Title: Still a Fool 2/4
Author: Luisa
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer/Notes: As in Part 1
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Part 2
A tear escaped her, winding a lonely path over the contours of her cheek as she looked at him in confusion.
"How... how can you? After all the things I've done? The way I've treated you? How can you see me as selfless when I ignored you for most of last year? How can you think I'm mature and caring after the way I insulted you when I found you and Olivia together?"
Giles tried to stop Buffy with words of reassurance, but her guilt consumed her and she continued in a tremulous voice, "How... how can you see me as thoughtful and brave after what Angelus did to you and to Jenny?"
"Buffy, that wasn't..." He interrupted, but she cut him off.
"My fault, I know. You always insist it's not my fault, but you're wrong - it is. I was the one who slept with him... gave him his moment's happiness... and put your life in danger because of it."
"No, Buffy..." Giles' voice was again stricken as he attempted to comfort her, and once more Buffy cut him off.
"Giles, you don't have to defend me. I have to take responsibility for my actions."
He smiled a little then, despite the pain in his heart. "Buffy, you have just proven that you are mature. And I'm proud that you are accepting your responsibilities. But please, please don't keep punishing yourself. Try seeing yourself the way I see you."
She resumed her focus on their hands, distractedly moving a thumb to gently stroke his palm and trembling a little at the sensations coursing through her. Giles' soft voice reminded her to respond.
"Please Buffy. For me. Try?"
She answered in a very small voice, "I'll try."
He sighed in relief before reaching out to her with his words; "Trying is a good start."
Stillness descended again, research forgotten and Giles regarded Buffy with curiosity as she idly continued stroking his palm. A little thrill passed through him at her gentle touch. A sudden thought struck him as he recalled her earlier comments and he couldn't help but ask the question that was begging to be asked.
"Buffy?"
She looked up at him silently in response, her eyes encouraging him to ask whatever it was he needed to.
"Earlier... when you said...."
Instantly Buffy knew what Giles was referring to. For a second, she considered returning to 'Research Mode', to pretend that she hadn't heard him... pretend that she didn't know what he was talking about. The debate was over before it had begun. He deserved better than her lies. If he could be honest, then she could too. Although, she thought to herself, that didn't necessarily mean that he had to know the whole truth.
"I meant what I said, Giles"
Six little words: so simple, yet so profound. He stared at her in shock, the blood pulsing through his veins at an alarming rate.
For the first time that evening, Buffy found herself smiling. The look of shock on his face was priceless, and he struggled to even stutter out a response.
"Y... you... you did?"
She sighed ever so slightly, hoping that he wouldn't question how.
"Do you even know what the question is that you are answering?" Giles' tone was caught between cautious and teasing. He didn't dare believe that she was saying what he wished to hear.
"Ask it and see." Buffy's tone was deceptively light; disguising the nervousness she felt.
"When..." Giles cleared his throat, a million unseen butterflies suddenly diving straight at his stomach. He composed himself as much as possible and proceeded. "When you said... when you said that Watchers could be prigs, you said..." he paused again, unable to believe that she could possibly have meant it.
"What did I say, Giles? I don't remember." Buffy couldn't help but tease him a little, despite the tension that had suddenly cloaked the room.
Giles had to take a deep breath, suddenly unable to sit like this any longer: so close to her, touching her, lest she didn't mean it. He hastily withdrew his hands from hers and stood once more to fiddle with the ornaments above his head. Finally he gave into the temptation to say the words he hoped she meant. He still looked heavenward however, for fear of her rejection. "You...you told me that you... that you love... me"
"Yeah..." Her calm expression again masked her nervousness... and she hoped, her feelings.
"Do you mean it?"
She decided that he needed to know. He needed to know that he was more than just her Watcher, more than just "Book Guy" and more than just her protector. Buffy repeated her earlier answer.
"I meant what I said, Giles"
He at last lowered his gaze to look at her, his eyes full of astonishment and hope, the contradiction there an expression of the turmoil within. "You... you do?"
"Of course I love you Giles." She had dreamed of saying the words for so long that they threatened to catch in her throat. She had to force the next words - as true as they were - out, so that Giles wouldn't get the wrong idea. "You're my best friend"
Searing pain flooded his soul, and it cried out in agony as his subconscious reprimanded him. *You stupid, stupid old fool. You should have known better than to hope for her heart - don't you remember that it belongs to young Riley, and to Angel?*
Giles was not quite quick enough to hide the crestfallen expression that passed over his handsome features, and Buffy suddenly felt her insides go to mush. As he backed away from the counter towards the reading table, his earlier words echoed in her mind.
*If they're anything like me, they just found the whole subject too painful... you are kind, mature, thoughtful, brave, selfless, caring... I am so proud of you... every second of every day... try seeing yourself the way I see you.*
Something was taking place within her, Buffy was sure of it. It was like nothing she had ever experienced before.
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Part 2
A tear escaped her, winding a lonely path over the contours of her cheek as she looked at him in confusion.
"How... how can you? After all the things I've done? The way I've treated you? How can you see me as selfless when I ignored you for most of last year? How can you think I'm mature and caring after the way I insulted you when I found you and Olivia together?"
Giles tried to stop Buffy with words of reassurance, but her guilt consumed her and she continued in a tremulous voice, "How... how can you see me as thoughtful and brave after what Angelus did to you and to Jenny?"
"Buffy, that wasn't..." He interrupted, but she cut him off.
"My fault, I know. You always insist it's not my fault, but you're wrong - it is. I was the one who slept with him... gave him his moment's happiness... and put your life in danger because of it."
"No, Buffy..." Giles' voice was again stricken as he attempted to comfort her, and once more Buffy cut him off.
"Giles, you don't have to defend me. I have to take responsibility for my actions."
He smiled a little then, despite the pain in his heart. "Buffy, you have just proven that you are mature. And I'm proud that you are accepting your responsibilities. But please, please don't keep punishing yourself. Try seeing yourself the way I see you."
She resumed her focus on their hands, distractedly moving a thumb to gently stroke his palm and trembling a little at the sensations coursing through her. Giles' soft voice reminded her to respond.
"Please Buffy. For me. Try?"
She answered in a very small voice, "I'll try."
He sighed in relief before reaching out to her with his words; "Trying is a good start."
Stillness descended again, research forgotten and Giles regarded Buffy with curiosity as she idly continued stroking his palm. A little thrill passed through him at her gentle touch. A sudden thought struck him as he recalled her earlier comments and he couldn't help but ask the question that was begging to be asked.
"Buffy?"
She looked up at him silently in response, her eyes encouraging him to ask whatever it was he needed to.
"Earlier... when you said...."
Instantly Buffy knew what Giles was referring to. For a second, she considered returning to 'Research Mode', to pretend that she hadn't heard him... pretend that she didn't know what he was talking about. The debate was over before it had begun. He deserved better than her lies. If he could be honest, then she could too. Although, she thought to herself, that didn't necessarily mean that he had to know the whole truth.
"I meant what I said, Giles"
Six little words: so simple, yet so profound. He stared at her in shock, the blood pulsing through his veins at an alarming rate.
For the first time that evening, Buffy found herself smiling. The look of shock on his face was priceless, and he struggled to even stutter out a response.
"Y... you... you did?"
She sighed ever so slightly, hoping that he wouldn't question how.
"Do you even know what the question is that you are answering?" Giles' tone was caught between cautious and teasing. He didn't dare believe that she was saying what he wished to hear.
"Ask it and see." Buffy's tone was deceptively light; disguising the nervousness she felt.
"When..." Giles cleared his throat, a million unseen butterflies suddenly diving straight at his stomach. He composed himself as much as possible and proceeded. "When you said... when you said that Watchers could be prigs, you said..." he paused again, unable to believe that she could possibly have meant it.
"What did I say, Giles? I don't remember." Buffy couldn't help but tease him a little, despite the tension that had suddenly cloaked the room.
Giles had to take a deep breath, suddenly unable to sit like this any longer: so close to her, touching her, lest she didn't mean it. He hastily withdrew his hands from hers and stood once more to fiddle with the ornaments above his head. Finally he gave into the temptation to say the words he hoped she meant. He still looked heavenward however, for fear of her rejection. "You...you told me that you... that you love... me"
"Yeah..." Her calm expression again masked her nervousness... and she hoped, her feelings.
"Do you mean it?"
She decided that he needed to know. He needed to know that he was more than just her Watcher, more than just "Book Guy" and more than just her protector. Buffy repeated her earlier answer.
"I meant what I said, Giles"
He at last lowered his gaze to look at her, his eyes full of astonishment and hope, the contradiction there an expression of the turmoil within. "You... you do?"
"Of course I love you Giles." She had dreamed of saying the words for so long that they threatened to catch in her throat. She had to force the next words - as true as they were - out, so that Giles wouldn't get the wrong idea. "You're my best friend"
Searing pain flooded his soul, and it cried out in agony as his subconscious reprimanded him. *You stupid, stupid old fool. You should have known better than to hope for her heart - don't you remember that it belongs to young Riley, and to Angel?*
Giles was not quite quick enough to hide the crestfallen expression that passed over his handsome features, and Buffy suddenly felt her insides go to mush. As he backed away from the counter towards the reading table, his earlier words echoed in her mind.
*If they're anything like me, they just found the whole subject too painful... you are kind, mature, thoughtful, brave, selfless, caring... I am so proud of you... every second of every day... try seeing yourself the way I see you.*
Something was taking place within her, Buffy was sure of it. It was like nothing she had ever experienced before.
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