Mom." I forced a smile.
"You look tired honey, why don't you get some rest. I'll have Darcy wake you when dinner's finished." She patted my shoulder and left me alone. Sleep sounded like a good idea to me.
I woke up to the familiar sound of tapping at the door. At first I was confused by my surroundings and forgot I was home, safe in my own bed. It was already dark out and my alarm clock read 10:00 PM. I stumbled sleepily to the door and found our maid Darcy was on the other side. I know I sound snotty by mentioning my maid, but she's more like a member of the family. My parents hired her when I was born, my mom isn't very domestic and having two children under the age of six wasn't her idea of fun. Being that she can't cook and hates to clean as well Darcy Murphy became a welcome addition to the Banks house hold.
"Mr. Banks, I thought maybe since you didn't make it down to supper, you might be hungry." She held out her hand, a ham and cheese sandwich in it.
"Darcy please, Mr. Banks is my father, maybe even Taylor (my brother) but you've been calling me Adam my whole life don't stop now."
"Right. Sorry. You're parents would like you to come down them in the sitting room. They'd like to speak with you."
"I'm not really in the mood to deal with them, could you tell them that I'm still awful tired, I'll talk to them in the morning."
"Certainly." She handed me my sandwich and turned to head down the stairs.
I looked around my empty room and couldn't help but feel lonely. My boxes were still lying unpacked on the floor against my closet door and I drifted toward them to start unpacking. As I dug through the miscellaneous objects my hand fell on a vinyl bound, thick book, my journal. I know you're thinking, 'geeze Banksie you keep a diary, how queer can you be?' Well honestly, I don't care if that's what you're thinking. I've never been one to share my feelings with anyone but sometimes you have to let it out, a journal was the best way to do that. I pulled the book from the box and curled up in the recliner in the corner of my room. I opened to a random page and began to read.
'First day of senior year, Charlie is still dating that Catherine girl. I don't see why he likes her. So what if she's pretty and friendly with a cute British accent? Okay so I'm jealous, I'm allowed to be. What are you going to do about it? I just wish that he'd realize that all those girls will only hurt him and that I'm the only person in this world that's going to love and cherish him unconditionally forever.'
Just my luck, of course I had to find an entry dedicated to my undying adoration for Charlie. I flipped aimlessly through some more pages until I found another passage that caught my attention.
'We kissed! Charlie and I at Jesse's party last night. I know I sound like a fourteen year old girl, guess what I don't care. I told him how I felt about him and he kissed me. We fell asleep in each other arms and everything. It seems so surreal; I can't believe it really happened. He says he doesn't know if this will work out, but he's willing to give it a try. I know everything is going to be great because I love him so much, I'll do anything in my power to make sure nothing comes between us.'
Hmm, a little naïve wasn't I? For some unknown reason I couldn't stop myself from reading all those old accounts, so I continued to scan.
'I screwed everything up. Charlie hates me. I did probably the worst possible thing to him. I cheated on him. I don't even have a good excuse for it. I can't live without him. I don't want to live without him.'
Flowing like a river,
Staining all it touches.
Crimson, scarlet, red,
The colors of pain.
It mixes with the tears.
Swirling.
Pouring from the open wound.
The knife sits on the floor.
Then the bleeding stops.
DEATH."
Well that was depressing. I needed to find something not so sad to read.
'I'm leaving the hospital today. Charlie's been right here by my side all week. He's so sweet. He told me he loved me; you have no idea how good that makes me feel. Well maybe you do. You're the only one. He bought me this great ID bracelet to cover my scar, I think that's the most romantic thing anyone has done for me. Well I better get going; he's waiting for me so we can go. And I don't want to have to walk home. Not that I think he'll make me, cause he loves me! Everything's perfect.'
Wow I was sick in the head wasn't I? That was quite possibly the saddest of all the things I've written. Nothing's perfect. Why'd I have to learn the hard way?
My cell phone started ringing in my pocket at that moment and it made me jump. The caller ID read 'Casey Conway'. Charlie didn't listen at all.
"Didn't I tell you not to call me?" I shouted clicking the talk button.
"Adam?" The voice on the other side was a tiny, sad female voice.
"Casey?"
"Yeah. Umm I know you and Charlie are having some trouble right now, but I thought you might want to know, he's been in a car accident. He should be okay, he just broke an ankle and his nose, but they're keeping him over night for observation. I think it would make him really happy if you went down and saw him though."
"I can't Casey I'm sorry."
"Alright, you can go see him tomorrow then, after he released they're taking him over to the detention center for DUI."
"No, I can't do that either. I'm really sorry I have to go." I hung up quickly my mind a whirlwind of emotion. Charlie was hurt, and I couldn't be by his side.
I couldn't believe I actually left him. The ride from the college to Edina seemed so unreal. I don't think I've ever felt as empty at any other point in my life as I did that day. I don't even remember saying a word to Dean and Fulton as they helped me carry my boxes up to my bedroom. Thinking back the situation was rather comical, all of this started because Charlie thought I wanted to be with a straight guy that I didn't find all that attractive. But there were two very hot gay men bringing in my stuff for me once we broke up. I'm pretty sure I managed a 'thank you' at least, but that may have been all. In truth if they hadn't have been there that day I probably would've chickened out and stayed with Charlie. After Portman threatened him though I realized how real the situation was, I needed to leave him. Yet as I sat there alone in my room that night, I missed his warm breath on my neck and the way he rested his hand on my stomach jut below my bellybutton as we lay in bed together.
For the first time in my life something or someone didn't define me. In the peewees I was Banks best player on the team, then I was Banks the resident Cake-Eater, after that came Banks mostly likely to succeed, lastly was Banks Charlie's boyfriend. I was no longer any of those things.
Practically drowning in my depression I heaved myself off my bed and crossed the room to turn my stereo on. I found the station least likely to play some bleeding hearted, melodramatic dribble that would only remind me of Charlie and furthermore dispiriting me. Then I crawled back onto the bed to wallow longer in my self-pity. In the middle of the Freebird piano rift, I heard a faint knock on the door. I had two choices; I could ignore the noise and pretend to be so enthralled in Lynyrd Skynyrd that I couldn't hear them open it up, therefore exposing them to my mood and myself to whatever it was they had to say.
"Adam honey open up." Ugh, my mother, I couldn't just leave her standing in the hallway. So I let out an annoyed sigh and went to let her in.
"Hi mom." I stepped back so she could enter my room and she walked directly over to my bed.
"Come talk to me sweetie." She patted a spot next to her on the bed and I begrudgingly went to sit by her.
"What do you want to talk about?"
"Well I was thinking you'd tell me what's going on between you and Charlie."
"I'd rather not if it's all the same."
"No Adam it's not. Please tell me what's happening concerning you two. You've never kept anything from me."
I tossed myself back onto my pillows with a groan and glared at the ceiling as if it had in some way offended me.
"He's getting really angry lately, angrier then I've ever seen anyone, even Dad. But the anger, that's not really the problem anyhow, it's what he does to me when he's angry." I held up my wrist and slowly began to unravel the bandage.
I guess she wasn't expecting it to look the way it did, nearly black and swollen to double its normal size. The expression on her face was a totally horrified one, "Oh my god! He did that to you?"
"Yeah, that's what happens when he had a long day at work and you try to leave during a fight."
"And the black eye?"
"That's after he's had a bottle of After Shock and you pushed him because you're not in the mood to get frisky." I replied softly beginning to rewrap my wrist.
"Oh sweetheart." Funny I hadn't even noticed I was crying until my mom wiped a tear from my eye, "I never thought of Charlie as such a beast."
"Neither did I, that's why I let myself fall in love with him. Am I a complete fool?"
"No, you're not a fool. You're a sweet, smart, talented, good looking, young man that deserves so much more better then someone like Charles Conway."
"Thanks Mom." I forced a smile.
"You look tired honey, why don't you get some rest. I'll have Darcy wake you when dinner's finished." She patted my shoulder and left me alone. Sleep sounded like a good idea to me.
I woke up to the familiar sound of tapping at the door. At first I was confused by my surroundings and forgot I was home, safe in my own bed. It was already dark out and my alarm clock read 10:00 PM. I stumbled sleepily to the door and found our maid Darcy was on the other side. I know I sound snotty by mentioning my maid, but she's more like a member of the family. My parents hired her when I was born, my mom isn't very domestic and having two children under the age of six wasn't her idea of fun. Being that she can't cook and hates to clean as well Darcy Murphy became a welcome addition to the Banks house hold.
"Mr. Banks, I thought maybe since you didn't make it down to supper, you might be hungry." She held out her hand, a ham and cheese sandwich in it.
"Darcy please, Mr. Banks is my father, maybe even Taylor (my brother) but you've been calling me Adam my whole life don't stop now."
"Right. Sorry. You're parents would like you to come down them in the sitting room. They'd like to speak with you."
"I'm not really in the mood to deal with them, could you tell them that I'm still awful tired, I'll talk to them in the morning."
"Certainly." She handed me my sandwich and turned to head down the stairs.
I looked around my empty room and couldn't help but feel lonely. My boxes were still lying unpacked on the floor against my closet door and I drifted toward them to start unpacking. As I dug through the miscellaneous objects my hand fell on a vinyl bound, thick book, my journal. I know you're thinking, 'geeze Banksie you keep a diary, how queer can you be?' Well honestly, I don't care if that's what you're thinking. I've never been one to share my feelings with anyone but sometimes you have to let it out, a journal was the best way to do that. I pulled the book from the box and curled up in the recliner in the corner of my room. I opened to a random page and began to read.
'First day of senior year, Charlie is still dating that Catherine girl. I don't see why he likes her. So what if she's pretty and friendly with a cute British accent? Okay so I'm jealous, I'm allowed to be. What are you going to do about it? I just wish that he'd realize that all those girls will only hurt him and that I'm the only person in this world that's going to love and cherish him unconditionally forever.'
Just my luck, of course I had to find an entry dedicated to my undying adoration for Charlie. I flipped aimlessly through some more pages until I found another passage that caught my attention.
'We kissed! Charlie and I at Jesse's party last night. I know I sound like a fourteen year old girl, guess what I don't care. I told him how I felt about him and he kissed me. We fell asleep in each other arms and everything. It seems so surreal; I can't believe it really happened. He says he doesn't know if this will work out, but he's willing to give it a try. I know everything is going to be great because I love him so much, I'll do anything in my power to make sure nothing comes between us.'
Hmm, a little naïve wasn't I? For some unknown reason I couldn't stop myself from reading all those old accounts, so I continued to scan.
'I screwed everything up. Charlie hates me. I did probably the worst possible thing to him. I cheated on him. I don't even have a good excuse for it. I can't live without him. I don't want to live without him.'
Flowing like a river,
Staining all it touches.
Crimson, scarlet, red,
The colors of pain.
It mixes with the tears.
Swirling.
Pouring from the open wound.
The knife sits on the floor.
Then the bleeding stops.
DEATH."
Well that was depressing. I needed to find something not so sad to read.
'I'm leaving the hospital today. Charlie's been right here by my side all week. He's so sweet. He told me he loved me; you have no idea how good that makes me feel. Well maybe you do. You're the only one. He bought me this great ID bracelet to cover my scar, I think that's the most romantic thing anyone has done for me. Well I better get going; he's waiting for me so we can go. And I don't want to have to walk home. Not that I think he'll make me, cause he loves me! Everything's perfect.'
Wow I was sick in the head wasn't I? That was quite possibly the saddest of all the things I've written. Nothing's perfect. Why'd I have to learn the hard way?
My cell phone started ringing in my pocket at that moment and it made me jump. The caller ID read 'Casey Conway'. Charlie didn't listen at all.
"Didn't I tell you not to call me?" I shouted clicking the talk button.
"Adam?" The voice on the other side was a tiny, sad female voice.
"Casey?"
"Yeah. Umm I know you and Charlie are having some trouble right now, but I thought you might want to know, he's been in a car accident. He should be okay, he just broke an ankle and his nose, but they're keeping him over night for observation. I think it would make him really happy if you went down and saw him though."
"I can't Casey I'm sorry."
"Alright, you can go see him tomorrow then, after he released they're taking him over to the detention center for DUI."
"No, I can't do that either. I'm really sorry I have to go." I hung up quickly my mind a whirlwind of emotion. Charlie was hurt, and I couldn't be by his side.