Chapter 7- The Talk
During the last couple of days, I did my best to ignore Rachel. I came to class a minute before the bell rang, so she couldn't walk up to me. After class I rushed a way hiding anywhere I can think of. I just didn't want to talk to her, I needed to get my head straighten out.
A week later midterms came, and thanks to the tutoring, I actually understood everything. Since the weekend was coming up, I decided to visit my mom and dad, Jamie's dad, and Jamie.
I decided to go to Jamie's grave first. Just to have a little chat with her. As I approach her grave, I saw a bouquet of roses. I thought maybe Jamie's dad probably put it there. I went up to her grave and picked the roses up. And then I heard footsteps behind me. I turned round and there I was facing Rachel.
" I bought those for her. I didn't know what her favourite flowers were so I just got those." She said to me.
" Oh.Um. Thanks. I bet she really loves it. Why. Why are you here?" I asked her not looking at her face.
" Well, I remembered the things you told me about her. The place she was buried. So I thought I payed her a visit. And since midterms were over I knew you would come her. I guess I was right." She started to walk a little up to me. And stop half way.
I said nothing still looking at the floor.
" God! Landon we need to talk. And I know you know that we do. Landon I really like you. I never met anyone like you, and I know I'm falling in love with you. Landon if you think I'm here to make you forget Jamie, think again. I know how much she means to you. If your afraid of losing a memory of her, then I'll be here telling you the things you told me about her." She still stood where she was and kept on talking.
" I never want you to forget her. She's an amazing person and from what I heard of her I really like her. I know she wants you to move on and not be lonely, it will hurt her. But Landon if we are ever going to have a chance to be together, you have to know one thing. I may not want you to forget Jamie, but I don't want to be in her shadow. I don't want to be compared to another women. I don't think any girls want that. I don't think anyone wants to know the number one person they love, only loves them as a number two. I don't care if that makes me a horrible, selfish, person. But that's how I feel. Wouldn't you feel that way if Jamie loves you, but knowing she loves someone else more? "
I knew the answer to that, and I would hate it.
I finally took all of my courage and looked Rachel in the eyes, and I saw tears on her face. I still didn't say anything and I was still holding the roses in my hand.
"I know I'm not perfect. I'm not a Christian; I don't do the nice things she did. Sometimes I wonder what I have to offer you. I mean Jamie gave you hope, faith, she made you believe in yourself. And then I realize there is one huge thing I can give you. I can share my life with you, I can be there for you, and most of all I love you. I don't want to be in Jamie's shadow. So what it's going to be? Are you going to move on?"
I just looked at her confuse, sad, and hating myself for doing this to her. The things she said were true, no one can have relationship know the person they love, love someone else more then them. But I still didn't know what to say to her.
" Rachel, I'm confuse. I don't know. If I can do this now." I said now looking at the floor.
" Well, then Landon. I can't wait forever. So I guess this is it. I don't think we should see each other or be friends anymore. It's going to hurt me. I hope you have a good life Carter. I just hope one day you'll move on." She slowly walked a way from me and I watched her as she leave. Then halfway she turned to me and said, " She's proud of you Landon. She will always love you. I'm sure of that."
Just like that she disappeared from my sight. I walked up to Jamie's tombstone and then I realized I was crying. I wish I knew what to do. I hate hurting Rachel like that. I hated myself for not knowing what to do.
I put down the flowers and touch the tombstone. I silently whisper, " Jamie. What am I to do?"
During the last couple of days, I did my best to ignore Rachel. I came to class a minute before the bell rang, so she couldn't walk up to me. After class I rushed a way hiding anywhere I can think of. I just didn't want to talk to her, I needed to get my head straighten out.
A week later midterms came, and thanks to the tutoring, I actually understood everything. Since the weekend was coming up, I decided to visit my mom and dad, Jamie's dad, and Jamie.
I decided to go to Jamie's grave first. Just to have a little chat with her. As I approach her grave, I saw a bouquet of roses. I thought maybe Jamie's dad probably put it there. I went up to her grave and picked the roses up. And then I heard footsteps behind me. I turned round and there I was facing Rachel.
" I bought those for her. I didn't know what her favourite flowers were so I just got those." She said to me.
" Oh.Um. Thanks. I bet she really loves it. Why. Why are you here?" I asked her not looking at her face.
" Well, I remembered the things you told me about her. The place she was buried. So I thought I payed her a visit. And since midterms were over I knew you would come her. I guess I was right." She started to walk a little up to me. And stop half way.
I said nothing still looking at the floor.
" God! Landon we need to talk. And I know you know that we do. Landon I really like you. I never met anyone like you, and I know I'm falling in love with you. Landon if you think I'm here to make you forget Jamie, think again. I know how much she means to you. If your afraid of losing a memory of her, then I'll be here telling you the things you told me about her." She still stood where she was and kept on talking.
" I never want you to forget her. She's an amazing person and from what I heard of her I really like her. I know she wants you to move on and not be lonely, it will hurt her. But Landon if we are ever going to have a chance to be together, you have to know one thing. I may not want you to forget Jamie, but I don't want to be in her shadow. I don't want to be compared to another women. I don't think any girls want that. I don't think anyone wants to know the number one person they love, only loves them as a number two. I don't care if that makes me a horrible, selfish, person. But that's how I feel. Wouldn't you feel that way if Jamie loves you, but knowing she loves someone else more? "
I knew the answer to that, and I would hate it.
I finally took all of my courage and looked Rachel in the eyes, and I saw tears on her face. I still didn't say anything and I was still holding the roses in my hand.
"I know I'm not perfect. I'm not a Christian; I don't do the nice things she did. Sometimes I wonder what I have to offer you. I mean Jamie gave you hope, faith, she made you believe in yourself. And then I realize there is one huge thing I can give you. I can share my life with you, I can be there for you, and most of all I love you. I don't want to be in Jamie's shadow. So what it's going to be? Are you going to move on?"
I just looked at her confuse, sad, and hating myself for doing this to her. The things she said were true, no one can have relationship know the person they love, love someone else more then them. But I still didn't know what to say to her.
" Rachel, I'm confuse. I don't know. If I can do this now." I said now looking at the floor.
" Well, then Landon. I can't wait forever. So I guess this is it. I don't think we should see each other or be friends anymore. It's going to hurt me. I hope you have a good life Carter. I just hope one day you'll move on." She slowly walked a way from me and I watched her as she leave. Then halfway she turned to me and said, " She's proud of you Landon. She will always love you. I'm sure of that."
Just like that she disappeared from my sight. I walked up to Jamie's tombstone and then I realized I was crying. I wish I knew what to do. I hate hurting Rachel like that. I hated myself for not knowing what to do.
I put down the flowers and touch the tombstone. I silently whisper, " Jamie. What am I to do?"