Note: First of all, THANK-YOU! Thanks for all the fantastic reviews; they really made our day!

This is a looong chapter, but not nauseatingly so. we hope.

Book characters make their appearance in this one!! Well, this is a BOOK CROSSOVER, you know!

And, by the way, when we're having conversations, it does not mean play has paused or anything, they're just boringly passing the ball around, and that could make for highly boring dialogue. What we've mentioned is the important stuff!

To Spock Lover, if you're reading this, congratulations! You spotted the 'error'. This may sound really corny, but we meant to write it that way! No, we really did! Okay, don't believe us then. Hang on for one more chapter- we have big plans for Hagrid's name.



If you've forgotten, Ron had been carried away by Random Droids, and his replacement was just about to announced.

LUTHIEN: And Ron Weasley's replacement is.

Sounds of yelling and fierce struggling can be heard down in the bleachers. A furiously struggling figure is being forced onto the field by the Weasley twins. Luthien leans forward to find out who the figure is, and to her great delight it turns out to be none other than-

Figure: No! NOOOOO!!! I WILL NOT PLAY FOR POTHER! NOOOOO!!! NOT FOR POTHER! EVIL POTHER!!! POTHER THROWS BIG RED HEAVY BALLS AT MY HEAD! EVIL POTHER!

TINUVIEL: OH MY GOD IT'S WOOD!!! IT'S WOOD!!! OLIVER WOOD IS RON'S REPLACEMENT!!! AAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!

LUTHIEN: I thought you hated people.

TINUVIEL: Yeah, I do, but Wood isn't a person- (puts hands together and looks up dreamily) - he's an ANGEL!

LUTHIEN: Oh. Well, people, I'm quite sure you heard but I'll repeat it anyway, Ron Weasley's replacement is Oliver Wood, the devilishly good- looking captain of the Quidditch team of the Gryffindor House of The Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

Down on the field, Wood stops struggling to look up at the Commentator's Booth and smile with appreciation.

Luthien faints.

Harry Potter trots up to get a better view of the Commentator's Booth.

Harry: How come you didn't give ME an introduction, huh? I am the Seeker of the Gryffindor Team you know! And I am the youngest Seeker in a century, you know. I'm greater than Wood, and cuter too-

TINUVIEL: Shut the heck up Potter! You are not cute, not great, (raises both hands above head) AND NOT WORTHY!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Harry looks slightly alarmed and scowls up at Tinuviel, (who's still laughing maniacally) and she stops and tries to swat him away disgustedly.

Back to the field, now.

Wood manages to escape from Fred and George and runs straight to Professor Dumbledore and gets down on his knees, hands clasped together.

Wood: Please Professor/ Captain Dumbledore, can't I go?

Dumbledore (in his usual gravely irritating tone): No, Wood, you can only leave after you score a goal (chuckles evilly and mutters under his breath: Which will be never, because they have an Elf for a goalie.heh heh)

Wood: So you mean I can leave after scoring? Immediately? I can leave Pother?

Bumbledore *: Yes, you may.

Wood whoops and runs onto the field.

Vernon Dursley walks onto the field, straight to Dumbledore.

Dursley: I am the coach around here, I make the decisions, not you, you crackpot old fool!

Dumbledore: (still very gravely) Yes, but I am the captain, and I believe I am right. I am always right. Where is Mister Ollivander?

Dursley: Either asleep or dead. (Mumbles) Stupid manager. stupid team. stupid, old captain. stupid Harry Potter.pain in the backside.

Dumbledore draws his wand, points it at Dursley, and turns him into a toad.

Dumbledore: Mister Longbottom, I have a new toad for you, since your old one must be bored, getting lost alone so often.

Neville: Trevor! I mean, ummm. Trevor the second!!

Wizard's Cheerleaders:

Professor McGonagall picks up another book and continues to read.

Petunia Dursley is a bit distracted from her fist fight by her husband turning into a toad, and Hermione knocks her out.

As play continues at last.

Harry is very irritated at the attention given to Wood, so he decides to score a goal all by himself, just to hear the people cheer for him.

He steals the ball from poor Sam who had just gotten possession of it, and once more dramatically kicks it towards the goal.

LUTHIEN: Great, I regain consciousness to see THIS! Harry Potter has the ball, people, and he's heading for the goal. Poor Sam. You should have clobbered him, Sam. Haldir, show that wizard wannabe how it's done!

Haldir, looking bored, casually steps aside to catch the not so dramatically flying ball.

Haldir: That was so slow I could have caught it in the dark.

Ring Lords Cheerleaders:

Galadriel: (enthusiastically waving her pom poms) GIMME AN 'H'!

CROWD: 'H'!!!

Arwen: (just as enthusiastically) GIMME AN 'A'!!

CROWD: 'A'!!!

Eowyn: (bouncing berserkly) GIMME AN 'L - D - I - R '!!!

CROWD: 'L - D - I - R '!!!

Galadriel: WHAT DOES THAT SPELL???

CROWD: * blink *

Haldir: (calmly) Haldir. It spells Haldir, you idiots.

Aragorn: (racing towards the goal area) HALDIR!! WATCH THE GOAL!!!

Wood, in a desperate panic, rushes towards the goal.

Wood: (muttering to self) Must score. must get away from Pother.

Shutting his eyes, he kicks the ball blindly towards the goal.

TINUVIEL: WOOD SCORES!!!! ONE FOR THE WIZARDS!!!

LUTHIEN: YAY!! Wait a minute, aren't we supposed to be inconspicuously supporting the Ring Lords?

TINUVIEL: Yeah, but we're inconspicuously supporting Wood, too.

Harry: (looking up) Not THAT incon- inco- whatever!

Tinuviel is so disgusted that she throws Jar Jar's body (which Random Droids had just returned from ICU) at his stupid head.

LUTHIEN: As I was saying, the Wizards have reduced the goal difference by one!

Some of the Random Droids have restored Harry (again), and now he is looking threateningly at Oliver Wood, who is leaving as soon as he can.

TINUVIEL: Aww.he's leaving. (pouts)

LUTHIEN: (sob) We now bring in our second guest commentator for the match.

TINUVIEL: We do?

LUTHIEN: Yes, now that you've completely disposed of the Gungan, please welcome, Gilderoy Lockhart!!!

CROWD: (groan)

TINUVIEL: (whispering) He's not in the movie yet.

LUTHIEN: Neither are the 'upcoming' reserves, remember?

Now Tinuviel nods knowingly.

LOCKHART: Greetings, my dear fans!

There's no reply, but Lockhart thinks they're stunned by his presence.

LOCKHART: It's all right, I just came down here to show you all that I can be normal too, just like all of you. of course, I'm not really that normal, no one has won the Witches Weekly Most Charming Smile Award one million times in a row, and no one has hair as good as mine. wait.

Lockhart leans forward eagerly, staring at something on the pitch.

LOCKHART: By my curlers, who is that? With that long, shiny, wavy, possibly as good as mine blonde hair?

Mara the Excited Fan: (turning off the spotlight she was shining on Legolas from a helicopter, and speaking through a megaphone) That's MY LEGGIE'S LONG, SHINY, WAVY, DEFINITELY - BETTER - THAN - YOURS HAIR YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT!!!

LOCKHART: *blink* (whispers) Who is that?

LUTHIEN: She's 'Mara the Excited'!! Legolas fan extraordinaire.

LOCKHART: (Dumbly) Who's Legolas?

TINUVIEL: The guy with the nice hair, duh! Didn't you even notice the spotlight?

LOCKHART: (just as dumbly) Spotlight? Uh, I saw hair that could rival mine, but.er. spotlight you say? Oh yes, of course I saw it. it was big, and round, and. shiny! Like my hair! And my eyes, of course!

Lockhart grins toothily. Tinuviel shields her eyes with a hand.

TINUVIEL: And your teeth!

Lockhart takes this for a compliment and smiles again, even wider than before.

TINUVIEL: Ai! I've been blinded!

LUTHIEN: No, you haven't!

TINUVIEL: (muttering) You're spoiling the drama!

LUTHIEN: As Oliver Wood has left the stadium, the Hogwarts Wizards bring forth. wait, wait wait. I've got an idea!

TINUVIEL: Oh dear.

Luthien grabs a piece of paper and a peacock feather quill from Lockhart and summons a Random Droid, then hands him the paper after scribbling something on it.

Random Droid: Roger, roger.

LOCKHART: Who's Roger? Should I know him? Does he look better than me? Or have hair like that pointy-eared guy down there?

Mara the Excited Fan: (sounding like Neo from The Matrix) His name. IS LEGOLAS!!

Meanwhile, the Random Droid has reached Elrond, coach of the Ring Lords. Elrond looks puzzled, then nods and waves at the Commentator's Booth.

Elrond: (getting a megaphone from Mara) BRING FORTH YOUR RESERVE, HOGWARTS WIZARDS.

TINUVIEL: You did all that, just for him to say one line?

LUTHIEN: Yeah.

TINUVIEL: Cool.

LUTHIEN: Anyway, the next reserve player is.(gives a little shriek of excitement).

TINUVIEL: (Making little binoculars with her hands) Is it Wood again? No, it's.cool. it's.

LUTHIEN: It's.

Gilderoy Lockhart suddenly screams in utter terror, making Tinuviel pass out.

LUTHIEN: SIRIUS BLACK!!!!!!!

Sirius, one of the coolest characters in the book, walks onto the field.

Harry: Sirius!

Sirius ignores him.

Dumbledore: Sirius!!

Sirius ignores him as well.

Snape: (sinisterly) Black.

Sirius punches him in the hooked nose as he strides past, ignoring him anyway.

Sirius: Aragorn!!

Aragorn: Sirius!!

They run towards each other. Play comes to a standstill as everyone stops to watch.

Sirius: It's good to see you!

Aragorn: I am glad you got out of prison, old friend.

Sirius: So am I! But. hold it. am I supposed to be playing AGAINST you?

Aragorn nods, then smiles wickedly.

Aragorn: But you don't have to.

Sirius returns the wicked smile, and then joins the Wizards, the evil glint not gone from his eyes.

TINUVIEL: (waking) Poor cool Sirius.

LUTHIEN: Yeah, the poor things.hey, LOOK! GO Sam!!!

Sam now has the ball (again), and is charging for the goal. The other Ring Lords are concentrating on keeping the Wizards away. Boromir blocks a charge from Seamus Finnigan, tripping him up. Legolas leaps over Neville to make him trip over Seamus. Saruman, who has had absolutely nothing important to do after passing the ball to Dumbledore at the beginning of the match, discretely pulls the Wizards' captain's beard, knocking him into Percy Weasley.

As Sam enters the penalty area, only the Weasley twins, Harry and Sirius can possibly stop him. Merry and Pippin distract the twins, and Frodo chicken dances about to distract Harry, all of them still in the goal area to make it legitimate.

Sam shoots.

Hagrid lunges.

Sirius hurtles on to the giant goalkeeper, knocking him to the ground.

Sam scores.

TINUVIEL: YEAH!! RING LORDS 3, WIZARDS 1, WHOOOO!!!!

LUTHIEN: Yay, Sam!!!

LOCKHART: (turning away from his mirror) Did something happen?

Luke signals that there's one minute added extra before the end of the First Half.

Percy: One minute? After all that? Give them all red cards! That guy pulled Dumbledore's beard! And Sirius Black- he HELPED them!

Luke: What am I supposed to do if the man doesn't like your team?

Percy: But. the fat little thing scored because of him!

Frodo walks up to Percy and kicks him in the shin.

Percy: Ah! (mutters curses)

Frodo: Sam is NOT fat! Pleasantly plump, and he's good, and loyal, and brave, and sooo much better than Harry's stupid sidekick!

Percy: That's my stupid brother you're talking about!

Frodo: Good.

Luke: Shut up and don't waste time. I have to get to Toche station to pick up some power converters.

Percy: But I was Head Boy!

Luke: I thought you were a prefect.

Percy: Then I become Head Boy, then I work for the Government!

Luke: So?

Percy gives up and walks away.

Percy: (quickly turning around, as if inspired) Can't you at least give the guy with the beard a card? He-

Frodo: Guy with the beard!

TINUVIEL: Guy with the beard!

Gandalf: The guy with the beard!

Other Ring Lords: Guy with the beard!

LUTHIEN: Guy with the beard!

LOCKHART: What guy with the beard? I don't see any beards!

Gilderoy Lockhart is thrown out of the Commentator's Booth.

ALL: (who previously exclaimed 'Guy with the beard!' and CROWD): WHERE'S GIMLI?????

Luke blows the Half Time whistle.



Muahahahahaha!! A cliffhanger!!!

Where's everybody's favourite Dwarf? What's so special about Tinuviel's mistake with Hagrid's name? When is Figwit gonna show up? Be patient, and you shall see!!!!

NOTE: *- Bumbledore- Tinuviel, who typed this, spelled Dumbledore this way. She thought it looked so hilarious we left it this way. It does look funny, doesn't it? Try reading it out loud. No, we are not giving you English lessons like a textbook- read it anyway!