Chapter Eight; Something to Remember

'The consequences of our actions are always so complicated, so diverse, that predicting the future is a very difficult business indeed …'

J.K Rowling / Albus Dumbledore ~ Prisoner of Azkaban

The courtyard at the Hall of Light was softly lit by glowing starlight and a slender crescent moon. A number of small fluttering bats flew swiftly overhead, flying among the exotic foliage in search of moths. It was so cool and peaceful that Harry was on the verge of falling asleep, seated on a stone bench and leaning comfortably against his godfathers' side with his head resting on his shoulder.

'I still can't believe it,' Sirius murmured, stroking his godson's messy and dirt-flecked hair. 'Snape was the assassin's target?'

'Uh huh,' Harry mumbled, not bothering to open his eyes.

'It wasn't Lily and James?'

'I believe we've established that fact, Padfoot.' said Remus pleasantly, sitting on the low wall opposite them. 'Quite some time ago in fact.'

'Well, I still can't get my head round it.'

Harry was only dimly aware of Dumbledore approaching and settling himself down on the wall next to Remus. The rest of the Order was in the main Hall celebrating Harry's success even though Harry was much too tired for it. He simply wanted to stay right here, not moving, just sitting here quietly with Sirius until he fell asleep. The front of his robes was still covered with dirt and grime and was now smeared all over Sirius' robes but neither of them seemed bothered in the slightest.

'But why?' asked Sirius, directing his question at Dumbledore. 'It doesn't make any sense. Why would the assassin be sent after Snape of all people and not Lily or James?'

'Actually,' said Dumbledore slowly. 'It makes perfect sense.'

Harry opened one eye to see Remus and Sirius exchange a baffled look.

'As you are both fully aware, Severus has been a great asset to the cause of Light Magic, working undercover within the Dark Lords ranks and providing us with a great deal of useful information.'

'Yeah, we already knew that.' said Sirius.

'Were you aware that he did the same during our first war against Voldemort?'

'Not until it was over,' said Remus. 'Before then we assumed, like everyone else, that he was a Death Eater.'

'Which was indeed true for a number of years, until he turned against the Dark Lord, making a very difficult and courageous decision as to which side he felt was the right one to fight for.' Dumbledore took off his half-moon spectacles, gave them a wipe with a white handkerchief and placed them back on his long crooked nose.

'Severus was undeniably my most important and successful spy. He tipped us off to many forthcoming attacks with invaluable information allowing us time to prepare and minimise fatalities and destruction caused, as well as luring many Death Eaters into traps, all the time staying perfectly inconspicuous. I'm sure you'll agree that this kind of occupation is extremely risky and dangerous. To be revealed as a traitor is an immediate death sentence. Although Voldemort had little reason to doubt him, I suspect that someone had been keeping a close watch on him and reporting to the Dark Lord. Naturally, this resulted in increased suspicion as to where his loyalties lay.

'When Voldemort launched that attack on Hogwarts over a month ago, Severus had known nothing about it. He was just as much an intended victim as Harry and indeed everyone else within the castle. From a number of accounts Voldemort addressed Severus personally on the matter, did he not?'

'So the mole had been unearthed,' said Sirius grimly. 'But I still don't understand. Why send an assassin so far back in time to get rid of him? Why not just kill him now, in the present day?'

'Severus had done far too much damage to the Dark Side,' said Remus, his eyes alight with sudden understanding. 'So, theoretically, by eliminating him early enough, the Dark Lord would have had an easier time of it during the first war. He might have succeeded in more battles and attacks if we hadn't been warned of them before hand.'

'Key word being 'theoretically' here. Everything works in theory. Whether it does in practise is another matter entirely.'

'A fair point, Sirius,' Dumbledore said. 'And you are both correct. However, there is one other very important reason that I suspect is why the intended target was Severus.'

He regarded them all with a cool stare.

'Do you know the reason why Lily and James went into hiding in the first place?'

'Because the Dark Lord was after them.' said Sirius promptly.

Dumbledore nodded slowly.

'Yes, but how did we come to know that?'

Harry opened his eyes, staring up into Dumbledore's ice-blue ones.

'Snape found out and tipped you off, didn't he?' said Harry quietly.

'Yes, indeed.' Dumbledore smiled. 'Severus was the one who started off this 'going into hiding' business, in order to keep them both safe from Voldemort. Which, regretfully, in turn led to the proposal of -'

'The Fidelius Charm.' Sirius finished the sentence looking temporarily dumb struck.

'So, what with the event that followed, it inevitably led to -'

'Voldemorts downfall.' said Remus.

'Exactly. Had Severus not warned me of their immediate danger, I regret to say that James, Lily and Harry would not have stood a chance. They would all have been murdered.'

Harry shivered. Sirius pulled him a little closer. He was shaking a little as well.

Dumbledore continued. 'Lily's sacrifice of her life for Harry's, in all likelihood, would not have occurred a second time. Voldemort would have succeeded and the war would have continued. Maybe even lost.'

'But we can't know that for certain.'

'Nothing is for certain, Remus, except that what's done is done. The past can not be changed.'

Dumbledore looked to Harry as he spoke. Their eyes met, a silent confirmation passing between them.

'Time is so complicated given that any one incident, one single choice, can have infinite consequences. You can not predict what they will be. Who's to say what may have happened if that timeline had been altered even slightly.'

Harry blinked, then looked down at the ground.

Dumbledore stood up. 'I'd best return to the Hall. If you feel like joining us, please don't hesitate.'

He walked away through the glass double doors and back into the main building.

'Harry?'

Harry slowly raised his head. Sirius' face was full of concern.

'Are you okay?'

Harry thought for a moment, then decided to be honest.

'No,' he muttered. 'I'm not.'

'Why? What's wrong?' Remus leaned forward.

Harry was silent for a few minutes, unsure as to how to say it. Finally, the tidal waves of emotion he'd been bottling up inside since coming face to face with his parents; the horrifying, repulsive thoughts of 'disposing' of Wormtail to try and save them, all came spilling out of his mouth.

He wasn't sure if Sirius or Remus could understand even a word of what was tumbling over his tongue and through the tears that were stinging his eyes, threatening to fall.

They both listened in silence, not even attempting to interrupt or ask a question. They just let him talk, to get it all out. Sirius wrapped his arms around Harry, holding him close. Harry clung to him like he was a lifeline, confessing his almost irresistible urge to slay Wormtail in order to save his parents and Sirius.

When Harry could say no more, he buried his face into Sirius' chest as the tears started to fall, chasing each other rapidly down his cheeks. Wishing bitterly for this wretched feeling to just go away, he screwed his eyes shut and cursed himself silently for such a childish outburst.

Now what are they going to think of me, he thought numbly. Crying like a baby when you're nearly sixteen.

Shaking and feeling very sick, Harry hung onto Sirius tightly. His godfather gently rubbed Harry's back, whispering that it was okay to cry, that he shouldn't be ashamed of it. But despite Harry's valiant efforts to stop them, the kind words just made the tears fall faster. They just wouldn't stop.

They sat there for a while, just holding onto each other.

Remus silently asked his friend if he was all right dealing with this. Sirius nodded, turning his attention back to his godson. Silently, Remus left the courtyard, gently easing the doors closed behind him.

Delving into his pocket, Sirius pulled out a handkerchief, tapped Harry on the shoulder and placed it in his hand. Harry slowly pulled his head away from Sirius, sniffing and hurriedly wiping away the tears.

'I'm sorry.' He mumbled.

'What for?' Sirius asked softly.

Harry sniffed louder.

'For not doing anything to save my mum and dad. I could have done something.'

'Harry,' Sirius gently tilted Harry's chin so that their eyes met. 'Do you not remember what Dumbledore said before he left?'

In all honesty, Harry couldn't. His brain felt so numb he couldn't think straight.

'The past is past. We can't change it.'

'But - but I had the chance.'

'So why didn't you take it?'

'I don't know. I wanted to. I thought I could save them.'

'By getting rid of Peter?'

'He betrayed all of us. It's all his fault you were thrown into Azkaban and my parents were killed. If he weren't there -'

'They might still have been killed.'

Harry stared, glassy-eyed, not sure if he'd heard correctly.

'What?'

'Harry, as much as I would love for James and Lily to be alive today, for them to have raised you, and for so many other things in the war to have gone in our favour … there's just no way to change it. What's done is done. I know it's not 'fair' or how everyone would have wanted it to be … it's just the way things are and we have to learn to accept them.'

'Even if we don't like them?' asked Harry bitterly.

'Especially if we don't like them. Harry, you can't dwell on the past, forever going over in your mind what might have happened. You can't do anything about it and you shouldn't blame yourself for it. I had to learn to accept that truth a long time ago.'

Sirius' eyes dulled slightly, his voice low and wistful.

'I spent a very long time going over the past in my head, wishing so hard that something could be changed, that it could have been avoided … hating myself for making all the wrong decisions.'

'But you didn't know what would happen.'

'Exactly. No one knows. The past can't be changed but I believe the future is negotiable. All we can do, Harry, is to move on with the knowledge that we gain from the past, from our mistakes and our triumphs. We do the best we can with what we learn each day. It's that any of us can do. Do you understand what I'm trying to say, Harry?'

Harry gave a small nod, taking the words in. They did make sense. They didn't take away the deep hurt inside … but they did ease it a little.

'I don't blame you for feeling tempted to change time. I know I would have felt the same, only I probably wouldn't have had the guts not to do it.'

Harry was confused. 'What do you mean?'

'What I mean is that despite the temptation, you rose above it. You didn't succumb to it, allowing it to control you. Deep inside you knew it was wrong and you stayed firm.' He gave Harry a small smile. 'You know if you had told me you hadn't felt even slightly tempted I wouldn't have believed you.'

Harry became rather focused on his lap, toying with the soggy handkerchief.

'But you freely admitted it and I'm very proud of you.'

Harry looked up in surprise.

'Really?'

'Really. It takes a lot of guts to resist that sort of temptation and a lot more to admit to it.' He put an arm round Harry's shoulders. 'You're only human, Harry, and I don't doubt for a minute that James and Lily are just as proud of you as I am.'

Harry flung his arms round Sirius' neck, but without any tears this time. In their absence came a wonderful feeling of liberation, like a heavy weight had been lifted from his chest, heart and mind.

For a while they sat without moving in comfortable silence, the only sound was the faint trickling of the water fountain.

'Do you want to go back to the Hall?' Harry asked, a little while later.

'Sure, why not? I mean, if you feel up to it?'

'Yeah, I'm okay.'

Together, they started off across the courtyard. Sirius looked thoughtfully down at his godson.

'You know I was watching when you were beating the crap out that assassin?'

'Yeah?'

'I was quite impressed, considering you've never had any proper training in fighting. Do you think you'd be up for some professional training? When you've recuperated of course. I just think that perhaps it would be of benefit to you.'

'Proper training? Like duelling?'

'Duelling, definitely. And self-defence is invaluable, you can't always rely on your wand. I notice you dropped it during the scuffle. But I must say you did very well; you certainly left your mark on that assassin.'

Harry grinned, pleased.

'I wonder where he went?'

Sirius shrugged.

'Who knows? Who cares for that matter? I doubt he'll be back.' Sirius' face brightened as though struck with a sudden idea. 'Hey, I just remembered! We never got round to organising that party! You still up for it? Big celebration with a Quidditch match, lots of friends and your godfather doing the inevitable parental duty of embarrassing you in front of them?'

Harry laughed.

'Definitely! When are we having it?'

'Whenever you want it, Harry, it's your party. But if you want to wait a little while for your birthday that's fine, gives us a bit of time to sort everything out.'

Harry simply beamed and gave his godfather a fierce hug.

'I can't wait.' he said

Grinning broadly they returned to the Hall to join the celebration.

*

Finis.

*

Authors Notes

Thank you all very much for reading. I hope you enjoyed it. I'd appreciate any final reviews and comments, they are all very much appreciated.

Many thanks to everyone who has left an encouraging review! Especially Lil Lupin, WeasleyTwinsLover1112 and evil spapple pie, you guys are wonderful! I couldn't ask for nicer reviewers! Glad you all enjoyed the fic.

No one guessed it was Snape?? Phew! I was worried it was going to be too obvious!

Evil spapple pie, you are correct, there is more to Seth than I've shown here. The reason I didn't kill him off was because I don't want to loose a character that has the opportunity to make a re-appearance. Same reasoning goes for Wormtail only being held in Azkaban awaiting a Dementor's Kiss at this point, I'm tempted to bring both of them back in another fic at some point. You never know when they may come in useful!

I may continue to write Harry's adventures following on from Tell No Lies and Take It Back. I might even end up with an entire series! I do have a vague idea for the next one but I've yet to come up with an entire plot. Give me time!

Once again, thanks for reading!

~ Voltora ~