A Short Guide to Marauding

by Mireille

Here is a tale of MWPP as they have begun existing to me. Sirius is a screwball, Remus is a golden boy, James is an endearing jerk, Peter is number four, and this is their seventh year. [COMPLETE] (and freshly edited - 52203)

4. Polyjuiced

Chapter 4 – Polyjuiced

Nothing was bleaker than the world with school newly back in session.  And, Remus reflected, having Transfiguration homework didn't help.  Worse, none of his friends was around to share his encyclopedic knowledge of the subject (and vast practical experience).  James and Peter were, unsurprisingly, practicing Quidditch, and Sirius was upstairs in the dormitory.  Sirius had been acting odd lately, which was in itself perfectly normal, but his recent behavior was of a different and far more disturbing sort.  He had taken to haunting the library at all hours and carrying thick bundles of parchment under his arm, which was entirely too much like something Remus himself would do for his peace of mind. 

Remus worried that he was influencing Sirius for the worse by his own studious behavior.  After all, Sirius was one of the most brilliant students in their year (along with James) who rarely, if ever, cracked a book to earn his top grades.  Remus put in the work he did because he had not been blessed with such a brilliant intellect.  In fact, Sirius routinely twitted Remus that he belonged in Hufflepuff because he fought so hard for his grades, which notion Remus treated with the disdain it deserved.  Why, after all, should he be proud to struggle for something that came to others for nothing?

So Remus was relieved to see Sirius come pelting into the common room.  At least he was until Sirius, shining with excitement, asked him, "Will you come to the library with me?"

"Sirius, this has gone too far," Remus said, throwing his quill onto the table.  "I refuse to help you waste any more of your valuable time studying."

"I'm not studying, you fool," Sirius said impatiently.  "Did you really think I'd be sitting around poring over Charms notes when there are a thousand important potions to be discovered?"

Remus flipped his book shut and preceded Sirius out the portrait hole.  "Which one?"

"Yours, of course," Sirius said happily.  "But here's the thing – I'm finally starting to get somewhere with it, only there isn't a single book left in the library that can help me."

"And I suppose you've been through them all," said Remus.

"Of course."

"Even the Restricted Section?"

"Especially that.  So now I have to get into the back room, and hope I find something there."

"So I'm what, your lookout or something?"

"Exactly."

"Sirius, for God's sake," Remus said.  "Is that the best plan you can come up with?  What's gotten into you?  You're the one who came up with the plan to steal the guardian of the Slytherin common room –"

"Which was perfect, except the Slytherin common room doesn't have a guardian," Sirius said sulkily.

"We were third years, what did we know?  Anyway, it was a good plan," Remus said consolingly.

"It also took three months, which we don't have," Sirius said.  "Madame Pince is clearing out about half of those books tomorrow to put in long-term storage, and I have as much chance in there as a fly in Great Hall."

"How'd you know she's clearing them out?"

Sirius shrugged.  "You'd be surprised what you can overhear in the library.  For example, just yesterday I learned that Lissa Jamieson engraved the words 'Remus Lupin is dead sexy' onto the girls' bathroom wall –"

Predictably, Remus blushed.  "I thought you'd have better things to do than listen to malicious lies."

"But it's true," Sirius protested, grinning.

"And how would you know?"

Sirius's grin widened.  "I looked."

Remus looked carefully at Sirius, who appeared as somber as he ever did (which was of course little enough).  "I should know better than to ask, but –"

"There wasn't much else about you," Sirius said.  "Frankly, I was astonished."

"That wasn't what –"

"Sure."  Sirius crossed the hall and tried a doorknob.  When it opened to a simple charm, he leapt in without looking and horrid crashing noises ensued.

"What –"

"Broom closet."  Sirius's voice was muffled.  "Damn, I spilled something and it feels like it's eating through my robes."

"Okay, I'll go see if anyone's interested –"

"Get in here and help me, you toadstool."

Remus sighed and lit his wand.  "This school is full of unused classrooms, and you manage to pick a broom closet."

Inside was a mess, mops and buckets jumbled together and Sirius sprawled among them, a greenish stain spreading down the front of his robes.

"Shut the damn door," he said.  "This is bad enough without making a public spectacle of it."

Remus shot a spell over his shoulder; there was barely room to turn around.  "If you don't want your clothes stained, you'd better get your robes off."

Sirius struggled to sit up.  "You want to be more careful, Remus, not everyone is as pure-minded as you and I."

"Yes, you're certainly the poster boy for innocence," Remus agreed as Sirius finally succeeded in peeling off his robes, wadding them up and dumping them on the floor.  Sirius then settled himself on an upturned bucket and demanded, "What's the time?"

Remus checked.  "Quarter after four."

"You'll have to hurry then, Madame Pince takes her ten-minute break at four-twenty without fail."

"Me?"

"Yeah, you can't expect me to walk in there without my robes and no one notice, now can you?"

"Right, because no one notices when I walk into a room," Remus snapped.

"Isn't there some sort of charm you can cast to make people not notice you?"

"Oh, you mean the one that was our Charms practical during fifth year finals," Remus said scathingly.  "Yeah, I think I might vaguely remember how to do that."

"You know it perfectly," Sirius said, ignoring Remus's tone.  "The door's behind her desk, sneak in quietly and shrink the books so you can put them in your pocket –"

"How'm I supposed to know what to get?" Remus said, slightly panicky now.  "You're the Potions whiz, not me."

"Just get some that look good – hurry up, she's probably left by now –"

Remus darted out, headed for the library, vowing that somehow Sirius would pay for this one.  But to his astonishment, the plan went exactly as Sirius had said.  The Self-Effacement Charm worked to perfection; none of the half-dozen students in view so much as looked up when Remus slipped into the back room.  He gathered five likely looking titles in the same number of minutes, shrinking them one at a time and pocketing them, and he walked swiftly out the doors, passing Madame Pince on her way back to the library.

Flushed, heart racing, Remus flung open the door to the broom closet and Sirius looked up from his robes tranquilly.  "Almost out," he said.

Remus pulled him to his feet, closing the door on the disordered broom closet.  "You and I," he said emphatically, "are reviewing the Self-Effacement Charm tonight."  He began striding back down the hallway.

"Did everything go okay?" Sirius asked, catching up.  "You're all –"  He waved vaguely for lack of a better word.

"Yeah, I know," Remus said.  "I hope I got something you can use."

"Oh, I'm sure you did," Sirius said, "and if not, you can always help me raid the long-term storage."

"Because I'm such an accomplished book-stealer," Remus agreed.

They returned to the common room, only to discover James pacing maniacally before the fire, still wearing his Quidditch robes.  As they approached, he stopped pacing and said, "Bad news."

"Where's Peter?" demanded Sirius.

"He is the bad news."  James sighed.  "He quit the team today."

"I don't believe it," Sirius said in hushed tones, but then he thought leaving the Quidditch team a worse crime than coming to Potions unprepared.

"Why?" Remus asked.

"He said he couldn't get along with the other team members anymore, which I guess was true enough," James said.  "He nearly got into a fight with Blakely over some tactical thing today."

"Peter?  He's a whingeing coward!" Sirius said.

James looked grim.  "Well, he got into Gryffindor somehow, didn't he?  I guess this means I have to set up a date for tryouts, though."

"When?" Sirius asked eagerly.

"Sometime next week, probably.  Our next game is a month from now, so we'll have to get started right away.  And Sirius…"  James looked at him intently.  "I know you're going to try out, and I know you're a good player, but I can't help you at all with this.  I'm going to pick the best player for the spot regardless of whether he's my friend, understand?"

"Perfectly," Sirius said.

James glanced at Remus.  "I'm really sorry, but I –"

"It's okay," Remus said quickly.  "You didn't make the rules."

"Yeah," James said.  "Well, I'm going to write up a notice for the bulletin board, I'll see you later."  He walked off, the cloak Peter had given him swishing at his heels.

Remus had thought Sirius excited before, but now he had a numbing grip on Remus's arm and his eyes were afire.  "Remus," he said, "will you help me?"

"But I –"

"It's not cheating since you're not on the team, but you're as good as any of them," Sirius said excitedly.

"Sirius, I'm not –"

"Please?"

Remus sighed.  When had he ever refused that look?  "Fine, but only if you help me with my Transfiguration homework."

Sirius beamed.  "You can copy mine for all I care."

"Because that doesn't count as cheating," Remus said good-naturedly.

"Come on, let's go now before it gets dark."

"And before it starts snowing more," Remus added, but he let Sirius drag him upstairs to get their cloaks anyway.

* * *

Tryouts were duly held, and Sirius was plainly the best one out there, so much so that no one even thought to accuse James of favoritism.  Remus thought he would never forget the look on Sirius's face when James came up to him, trying to look solemn but giving in to a glorious grin when he said, "You're on the team."

Sirius glanced up, blinking back tears that only Remus saw, and said quietly, "You're kidding."

"Of course not," James yelled, then Sirius leapt up and James crushed him in a hug, something he otherwise never would have done, and Remus saw that he, too, was holding back tears.

The first practice was the very next evening, which happened to be clear but frosty, so that Sirius borrowed Peter's earmuffs and Remus's gloves, and of course he had James's old scarf and his water boy cloak (Remus wondered whether Sirius would maybe learn to embroider now) so he left looking like a patchwork of the four of them.  Peter was gone, none of them knew where, so that left Remus by himself and having, by a miracle, finished his homework early, he curled up in an armchair by the fire and read.  It was a book that James had bought a long time ago in Hogsmeade because, he said, he suspected it was enchanted since everyone who'd ever begun it found themselves unable to put it down.  It was a fantastic story of good versus evil, one that took place in a world almost, but not quite, his own.  He made a compelling but remote picture, his eyes wide in the firelight as he turned page after page, unaware of the curious looks he drew.

At some point Sirius came in smelling of the cold and wind and looking as though a craftsman had fashioned him out of china, settled the curls onto his head and painted his cheeks with their flush.  Remus woke himself up almost reluctantly.

"How was it?" he asked, blinking madly.

"Incredible," Sirius said, his eyes fixed on the stars.  "Simply sublime."

"Where's James?"

"Oh, he and Lily snuck off somewhere.  They probably haven't got past aperitifs yet."

"Don't be vulgar, Sirius," he said.

"I'm not.  Where's Peter?"

"Still not back."

"Oh."  Sirius looked down at his hands, which still wore Remus's gloves.  "Here you go," he said, pulling them off and tossing them to Remus.

"Thanks."  He caught them and met Sirius's concentrated dark gaze.  "What's wrong?"

"I need to ask you something."

"Okay."

"It's probably kind of stupid," Sirius muttered.

"I won't know till you tell me," said Remus gently.

Sirius took a deep breath.  "Willyouteachmetobecool?"

"What?" he said, astounded.  "I mean, why?  Why me?"

"You are cool," Sirius said.  "You know how."

Remus sat up, fully awake now.  "What is it that you want me to teach you, exactly?"

"Just – how to be cool," Sirius said stubbornly.  "How you get people to look at you that way."

"Well, that's an easy one," Remus said.  "I don't.  In fact, I'd rather they didn't."

"Oh, that's bloody helpful, thanks," Sirius said irritably.  "I don't do anything either and no one looks after me like they want to grab a spoon and tuck in."

"Sirius, don't," he said.  "People might be listening."

Sirius sighed.  "Fine, we can talk upstairs."  He headed for the stairs without looking back.  Remus picked up his book and followed, noticing that people actually were staring at Sirius, but then he still had fuzzy light-pink earmuffs on.

Upstairs, Remus sat backwards in the desk chair and Sirius sprawled on the floor, resting his chin on his hands.  "So you don't do anything," he said.

"Right."

"You just – act like yourself," Sirius said slowly, an idea shadowing his face.  "My God, that's it."

"What?"

Sirius looked up at him, almost mysterious in his intensity.  "Remus, may I ask you a favor?"

"Anything short of felony," Remus said cheerfully.

"Can I be you for a day?"

"You mean with Polyjuice?" he said.  "Sure, but on one condition."

"What's that?"

Remus looked suddenly blinding, and Sirius realized that soon enough, that legendary smile would be his.  "Could you make it a day when you have Quidditch practice?"

"Done!" Sirius whooped, leaping to his feet.

"We have a Transfiguration test next week, too," Remus added hopefully.

"Oh, it won't be ready by then," Sirius said positively.  "Even if I have some preserved fluxweed, it'll still be three weeks."

"How much time until curfew?"

Sirius checked their antique cuckoo clock (he'd bought it at a garage sale and fixed it up with magic).  "An hour or so – why?  You feel like exploring the dungeons?"

Remus was already rummaging through Sirius's trunk.  "What'd you do with Moste Potente Potions, you slob?"

"I sleep with it under my pillow, of course," Sirius said, pawing through the desk drawers.  "Ah, here it is," he said.  "Remus, do you remember when you bought me this in Diagon Alley?  Was that second year or third?"

Remus preceded Sirius out the door.  "I think third."

"No, wait, it was second," Sirius said, "because that was the year Brune McGowan tried to buy a book of curses and the Ministry squad interrogated him for three hours, and I was so sure I was going to Azkaban because you bought me this."

"Oh, I remember now," Remus agreed.  "You're right, as usual."

Sirius smirked.  "Right."

* * *

Sirius had acquired some preserved fluxweed from somewhere (it wasn't part of the basic Potions kit, but Remus preferred not to ask Sirius such questions) and exactly three weeks later, the Polyjuice Potion was proceeding in textbook fashion.

"Isn't it gorgeous?" Sirius said reverently, spooning up a ladleful and inspecting it.  "I got the consistency just right."

"I don't suppose you could do anything about the taste?" Remus said.

"That might have some commercial application," Sirius admitted.  "Maybe when I've got some decent equipment… but for now, you and I will just have to endure."

"Okay," Remus said, watching Sirius pour out the contents of his cauldron into two separate bottles.  "How much do we have to drink each hour to stay each other?"

"Not a whole lot," Sirius said, scraping out the bottom of the cauldron.  "A few swallows ought to do it.  Are you ready?"

"Yeah."  They traded hairs and dropped them into their respective bottles; Sirius's hair turned the potion eraser pink and Remus's, pale green.

"Only you, Sirius," said Remus morosely, swishing his potion around.  "I wonder what the color of your Polyjuice says about your personality."

"Absolutely nothing," Sirius snapped.  "I read it once somewhere.  Come on, let's get this over with."  He raised his bottle.  "Here's to good looks, money and magic: They all make life a whole lot nicer."

"Well said."  They each took a mouthful and looked at the other in consternation.

"Cotton candy?"

"Wintergreen?"

Then they began to change.

Less than a minute later, Sirius was Remus and Remus, Sirius.  (For purposes of clarity, "Sirius" is the one who looks like Remus and thinks like Sirius.  "Remus" is the exact same as Sirius, only reversed.  It'll be fairly obvious which is which when they open their mouths anyway.)

"Oh my God this is weird," Remus said fervently, running a hand through Sirius's messy black hair, which was now his, in a manner of speaking.  "Do you ever comb your hair?"

"Once a week and special occasions, whether I feel like it or not," Sirius said defensively.  "Damn, I should have brought a mirror.  I guess I don't really need it, though, I mean if I don't know what you look like by now –"  He broke off, looking at Remus who now looked like Sirius, and yelped in anguish.  "Do you really let me out like that every day?"

Remus crossed his arms, or rather Sirius's.  "I wish you'd thought of that before we traded bodies.  I'll see what I can do about this hair, but –"

"Don't touch it," Sirius said.  "If I have to look that bad, then so should you."

Remus smirked.  "Oh, I don't know.  I don't look so terrible as all that."

"Now you're starting to think like me," Sirius said, alarmed.  "This has got to stop.  I guess you can do something with my hair, but nothing too drastic, okay?"

"Weren't you the one who thought orange hair was cool?"

"That was five years ago," Sirius yelped.  "I've learned to love myself the way I am."

"And that's why you want to change bodies, is it?" Remus said, still smirking.

"Oh shut it," Sirius said irritably.  "You don't give me orange hair and I won't, er…"

"Don't worry," Remus said.  "I have to walk around like this, I'm not about to sabotage it."

"Right," Sirius said, relieved.

"Oh, that reminds me…"  Remus unpinned his prefect badge and gave it to Sirius.

"Hey wow!"  Sirius grinned, putting it on.  "I'm a prefect now."

"That's right, I guess you have hall duty," Remus said cheerily.

"Hall duty?" Sirius said.

"Yeah, you know.  No magic in the halls, that sort of thing."

"Oh God," Sirius groaned.  "I have to make sure the first years don't put Snot-Nose curses on each other?"

"Pretty much," said Remus.  "On the other hand, we get doughnuts once a month.  And there's always the prefects' bathroom."

"I've been in there a million times," Sirius said dismissively.  "So why did you want such a crappy job in the first place?"

"The badges are kind of cool."

"Oh my God.  And you get to play Quidditch."

"On your broom," Remus added happily.  "Doesn't it suck to be me?"

"It sure does," Sirius said.  "Let's get out of here.  And remember, every hour on the hour or we're toast."

Remus woke up the next morning and realized that he was a bug.  Then he realized that he had been dreaming.  Finally, he realized that he was in his own body and Sirius's bed.

"Shit," he muttered, fumbling for his bottle of Polyjuice.  "Every hour on the hour."  He swallowed some more potion and less than a minute later, he was Sirius.

"Hey, Sirius," James called.  "What's going on in there, something I should know about?"  He laughed at his own joke.

"Absolutely nothing," Remus said in a passable imitation of Sirius's indignant hauteur.  He emerged in yesterday's wrinkled, disheveled clothes to see Sirius as Remus, fully dressed and looking positively queasy.

"What's wrong with you?" Remus whispered.  "Something I ate doesn't agree with you?"

"I forgot I had to change."

Remus looked down at his feet and said, "Sweet heavens, I think I'm going to be sick."

James appeared, trying to knot his tie with one hand and dragging his bag with the other.  "You're going to be late, Sirius, breakfast in ten minutes."

"You two go ahead," Remus said faintly.  "I'll catch you up."

James shrugged, giving up on his tie.  "Okay, but Peter's gone already, you'll have to come down by yourself."

"That's quite all right," Remus said.

As they pounded down the steps, James said to Sirius, whom he naturally took for Remus, "What's wrong with him?"

"He accidentally swallowed a mouthful of Droobles before you came in last night," Sirius said.

"I'm surprised he doesn't look worse," James said.  "I did that once when I was seven and it took a whole day for the bloating to stop."

Remus, as Sirius, was fifteen minutes late to breakfast, which happened often enough normally that no one remarked it.  Remus dropped into his seat and said to Sirius, "I think I'm going to survive, no thanks to you."

"I didn't make you swallow that gum," Sirius said, widening his eyes in an attempt to seem innocent.  "How many times have I told you not to dance on tabletops while chewing gum?"

"You act like I did it on purpose," Remus grumbled, playing along with the ruse but still looking faintly murderous.

"Pumpkin juice?" Sirius asked sweetly, holding out the pitcher.

"Please."  Remus tried not to look at Sirius; it was too unnerving to see himself smiling back at him.

"So what do we have first?" Peter said quickly.

"Potions," James replied, wiggling his eyebrows at Sirius, who was of course Remus.  "You wanna tell us what we're doing today, Sirius?"

Remus suddenly realized that James was talking to him.  "Er – Inclemency Potion," he muttered, thankful now he'd read the assignment.

"Oh, that's not so bad," James said.

Remus, who had severe doubts as to whether he could actually brew the potion, looked frantically at Sirius.

"Can I be your partner?" Sirius said nonchalantly.  "I've read up on the Inclemency, but I'm not sure how well I'll be able to make it."

"No problem," Remus said, thinking that problems simply did not come any bigger than this one.

"Perfect," Peter said.  "You can help me out then, James."

James rolled his eyes.  "Peter, your basic problem with Potions is that you couldn't tell monkshood from wolfsbane if they were wearing signs around their necks."

"I could so," Peter said.

Remus took no part in the venomous verbal sniping that followed.  Instead, he thought about how sick he was feeling right then.  As they got up to leave for class, Remus suddenly realized it was an awful lot.

Sirius held him back, letting James and Peter go ahead of them, and whispered, "Stop worrying about the potion."

"But I can't be you," Remus said frantically.  "Someone's bound to figure it out.  Can't we at least tell James and Peter so they can help cover for us?"

Sirius's face took on a set, resolved expression reminiscent of James.  "I can't tell him why we switched."

"Why not?"

"Too embarrassing," he said shortly.

"You told me," Remus pointed out.

"Because I knew you wouldn't laugh.  James would bust a gut if I told him," Sirius said with dismal certainty.

Remus had to admit Sirius was probably right.  "But what d'you think's going to happen when everyone sees that you – I mean I can't even make an Inclemency Potion?"

"You can," Sirius said, "and if you can't then I'll do it for you."

"But don't you think –"

Remus snipped off his sentence as they passed into the Potions lab and Professor Paquerette greeted him with a cheerful, "Hello, Sirius."

"Act like me," Sirius hissed, dragging Remus to a table in the middle of the room.  James and Peter were setting up two tables away.

"Are you insane?" Remus demanded, dropping his cauldron onto the table.  "I can't do this, it's –"

"Look happy," Sirius ordered in an undertone, turning the cauldron right side up.  "This is your favorite class of all time.  And don't forget the goggles."  He tossed them to Remus.  "Sirius wears them every day."

"Dear God," Remus groaned, wondering if the cauldron was big enough to drown himself in.  Just then, Professor Paquerette started class and Remus listened to her lecture with the attention of a castaway to his life preserver, covering an entire parchment with notes in less than half an hour.

"Wow," Sirius said.  "Being me seems to be good for you."

"Being me hasn't helped you yet," Remus snapped.  "Now give me a hand with this idiot potion."

"Why, Sirius," he said with false anxiety, opening their book to the proper page.  "That isn't like you at all."

"All right, Sirius?"  Professor Paquerette had appeared, looking concerned.

"Fine," Remus said.

"He swallowed a mouthful of Droobles last night," Sirius informed her.

"Oh dear," the Professor said.  "I do hope you thought to take some Peptical Potion."

"Of course," Remus said, because he was plainly supposed to know that potion and probably how to make it too.  Unluckily, he'd never heard of it.

"Then you'll be right as rain in a few hours," she said cheerfully, moving on to the next station.

Sirius and Remus traded looks of profound relief, but all Remus said was, "Let's get started."

As it turned out, the potion wasn't terribly difficult.  Remus had after all read the assignment, and he had had some little experience with potions.  So Remus thought that, as acting Sirius, he was qualified to add in the lightning sprouts.  Unfortunately Sirius, as actual Sirius, wanted to add them in too.  Remus, being Sirius, did not offer (as he might have in possession of his proper body) to share the sprouts equally.  Because he was holding the bag, he considered himself entitled to the privilege; because Sirius was their actual owner, he also considered himself so entitled.  Remus was preparing to upend the bag into the cauldron when Sirius put his hand over the bag's mouth and said, "Nuh-uh."

"What are you doing?" Remus snapped.  "Do you know what happens to your fingers when you touch those?"

"Do you know what happens to half the class when you dump fifteen lightning sprouts into this cauldron?" Sirius snapped back.  "Perhaps you ought to consult the glossary more often."  He flipped to the back of the book and read aloud: "Lightning sprouts should be added to potions one at a time and only while wearing dragonhide gloves."

"Fine," Remus said, setting the bag down and pulling on his gloves (or rather Sirius's).  "You've made your point.  May I proceed?"

"Before you go dumping the entire bag in," Sirius said, "you might consider that other people besides yourself would like to add some lightning sprouts."

"Listen, I am Sirius Black for the first and last time in my life," said Remus.  "You've always done everything in this class and I think that it's finally my turn."

"Remus wouldn't say something like that," Sirius yelled and dove for the bag with his bare hands, but Remus jerked it away from him –

"Mister Lupin!"  That was the Professor, and she was decidedly not pleased.  When Sirius remembered she was talking to him, he blushed with shame and Remus realized gleefully that Sirius had never once received that tone from her in seven years of Potions.  "You do not touch lightning sprouts with your bare hands.  Go ahead, Sirius," she said to Remus.

So Remus added lightning one drop at a time, smirking as Sirius fumed.

When all the potions were finished, Professor Paquerette took Sirius's and Remus's to test.  She held the cauldron in gloved hands while the students lined up on either side of her.

"I imagine that few, if any, of you will advance to study weather-working," she said.  "It is a difficult and obscure subject and there are only nine weather-workers of the highest level in the world today.  However, this will give you all the rain you will ever need," and she tossed the potion into the air before her.

The clear liquid hung there exactly as she had thrown it for a few seconds, a beautiful study in arrested motion, then it began to swirl, the liquid turning cloudy as it condensed into a thunderhead, and in a matter of minutes it was a miniature, livid gray storm cloud.

Then the storm broke.  For five minutes it rained furiously, lightning dancing through the cloud and occasionally, to the students' delight, striking the floor.  At last the rain tapered off, the cloud lightened and finally dissipated in wisps of clammy fog.

"Excellent.  Ten points to Gryffindor," she said, smiling at Sirius and Remus.  "Everyone, back to your tables to pack up, and please don't slip in the water here."

Sirius and Remus went to their table and cleaned up without saying a word to each other.

"Brilliant," James said to Sirius (actually Remus) on their way out.

"Stunning," Sirius said.

"CMC next," Peter said happily.

"Have fun with your moldy runes," James said to Remus, who was actually Sirius and on the verge of a panic attack.

"I don't know a damn thing about runes," he whispered to Remus, who shrugged.

"So now you know how I feel."

"At least you've taken Potions," Sirius retorted before he left them for Ancient Runes.

After their afternoon class, History of Magic (at least two of them had never been so thankful to be bored senseless) Sirius, as Remus, had three hours of hall duty.  He got back barely in time for dinner, dirty and frustrated and exhausted.

"Had enough?" Remus said quietly.  He was still wearing Sirius's Quidditch robes, which was the final straw for Sirius.

"Damn straight I have, Mister I'm-On-The-Team-So-Eat-My-Broomstick," he yelled.  "You have no idea.  None at all.  I'm going to tie you in one of the goalposts and pound you with the Quaffle until you're crying blood."

"Come on," Remus said, and he stood up, taking Sirius by the arm, and they walked out of Great Hall together, every eye without exception fixed on the two of them.

They went straight down to Sirius's workroom and Remus locked the door behind them, saying, "You'll have to make some of the antidote, won't you?"

"Have some already," he muttered, taking two identical bottles out of a cupboard and handing one to Remus.  "Cheers."

They drank up and less than a minute later, they were back to their normal selves.

"Trade you robes?" said Sirius and "Sure," said Remus.  They traded and, after staring at each other silently a minute, both tried to talk at once.

"You first."

"No, you."

"Just say it, okay?"

"Fine."  Sirius sighed.  "I'm sorry I've been leaving you out of things in Potions.  It's just that I love it so much –"

"It's okay, really," Remus said.  "I'd never even thought about it before now.  I really did say some rotten things today, I don't honestly know what got into me –"

"Me," Sirius said.

Remus frowned.  "What?"

"If you turn into someone with Polyjuice, it isn't just you walking around in someone else's body," Sirius said.  "You act like that person to some degree, which depends on the relative strength of each personality and the amount of time you spend as that person.  So I guess I must be the stronger, I'd never thought about it…"

"But – if you don't mind my saying so – we both said some pretty nasty things, and neither of us is like that," Remus said.  "So was it like some sort of chemical reaction or what?"

"I have no idea," Sirius said, an arrested look in his face.  "What a research project that would make."

"Well," Remus said.  "Did you learn anything about cool?"

"Not a thing," Sirius said mournfully.  "I think I'm just going to buy myself a leather jacket instead.  But I did learn that being a prefect requires an arm of steel, a mind of diamond, and a heart of gold.  Never again."

"Gee, thanks," Remus said, grinning.  "I'm really sorry you had to go through all that, anyhow."

"I'm sorry you had to," Sirius said.  "This whole fiasco was, after all, my idea."

Remus unexpectedly smiled and Sirius, with sharpened regret, realized that not once all day had he smiled as Remus.  "Playing Quidditch was worth it," he said.

"Something good came out of this, anyway," said Sirius as they left the room.  "You got to fly with the team and I have a glorious anomaly to investigate."

They ate their interrupted supper in the kitchen, which was equally as satisfying as the one they had missed.  When they returned to the common room, James was out with Lily again and Peter was gone again, so they did their homework companionably by the fireside, Sirius somehow making his experience in Ancient Runes into high comedy.  If it hadn't been Remus's own grade at stake, he would have found it even funnier.

The next day was a Saturday, Valentine's Day as it happened; James and Sirius went down to Hogsmeade and Sirius returned with a gorgeous leather jacket, which must have been insanely expensive, although Remus was afraid to ask.  (James returned with a present for Lily, luckily for everyone concerned.)  The jacket was indisputably cool, but Sirius wore it at every possible opportunity until people started to snicker, whereafter Sirius wore it only in the privacy of their dormitory.  And Remus began sometimes to sneak out under the Invisibility Cloak to watch the Gryffindor team practice.