Thanks for waiting so long for us to update! Here it is. our penultimate
chapter! Enjoy!
LUTHIEN: Well, this is it.
TINUVIEL: Half an hour of play remains.
LUTHIEN: Do the Hogwarts Wizards have a prayer?
Wizards Cheerleaders: Hermione is kneeling on the ground, hands together, praying. Mrs. Dursely is trying to get her husband into his new tank. (he's still a toad) Professor MacGonagall is doing her nails.
TINUVIEL: Nope.
GOLLUM: Stupid wizardss not have a prayer.no, Preciouss, not one.
On the pitch, Elrond has started healing Frodo. Everyone has to wear sunglasses because of the intense amount of glowing Elves involved in this process.
Frodo: (waking up) I'M HEALED!!! (he gets stunned by the combined glowing of Elrond, Galadriel, Celeborn and Glorfindel) I'M BLIND!!!
Sam: Mister Frodo! Bless you, you're alright!
Frodo: I think I'm blind, Sam.
The glowing dies down, and Frodo realizes he can still see.
Frodo: I can SEE!! (He starts running wildly around the pitch, doing the chicken dance thing)
GOLLUM: Nassty Bagginses has lossst his senses, we thinks. Perhaps he will give us Precious now.
Frodo recovers however, and the Ring Lords prepare to take their Penalty.
Gandalf: Who is the opposing goalkeeper?
Dumbledore: None of your business.
Dumbledore gravely sticks out his tongue at Gandalf. Gandalf retaliates by setting Dumbledore's beard on fire.
Saruman: (giving Gandalf a high five) Not bad, Gand man!
Malfoy: Ooh! I know who can be the goalkeeper!
Snape: Of course you do, Draco my dear boy, you sweet child!
Malfoy looks scared for a moment.
Malfoy: Er.right. How about Crabbe and Goyle?
Luke: That's two people.
Malfoy: But they have only enough brains for one!
Crabbe and Goyle walk onto the pitch, and Luke approaches them.
Luke: What's two plus two?
Crabbe / Goyle : * blink * (they huddle together and whisper for a moment) Duh, will you repeat the question?
Luke: (to Malfoy) You've got a deal!
LUTHIEN: Aragorn will take the Ring Lords' penalty against Crabbe and Goyle.
TINUVIEL: Go Estel!!
LUTHIEN: Yay Elessar!!
TINUVIEL: Come on, Strider!!
GOLLUM: We iss not knowing they are talking to anymore, Preciousss.
Aragorn steps up to the ball.
Aragorn: I do not know if I can do this. Isildur missed the shot long before.
Arwen: You are not Isildur's heir, but Isildur himself.er.wait, that's not right.
Aragorn begins to cry.
Arwen: (trying to save the moment) The same blood flows in your veins- the - same - weakness? Oh dear.
Aragorn now begins to bawl, hitting his hands on the ground.
Legolas runs over and scowls at Arwen.
Legolas: Go away, you meanie!
Arwen walks off, annoyed. The moment she's out of the area, Aragorn immediately stops crying and goes back to the ball, which Crabbe and Goyle are stupidly staring at.
Legolas grabs a pom pom and leads the cheers.
Legolas: WHO'S THE MAN??
Saruman: I am.
Gimli: You're the treacherous wizard, git!
Boromir: Then I'M THE MAN!! ME, BOROMIR, SON OF DENETHOR! I ROCK!
Aragorn stares at him.
Aragorn: No, I am the man.
Arwen: (Proudly) He's MY man!!
Eowyn: (bonks her on the head with a metal pom pom) No he's not!
Arwen: (getting back up) Yes he is!
Glorfindel: (knocking her out again) NO HE'S NOT! Listen to someone who comes ONLY WHEN THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO!!
Eowyn shakes hands with Glorfindel.
Aragorn: (shakes his head) Whatever.
He kicks, and the ball sails past the goalkeeper(s), who had run forward and were standing right in front of him.
GOLLUM: That'ssss a goal, my Preciousss.yes indeed it wassss!!!
LUTHIEN: YIPPEE! The score is now 6 - 1!
TINUVIEL: Whoo!
LUTHIEN: We now have a surprise guest speaker.
TINUVIEL: We do?
LUTHIEN: Uh-huh. He's come all the way from a galaxy far, far away, and is one of my favourite people. DARTH VADER!!!
Luke: DAD!!
Sounds of heavy breathing can be heard as Vader enters the commentators' booth.
VADER: Greetings. Hey there, son!
GOLLUM: You looks evil!
Luke: (shouting from the pitch madly) No he does not! There's still good in him! Okay, so he cut off my hand and caused me to nearly fall off a cloud city into nothingness. and then I was sad.sniff.
VADER: Sorry 'bout that.
Luke: I'm a Jedi, and that means I will not be overly emotional.
VADER: You are my son! Remember who you are!
Luke: How can I forget? You just said 'you're my son'!
VADER: I'm not your son!
Luke: No, no you said I'm your son!
VADER: Of course you're my son! Whose son would you be otherwise?
Suddenly a little boy with blond hair arrives in what appears to be a pod racer.
Little Boy: I'm Anakin Skywalker, and this is the fastest pod ever built!
VADER: You're who?
Anakin: Anakin Skywalker. Friends call me Annie.
Luke: Annie? 'The sun will come out, tomorrow.' that Annie? I'M YOUR BIGGEST FAN!!
Luke does a Jedi leap onto the Pod Racer.
Annie: Hey, don't break it, buster!
VADER: You're not really Anakin Skywalker, are you?
Another person walks onto the pitch, with short hair and a Padawan braid.
Person: Of course he's not Anakin! I am!
VADER: Argh! I AM ANAKIN SKYWALKER, YOU IDIOTS!
Luke: You mean I can call you Annie?
VADER: NO YOU CANNOT CALL ME ANNIE!!
Luke: (sniffles) You don't have to shout.
Anakin the Padawan is about to say something when two more people in ponchos arrive.
LUTHIEN: Quite a reunion!
VADER: I feel a presence I haven't felt since.
Obi Wan: (with a beard) Oi, Anakin!
Anakin: What?
Obi Wan: Padme's been.er. she's going to be eaten by Jabba the Hutt!
Anakin: Oh no!
He runs to a waiting speeder and leaves with Obi Wan.
Qui Gon: Annie.
Annie: I'm not listening to you- you're dead!
Luke: Dead people come back sometimes. Like Ben Kenobi!
Annie: He's not dead.
Luke: Is too!
Annie: Is not!
Qui Gon is dragging Annie away when Legolas spots him.
Legolas: That's exactly what I wore at the council of Elrond!
Figwit: Which reminds me. it is time, Legolas.
Legolas: Is it?
They prepare for the Ultimate Elven Combat.
VADER: I'm leaving to speak to the Emperor about 'Annie'. Farewell.
Luke: Bye, Dad!
Once all the Anakins have left, Luke looks around the ground.
The Hogwarts Wizards have taken advantage of the reunion to attack all the Ring Lords savagely.
Neville Longbottom and Seamus Finnigan are taking on Merry and Pippin. Frodo and Sam are up against Harry and Ron.
TINUVIEL: Poor Frodo.
Snape is picking on Boromir and Malfoy is trying to throw Gimli into oblivion. Gandalf and Dumbledore are fighting over who has the longer beard. The Weasley twins have ganged up on Aragorn and Sirius Black, who is more or less a Ring Lord anyway, and Crabbe and Goyle are cluelessly at the goalpost.
Luke: * Blows whistle * STOP!! THAT'S ENOUGH!! Now, there's only a few minutes of play left, and I'm not going to give out any more penalties!
Percy: (running in from the locker rooms) BUT THAT'S NOT FAIR!! It's not! What if Crabbe and Goyle. okay, never mind that! You have to give us one more penalty. remember- it was due for the stupid fat little things attacking.
He trails off seeing a mob of four angry hobbits approach him.
Percy: (squeaking) Help?
The Hobbits pounce on him and pound him into a pulp.
Luke realizes Percy had a point, though and hands a penalty to the Wizards.
Dumbledore: NOT to Harry this time, though. I will take this shot.
LUTHIEN: Ooh. Dumbledore versus Figwit.
Figwit and Legolas are, however, not done with their combat.
Figwit: Pluck you.
Legolas: Right back at you!
Dumbledore takes the shot, thinking that, as Figwit is busy, he will not notice.
The dark haired elf zooms and saves the ball in slow motion as it edges towards the goal.
Luke blows the Final Whistle. The match is over.
LUTHIEN: THE FINAL SCORE IS. RING LORDS 6
TINUVIEL: HOGWARTS WIZARDS 1
GOLLUM: The nice Ringerss win, yesss Preciousss. they win. hooray, my Preciouss, Smeagol is happy.
LUTHIEN: And so are we! The Champions of the Fantasy World are-
TINUVIEL: THE MIDDLE EARTH RING LORDS!!!
The stadium explodes with cheers as the Ring Lords take a lap of honour before Gandalf steps up to claim the trophy.
Harry Potter: But I'm not on the winning team! How come? That can't happen! I always win! Always! I'm the boy who lived! I'm cute and smart and-
Professor MacGonagall throws a book at him.
Prof: SHUT UP POTTER!
Sob! It's over! Our fic is over! Noooooooo!
Okay, it's not technically over. We have for you, next, a bonus chapter featuring Mara the Excited Fan and.well, Legolas!
LUTHIEN: Well, this is it.
TINUVIEL: Half an hour of play remains.
LUTHIEN: Do the Hogwarts Wizards have a prayer?
Wizards Cheerleaders: Hermione is kneeling on the ground, hands together, praying. Mrs. Dursely is trying to get her husband into his new tank. (he's still a toad) Professor MacGonagall is doing her nails.
TINUVIEL: Nope.
GOLLUM: Stupid wizardss not have a prayer.no, Preciouss, not one.
On the pitch, Elrond has started healing Frodo. Everyone has to wear sunglasses because of the intense amount of glowing Elves involved in this process.
Frodo: (waking up) I'M HEALED!!! (he gets stunned by the combined glowing of Elrond, Galadriel, Celeborn and Glorfindel) I'M BLIND!!!
Sam: Mister Frodo! Bless you, you're alright!
Frodo: I think I'm blind, Sam.
The glowing dies down, and Frodo realizes he can still see.
Frodo: I can SEE!! (He starts running wildly around the pitch, doing the chicken dance thing)
GOLLUM: Nassty Bagginses has lossst his senses, we thinks. Perhaps he will give us Precious now.
Frodo recovers however, and the Ring Lords prepare to take their Penalty.
Gandalf: Who is the opposing goalkeeper?
Dumbledore: None of your business.
Dumbledore gravely sticks out his tongue at Gandalf. Gandalf retaliates by setting Dumbledore's beard on fire.
Saruman: (giving Gandalf a high five) Not bad, Gand man!
Malfoy: Ooh! I know who can be the goalkeeper!
Snape: Of course you do, Draco my dear boy, you sweet child!
Malfoy looks scared for a moment.
Malfoy: Er.right. How about Crabbe and Goyle?
Luke: That's two people.
Malfoy: But they have only enough brains for one!
Crabbe and Goyle walk onto the pitch, and Luke approaches them.
Luke: What's two plus two?
Crabbe / Goyle : * blink * (they huddle together and whisper for a moment) Duh, will you repeat the question?
Luke: (to Malfoy) You've got a deal!
LUTHIEN: Aragorn will take the Ring Lords' penalty against Crabbe and Goyle.
TINUVIEL: Go Estel!!
LUTHIEN: Yay Elessar!!
TINUVIEL: Come on, Strider!!
GOLLUM: We iss not knowing they are talking to anymore, Preciousss.
Aragorn steps up to the ball.
Aragorn: I do not know if I can do this. Isildur missed the shot long before.
Arwen: You are not Isildur's heir, but Isildur himself.er.wait, that's not right.
Aragorn begins to cry.
Arwen: (trying to save the moment) The same blood flows in your veins- the - same - weakness? Oh dear.
Aragorn now begins to bawl, hitting his hands on the ground.
Legolas runs over and scowls at Arwen.
Legolas: Go away, you meanie!
Arwen walks off, annoyed. The moment she's out of the area, Aragorn immediately stops crying and goes back to the ball, which Crabbe and Goyle are stupidly staring at.
Legolas grabs a pom pom and leads the cheers.
Legolas: WHO'S THE MAN??
Saruman: I am.
Gimli: You're the treacherous wizard, git!
Boromir: Then I'M THE MAN!! ME, BOROMIR, SON OF DENETHOR! I ROCK!
Aragorn stares at him.
Aragorn: No, I am the man.
Arwen: (Proudly) He's MY man!!
Eowyn: (bonks her on the head with a metal pom pom) No he's not!
Arwen: (getting back up) Yes he is!
Glorfindel: (knocking her out again) NO HE'S NOT! Listen to someone who comes ONLY WHEN THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO!!
Eowyn shakes hands with Glorfindel.
Aragorn: (shakes his head) Whatever.
He kicks, and the ball sails past the goalkeeper(s), who had run forward and were standing right in front of him.
GOLLUM: That'ssss a goal, my Preciousss.yes indeed it wassss!!!
LUTHIEN: YIPPEE! The score is now 6 - 1!
TINUVIEL: Whoo!
LUTHIEN: We now have a surprise guest speaker.
TINUVIEL: We do?
LUTHIEN: Uh-huh. He's come all the way from a galaxy far, far away, and is one of my favourite people. DARTH VADER!!!
Luke: DAD!!
Sounds of heavy breathing can be heard as Vader enters the commentators' booth.
VADER: Greetings. Hey there, son!
GOLLUM: You looks evil!
Luke: (shouting from the pitch madly) No he does not! There's still good in him! Okay, so he cut off my hand and caused me to nearly fall off a cloud city into nothingness. and then I was sad.sniff.
VADER: Sorry 'bout that.
Luke: I'm a Jedi, and that means I will not be overly emotional.
VADER: You are my son! Remember who you are!
Luke: How can I forget? You just said 'you're my son'!
VADER: I'm not your son!
Luke: No, no you said I'm your son!
VADER: Of course you're my son! Whose son would you be otherwise?
Suddenly a little boy with blond hair arrives in what appears to be a pod racer.
Little Boy: I'm Anakin Skywalker, and this is the fastest pod ever built!
VADER: You're who?
Anakin: Anakin Skywalker. Friends call me Annie.
Luke: Annie? 'The sun will come out, tomorrow.' that Annie? I'M YOUR BIGGEST FAN!!
Luke does a Jedi leap onto the Pod Racer.
Annie: Hey, don't break it, buster!
VADER: You're not really Anakin Skywalker, are you?
Another person walks onto the pitch, with short hair and a Padawan braid.
Person: Of course he's not Anakin! I am!
VADER: Argh! I AM ANAKIN SKYWALKER, YOU IDIOTS!
Luke: You mean I can call you Annie?
VADER: NO YOU CANNOT CALL ME ANNIE!!
Luke: (sniffles) You don't have to shout.
Anakin the Padawan is about to say something when two more people in ponchos arrive.
LUTHIEN: Quite a reunion!
VADER: I feel a presence I haven't felt since.
Obi Wan: (with a beard) Oi, Anakin!
Anakin: What?
Obi Wan: Padme's been.er. she's going to be eaten by Jabba the Hutt!
Anakin: Oh no!
He runs to a waiting speeder and leaves with Obi Wan.
Qui Gon: Annie.
Annie: I'm not listening to you- you're dead!
Luke: Dead people come back sometimes. Like Ben Kenobi!
Annie: He's not dead.
Luke: Is too!
Annie: Is not!
Qui Gon is dragging Annie away when Legolas spots him.
Legolas: That's exactly what I wore at the council of Elrond!
Figwit: Which reminds me. it is time, Legolas.
Legolas: Is it?
They prepare for the Ultimate Elven Combat.
VADER: I'm leaving to speak to the Emperor about 'Annie'. Farewell.
Luke: Bye, Dad!
Once all the Anakins have left, Luke looks around the ground.
The Hogwarts Wizards have taken advantage of the reunion to attack all the Ring Lords savagely.
Neville Longbottom and Seamus Finnigan are taking on Merry and Pippin. Frodo and Sam are up against Harry and Ron.
TINUVIEL: Poor Frodo.
Snape is picking on Boromir and Malfoy is trying to throw Gimli into oblivion. Gandalf and Dumbledore are fighting over who has the longer beard. The Weasley twins have ganged up on Aragorn and Sirius Black, who is more or less a Ring Lord anyway, and Crabbe and Goyle are cluelessly at the goalpost.
Luke: * Blows whistle * STOP!! THAT'S ENOUGH!! Now, there's only a few minutes of play left, and I'm not going to give out any more penalties!
Percy: (running in from the locker rooms) BUT THAT'S NOT FAIR!! It's not! What if Crabbe and Goyle. okay, never mind that! You have to give us one more penalty. remember- it was due for the stupid fat little things attacking.
He trails off seeing a mob of four angry hobbits approach him.
Percy: (squeaking) Help?
The Hobbits pounce on him and pound him into a pulp.
Luke realizes Percy had a point, though and hands a penalty to the Wizards.
Dumbledore: NOT to Harry this time, though. I will take this shot.
LUTHIEN: Ooh. Dumbledore versus Figwit.
Figwit and Legolas are, however, not done with their combat.
Figwit: Pluck you.
Legolas: Right back at you!
Dumbledore takes the shot, thinking that, as Figwit is busy, he will not notice.
The dark haired elf zooms and saves the ball in slow motion as it edges towards the goal.
Luke blows the Final Whistle. The match is over.
LUTHIEN: THE FINAL SCORE IS. RING LORDS 6
TINUVIEL: HOGWARTS WIZARDS 1
GOLLUM: The nice Ringerss win, yesss Preciousss. they win. hooray, my Preciouss, Smeagol is happy.
LUTHIEN: And so are we! The Champions of the Fantasy World are-
TINUVIEL: THE MIDDLE EARTH RING LORDS!!!
The stadium explodes with cheers as the Ring Lords take a lap of honour before Gandalf steps up to claim the trophy.
Harry Potter: But I'm not on the winning team! How come? That can't happen! I always win! Always! I'm the boy who lived! I'm cute and smart and-
Professor MacGonagall throws a book at him.
Prof: SHUT UP POTTER!
Sob! It's over! Our fic is over! Noooooooo!
Okay, it's not technically over. We have for you, next, a bonus chapter featuring Mara the Excited Fan and.well, Legolas!