Morning. It was early. Carroll sat and watched the sun's first rays diffuse the blackness of the late hours of night. The stars fell to the ocean, and the wind bit into her, through her black overcoat.
~Resentment, old photographs. He'll never love you, Carroll.~
She cursed lightly, just to hear her own voice through the deafening silence. A white bird flew by, a seagull, and she watched it with envy. She was trapped down here on earth, a lost dark little junkie, with dreams that would never come true. Damn all this emotional shit.
She was completely clean. And it was proof that she was suffering. She did not want the escape. she did not want to forget. Yes, she did. But she couldn't bring herself to do it, to turn her footsteps towards the teeming, sweaty, neon club. To the needles and pills and powders that led to the dreams... Instead she found herself here. In the biting morning air, watching the sun rise darkly into the smog that surrounds this god forsaken place. She thought that for once she would like to see clear skies. She would like to get away, somewhere
The white seagull was gone, and the sky was filling with light. She was hungry, and tired. She had been out wandering around since her confrontation with Vincent. Carroll never took very good care of herself. She pulled out a cigarette, the first drug she had touched in over 24 hours, and lit it. Then she stood and wove through dark streets until she reached her apartment.
It was Saturday. Vincent was at home, allowing himself some rare leisure. He was sitting on the couch and eating strawberries, looking distant. His mind was on other things, candles and a certain woman's smile..
The sound of a key twisting in the lock of the apartment sent him crashing back to reality. Carroll. He had almost forgotten about her, through everything else that had happened. He braced himself for something bad. Signs of abuse, a hangover, a buzz, she could be in all sorts of trouble. He sighed and put the strawberry he had just picked up back into the little plastic box.
Carroll walked in. Her eyes were shadowed, but clear, and the only marks she had on her were the still-healing bruises from the other night. She looked at him, tired, slightly accusing, and repentant. He looked back, surprised, yet relieved.
"What were you expecting, Vince?"
The way she said his name cut him, it was heavy, and bitter.
"..."
Silence. He didn't know what to say to her. It was true that he had expected her to come home trashed after what happened.
"Bastard."
She turned, walking to her room and slamming the door. She had meant to say more to him, the curse was quiet, but well placed. She sat on her bed and tried to stare a hole into the wall. A little later there was a light knock on her door. She ignored it.
"Carroll..."
Her name on his lips. He was so perfect. And the way he said it, so hurt, demanded her forgiveness. As she forgave him, her heart cracked a little more. She couldn't be angry with him. The only thing left to do was accept defeat. A tear slid down her cheek, hastily wiped away. She stayed where she was.
"I'm sorry."
Still nothing from behind her door. He leaned his head against it, sighing.
"Open the door, I want to talk to you."
He sighed again. She was being difficult. Nothing that he himself was innocent of, but still, he wished Carroll would understand. The strained afternoon sunlight caught Carroll's tears through the opened window. She finally stood, an walked to the door, unlocking it, then sitting on her bed again, her back to the door.
Vincent opened it slowly, and walked in. He sat beside her on her bed, though she was still facing away from him. He pushed his raven colored hair out of his eyes and paused for a while, thinking of something good enough to say to her.
"I'm glad you're back unharmed. I should not have yelled at you the other night."
Carroll still could not find the strength to answer him. The both of them sat in silence for a while. It was not uncomfortable, but rather painful, and drawn out. Finally Carroll broke the silence.
"But you did."
A pause.
"I forgive you."
She turned towards him, her tears dry, but having left salty dark streaks down her cheeks. Vincent had the impulse to hold her, she looked so fragile and helplessly forgotten and alone. But he did not, he could not after holding Merlose in the same arms just last night. He looked down. Besides, he knew a relationship with Carroll just wouldn't work, and he did not want her to think he meant something that he did not.
Carroll also wanted to hug him. She wanted to do more then that. She wanted to tell him that he was more important to her then her lifestyle..that she loved him. That she would give up the drugs and the nightlife and get a real job, or whatever he wanted her to do. But she could not speak this either, she just looked down. He wouldn't believe her, and even if he did, he was in love with another woman.
Silence between them, again. Uncomfortable, this time, neither very sure of themselves, both hurt.
"Hey Vince..."
He looked at her.
"If being with her is making you happier, I don't want to get in the way of your relationship. I'm sorry for all that shit I said before."
Vincent just nodded quietly. Then he stood, the tension in the room had quieted down, and he thought that Carroll might need some time alone. He left the room, with a kind glance to Carroll and then closed the door behind him.
~Resentment, old photographs. He'll never love you, Carroll.~
She cursed lightly, just to hear her own voice through the deafening silence. A white bird flew by, a seagull, and she watched it with envy. She was trapped down here on earth, a lost dark little junkie, with dreams that would never come true. Damn all this emotional shit.
She was completely clean. And it was proof that she was suffering. She did not want the escape. she did not want to forget. Yes, she did. But she couldn't bring herself to do it, to turn her footsteps towards the teeming, sweaty, neon club. To the needles and pills and powders that led to the dreams... Instead she found herself here. In the biting morning air, watching the sun rise darkly into the smog that surrounds this god forsaken place. She thought that for once she would like to see clear skies. She would like to get away, somewhere
The white seagull was gone, and the sky was filling with light. She was hungry, and tired. She had been out wandering around since her confrontation with Vincent. Carroll never took very good care of herself. She pulled out a cigarette, the first drug she had touched in over 24 hours, and lit it. Then she stood and wove through dark streets until she reached her apartment.
It was Saturday. Vincent was at home, allowing himself some rare leisure. He was sitting on the couch and eating strawberries, looking distant. His mind was on other things, candles and a certain woman's smile..
The sound of a key twisting in the lock of the apartment sent him crashing back to reality. Carroll. He had almost forgotten about her, through everything else that had happened. He braced himself for something bad. Signs of abuse, a hangover, a buzz, she could be in all sorts of trouble. He sighed and put the strawberry he had just picked up back into the little plastic box.
Carroll walked in. Her eyes were shadowed, but clear, and the only marks she had on her were the still-healing bruises from the other night. She looked at him, tired, slightly accusing, and repentant. He looked back, surprised, yet relieved.
"What were you expecting, Vince?"
The way she said his name cut him, it was heavy, and bitter.
"..."
Silence. He didn't know what to say to her. It was true that he had expected her to come home trashed after what happened.
"Bastard."
She turned, walking to her room and slamming the door. She had meant to say more to him, the curse was quiet, but well placed. She sat on her bed and tried to stare a hole into the wall. A little later there was a light knock on her door. She ignored it.
"Carroll..."
Her name on his lips. He was so perfect. And the way he said it, so hurt, demanded her forgiveness. As she forgave him, her heart cracked a little more. She couldn't be angry with him. The only thing left to do was accept defeat. A tear slid down her cheek, hastily wiped away. She stayed where she was.
"I'm sorry."
Still nothing from behind her door. He leaned his head against it, sighing.
"Open the door, I want to talk to you."
He sighed again. She was being difficult. Nothing that he himself was innocent of, but still, he wished Carroll would understand. The strained afternoon sunlight caught Carroll's tears through the opened window. She finally stood, an walked to the door, unlocking it, then sitting on her bed again, her back to the door.
Vincent opened it slowly, and walked in. He sat beside her on her bed, though she was still facing away from him. He pushed his raven colored hair out of his eyes and paused for a while, thinking of something good enough to say to her.
"I'm glad you're back unharmed. I should not have yelled at you the other night."
Carroll still could not find the strength to answer him. The both of them sat in silence for a while. It was not uncomfortable, but rather painful, and drawn out. Finally Carroll broke the silence.
"But you did."
A pause.
"I forgive you."
She turned towards him, her tears dry, but having left salty dark streaks down her cheeks. Vincent had the impulse to hold her, she looked so fragile and helplessly forgotten and alone. But he did not, he could not after holding Merlose in the same arms just last night. He looked down. Besides, he knew a relationship with Carroll just wouldn't work, and he did not want her to think he meant something that he did not.
Carroll also wanted to hug him. She wanted to do more then that. She wanted to tell him that he was more important to her then her lifestyle..that she loved him. That she would give up the drugs and the nightlife and get a real job, or whatever he wanted her to do. But she could not speak this either, she just looked down. He wouldn't believe her, and even if he did, he was in love with another woman.
Silence between them, again. Uncomfortable, this time, neither very sure of themselves, both hurt.
"Hey Vince..."
He looked at her.
"If being with her is making you happier, I don't want to get in the way of your relationship. I'm sorry for all that shit I said before."
Vincent just nodded quietly. Then he stood, the tension in the room had quieted down, and he thought that Carroll might need some time alone. He left the room, with a kind glance to Carroll and then closed the door behind him.