"Captain?" Trip's voiced floated in the air.
Archer calmly walked over to the monitor "Yes, Trip?"
"Captain I think you should meet us in sickbay. You're not going to believe this." Trip's answer floated back to him.
"I'm coming. Archer out."
Archer smiled at T'Pol. "Shall we?"
They made their way to medical. As the doors opened they noted at least four small boxes open on the ground by Phlox's feet. Another was tossed haphazardly on the lab's desktop with a small hill of light gray powder lying on a small square paper.
Erosha stood next to Trip.
"Trip what is all of this?" quizzed Archer.
"Captain all I know is when I went to get Erosha her quarter's looked like a lab of some sort, so I confiscated some of the items and sent them here. After that, I called you. Then I called Hoshi so she could translate this writing." Stated Trip.
"Good Job Trip." Turning to Erosha "Care to tell me what all this is about?"
'It's just a little something to trade, Captain. I promise you that it's not harmful." Her thin lips curved up.
"Why don't we just see?" Archer turned to Phlox. "Can you analyze this?" he said, pointing to the powder.
"Captain I assure you that it's not necessary." Erosha quickly interjected.
"I'll be the judge of that."
Phlox gently placed on his gloves and tenderly scoped up a small sample of powder and placed it carefully on a slide. He then placed it under his microscope. After Phlox got through annualizing the powder in the vial he turned to Archer. "Captain, this contains crushed animal bones, mostly chicken bones, with DNA skin cells from you and sub-commander T'Pol."
Archer looked over at T'Pol who stared back in one of those 'here we go again' looks.
"Why?"
"I believe that it's a love-making potion, similar to some humans used when they grinded up animal horns and tusks in your culture. I believe it was used to improve sexual performance."
Archer couldn't help but smile. Placing up his hand in front of his mouth, he started laughing, and not to softly.
Just then Hoshi came running in." I deciphered it Captain. It says the Captain and the Vulcan."
"You've got to be kidding?" Archer turned towards Erosha. "So Erosha, do you want to explain this?" Archer grabbed one of the bottles and held it up for her inspection.
"Captain this is a very delicate matter. You just don't understand the way my species mates. It is not like how you mate with your female. My species is both male and female in its make up therefore we need a little stimulus. Do you know how highly sexual you humans must be to stimulate a Vulcan? So much so that you have to give her her own quarters, so you can rest" Erosha closed her eyes shivered for a minute then open them looking downward as she did so.
"And this little bottle will do it for you" quizzed Archer with a slight smile
"Why do you think I kept raking your skin with my forearm, I could tell from our first contact that you where highly sensual. My hair collected tiny skin cells particles from you while I rubbed your arm. My pet then collected the cells from your Vulcan mate by rubbing her arm, while he distracted her by rubbing her leg." Erosha's voice was now a whisper.
"And the chicken bones, why and how?" Archer couldn't wait for this answer.
"My pet he has two stomachs and he has gotten quite a taste for the chicken, that he feed upon. The bones when chewed go into another stomach. When that is filled with bones and other misc. items the inner stomach lining descends, wraps these items up and expunges them. As for the why, it was easier to retrieve bones from dead food stock then to kill you and your woman for yours. Plus I was out numbered."
"And the supplies to make these and the bottles?" Jonathan cocked his eyebrow.
"From my pet's stomach." Erosha stated.
Archer's shook his head, letting out an exasperated breath before he spoke. "Erosha I'm going to have to confiscate these and have them destroyed. I really don't feel like being hunted all over the universe for my and my science officer's cells and bones. I feel for your predicament but you're going to have to find something else to stimulate yourself and your people with." With a quick glance around, he pocketed the small vial as a keepsake. Turning to Phlox, he gestured to the rest. "Can you destroy these for me? Trip escort Erosha to an unoccupied room until her people come to pick her up. Then find that pet of hers and get it back into its cage." The last person Archer passed as he started to leave medical was T'Pol.
T'Pol had that 'I told you so' look.
Archer growled "Don't even say it." And then left for his quarters. God he needed to unwind.
This week and a half felt like it aged him ten years.
Archer was headed up to the Bridge. He was just about to get in the lift when Porthos came running down the ship's corridor. Archer turned "Porthos!" He had just taken a step forward to follow Porthos, only to find himself flying forwards. After lying on the ground for a moment, he sat himself up only to witness Erosha's pet running down the corridor followed by a string of security, each one firing.
T'Pol's hand came out and Archer took it. He was gently pulled up. Archer could feel the anger boiling in him. He tried to calm himself before he spoke. "T'Pol, I want them off my ship. Just off go to wrap 4, find that ship, and get them both off." Even to his own ears his voice sound low and strained. "I'll be in my quarters. I need a vacation." He paused "T'Pol could you get Porthos for me?" He was a little bit surprised that T'Pol held her tongue knowing how she felt about Porthos, but he silently thanked her for it.
"Yes Captain." was her reply. To Archer, at that moment, it was the most beautiful sound he had ever heard.
The rest of his day seemed pretty normal. He and T'Pol manned the bridge. Malcolm took care of security and weapons. T'Pol had reassured Archer that Porthos was okay. She'd located him and placed him back into Archer's quarters. Archer was beginning to feel giddy especially after security had called to tell him that Erosha's pet was under control and back in the crate.
It was on the second day that they returned Erosha and pet back to her people, Jonathon showed up and was courteous and in complete control. It wasn't till Erosha left that he jumped up and down and gave Trip a high five. T'Pol only stood there watching, until they settled down.
"Sir, I would highly suggest a vacation somewhere nice and quiet, where you could relax while we clean up the Enterprise from this latest endeavor of yours."
"Noted T'Pol. That is an excellent suggestion and you're coming too." Archer smiled
"Captain I am Vulcan, I do not need a rest." Her voice reined in that superior tone.
"Well then you can come to keep us humans out of trouble." Archer smiled and gave her a wink.
"Cap'n, Can Hoshi come? She's been working awfully hard." added Trip.
"Sure. That will give me time to see Riann and relax. T'Pol could help get some food for Enterprise and keep us out of trouble." Archer said as his eyes caught T'Pol's. It was only in her eyes that Archer could see subtle flickers of her emotions. At the name Riann there was a sudden flair that quickly died, Archer unknowingly smiled. "T'Pol you know where we're going take her. You're in command. Come on Trip lets pack." Archer beamed over at Trip as they both ran down the corridors to their quarters.
It seemed like forever to get to Archer's little girlfriend Riann. Half the Enterprise had been cleaned. When they neared the planet Archer sat back in his captain's seat with a big smile plastered on his face. He and the others had being done up to appear Atatti.
T'Pol stood up abruptly from her station. "Captain I would advise that we go slowly. There seems to be a cultural ceremony going on."
Archer just tossed her a smile and hit the COM on his chair. "Trip are we ready to leave?"
I've been ready for two weeks." came his voice through the COM.
The Captain pulled himself up. "Mayweather, you're in command. Archer seemed to skip as he came over to T'Pol. Grabbing her by her hand, he pulled her towards the lift.
"Captain I still have things to do." She seemed to protest. He still pulled her in. Standing in back of her he wrapped his arms around her and held her in place with his chin coming to rest on her shoulder. The long fake dark hair T'Pol wore made her kind of cute.
"You're not going anywhere but down to the planet." he whispered though her long hair.
As the lift opened up, Hoshi and Trip where waiting, their bags on the floor. Their mouths dropped as they saw Archer's arms wrapped around T'Pol, his fingers interlaced and laying on her stomach while his chin rested on her shoulder. He gave them both a wonderful childlike smile as he let T'Pol go. "Trip you got our bags and grabbed some candles for T'Pol right?"
"Yes, Captain we're ready."
The shuttlecraft seemed small with each of them carrying an overnight bag and some of the local money. From time to time Archer caught that look in T'Pol's eyes. Finally he couldn't bear it any more. "T'Pol, what's worrying you, yes I know Vulcan's don't worry, but what is it?"
"Captain, it would be more appropriate if we studied their ceremonies." She answered but all ha saw was disbelief like 'how did he know.'
As they exited, everyone felt more at ease. "While" said Archer as he stretched "I'm headed towards Riann's, T'Pol can find us something to eat and do some shopping. Trip forget it. You and Hoshi just enjoy yourselves."
As they neared the village the small group broke up into different directions. Trip and Hoshi where holding hands and whispering, while T'Pol headed toward the vast marketplace in the center of town.
Archer's first stop was to Riann. He stopped to check on the bottle of whiskey and two long stemmed roses. He pulled himself upright and knocked.
It wasn't long before Riann was standing there with a big smile on her face, her long hair pulled back. She took a single step outside looked around then grabbed Archer and pulled him in closing the door behind him. He had barely placed his items down on her table when she jumped into his arms and started kissing him.
Trip couldn't believe how wonderful it felt to be with a pretty girl, walking on the soft ground, feeling real air. Then he saw it, a beautiful pink alabaster bracelet. It looked so fragile, just like Hoshi. Trip could feel himself blushing.
Hoshi stood in the center of town watching older people walk by. She wondered, but only briefly, why there where no children or young people out. She saw Trip from the corner of her eye run to the nearest booth. She was about to follow him, but before she could he was running back to her holding an exquisite bracelet. He gave her one of his most charming smiles, clasping her hand and looking deep into her eyes. Before he could say anything, they where grabbed by two rough hands and yanked apart. Another guard stopped in front of them. "Your IDs!" The guard took there IDs. After a check he motioned to the guards on Trip and Hoshi, "Bring them."
Trip couldn't catch his breathe as he caught up with T'Pol in the small Market place. She was just ready to buy some yellow greenish fruit when Trip grabbed her arm. Finding it difficult to breathe he bent over and tried to catch his breath. T'Pol gripped his arm hard and brought him up so he stood fully erect. "Calm down. What is the meaning of this display?" questioned T'Pol as she placed the fruit back in its stall, her other hand held tightly to Trip.
"It's Hoshi, they got her." still trying to catch his breath.
"Who's got her? Please calm yourself down Commander Tucker." T'Pol's dark eyes catching Trip's.
"The Corrin, her ID has her as nineteen. Here that's a minor and they arrested her until her parents come to spring her. I tried but they said that they wouldn't release her to a boyfriend only both of her parents. If we don't get to her they're going to send her away to an Akaali advance girl's school."
"Interesting." spoke T'Pol as her eyebrow edged up a bit.
Trip fought to free himself from her grasp but couldn't. "Interesting! Is that all you have to say, you pointy eared Vulcan. We've got to save her." His voice dripping in its desperation.
"Then I suggest that we locate Captain Archer and discuss a plan of action." T'Pol slowly let Trip escape her grasp.
Trip gripped his arm, rubbing where she had held him. "Godzilla." he said under his breathe, only to have T'Pol give him a blank look.
Captain Jonathan Archer was fulfilling his relaxation by lying with his head on Riann's lap
while she read softly to him. Her voice was soothing as he gently pulled her head down to his and kissed her, only to have her door burst open causing both Archer and Riann to look up. T'Pol and Trip stood in the doorway. T'Pol looked calm but Tucker seemed to be in a panic and breathing hard. Riann was just getting up as T'Pol gracefully made her way over to and gave her a Vulcan nerve pinch. Riann pitched forward. Archer caught her and lowered her onto the floor as he stared up at T'Pol. "What the hell was that?' he yelled at her.
"She'll just have a headache; she should be out for 2.9 hours. It's just a Vulcan nerve pinch." She stated matter of factly.
"Can you please stop making her go unconscious? If you're not shooting her you're nerve pinching her." Archer said as he picked Riann up and gently laid her down on the bed that he had just vacated. He'd have to have a long talk with his science officer.
"We have Enterprise business to discuss." T'Pol added.
"T'Pol Riann knows. I told her all about us." Jonathan stated only to have T'Pol raise her eyebrows.
"That was very unwise of you Captain it may interfere with this culture's development. Or am I to understand that any female with a pulse and who is attractive to you should be told everything?" There was no inflection in her voice, but Jonathan was about to hit her.
They where interrupted by Trip. "Can you two stop this; either kill each other or jump each other's bones and get this over with. We have Hoshi to worry about."
"What's wrong with Hoshi? Where is she?" Archer looked from one to the other.
"She's been arrested as a minor by the Corrin. We don't have very long to get her out. I was there when they questioned her about her parents. She told them that you and T'Pol were her parents and that I was going to get you."
"Me and T'Pol?' Archer all most fell over.
"Hoshi and I thought it best, they allowed us sometime together and you didn't tell anyone that you told your friend everything, so we went with you and T'Pol. Hoshi told them that she would only tell them her parent's names if they would let me go get you. They think I'm the boyfriend
because we were sorta holding hands when they asked us for our ID's. Unless we are going to fight to get her out you two have got to get a marriage license to show them and your ID cards. You need those two forms to get her out, or she's shipped off to school." His voice was rushed and loud.
T'Pol quickly looked over at Archer." I am sure that the Captain can come up with an alternate plan of action."
Archer gave her an evil little smile "well the only one that could have help us, since she's
with the counsel, seems to be out for 2.9 hours. So Mrs. Archer should we go pick up our wayward daughter?"
T'Pol dark eyes flashed for a minute, she looked so cute as an Akaali. She pushed a stray strain of long black hair behind her ear only to watch as Jonathan approached her and looked deeply into her eyes. His eyes never leaving hers, he carefully removed the strand of dark hair from
behind her pointed ear and brushing the side of his hand against her ear he let the strand fall back over her ear hiding its tiny point.
"So now all we have to do is get documents saying were married and something tells me."
Archer looked over at Trip "You and Hoshi all ready know how."
"Well yes Hoshi met an Akaali who deals in finding anything one needs. She told me what to say but they have to see you marry in the counsel since your names aren't in the system. I'm getting a fake preacher who will marry you at the council meeting. Then after you marry, you both get the certificate and then if all goes well we can show the paper and your IDs and get her out." Trip turned to his old friend Jonathan "Good luck, you're going to need it. I better get you that fake for you two. I'll meet you at the council meeting in about an hour." Trip pulled his cloak over his face and ran out the door leaving T'Pol, Archer and an unconscious Riann.
T'Pol turn uneasily to Jonathan "Captain, Vulcan's do not play act. There must be another way."
Archer shrugged his shoulders. "T'Pol why don't we just go down introduce ourselves as
Hoshi's parents and see if we can just get her out. Maybe they won't check marriage certificates.
T'Pol seemed to brighten at Archer's suggestion. As they hit the street, the Corrin seemed to be everywhere. Their grey uniforms stood out on the stone paved streets of town. It didn't take long for both Archer and T'Pol to make it to the Corrin station. The guard on duty was a small round Akaali who sat there eating creme filled snacks.
As Jonathan approached he placed his arm around T'Pol's shoulder and smiled. With his free hand he took out his ID along with T'Pol's and gave a fake cough that forced the Akaali to peer over the desk at them. Archer handed the man his ID "My wife and I are here to pick up our daughter Hoshi, her boyfriend just informed us."
"When was she taken off the streets?" the Akaali snarled at Archer.
"This morning" said T'Pol softly.
"Here we go, can I please have your marriage licenses?" he asked of them.
"I'm sorry but on our rush here we forgot." Archer said with a half smile.
"Without licenses, no daughter. Too many young people and adults don't follow the new laws." the guard snapped back.
"Can we at least see our daughter?" Archer checked around him, he could have T'Pol do that nerve pinch thingy but the other 12 Corrins. No, they have to play this little game out.
"She is in housing pad two-thirty four." The Akaali didn't get up but instead he pointed a fat finger down the adjacent hallway.
Slowly Archer and T'Pol made there way through twisted corridors. Each hallway had a guard checking IDs. They slowly made their way to Hoshi's cell. After the guard scanned their IDs, he pushed another button opening up her cell door.
"Hoshi what is going on here?" Archer whispered in a harsh voice.
Hoshi cast a look over her shoulder just in case. "From what I gathered Captain new laws where passed mostly dealing with young Akaali. It seems that the Akaali have passed laws on certain holidays that from sunrise till sundown any female child unless, accompanied by their parents, is not allowed out with a member of the opposite sex. I seem to have violated that" she whispered.
Archer just shrugged while T'Pol kept a look out for the guard. "We'll get you out of here, but me and T'Pol?"
This time it was Hoshi who shrugged and gave him a little smile. "You two where the only ones from Enterprise, and you're both old enough to have a daughter my age."
Archer shook his head "Gee thanks. Listen we're going to get you out of here. We're meeting up with Trip later on."
T'Pol quickly pulled away from the door "Captain someone is coming."
Commander Tucker tossed open the door and quickly stepped to Archer's side.
"Jon, it's all arranged. You and T'Pol have less then 20 minutes to get down to the counsel chamber and the guard wants you to verify me, that's the only way I could come in here. I thought you both would be down here. When you didn't show I wanted you both to know that your fake minister is a waiting."
Jonathan shook his head and started out. He motioned to T'Pol who didn't move.
"Captain I must talk to Hoshi and Commander Tucker for a moment in order to deceive the Akaali."
"You'll have to kiss" Trip nodded to T'Pol "three times, once at the beginning to show love, in the middle for commitment and the last as one voice." Trip pulled T'Pol to the side and whispered so only she would hear. "T'Pol don't kill me but for Enterprise and Hoshi you got to kiss him."
"Commander. Vulcans do engage in the showing of affection to each other in privacy and that includes kissing. Captain Archer has kissed me. But you humans carry a lot of diseases which is easy transferred through mouth to mouth contact. I can list them for you?"
"No thank you"
Archer gave her a little half smile and preceded out, running almost smack dab into the guard. The man produced a small instrument and Archer gave him his fake ID and watched it being scanned. After the guard scanned it, he handed his ID card back to Archer with a guttered huff.
Archer stood there for what seemed like forever. The guard's eyes were trained on him making Archer feel very uncomfortable. Archer felt himself fidgeting. He was just about to go back when T'Pol, escorted by Commander Tucker, exited Hoshi's room. Tucker's face was flushed and he wore a dopey smile. Archer bite his tongue, he wanted to know but not really.
As T'Pol passed him, she slapped Archer on his butt knocking him into the guard. The guard peeled himself away from the corridor wall and helped Captain Archer to his feet and off him. Archer stood stunned, looking at T'Pol in shock amazement.
"Aren't you coming?" she called back over her shoulder at Archer. Tucker just looked at him dopey like and shrugged. As the guard regained his footing he pressed in Archer's hand a pair of cuffs "Buddy" he stated "You need this more then I do. Don't worry I have an extra pair" Archer could only smile back in what look like a 'what the hell did I get myself into' smile.
Archer could only smile as he closely followed behind T'Pol and Trip. As he caught up with them, he touched T'Pol's arm. "What was that about?" He stated in a bit of confusion and shock.
"Isn't that what humans do?" T'Pol asked innocently. She seemed to measure her Captain's look and turning to Tucker "Isn't that what you and Hoshi told me you humans do?"
Tucker looked at his friend, giving Archer one of those 'poor me' looks since Archer wasn't going to help out. "No T'Pol that's what he" Tucker pointed to Archer"might do."
Archer with his butt still stinging couldn't help but smile. He was going to slap his science officer in her rear but instead he came along beside her and placed his hand on her behind. "This Sub-commander, is what you do to a captain who can toss you butt in the brig." Archer looked over at Trip. "One more misunderstanding and it's brig time."
Tucker tried to look cute. He knew that even with all the threats Archer wouldn't do anything because of the Enterprise engines. "Yes Sir" was all he could manage hidden under a smile.
The fake marriage was something to see. T'Pol and Archer dressed as Akaali's standing in front of eight judges and a rather homely minister. At the beginning of the ceremony Archer leaned over and kissed T'Pol who stood like a stiff wooden statue, thus having Archer whisper in her ear
"Can you at least relax? It's like kissing a wooden Indian in front of a dollar store." T'Pol edged up her eyebrow and stared. "T'Pol just kiss me, that's an order. Let's get this over with." he snarled under his breath. The words of the minister were lost as he motioned the two should kiss for the second time. This time T'Pol grabbed at Archer grabbing him by his rather drab cotton brown coat. She kissed him. She almost touched his tonsils with her tongue. Archer was shocked he never expected such a kiss from T'Pol. She was good. She was great as she let him loose.
Jonathan smiled the goofiest smile as he grabbed her this time for the last kiss. He was hot, but the Minster stepped between them. "Children I think that also qualifies as the last kiss, you have time for that for the rest of your lives." The eight-counsel members squirmed in their chairs and agreed with the Minster's recommendation. The minister's voice penetrated through Archer's lust filled mind "I pronounce you joined" and under the Minster's breath "Not a moment too soon. Wait until you're in a motel."
Just as they were announced joined, Riann came in. She looked awful. Archer turned around as she came up to him and gave him a look of pure hatred. She slapped him, but when she went to slap him again T'Pol grabbed her arm and pulled it back.
"You will not harm my…"T'Pol stopped took a look at her Captain before she turned to Riann "my husband."
Riann was stunned, her mouth gaping open as T'Pol dropped her arm and went straight up to the counsel. "I request the marriage certificate." She stood straight erect. A part of Archer liked that as he helped Riann to her feet.
The counsel signed and handed T'Pol the certificate. Slowly T'Pol seemed to saunter over to Archer.
"Riann I can explain." His eyes seemed to plead with her.
Riann was about to give in as T'Pol reached him stating in a matter of fact term." We must get our daughter."
With that Riann pulled her arm away from Archer and looking him straight in the eyes. "Yes, get your daughter. After tonight, leave." She hissed out at him as she stomped out of the counsel chambers.
Archer stopped his reminiscence into the past as he set his drink down and stared over at Trip. The room seemed to spin a little as Archer tried to close his eyes, "So here I am Trip sitting with you and drinking on my wedding night, with no girlfriend. T'Pol is my wife and I'm going to have to explain all this to Star Fleet."
Trip smiled at him "I'd like to be a fly on your wall when you report to Admiral Forrester."
Archer just moaned and set his head on the table as Trip grabbed up his cloak. Tossing it on, he walked past Archer and placed his hand on his friend's shoulder. "Why don't you get some rest. Tomorrow its back home to the Enterprise and sanity."
"What's that?" Archer murmured back to him.
Archer didn't hear Trip leave. All he could think of was that he was married to T'Pol, that and that damnable kiss.
That morning as the small band made their way back to their shuttlecraft. Captain Archer couldn't help but keep an eye on T'Pol, but he all so noted that Riann never appeared to ask him for his explanation or at least to say goodbye. As their shuttlecraft slowly made its way back to the Enterprise, everyone was quiet except Trip. "Cap, I don't know about you but on your next R and R take my name off the list." This said just as the shuttlecraft docked.
Just before they exited Captain Archer turned to them "I think we all need some time down time after that R and R, so everyone here has a day off. I'll be in my quarters trying to explain all this."
Each one made their way back silently to their own quarters.
Archer had been seated at his desk for the last six hours trying in vain to relate everything that had taken place during the last three and a half weeks. Each draft was deleted. How did he tell Starfleet Admiral Forrester about how he had ended up married to a Vulcan? Much less about being a human aphrodisiac? Then there were chicken bones and how republicans reproduce. Jonathan leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes. They where closed less then ten minutes when a small knock on his door brought him back from a dreamlike state. "Enter." He said with a yawn.
As the cabin door whisked open, T'Pol was standing there. With purpose she walked straight over to his desk and handed him a pad.
Archer looked over the pad with both eyes opening wide and his eyebrows shooting up, but before he could say a word T'Pol took over. "Jonathan, my parents have transmitted that there are two Vulcan males that may be chosen as bonding partners, since their partners have died. They require me to go to Vulcan. I have transmitted that I am all ready bonded to you since our encounter and marriage. I do have respect for you and as a human you are in good physical condition. You show marked intelligence and it is not emotionally straining to be with you. If you find someone else to your liking then I will require you only every seven years and we will continue on Enterprise as if nothing happened. Since my parents are Vulcans they aren't pleased with my choice as a mate, but will remain quiet as to our state."
Archer looked like he was going to say something but before he could T'Pol spoke again. "It is not a lie, they are only withholding information. Since I have the bonding license and you have not made a move against it, and the fact that it would take over 4 of your years if reversed, it seems logical for us to remain bonded/ I have given you Vulcan mating rights. After studying human sexuality and being a female, I can comply with once a week briefly. At the seven-year mark during pon farr, you will be in bed for a week. I will give you small 10-minute breaks. This is logical Captain." Before Archer could digest everything T'Pol was heading towards the door and before the door to his cabin closed she turned around and added "my parents are on their way here to met you, They should be here around 1900 hours tomorrow. Captain, please be prepared. Pon farr starts within human terms, two months, 5 days, 21 minutes and 4 no 3 seconds" and then the door closed. Captain Jonathan Archer's mouth was gapping open, his jaw all most hitting the cabin floor while Porthos hid under the desk, nestled next to Archer's leg.
The only thing Captain Jonathan Archer could say was 'Oh Boy." as he deleted his report yet again.
The End.
Archer calmly walked over to the monitor "Yes, Trip?"
"Captain I think you should meet us in sickbay. You're not going to believe this." Trip's answer floated back to him.
"I'm coming. Archer out."
Archer smiled at T'Pol. "Shall we?"
They made their way to medical. As the doors opened they noted at least four small boxes open on the ground by Phlox's feet. Another was tossed haphazardly on the lab's desktop with a small hill of light gray powder lying on a small square paper.
Erosha stood next to Trip.
"Trip what is all of this?" quizzed Archer.
"Captain all I know is when I went to get Erosha her quarter's looked like a lab of some sort, so I confiscated some of the items and sent them here. After that, I called you. Then I called Hoshi so she could translate this writing." Stated Trip.
"Good Job Trip." Turning to Erosha "Care to tell me what all this is about?"
'It's just a little something to trade, Captain. I promise you that it's not harmful." Her thin lips curved up.
"Why don't we just see?" Archer turned to Phlox. "Can you analyze this?" he said, pointing to the powder.
"Captain I assure you that it's not necessary." Erosha quickly interjected.
"I'll be the judge of that."
Phlox gently placed on his gloves and tenderly scoped up a small sample of powder and placed it carefully on a slide. He then placed it under his microscope. After Phlox got through annualizing the powder in the vial he turned to Archer. "Captain, this contains crushed animal bones, mostly chicken bones, with DNA skin cells from you and sub-commander T'Pol."
Archer looked over at T'Pol who stared back in one of those 'here we go again' looks.
"Why?"
"I believe that it's a love-making potion, similar to some humans used when they grinded up animal horns and tusks in your culture. I believe it was used to improve sexual performance."
Archer couldn't help but smile. Placing up his hand in front of his mouth, he started laughing, and not to softly.
Just then Hoshi came running in." I deciphered it Captain. It says the Captain and the Vulcan."
"You've got to be kidding?" Archer turned towards Erosha. "So Erosha, do you want to explain this?" Archer grabbed one of the bottles and held it up for her inspection.
"Captain this is a very delicate matter. You just don't understand the way my species mates. It is not like how you mate with your female. My species is both male and female in its make up therefore we need a little stimulus. Do you know how highly sexual you humans must be to stimulate a Vulcan? So much so that you have to give her her own quarters, so you can rest" Erosha closed her eyes shivered for a minute then open them looking downward as she did so.
"And this little bottle will do it for you" quizzed Archer with a slight smile
"Why do you think I kept raking your skin with my forearm, I could tell from our first contact that you where highly sensual. My hair collected tiny skin cells particles from you while I rubbed your arm. My pet then collected the cells from your Vulcan mate by rubbing her arm, while he distracted her by rubbing her leg." Erosha's voice was now a whisper.
"And the chicken bones, why and how?" Archer couldn't wait for this answer.
"My pet he has two stomachs and he has gotten quite a taste for the chicken, that he feed upon. The bones when chewed go into another stomach. When that is filled with bones and other misc. items the inner stomach lining descends, wraps these items up and expunges them. As for the why, it was easier to retrieve bones from dead food stock then to kill you and your woman for yours. Plus I was out numbered."
"And the supplies to make these and the bottles?" Jonathan cocked his eyebrow.
"From my pet's stomach." Erosha stated.
Archer's shook his head, letting out an exasperated breath before he spoke. "Erosha I'm going to have to confiscate these and have them destroyed. I really don't feel like being hunted all over the universe for my and my science officer's cells and bones. I feel for your predicament but you're going to have to find something else to stimulate yourself and your people with." With a quick glance around, he pocketed the small vial as a keepsake. Turning to Phlox, he gestured to the rest. "Can you destroy these for me? Trip escort Erosha to an unoccupied room until her people come to pick her up. Then find that pet of hers and get it back into its cage." The last person Archer passed as he started to leave medical was T'Pol.
T'Pol had that 'I told you so' look.
Archer growled "Don't even say it." And then left for his quarters. God he needed to unwind.
This week and a half felt like it aged him ten years.
Archer was headed up to the Bridge. He was just about to get in the lift when Porthos came running down the ship's corridor. Archer turned "Porthos!" He had just taken a step forward to follow Porthos, only to find himself flying forwards. After lying on the ground for a moment, he sat himself up only to witness Erosha's pet running down the corridor followed by a string of security, each one firing.
T'Pol's hand came out and Archer took it. He was gently pulled up. Archer could feel the anger boiling in him. He tried to calm himself before he spoke. "T'Pol, I want them off my ship. Just off go to wrap 4, find that ship, and get them both off." Even to his own ears his voice sound low and strained. "I'll be in my quarters. I need a vacation." He paused "T'Pol could you get Porthos for me?" He was a little bit surprised that T'Pol held her tongue knowing how she felt about Porthos, but he silently thanked her for it.
"Yes Captain." was her reply. To Archer, at that moment, it was the most beautiful sound he had ever heard.
The rest of his day seemed pretty normal. He and T'Pol manned the bridge. Malcolm took care of security and weapons. T'Pol had reassured Archer that Porthos was okay. She'd located him and placed him back into Archer's quarters. Archer was beginning to feel giddy especially after security had called to tell him that Erosha's pet was under control and back in the crate.
It was on the second day that they returned Erosha and pet back to her people, Jonathon showed up and was courteous and in complete control. It wasn't till Erosha left that he jumped up and down and gave Trip a high five. T'Pol only stood there watching, until they settled down.
"Sir, I would highly suggest a vacation somewhere nice and quiet, where you could relax while we clean up the Enterprise from this latest endeavor of yours."
"Noted T'Pol. That is an excellent suggestion and you're coming too." Archer smiled
"Captain I am Vulcan, I do not need a rest." Her voice reined in that superior tone.
"Well then you can come to keep us humans out of trouble." Archer smiled and gave her a wink.
"Cap'n, Can Hoshi come? She's been working awfully hard." added Trip.
"Sure. That will give me time to see Riann and relax. T'Pol could help get some food for Enterprise and keep us out of trouble." Archer said as his eyes caught T'Pol's. It was only in her eyes that Archer could see subtle flickers of her emotions. At the name Riann there was a sudden flair that quickly died, Archer unknowingly smiled. "T'Pol you know where we're going take her. You're in command. Come on Trip lets pack." Archer beamed over at Trip as they both ran down the corridors to their quarters.
It seemed like forever to get to Archer's little girlfriend Riann. Half the Enterprise had been cleaned. When they neared the planet Archer sat back in his captain's seat with a big smile plastered on his face. He and the others had being done up to appear Atatti.
T'Pol stood up abruptly from her station. "Captain I would advise that we go slowly. There seems to be a cultural ceremony going on."
Archer just tossed her a smile and hit the COM on his chair. "Trip are we ready to leave?"
I've been ready for two weeks." came his voice through the COM.
The Captain pulled himself up. "Mayweather, you're in command. Archer seemed to skip as he came over to T'Pol. Grabbing her by her hand, he pulled her towards the lift.
"Captain I still have things to do." She seemed to protest. He still pulled her in. Standing in back of her he wrapped his arms around her and held her in place with his chin coming to rest on her shoulder. The long fake dark hair T'Pol wore made her kind of cute.
"You're not going anywhere but down to the planet." he whispered though her long hair.
As the lift opened up, Hoshi and Trip where waiting, their bags on the floor. Their mouths dropped as they saw Archer's arms wrapped around T'Pol, his fingers interlaced and laying on her stomach while his chin rested on her shoulder. He gave them both a wonderful childlike smile as he let T'Pol go. "Trip you got our bags and grabbed some candles for T'Pol right?"
"Yes, Captain we're ready."
The shuttlecraft seemed small with each of them carrying an overnight bag and some of the local money. From time to time Archer caught that look in T'Pol's eyes. Finally he couldn't bear it any more. "T'Pol, what's worrying you, yes I know Vulcan's don't worry, but what is it?"
"Captain, it would be more appropriate if we studied their ceremonies." She answered but all ha saw was disbelief like 'how did he know.'
As they exited, everyone felt more at ease. "While" said Archer as he stretched "I'm headed towards Riann's, T'Pol can find us something to eat and do some shopping. Trip forget it. You and Hoshi just enjoy yourselves."
As they neared the village the small group broke up into different directions. Trip and Hoshi where holding hands and whispering, while T'Pol headed toward the vast marketplace in the center of town.
Archer's first stop was to Riann. He stopped to check on the bottle of whiskey and two long stemmed roses. He pulled himself upright and knocked.
It wasn't long before Riann was standing there with a big smile on her face, her long hair pulled back. She took a single step outside looked around then grabbed Archer and pulled him in closing the door behind him. He had barely placed his items down on her table when she jumped into his arms and started kissing him.
Trip couldn't believe how wonderful it felt to be with a pretty girl, walking on the soft ground, feeling real air. Then he saw it, a beautiful pink alabaster bracelet. It looked so fragile, just like Hoshi. Trip could feel himself blushing.
Hoshi stood in the center of town watching older people walk by. She wondered, but only briefly, why there where no children or young people out. She saw Trip from the corner of her eye run to the nearest booth. She was about to follow him, but before she could he was running back to her holding an exquisite bracelet. He gave her one of his most charming smiles, clasping her hand and looking deep into her eyes. Before he could say anything, they where grabbed by two rough hands and yanked apart. Another guard stopped in front of them. "Your IDs!" The guard took there IDs. After a check he motioned to the guards on Trip and Hoshi, "Bring them."
Trip couldn't catch his breathe as he caught up with T'Pol in the small Market place. She was just ready to buy some yellow greenish fruit when Trip grabbed her arm. Finding it difficult to breathe he bent over and tried to catch his breath. T'Pol gripped his arm hard and brought him up so he stood fully erect. "Calm down. What is the meaning of this display?" questioned T'Pol as she placed the fruit back in its stall, her other hand held tightly to Trip.
"It's Hoshi, they got her." still trying to catch his breath.
"Who's got her? Please calm yourself down Commander Tucker." T'Pol's dark eyes catching Trip's.
"The Corrin, her ID has her as nineteen. Here that's a minor and they arrested her until her parents come to spring her. I tried but they said that they wouldn't release her to a boyfriend only both of her parents. If we don't get to her they're going to send her away to an Akaali advance girl's school."
"Interesting." spoke T'Pol as her eyebrow edged up a bit.
Trip fought to free himself from her grasp but couldn't. "Interesting! Is that all you have to say, you pointy eared Vulcan. We've got to save her." His voice dripping in its desperation.
"Then I suggest that we locate Captain Archer and discuss a plan of action." T'Pol slowly let Trip escape her grasp.
Trip gripped his arm, rubbing where she had held him. "Godzilla." he said under his breathe, only to have T'Pol give him a blank look.
Captain Jonathan Archer was fulfilling his relaxation by lying with his head on Riann's lap
while she read softly to him. Her voice was soothing as he gently pulled her head down to his and kissed her, only to have her door burst open causing both Archer and Riann to look up. T'Pol and Trip stood in the doorway. T'Pol looked calm but Tucker seemed to be in a panic and breathing hard. Riann was just getting up as T'Pol gracefully made her way over to and gave her a Vulcan nerve pinch. Riann pitched forward. Archer caught her and lowered her onto the floor as he stared up at T'Pol. "What the hell was that?' he yelled at her.
"She'll just have a headache; she should be out for 2.9 hours. It's just a Vulcan nerve pinch." She stated matter of factly.
"Can you please stop making her go unconscious? If you're not shooting her you're nerve pinching her." Archer said as he picked Riann up and gently laid her down on the bed that he had just vacated. He'd have to have a long talk with his science officer.
"We have Enterprise business to discuss." T'Pol added.
"T'Pol Riann knows. I told her all about us." Jonathan stated only to have T'Pol raise her eyebrows.
"That was very unwise of you Captain it may interfere with this culture's development. Or am I to understand that any female with a pulse and who is attractive to you should be told everything?" There was no inflection in her voice, but Jonathan was about to hit her.
They where interrupted by Trip. "Can you two stop this; either kill each other or jump each other's bones and get this over with. We have Hoshi to worry about."
"What's wrong with Hoshi? Where is she?" Archer looked from one to the other.
"She's been arrested as a minor by the Corrin. We don't have very long to get her out. I was there when they questioned her about her parents. She told them that you and T'Pol were her parents and that I was going to get you."
"Me and T'Pol?' Archer all most fell over.
"Hoshi and I thought it best, they allowed us sometime together and you didn't tell anyone that you told your friend everything, so we went with you and T'Pol. Hoshi told them that she would only tell them her parent's names if they would let me go get you. They think I'm the boyfriend
because we were sorta holding hands when they asked us for our ID's. Unless we are going to fight to get her out you two have got to get a marriage license to show them and your ID cards. You need those two forms to get her out, or she's shipped off to school." His voice was rushed and loud.
T'Pol quickly looked over at Archer." I am sure that the Captain can come up with an alternate plan of action."
Archer gave her an evil little smile "well the only one that could have help us, since she's
with the counsel, seems to be out for 2.9 hours. So Mrs. Archer should we go pick up our wayward daughter?"
T'Pol dark eyes flashed for a minute, she looked so cute as an Akaali. She pushed a stray strain of long black hair behind her ear only to watch as Jonathan approached her and looked deeply into her eyes. His eyes never leaving hers, he carefully removed the strand of dark hair from
behind her pointed ear and brushing the side of his hand against her ear he let the strand fall back over her ear hiding its tiny point.
"So now all we have to do is get documents saying were married and something tells me."
Archer looked over at Trip "You and Hoshi all ready know how."
"Well yes Hoshi met an Akaali who deals in finding anything one needs. She told me what to say but they have to see you marry in the counsel since your names aren't in the system. I'm getting a fake preacher who will marry you at the council meeting. Then after you marry, you both get the certificate and then if all goes well we can show the paper and your IDs and get her out." Trip turned to his old friend Jonathan "Good luck, you're going to need it. I better get you that fake for you two. I'll meet you at the council meeting in about an hour." Trip pulled his cloak over his face and ran out the door leaving T'Pol, Archer and an unconscious Riann.
T'Pol turn uneasily to Jonathan "Captain, Vulcan's do not play act. There must be another way."
Archer shrugged his shoulders. "T'Pol why don't we just go down introduce ourselves as
Hoshi's parents and see if we can just get her out. Maybe they won't check marriage certificates.
T'Pol seemed to brighten at Archer's suggestion. As they hit the street, the Corrin seemed to be everywhere. Their grey uniforms stood out on the stone paved streets of town. It didn't take long for both Archer and T'Pol to make it to the Corrin station. The guard on duty was a small round Akaali who sat there eating creme filled snacks.
As Jonathan approached he placed his arm around T'Pol's shoulder and smiled. With his free hand he took out his ID along with T'Pol's and gave a fake cough that forced the Akaali to peer over the desk at them. Archer handed the man his ID "My wife and I are here to pick up our daughter Hoshi, her boyfriend just informed us."
"When was she taken off the streets?" the Akaali snarled at Archer.
"This morning" said T'Pol softly.
"Here we go, can I please have your marriage licenses?" he asked of them.
"I'm sorry but on our rush here we forgot." Archer said with a half smile.
"Without licenses, no daughter. Too many young people and adults don't follow the new laws." the guard snapped back.
"Can we at least see our daughter?" Archer checked around him, he could have T'Pol do that nerve pinch thingy but the other 12 Corrins. No, they have to play this little game out.
"She is in housing pad two-thirty four." The Akaali didn't get up but instead he pointed a fat finger down the adjacent hallway.
Slowly Archer and T'Pol made there way through twisted corridors. Each hallway had a guard checking IDs. They slowly made their way to Hoshi's cell. After the guard scanned their IDs, he pushed another button opening up her cell door.
"Hoshi what is going on here?" Archer whispered in a harsh voice.
Hoshi cast a look over her shoulder just in case. "From what I gathered Captain new laws where passed mostly dealing with young Akaali. It seems that the Akaali have passed laws on certain holidays that from sunrise till sundown any female child unless, accompanied by their parents, is not allowed out with a member of the opposite sex. I seem to have violated that" she whispered.
Archer just shrugged while T'Pol kept a look out for the guard. "We'll get you out of here, but me and T'Pol?"
This time it was Hoshi who shrugged and gave him a little smile. "You two where the only ones from Enterprise, and you're both old enough to have a daughter my age."
Archer shook his head "Gee thanks. Listen we're going to get you out of here. We're meeting up with Trip later on."
T'Pol quickly pulled away from the door "Captain someone is coming."
Commander Tucker tossed open the door and quickly stepped to Archer's side.
"Jon, it's all arranged. You and T'Pol have less then 20 minutes to get down to the counsel chamber and the guard wants you to verify me, that's the only way I could come in here. I thought you both would be down here. When you didn't show I wanted you both to know that your fake minister is a waiting."
Jonathan shook his head and started out. He motioned to T'Pol who didn't move.
"Captain I must talk to Hoshi and Commander Tucker for a moment in order to deceive the Akaali."
"You'll have to kiss" Trip nodded to T'Pol "three times, once at the beginning to show love, in the middle for commitment and the last as one voice." Trip pulled T'Pol to the side and whispered so only she would hear. "T'Pol don't kill me but for Enterprise and Hoshi you got to kiss him."
"Commander. Vulcans do engage in the showing of affection to each other in privacy and that includes kissing. Captain Archer has kissed me. But you humans carry a lot of diseases which is easy transferred through mouth to mouth contact. I can list them for you?"
"No thank you"
Archer gave her a little half smile and preceded out, running almost smack dab into the guard. The man produced a small instrument and Archer gave him his fake ID and watched it being scanned. After the guard scanned it, he handed his ID card back to Archer with a guttered huff.
Archer stood there for what seemed like forever. The guard's eyes were trained on him making Archer feel very uncomfortable. Archer felt himself fidgeting. He was just about to go back when T'Pol, escorted by Commander Tucker, exited Hoshi's room. Tucker's face was flushed and he wore a dopey smile. Archer bite his tongue, he wanted to know but not really.
As T'Pol passed him, she slapped Archer on his butt knocking him into the guard. The guard peeled himself away from the corridor wall and helped Captain Archer to his feet and off him. Archer stood stunned, looking at T'Pol in shock amazement.
"Aren't you coming?" she called back over her shoulder at Archer. Tucker just looked at him dopey like and shrugged. As the guard regained his footing he pressed in Archer's hand a pair of cuffs "Buddy" he stated "You need this more then I do. Don't worry I have an extra pair" Archer could only smile back in what look like a 'what the hell did I get myself into' smile.
Archer could only smile as he closely followed behind T'Pol and Trip. As he caught up with them, he touched T'Pol's arm. "What was that about?" He stated in a bit of confusion and shock.
"Isn't that what humans do?" T'Pol asked innocently. She seemed to measure her Captain's look and turning to Tucker "Isn't that what you and Hoshi told me you humans do?"
Tucker looked at his friend, giving Archer one of those 'poor me' looks since Archer wasn't going to help out. "No T'Pol that's what he" Tucker pointed to Archer"might do."
Archer with his butt still stinging couldn't help but smile. He was going to slap his science officer in her rear but instead he came along beside her and placed his hand on her behind. "This Sub-commander, is what you do to a captain who can toss you butt in the brig." Archer looked over at Trip. "One more misunderstanding and it's brig time."
Tucker tried to look cute. He knew that even with all the threats Archer wouldn't do anything because of the Enterprise engines. "Yes Sir" was all he could manage hidden under a smile.
The fake marriage was something to see. T'Pol and Archer dressed as Akaali's standing in front of eight judges and a rather homely minister. At the beginning of the ceremony Archer leaned over and kissed T'Pol who stood like a stiff wooden statue, thus having Archer whisper in her ear
"Can you at least relax? It's like kissing a wooden Indian in front of a dollar store." T'Pol edged up her eyebrow and stared. "T'Pol just kiss me, that's an order. Let's get this over with." he snarled under his breath. The words of the minister were lost as he motioned the two should kiss for the second time. This time T'Pol grabbed at Archer grabbing him by his rather drab cotton brown coat. She kissed him. She almost touched his tonsils with her tongue. Archer was shocked he never expected such a kiss from T'Pol. She was good. She was great as she let him loose.
Jonathan smiled the goofiest smile as he grabbed her this time for the last kiss. He was hot, but the Minster stepped between them. "Children I think that also qualifies as the last kiss, you have time for that for the rest of your lives." The eight-counsel members squirmed in their chairs and agreed with the Minster's recommendation. The minister's voice penetrated through Archer's lust filled mind "I pronounce you joined" and under the Minster's breath "Not a moment too soon. Wait until you're in a motel."
Just as they were announced joined, Riann came in. She looked awful. Archer turned around as she came up to him and gave him a look of pure hatred. She slapped him, but when she went to slap him again T'Pol grabbed her arm and pulled it back.
"You will not harm my…"T'Pol stopped took a look at her Captain before she turned to Riann "my husband."
Riann was stunned, her mouth gaping open as T'Pol dropped her arm and went straight up to the counsel. "I request the marriage certificate." She stood straight erect. A part of Archer liked that as he helped Riann to her feet.
The counsel signed and handed T'Pol the certificate. Slowly T'Pol seemed to saunter over to Archer.
"Riann I can explain." His eyes seemed to plead with her.
Riann was about to give in as T'Pol reached him stating in a matter of fact term." We must get our daughter."
With that Riann pulled her arm away from Archer and looking him straight in the eyes. "Yes, get your daughter. After tonight, leave." She hissed out at him as she stomped out of the counsel chambers.
Archer stopped his reminiscence into the past as he set his drink down and stared over at Trip. The room seemed to spin a little as Archer tried to close his eyes, "So here I am Trip sitting with you and drinking on my wedding night, with no girlfriend. T'Pol is my wife and I'm going to have to explain all this to Star Fleet."
Trip smiled at him "I'd like to be a fly on your wall when you report to Admiral Forrester."
Archer just moaned and set his head on the table as Trip grabbed up his cloak. Tossing it on, he walked past Archer and placed his hand on his friend's shoulder. "Why don't you get some rest. Tomorrow its back home to the Enterprise and sanity."
"What's that?" Archer murmured back to him.
Archer didn't hear Trip leave. All he could think of was that he was married to T'Pol, that and that damnable kiss.
That morning as the small band made their way back to their shuttlecraft. Captain Archer couldn't help but keep an eye on T'Pol, but he all so noted that Riann never appeared to ask him for his explanation or at least to say goodbye. As their shuttlecraft slowly made its way back to the Enterprise, everyone was quiet except Trip. "Cap, I don't know about you but on your next R and R take my name off the list." This said just as the shuttlecraft docked.
Just before they exited Captain Archer turned to them "I think we all need some time down time after that R and R, so everyone here has a day off. I'll be in my quarters trying to explain all this."
Each one made their way back silently to their own quarters.
Archer had been seated at his desk for the last six hours trying in vain to relate everything that had taken place during the last three and a half weeks. Each draft was deleted. How did he tell Starfleet Admiral Forrester about how he had ended up married to a Vulcan? Much less about being a human aphrodisiac? Then there were chicken bones and how republicans reproduce. Jonathan leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes. They where closed less then ten minutes when a small knock on his door brought him back from a dreamlike state. "Enter." He said with a yawn.
As the cabin door whisked open, T'Pol was standing there. With purpose she walked straight over to his desk and handed him a pad.
Archer looked over the pad with both eyes opening wide and his eyebrows shooting up, but before he could say a word T'Pol took over. "Jonathan, my parents have transmitted that there are two Vulcan males that may be chosen as bonding partners, since their partners have died. They require me to go to Vulcan. I have transmitted that I am all ready bonded to you since our encounter and marriage. I do have respect for you and as a human you are in good physical condition. You show marked intelligence and it is not emotionally straining to be with you. If you find someone else to your liking then I will require you only every seven years and we will continue on Enterprise as if nothing happened. Since my parents are Vulcans they aren't pleased with my choice as a mate, but will remain quiet as to our state."
Archer looked like he was going to say something but before he could T'Pol spoke again. "It is not a lie, they are only withholding information. Since I have the bonding license and you have not made a move against it, and the fact that it would take over 4 of your years if reversed, it seems logical for us to remain bonded/ I have given you Vulcan mating rights. After studying human sexuality and being a female, I can comply with once a week briefly. At the seven-year mark during pon farr, you will be in bed for a week. I will give you small 10-minute breaks. This is logical Captain." Before Archer could digest everything T'Pol was heading towards the door and before the door to his cabin closed she turned around and added "my parents are on their way here to met you, They should be here around 1900 hours tomorrow. Captain, please be prepared. Pon farr starts within human terms, two months, 5 days, 21 minutes and 4 no 3 seconds" and then the door closed. Captain Jonathan Archer's mouth was gapping open, his jaw all most hitting the cabin floor while Porthos hid under the desk, nestled next to Archer's leg.
The only thing Captain Jonathan Archer could say was 'Oh Boy." as he deleted his report yet again.
The End.