I hate flying. I'm not afraid of the act of flying, God knows I've dealt with far scarier in my life, but I hate the loss of control and the forced stillness. I have to put my fate in the hands of someone else entirely. I don't like that. Then, I have to sit there and do nothing while they hurl me off to either my destination or oblivion. It gives me time to think. I hate having time to think. I tend to think about the past, and that was a place I didn't want to go anymore.
I settled back in my seat and tried to ignore being hit on by the guy next to me. I was dressed in a rather conservative suit, the only hot element being the short skirt that showed plenty of leg. Of course, I get seated next to a leg man. I would have moved, but first class was full, and there was no way I was going to sit in coach. He stared, but I ignored him. I have the ability to ignore someone in an obvious way.
I opened a book, but I wasn't reading it. Why was I going to Seattle? I'd lived my life happily in New Orleans, why was I doing this? I wasn't angry with Ben anymore. When he showed up again at the club, I'd yell at him, but all would be forgiven. If he showed up again. He was getting more reckless. In Miami, Lydecker was a good month behind him. Now he was a matter of days. Ben was getting desperate to find someone that would understand. I knew what I needed to do. Ben would want to see if Max would hunt with him. She wouldn't. I knew that from things Zack had said. But I would. We'd go somewhere that was safe, and do a few hunts. He'd leave Seattle if he knew I was going to go with him this once. Then he would know for certain that this was his way of coping with Manticore, but not the way the rest of us wanted to cope. It was a plan of some sort at least.
I thought about Max and wondered what she was like and what she was doing. I could only see her as a little girl. I couldn't imagine her a woman. Was her hair long or just short enough to cover the barcode? Did she like to smile, or was she quiet? What kind of childhood had she had after the escape? I hoped she had gotten into a better family than I did. I hoped all of them had better luck than I did after the escape.
I had headed east after we made the fence. Zack had told us what direction to go, and I ran like hell. I think it was the last time I ever blindly obeyed Zack. I think it was the last time I ever put blind trust into anyone. I ignored the cold, and the pain in my feet as I ran. This was the ultimate escape and evade, and I knew instead of going to the Pits for punishment, I was going to die if I got caught.
I ended up breaking into a barn near dawn, and spending the day in there, hiding and waiting. There were several horses in there, but they weren't troubled by my presence. I thought they were fascinating. I knew there was an animal called a horse, but now I was seeing one for real. I was starting to see the world for the first time. Now I knew for sure that Zack was right when he said we had to escape. The perimeter fence wasn't the end of the world. It was the beginning.
A man and a woman came in and fed the horses. They didn't notice me in the hayloft. They were talking about going into the city a few miles away. In my mind I saw a city as a base without guard towers and a fence. The man and woman fascinated me more than the horses. They weren't wearing camouflage, and neither of them had guns. They were talking about what I was going to learn was everyday stuff. It was like a foreign language to me, but I knew I was going to learn it. I wanted to let them know I was there, and follow them and learn from them, but Zack had said to hide until I got far away from the enemy. They were probably enemy, so I stayed well hidden.
I went to the small city late that night, and ended up breaking into a sporting goods store. What I saw in the display window looked the most like the equipment I was used to. There was even camouflage, but I had decided I was never going to wear that again. It was my first real step away from Manticore. There were clothes and boots there for kids, and I took what I needed. The funny thing was that I never thought that I was stealing. I had no concept of paying for things. At Manticore, when out clothes got too small, we took them to Supply, and were issued new ones. Food was just there in the cafeteria.
All of my caution came from not wanting to get caught. I understood that concept very well. I was not going to get caught. I only disabled the security system because I associated security with guards, and guards with Manticore. I was traveling at night, staying on the side of the road, and keeping out of sight while I headed east. Then I ran into destiny.
I had gotten off of the highway because I had seen a couple of military jeeps go by. I had cut down a dirt road, and walked then there was a VW bus parked in the middle of nowhere, but it was not deserted. They had a bonfire going, and were playing music. It was the first time I had ever heard music like that before. It sure as hell wasn't revilie. There were three men and two women, and they were dancing around, laughing and singing, and drinking from brown bottles. They were not guards. That was obvious. Maybe that's why I wasn't scared of them. The men had scruffy beards, and the women had long hair. I had never seen anything like that before. Nobody at Manticore ever looked scruffy. I had never seen facial hair for real, and all of the women at Manticore kept their hair pinned up.
I came closer, wanting to observe them better. One of the women had her navel pierced, and she had several piercings in her ears. I saw one of the men's arms, and he had tattoos. They reminded me a little of my barcode, except they were colorful, and beautiful. I can remember thinking that he must have butterfly DNA to be so colorful. Childish thinking, I admit, but I was just starting to learn there was more than genetics and training to the world.
I ended up coming too close, and one of them spotted me. "Hey!" she called out, a little drunk. "It's the farmer's daughter!" She came up to me. I tried to back up, but tripped over a rock, and ended up flat on my skinny ass while she and the others were standing over me. They saw my backpack, and my hiking gear, and they…they just accepted it. They were strange, and so was I. It was cool with them.
"Hey, little sister," the other woman said, "C'mon over and get warmed up. Bitchin' cold out here!" They were the exact opposite of Manticore, and I had an instinctive feel that they would despise the same authority I feared. I went to the fire with them, their words pouring over me in a wild jumble.
"Who fucked up the hair, kid?"
"Nah, man, she's too little for tequila, get her a fuckin' beer."
"You need some color in that ink job kid. They did a bitchin' good job on it though."
"Hey, we can't call her kid! What's your name little sister?"
They all stopped and stared at me then. They were calling me little sister. Only my siblings called me sister. Maybe I could trust them. Maybe Zack had sent them to me, and calling me sister was their code. I took a deep breath, and for the first time in my life, introduced myself by name, and not designation number.
"I'm Terran," I said in a small voice. Then they were all talking again. It was confusing, but funny in a strange way. It was just so not Manticore.
"Good name kid!" one of the men said. "I'm Charlie," he said, and then pointed to the others as he introduced them. "That's Tex and Pete. Them two girls are our little flowers, Rose and Lilly. Where you running to kid?" He laughed. "Remember, you're never running away, you're running to, OK kid?"
I nodded like I actually understood that and answered him. "South," I said firmly. If they were enemy, I would throw them off course by saying I was going south instead of east.
"Hey!" Rose squealed. "Bitchin' good! Ever been to New Orleans?" I knew the geography of the United States, so I knew roughly where it was. In distance at least. I had no concept of how far away in philosophy it was from where I had been.
"No," I replied. She got excited, and started telling me how wonderful it was, and how it was one big party, and I was just going to love it.
I ended up getting a little drunk that night, and passing out. When I woke up late the next morning, I was heading to New Orleans. I decided that I was going a lot faster away from Manticore now, so I should enjoy the ride. I could leave them once we got to Louisiana and head east as ordered. Lilly ended up complaining about my barcode, saying that it was a good job, but it really sucked on a kid. If I wanted something on my neck, it should say something about me. The barcode said more about me than words could ever express, but I didn't tell them that. We stopped at some dive in Oklahoma and had the damn thing removed. I had no idea that I could simply take it off. Lydecker told us it would always be there, but for a little while I was free from it.
Luck ran out once we got to Louisiana. Pete was drunk as hell, and got into an accident. It was a bad one. Rose and Tex were killed, and Charlie, Pete, and I were taken to the hospital. I never saw any of them again. I wasn't really hurt though, just a few cuts and bruises. I was made to take damage. There was nothing to identify me, so I just told them Rose was my mother. I told them I didn't have any other family, and wanted to stay with Charlie and Pete. They said that wasn't ever going to happen, and they were going to protect me. I ended up in a foster home.
My foster parents ran a home with about ten kids. Ms. Helen was okay, I guess except for the blind eye she turned to what Mr. Stuart was doing to the girls. He liked to feel them up to make sure they were "developing properly". I was used to doctors poking me for exactly the same reason, but not with the same intention, so I had no idea that it was wrong. He said I was too little for him to "fully check" but that in another year or so I would be ready for a full check.
I learned what he meant when Giselle and I started sharing a room. I was about to turn eleven, and Mr. Stuart decided that I needed to know how it was done. He'd come in there and make me watch him rape her. Before it happened the first time, Giselle made me swear that I wouldn't tell anyone what I saw. She was ashamed of it, but she didn't know a way out. The Social Worker thought our "parents" were the best people on earth, and if Giselle tried to say anything, Mr. Stuart said everyone would think she was lying, and being a slut for all of the boys, and the boys would get into trouble, and Giselle would get taken away.
I knew the terror of being "taken away". It was when the nomalies could eat you. It seemed the real world had nomalies too. So, I did as she asked. He wasn't there every night, but it was enough to make me hate him. I liked Giselle, and he made her cry every time. He started to tell me that soon Giselle and I were going to give him a show, and then it would be my turn. He made me do other things to him, and after about six months decided that it was my turn.
He made me get into the big bed with Giselle, and then climbed in with that smart, superior smirk. That was it. I had played weak and defenseless for them for too long. I had forgotten that I was a soldier. I had risked my life so that I could control my own future, and if I let this smirking bastard touch me, it was all for nothing. I would always be a scared little mouse. Fuck that.
I grabbed him by the throat, and threw him, flipping us both to the floor, so that I was on top of him. I grabbed his miniscule genitals and squeezed hard. He couldn't breathe with my hand clenched around his windpipe, and he couldn't scream. His arms were flailing, but his hits weren't hurting me. "Remember me," I hissed. I remembered something from a book I read. "I am Nemesis returned." I don't know why I said it, but it sounded good. I hit him hard, knocking him out cold.
Giselle was on the bed, looking at me with terrified eyes. "C'mon, we got to go!" I whispered. She shook her head no. "Giselle! Get moving," I ordered firmly. She was too scared to leave. I learned something very valuable. There are people that cannot survive in this world. Giselle was being abused horrifically, but she had started to think he was right, and therefore the abuse was right. She no longer had the ability to survive on her own. It was the same reason why not all of the X-5's ran away.
I threw some stuff in an overnight bag, and headed out. "Giselle, please?" I pleaded one more time. She didn't move, and I left. I had tried my best, but she would have ended up being a liability. I needed to worry about myself. We weren't supposed to go into the kitchen because it was dangerous for little girls, but I knew that Ms. Helen also didn't want us in there because she had a stash of cash hidden. I grabbed it, and was out the door.
I was totally on my own from that point on. If I was going to live or die, that was my choice. I was going to make the rules from that point on. I was a survivor. I had seen the worst the world had to offer, and I had learned to deal with it on my own terms. Post-Pulse New Orleans was the perfect place for a young girl, almost twelve to be on her own. Nobody cared, and if she was smart and quick, she could survive on her own. I was both.