Adam's POV
Charlie was in the rehab center for about a month, a month that I didn't see him, didn't talk to him, yet couldn't stop thinking about him. I wanted to but I couldn't. He'd been such a valuable part of my life so long that it was a bit illusory not to have him there. I was having a really hard time moving on. My heart ached for him you know? After everything he put me through I hated waking up and not finding his arms wound around my waist. I wanted to crawl back to him and beg he forgive me for leaving him, but I knew he wronged me. I couldn't allow myself to go back until I knew he was better. In truth I had little faith he ever would be. All hope I had for him vanished the day I found out he stole money from Jan to buy liquor. Then he let poor Guy take the wrap for losing it.
He called me a few times when he first got out, but I didn't take the calls. I knew he wasn't the same Charlie Conway I fell in love with, I wasn't the same Adam Banks he once dated either. I tried to find as many ways to keep myself occupied and get my mind off him as possible. I took a job at Jan's shop since Charlie couldn't work and Guy had been fired. He was to good of a friend to tell the truth and turn Charlie in. As much as I liked working (it was the first job I ever had) being around hockey didn't really help. It was funny because the ice always made me forget my troubles, well usually. Then though it only served to remind me more of Charlie. If it wasn't for the stupid game of hockey we never would've been together, neither of us would've gone through the shit of the prior months.
I didn't really do well in college that semester either. School always came so easy to me and then everything happened, I just couldn't think straight. Every time I heard the word 'asshole' or anything derogatory I looked up to see if someone was talking to me. That's the effect all of this had on me. If I remember correctly I almost failed out that year. My dad would've loved that.
Speaking of my father he did seem like a completely different person during the whole ordeal though. Not just by not totally flipping when he found out I was gay, but because he was actually trying to understand what I was feeling. He didn't put up much of a fight when I asked him to defend Conway despite all the pain he caused. Dad even put up with my unvarying moping. Basically I was the broken hearted fourteen year old daughter he never had. He only told me to shut up once and apologized right quick because it only made me cry. Yes that's right Adam Banks was a blubbering baby and an emotional basket case.
The night before Bombay's wedding I was a nervous wreck. The rehearsal dinner would be the first time since Charlie's hearing that we were in the same room. I contemplated not going but as an usher I sort of had to. Guy, Les, Goldberg, Fulton and I were all in the wedding party because we'd been Ducks the longest. It was such an honor that the coach invited us to be part of the ceremony that I couldn't turn him down. I had to grit my teeth and bare it no matter how much I wanted to spend the day nested in my nice warm bed reading Poe in my boxer shorts.
I showered reluctantly and pulled on my favorite khakis and a button down denim shirt. After spending a good twenty minutes on my hair, I stood admiring my reflection in the bath room mirror, I looked pretty good. I'm not actually that self confident of a person, that was always more Charlie's thing but I have to say that night I felt like a completely different. Oh who am I kidding? I think subconsciously I was trying to look good for Charlie. Maybe to make him suffer a little but by letting him see what he gave up, also hopefully making him think I had moved on. Then he didn't really give me up exactly, it was the opposite really. He was so obsessed with having me that I was almost like a possession he's fight anyone (including me) to keep. If those fights hadn't ended with me bruised somewhere or another I may never have left him, it felt good to be desired that much.
I parked my Porsche next to Averman's beat up old Chrysler and went inside the church, after taking a deep breath. Guy, Goldberg, Averman and Fulton were all standing in their places near Bombay when I arrived and I hurries to the altar to get to my spot.
"Sorry I'm so late Coach." I whispered slipping between Guy and Goldberg.
"It's okay Banks, Charlie's not here yet either." He responded checking his watch nervously.
I was rather impressed that Conway had agreed to be the best man after all the hard feelings he had about Gordon not marrying Casey. I was shocked too, not that I know why, he'd been doing a lot of things that were out of character at that point. Going along with something he was so vehement about was definitely not something that was normal behavior for him.
Moments later the church door flew open and Charlie came racing up the aisle full tilt and panting.
"Sorry Coach, I missed the bus." He managed between gasps. Funny, he lost his license and cracked up his car and refused to ask anyone for a ride. That was my Charlie, wait no he wasn't mine anymore.
"It's okay Charlie." Bombay patted his shoulder and slid over so the best man could take his place.
We practiced the service three or four times before we got everything down right. Though even then it wasn't perfect, Ms. McKay was crying so much she forgot her vows. It was funny the first two times, however by the third time everybody was getting frustrated. Bombay looked like he was about to call the entire thing off if she didn't get a hold of herself.
The dinner was nice though, I sat with Dean and Fulton, they'd been becoming my confidantes in those months. Portman wasn't in the wedding but apparently dates were allowed. I kind of wish I had brought someone, I could've gotten Lee to fly out from Connecticut, we'd been in contact a lot over that span of time. Watching the Bash Brothers was a combination depressing and nauseating. I can't think of another word to describe them other then cute. Their blatant attractiveness aside they were cute together. Cute to the point of Fulton feeding Portman his chocolate mousse, I nearly vomited at how mushy they were being.
What was it I said earlier about the dinner being enjoyable? Okay I take that back. When you mixed the awkwardness of watching the Bashers play tonsil hockey and the loneliness I was already feeling, that restaurant was the last place I wanted to be. Needless to say I wasn't looking forward to the wedding.
"So Banks, what are you thinking about?" Connie lowered herself into the seat beside me.
I hadn't even noticed I was spacing out but I must have been because when I looked up Connie was there and the Bashes weren't. Connie and I never been remarkably close but she was a really sweet girl and hating nothing more then seeing her friends in pain.
"Huh? Oh hey Cons." I shook the cobwebs from my head and plastered on a phony smile
"Why don't you just go talk to him?" She sighed tucking a strand of the long brown hair behind her ear
"Talk to who?" As soon as I asked she narrowed her eyes at me and I figured it out "Oh Charlie."
"Look Adam, I know out of sight out mind but I think…"
"Absence makes the heart grow fonder." I cut her off with a cliché of my own.
"So you do still have feelings for Captain Ducklings?"
"Of course I do, I've been head over heels for him for years. Things like that don't just simply change, no matter what he puts me through. I mean if it were you and Guy, you wouldn't be able to just turn off all you emotions. Things aren't that simple. Besides being with him was the best time of my life in the beginning. I guess some of the nostalgia hasn't worn off yet."
"If you want to be with him so badly Banks talk to him, work things out."
"I dunno if I can. I don't want to fall back into old habits. I can't take the way he treated me again. Did you know after the first fight I contemplated suicide again? I thought if I was such so worthless and if the only person that would ever want me was a guy who hit me and called me names, then there was no reason for me to live at all."
Her voice grew so soft I had to strain to hear her
"No I didn't."
"Nobody does, I didn't tell anyone. You were the thing that stopped me though, you and the rest of the Ducks. I couldn't put the team through that. Then he apologized up and down. I was so certain everything would be okay. Plus I was so afraid of losing him, my feelings for him had been my one constant all these years. I refused to give up on him. When we were together I was a different person and not necessarily one I care for. He made me weak, I needed him, depended on him."
"Well if that's how you feel then I guess it's for the best you're not together anymore. I'm gonna go rescue Guy from Ms McKay and her 'I'm do glad you care enough to be in my wedding' spiel." She even made the quotations with her fingers before leaving the table.
The truth in the matter was I didn't know how I felt and when I turned my head my gaze fell on Charlie, who was staring intently at me. I felt my stomach knot as I grabbed my keys from my pocket and left, I couldn't stay there any longer.
Charlie was in the rehab center for about a month, a month that I didn't see him, didn't talk to him, yet couldn't stop thinking about him. I wanted to but I couldn't. He'd been such a valuable part of my life so long that it was a bit illusory not to have him there. I was having a really hard time moving on. My heart ached for him you know? After everything he put me through I hated waking up and not finding his arms wound around my waist. I wanted to crawl back to him and beg he forgive me for leaving him, but I knew he wronged me. I couldn't allow myself to go back until I knew he was better. In truth I had little faith he ever would be. All hope I had for him vanished the day I found out he stole money from Jan to buy liquor. Then he let poor Guy take the wrap for losing it.
He called me a few times when he first got out, but I didn't take the calls. I knew he wasn't the same Charlie Conway I fell in love with, I wasn't the same Adam Banks he once dated either. I tried to find as many ways to keep myself occupied and get my mind off him as possible. I took a job at Jan's shop since Charlie couldn't work and Guy had been fired. He was to good of a friend to tell the truth and turn Charlie in. As much as I liked working (it was the first job I ever had) being around hockey didn't really help. It was funny because the ice always made me forget my troubles, well usually. Then though it only served to remind me more of Charlie. If it wasn't for the stupid game of hockey we never would've been together, neither of us would've gone through the shit of the prior months.
I didn't really do well in college that semester either. School always came so easy to me and then everything happened, I just couldn't think straight. Every time I heard the word 'asshole' or anything derogatory I looked up to see if someone was talking to me. That's the effect all of this had on me. If I remember correctly I almost failed out that year. My dad would've loved that.
Speaking of my father he did seem like a completely different person during the whole ordeal though. Not just by not totally flipping when he found out I was gay, but because he was actually trying to understand what I was feeling. He didn't put up much of a fight when I asked him to defend Conway despite all the pain he caused. Dad even put up with my unvarying moping. Basically I was the broken hearted fourteen year old daughter he never had. He only told me to shut up once and apologized right quick because it only made me cry. Yes that's right Adam Banks was a blubbering baby and an emotional basket case.
The night before Bombay's wedding I was a nervous wreck. The rehearsal dinner would be the first time since Charlie's hearing that we were in the same room. I contemplated not going but as an usher I sort of had to. Guy, Les, Goldberg, Fulton and I were all in the wedding party because we'd been Ducks the longest. It was such an honor that the coach invited us to be part of the ceremony that I couldn't turn him down. I had to grit my teeth and bare it no matter how much I wanted to spend the day nested in my nice warm bed reading Poe in my boxer shorts.
I showered reluctantly and pulled on my favorite khakis and a button down denim shirt. After spending a good twenty minutes on my hair, I stood admiring my reflection in the bath room mirror, I looked pretty good. I'm not actually that self confident of a person, that was always more Charlie's thing but I have to say that night I felt like a completely different. Oh who am I kidding? I think subconsciously I was trying to look good for Charlie. Maybe to make him suffer a little but by letting him see what he gave up, also hopefully making him think I had moved on. Then he didn't really give me up exactly, it was the opposite really. He was so obsessed with having me that I was almost like a possession he's fight anyone (including me) to keep. If those fights hadn't ended with me bruised somewhere or another I may never have left him, it felt good to be desired that much.
I parked my Porsche next to Averman's beat up old Chrysler and went inside the church, after taking a deep breath. Guy, Goldberg, Averman and Fulton were all standing in their places near Bombay when I arrived and I hurries to the altar to get to my spot.
"Sorry I'm so late Coach." I whispered slipping between Guy and Goldberg.
"It's okay Banks, Charlie's not here yet either." He responded checking his watch nervously.
I was rather impressed that Conway had agreed to be the best man after all the hard feelings he had about Gordon not marrying Casey. I was shocked too, not that I know why, he'd been doing a lot of things that were out of character at that point. Going along with something he was so vehement about was definitely not something that was normal behavior for him.
Moments later the church door flew open and Charlie came racing up the aisle full tilt and panting.
"Sorry Coach, I missed the bus." He managed between gasps. Funny, he lost his license and cracked up his car and refused to ask anyone for a ride. That was my Charlie, wait no he wasn't mine anymore.
"It's okay Charlie." Bombay patted his shoulder and slid over so the best man could take his place.
We practiced the service three or four times before we got everything down right. Though even then it wasn't perfect, Ms. McKay was crying so much she forgot her vows. It was funny the first two times, however by the third time everybody was getting frustrated. Bombay looked like he was about to call the entire thing off if she didn't get a hold of herself.
The dinner was nice though, I sat with Dean and Fulton, they'd been becoming my confidantes in those months. Portman wasn't in the wedding but apparently dates were allowed. I kind of wish I had brought someone, I could've gotten Lee to fly out from Connecticut, we'd been in contact a lot over that span of time. Watching the Bash Brothers was a combination depressing and nauseating. I can't think of another word to describe them other then cute. Their blatant attractiveness aside they were cute together. Cute to the point of Fulton feeding Portman his chocolate mousse, I nearly vomited at how mushy they were being.
What was it I said earlier about the dinner being enjoyable? Okay I take that back. When you mixed the awkwardness of watching the Bashers play tonsil hockey and the loneliness I was already feeling, that restaurant was the last place I wanted to be. Needless to say I wasn't looking forward to the wedding.
"So Banks, what are you thinking about?" Connie lowered herself into the seat beside me.
I hadn't even noticed I was spacing out but I must have been because when I looked up Connie was there and the Bashes weren't. Connie and I never been remarkably close but she was a really sweet girl and hating nothing more then seeing her friends in pain.
"Huh? Oh hey Cons." I shook the cobwebs from my head and plastered on a phony smile
"Why don't you just go talk to him?" She sighed tucking a strand of the long brown hair behind her ear
"Talk to who?" As soon as I asked she narrowed her eyes at me and I figured it out "Oh Charlie."
"Look Adam, I know out of sight out mind but I think…"
"Absence makes the heart grow fonder." I cut her off with a cliché of my own.
"So you do still have feelings for Captain Ducklings?"
"Of course I do, I've been head over heels for him for years. Things like that don't just simply change, no matter what he puts me through. I mean if it were you and Guy, you wouldn't be able to just turn off all you emotions. Things aren't that simple. Besides being with him was the best time of my life in the beginning. I guess some of the nostalgia hasn't worn off yet."
"If you want to be with him so badly Banks talk to him, work things out."
"I dunno if I can. I don't want to fall back into old habits. I can't take the way he treated me again. Did you know after the first fight I contemplated suicide again? I thought if I was such so worthless and if the only person that would ever want me was a guy who hit me and called me names, then there was no reason for me to live at all."
Her voice grew so soft I had to strain to hear her
"No I didn't."
"Nobody does, I didn't tell anyone. You were the thing that stopped me though, you and the rest of the Ducks. I couldn't put the team through that. Then he apologized up and down. I was so certain everything would be okay. Plus I was so afraid of losing him, my feelings for him had been my one constant all these years. I refused to give up on him. When we were together I was a different person and not necessarily one I care for. He made me weak, I needed him, depended on him."
"Well if that's how you feel then I guess it's for the best you're not together anymore. I'm gonna go rescue Guy from Ms McKay and her 'I'm do glad you care enough to be in my wedding' spiel." She even made the quotations with her fingers before leaving the table.
The truth in the matter was I didn't know how I felt and when I turned my head my gaze fell on Charlie, who was staring intently at me. I felt my stomach knot as I grabbed my keys from my pocket and left, I couldn't stay there any longer.