A Semester of Deceit and Love
Hehe…Enjoy!
Chapter 13: A Release
Sakura looked up at Syaoran whose expression had suddenly changed completely. He looks so…I don't know…so strong and resolute or something. I wonder what he's thinking about.
Syaoran continued to look straight into Sakura's eyes, his resolve weakening slightly as he took in her beautiful emerald eyes that were finally beginning to regain their shine. She's so beautiful…so perfect…she could never feel the same way about someone like me that I feel about her. He looked away. But I have to let her know…even if she doesn't feel the same, then maybe it will help her somehow to know that someone really does care for her.
Sakura raised her eyebrows slightly as she watched Syaoran turn away then turn back to face her a few moments later. She almost smiled. He looks so cute when he's acting like that…so deep in thought.
"I…" he began slowly, then stopped, still unsure of himself.
"What is it?" Sakura asked interestedly.
Syaoran just looked at her. "Can I sit there?" he asked her, pointing to the place on the couch beside her. Sakura nodded. "Of course."
He sat and turned to face her once more, blushing at the closeness of their faces. He could smell the pretty fragrance of her hair. He scooted away a little, putting just a little more distance between them.
Touya stood just outside the entrance to the living room, hidden from the view of Sakura and Syaoran, listening. Yue soon joined him, having found Kero playing video games in Sakura's room, excited beyond anything reasonable because he had been playing all morning and had finally reached the last level of the game. He was now sulking as Yue had barged angrily into the room and ended the game mercilessly, demanding an explanation for not taking good care of their mistress. But now, they all listened anxiously, as Syaoran took a deep breath and began to talk.
"You thanked me just a few minutes ago for taking care of you…" he hesitated.
Sakura's eyes widened, but she nodded. "Yeah…"
"You don't have to thank me," he continued, taking another deep breath, his voice beginning to shake nervously. "I…I wanted to be there for you…to take care of you."
Sakura's eyes widened even further.
Syaoran began to feel uneasy as he watched Sakura's reactions, but continued anyway. "I…I always want to take care of you. I hate it when I can't…that's partly the reason why I came back here from Hong Kong. I wanted to see how you've been…" his voice trailed away, remembering his lonely time in Hong Kong. Yes, Meilin had been there, but it just had felt so different than how it was before he had ever went to Tomoeda and met Sakura and the others.
"It felt so weird when I went back to Hong Kong after you had transformed all the Clow Cards into Sakura Cards…so empty almost…like I was really missing something." He stopped. I can't believe I'm telling her all this…but it feels so right, like I should be or something…I guess I really do want her to know everything…
"I thought I had just gotten used to Tomoeda and everyone here…but as time passed, I just kept thinking about you. To tell you the truth, I couldn't even remember what a lot of the others looked like sometimes…I mean, I would remember them eventually, but it took a lot of concentration…or I would look at a picture or something. But I never forgot you…I could remember everything about you…" He began to blush as he watched Sakura's face turn an interesting shade of pink.
"I wanted to come back…to make sure I knew exactly how I felt about this place and the people here…mostly you."
Sakura stared at him intently gazing at her. I can't believe what he's saying…it's like a dream or something. I could never imagine this.
"It was so nice seeing you again…when we bumped into each other that first time when I came back…that's when I really started to realize the truth about how I've been feeling for you for so long. I wanted to get closer to you, to see how you felt even though I never thought you would feel the same. I just wanted to be with you and take care of you anyway...to watch over you…" His eyes suddenly narrowed, and he looked away. Sakura tensed, sensing his sudden anger.
"And then that Ryan guy started liking you…and I…" he stopped, realizing that he had never really told her what he had heard…realizing that he could have prevented the whole thing. His confidence shattered.
"I was so stupid…" Sakura mumbled. "You kept telling me to stay away…everyone did…but I never listened. It would have never happened if I had only listened. It was my fault."
Syaoran looked up at her sharply. "It wasn't at all your fault. You didn't do anything but be yourself, and that's fine."
Sakura's eyes began to water. Syaoran sighed, finally deciding to tell her everything. "It wasn't your fault…that guy was just…he just wasn't the greatest guy, and I know he was very nice to you. It would be easy for anyone to be tricked by some one like him. And anyway, maybe it was partly my fault too…"
Sakura looked up at him confused, a few tears beginning to slowly make their way down her cheeks. "How can you say that? You were the one that stopped him before…" she stopped.
"Look, I told you to stay away from him because I had heard him talking with his friends…I heard what his intentions were…and I never told you because I thought you would think I was lying. I never once thought you would believe me, and then afterwards I didn't tell you because I didn't want to bring it up again."
Sakura just stared at him, a slight feeling of frustration rising but then falling as she realized he was right. I really wouldn't have believed him. I barely even gave him a chance to say anything before I left with that guy that night.
"So it is my fault," Sakura muttered.
Syaoran's eyes widened. "No, nothing was your fault."
"What do you mean? I was stupid enough to be deceived by him. I was the stupid one who didn't listen to anyone, and I know I wouldn't have believed you if you had told me this before. I was just being stubborn, and it's my fault."
Syaoran gently placed his hands on her shoulders, looking seriously into her eyes. "It wasn't your fault. He probably would have tried what he did no matter what you would have done. I heard how determined he was…he was the one that tricked you, he was the one that took you away from us that night and drove you off. He was the one that tried to force you to be with him….he did everything. It wasn't your fault in any way. You have to believe that."
Sakura looked away. He gently turned her face back toward him. He groaned inwardly as he saw more tears course down her face. He caringly wiped them away. Sakura only began to cry harder, her quiet cries turning quickly into sobs. Syaoran pulled her gently against his chest, letting her cry, his shirt absorbing all her tears.
Touya who had been watching had begun to shake as the conversation went on, almost running out to his sister when she began to cry. Yukito, who had transformed back during Sakura and Syaoran's talk, placed a restraining hand on Touya's shoulder. Touya looked back at him, his face showing his intense worry for Sakura. Yukito just motioned for him to wait.
Sakura cried for a long time, finally letting much of the emotion she had been holding in flow out. Everything was in those tears, her anger, her guilt, her fatigue, her sadness…everything. Syaoran just held her patiently all the while.
She just remained against him as her tears began to subside, listening to the comforting sound of Syaoran's heart beat, feeling his warm hands on her back and on her head, gently stroking her soft brown hair. Sakura blushed slightly, grateful that her face was hidden from view. He's being so nice…and I almost forgot what he's been saying up till now…about why he came back...and about his feelings. He's been so open with me. I guess maybe that's why I could tell him everything…and cry. I've never liked crying in front of him before. I used to always think that he thought I was weak and helpless…like I couldn't do anything, and so I hated for him to see me cry because it seemed to just confirm his ideas about me. But now…it's so different. I don't feel that way at all…and I'm glad he's here. And I'm glad he's been honest with me…he's so sweet…
Sakura finally pulled away from him, looking up into his eyes, smiling. "Thank you…" she said quietly.
He smiled back at her. "Like I said before, I'm glad I can be here with you…and I'm glad you told me how you felt…you shouldn't keep things in so much…"
Sakura sighed.
Syaoran looked at the girl in front of him. He still hadn't told her everything, and he still wasn't sure it was the right time. But I can't stop now…
***
End of Chapter 13
Hehehe…I'm in an interesting mood right now. ^_^
I thought that this would be the last chapter (I'm never right about these things) but I just kept writing and writing and writing, and it started to get long…so I debated with myself for a while whether or not to split the chapter into 2 or to just leave you with a really long last chapter…and I finally decided to split it up. But the next chapter will be the last chapter for sure…I haven't completely finished it yet, but no matter how long it gets…which I'm hoping right now it won't be too short actually…it'll be the last chapter. And it will definitely be posted tomorrow afternoon. ^_^
Thank you everyone for reading and reviewing!!! *smiles* Your reviews never cease to amaze me and brighten my day! Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!!!!!