Chapter 5: Childhood
"What does it mean and why is Kagome's left hand wrapped up?" The hanyou asked, picking up the hand and touching the exposed fingertips. He touched the bandages and wondered what could possibly have hurt Kagome. Had she been in another fight? Had she been attacked? She'd already been though so much in the past few days- the hanyou closed his eyes in grief- most of it because of himself. Kagome? He called quietly, hoping to reach her through the bond he had initiated. He could feel she was still asleep with no intention of waking soon but a small part of her was listening.
Kagome, I know you've been through a lot these past week or so, and I know you feel alone. A lot of the pain you've had to deal with has been my fault- the hanyou flashed on the moment he had attacked her in anger and the crunch he had heard- and I'm sorry. The emotions he felt carried over with the message, clear and plain without confusion. I love you, Kagome. Please come back! Kagome was not in life threatening danger- she would truly be fine after a decent sleep- but the hanyou felt as if he was losing his mate. They were both there physically but Kagome was pulling away, distancing herself mentally and magically from him as much as she could. Come back to me. He thought, feeling a great sadness fill him at the thought of her going away- an intense emotion not felt since his mother died long ago.
He didn't realize he was crying as he wrapped his arms around Kagome's waist, burying his head against her stomach and laying down on top of her. The small part of Kagome that had listened to his plea reacted to his pain, welcoming him and offering comfort in an instinctual desire to ease the hanyou's distress. Inu Yasha took the invitation soon feeling himself- his essence- merge with Kagome's. His mate had been right- it was a wonderful feeling and Inu Yasha didn't stop it this time, allowing Kagome's power to sweep over and through him. He could smell her sweet scent; feel her under him and in his head. The hanyou willed himself to sleep so he could add his healing powers to aid in her recovery- completely forgetting about whom else he was sleeping next to and the others sitting on the bed. He felt someone touch his ears, rubbing the backs gently and relaxing him enough to fall asleep. For Inu Yasha, life was perfect.
Taomaru's jaw dropped as he eavesdropped on the confession Inu Yasha made. The youkai's shock was echoed by Sango and Miroku as they watched the hanyou begin to cry and lay down on Kagome, spreading his weight so he didn't hurt her. With wide eyes, they watched Kagome frown slightly, her hands coming up to rest her hands on Inu Yasha's head. She scratched behind his ears and in a few seconds, he was asleep.
"She… she sensed his distress." Miroku whispered.
"They are bonded." Taomaru said softly. "That is what it does among other things. It's what allowed Kagome to tap into Sesshomaru's power and to suffer though his headache with him."
"Will they always do this?" Shippo asked, speaking for the first time in a while and looking at Inu Yasha's face.
"If they continue to bond, yes. The bond will strengthen and allow them to share power and emotions- to eventually become two halves of a whole. It is a wonderful thing but not with out consequences." Taomaru sighed, looking at the two with a touch of sadness.
"What do you mean?" Sango demanded, feeling dread creep up on her. The youkai sighed unhappily and began to explain.
Where the hell was I? I scanned the dark area, the endless jagged landscape. I'd finally gotten to sleep and I'd come here. Had I wandered into a circle of hell by mistake? It was cold too and I shivered then screamed when lightning forked through the sky. In the brief illumination, I spotted a familiar white haired figure, the only non-black thing here aside from myself. I knew it wasn't Inu Yasha but jogged over to the figure anyway. Misery loves company and all that.
"Sesshomaru!" I panted when I reached him. It had been a tough jog- the whole freaking landscape kept shifting under my feet; more so the closer I got to him. I bent over to catch my breath, hands on my knees beside the pale youkai. The air in this place was thicker, less oxygenated, and breathing wasn't fun. The figure beside me didn't respond, didn't react to my appearance at all. Aw… don't tell me this wasn't the right youkai….
I stood up; breath caught, and looked at the guy beside me. Well, it looked like Sesshomaru. I let my eyes rove over his body, allowing myself the brief luxury of appreciating the well muscled form before me. I poked his arm lightly- it felt like Sesshomaru. I ran my hand through a lock of his pale hair; it was the same as the real one. "Sesshomaru?" I asked softly and shook him, ready to beat a hasty retreat in case he finally did respond and try to eat me or something. I waved a hand in front of his eyes and felt unnerved.
The Sesshomaru beside me didn't respond to anything. His eyes didn't track my fingers; his hands didn't stop me from touching him. The body was warm but it was like talking to a doll. The lights were on but no one was home- or moved and didn't tell anyone. He continued to stare straight ahead, unblinking, as if I didn't exist. It was annoying; he either was practicing his ignoring skills or was genuinely a doll. Eep- I didn't know which was more eerie. I pushed him, roughly and watched him stumble. It would have been more satisfying if the ground hadn't pitched beneath me and sent me sprawling into the recovering figure.
I hit him mid body and he couldn't keep his balance. Lightning forked the sky again and I had enough light to watch both of us fall back to the ground. I was prepared for an impact that never came. The two of fell through the ground and the Sesshomaru below me vanished. Crap. I fell for a few seconds then hit the ground. Now what was going on? I stood, looking about the new area. It was circular, the floor red with dim light coming from a hidden source above. In the middle of the room stood the Sesshomaru doll, as non-pulsed about the sudden scenery change as only Sesshomaru could ever be.
I sighed and got up, wandered over to him again. I was annoyed- instead of sleeping and feeling better I was playing follow the youkai. I sated my irritation by punching him lightly in the shoulder. Childish I know, but can you blame me? The only reward I could get was maybe getting to the source of Sesshomaru's pain- if I knew the source, I could understand it better and not be so petty. "Spill it Fluffy; what the hell is going on?"
The doll continued to look straight ahead at the wall in front of him and light flicked from that direction. I realized that it had been since I arrived, but until I stood next to Sesshomaru, I would never see it. I shrugged to myself and took the bait. I turned around and looked at the wall, leaning against Sesshomaru like he was a wall. I blinked and stared, unsure of what I was watching. For a second I wondered if I had wandered into my living room or movie theater. Images were playing out on the wall, people moving and speaking just like a TV show displayed on the screen. One little figure on the screen got my attention immediately; I sat on the floor to watch and hopefully find out what was going on.
There was no sound at first but as I continued to watch, normal volume could be heard. The picture became clearer- more realistic- and I had a gnawing feeling that this was not some random grouping. I watched the figure I had recognized, the little Sesshomaru lying limply on a woman's lap with blood coming from his ears and nose. I had only seen Sesshomaru, the child Sesshomaru, in my dream a while ago. Even though it had only been that one time, I would know the little fuzz ball anywhere. I felt a smile tugging at my lips as I flashed on the memory of the holding the frightened child and comforting him in the middle of Tokyo tower. I went back to watching the wall with its moving pictures.
"Momaru, what are we going to do?" Lady Kitori asked softly, running her hand through her son's silver white hair. Sesshomaru lay on his stomach, resting on his mother's lap. He had not woken up and it was a mixed blessing; unconscious, he wasn't in pain anymore but now his parents wondered if he would ever wake up. Lord Momaru sat beside his wife on her bed, echoing her movements and petting his son. A physician, an old cat youkai, was looking the child over, checking his pulse and for any sign of fever. The doctor checked the prince's unfocused eyes and frowned. He asked questions about diet, daily routine and even if there was a new person or servant he had met recently.
The couple answered every question to the best of their ability, realizing in the process that they didn't spend as much time with their son as they previously thought. At last, the doctor wiped away the dried blood- after the initial leakage, no more had flowed- and sat back to look at both parents. Momaru continued to look at his son, stroking the pale hair and smoothing it. "How could a simple headache cause such pain?" the demon lord wondered quietly.
Lady Kitori curled her tail around her son, her coloring the pale shade as her offspring, both a sharp contrast to her husband's slightly darker coloring. Mother and son looked so much alike that when Sesshomaru had been born years ago, everyone had originally thought he was a girl- a smaller version of his mother. Momaru had been relieved that he had a son and hoped secretly that as Sesshomaru grew older he would shed the more feminine aspects of his appearance.
The cat youkai frowned and gently pulled Sesshomaru away from his mother. The prince slid several inches down his mother's legs and then the prince's hands convulsed and dug into his mother's kimono. The child made protesting noises, wincing and rubbing his temples with his tail. The doctor let him go and Lady Kitori picked him up, laying him on her chest over her heart. She closed her eyes, nuzzling the pup and hoping he could feel her heart beat. "Sess-chan?" She murmured, kissing his temples. "Sessh-chan?" She loosened the tie of her robes, pulling the cloth open enough to wrap around Sesshomaru's small body. She continued to run her hands through his hair, petting him continuously.
Momaru waited until she was done and then pulled her and his son into his arms, wrapping his tail around them both. He rested his chin on top of Kitori's head, smelling her scent and trying to find comfort himself. He moved his head, laying his cheek against her hair so he could look at the doctor.
The cat youkai coughed slightly and shifted uncomfortably under the intense look of his lord and master. "The prince..." The doctor began, unsure of how to proceed. Honestly, how do you tell your King that he is being a bad parent? The cat tried a different approach. "My lord, your son seems to under a lot of pressure. He is the prince, your heir and successor, but he is also a child." That was about as diplomatic as it was going to get unless the doctor was willing to lie flat out. "It would be best if the lessens were postponed or continued in shorter sessions. Sesshomaru is an extremely active child and that is normal, especially as a member of the Dog Clan." The youkai raised an eyebrow at Momaru who blushed- the king had been very rambunctious child who was always into mischief. "Denying him an outlet for that energy is unhealthy and it will continue to escape in harsher ways."
Momaru looked at his son and felt extremely guilty. "In other words, with no play time to exorcise it, Sesshomaru's natural energy will continue to cause these headaches." He ran a hand through his son's hair and held his wife close. "Understood."
"I will leave you three alone then." The doctor stood, taking his unneeded supplies with him. "Let Sesshomaru wake up on his own. I am confident that the headache will be gone when he rouses, but -just in case- Lady Kitori keep him close and soothe him." The cat bowed low and backed that way toward the doorway. "I will stay in the area in case you need me." He said and left, closing the door softly behind him.
Lady Kitori and Momaru did as they was told and held their son close until he woke, several hours later.
I watched the scene play out and unconsciously touched my nose, where I had been bleeding from a while earlier. Hmm… so Sesshomaru suffered from extreme migraines when he was younger. His parents seemed loving and competent enough- what had made him have one earlier today? I noted the attention his mother gave him and knew- I guess because Sesshomaru knew- that her touch always made him feel better. I also knew that he would suffer from these headaches for the rest of his life but relief would not be available after the next two years; Lady Kitori would die within that time frame and leave her son with a very different father from the one in the scene I had watched. I glanced at Sesshomaru, the unmoving doll standing beside me; his expression remained impassive and blank, giving away nothing. I turned back to watch the wall. I watched Lady Kitori- the affectionate mother, the wonderful queen- and felt sad and alone for the both of us.
Taomaru sighed heavily. "It has been a long time since a mated pair has bonded completely, if it has ever happened at all. I believe that Lord Momaru- Sesshomaru's and Inu Yasha's father- and his first wife Lady Kitori were the only couple in centuries who achieved that close a bond with the other. Together, they were the pride of the Western Lands, making the territory prosper. Alliances continued and people united." The youkai paused and smiled sadly. "When Lady Kitori died however… to say that Lord Momaru was devastated would be an understatement."
"How much of an understatement?" Shippo asked, eyes wide.
"I'm guessing a very big one, right?" Sango asked, frowning.
Miroku sighed. "She died and left Lord Momaru and Sesshomaru to rule the kingdom. Sesshomaru, taking advantage of his father's grief, took over the kingdom." The monk nodded sadly. The road of love had many pitfalls.
"Sesshomaru-sama did not!" Rin cried, always ready to leap and defend her protector's honor. She stuck her tongue out at Miroku and looked up at Taomaru. "It's not right?"
The dark haired youkai blinked in surprise at Miroku, not understanding where the monk's conclusion had come from. "Rin is correct; Sesshomaru did not use his father's grief and take over the kingdom. He had to put it back together while his father refused to do anything." Taomaru frowned at Miroku and continued his story, ruffling Rin and Shippo's hair. Sango looked at Sesshomaru, the youkai so innocent in sleep and different from his normal nature. She touched his still red lined right arm; the flesh was soft and normal.
"Where did the arm come from?" She asked as she poked at it gently. She yipped in surprise when muscles twitched under her fingers.
Taomaru smiled but his eye remained a serious bronze. "I think you can owe that to Kagome. I'm not sure how she did it, but I am sure she made his arm re-grow." He pointed at Kagome's hands, still scratching Inu Yasha's ears while both slept. "When the headache got to an agonizing level, it's possible that her power empathized so much that it joined the two in that moment. She was only moving her left arm when I found her, banging it continuously against the wall."
"So," Shippo began slowly. "Because Sesshomaru has no right arm, Kagome suddenly couldn't use her right arm."
"And then Kagome's power flared in response," Sango finished as she picked up the logic. "Restoring the use of her right arm and also restoring Sesshomaru's arm in the process."
"But why would Kagome cause herself more pain?" Miroku wondered, scratching his chin and looking at her bandaged hand.
"I think that she was trying to distract herself from her headache." Taomaru said uncertainly. "You'll have to ask Kagome when she wakes up. As I was saying…" And he returned to the story of the aftermath of Lady Kitori's death.
Nothing happened for a bit- I'm not sure how long I sat there because dream time is always screwy. I debated tipping Sesshomaru over, just to see if he'd just lie there or climb to his feet- for entertainment, you know. I finally pulled on his kimono and asked if he had anymore to show me. I wasn't sure if what I was watching were memories or just something his subconscious made up to explain what had been happening in reality. A minute later what meager light was in the room blinked out, leaving it as black as pitch.
I swore and stood up, bumping into Sesshomaru in the process. "Damn it Fluffy! You could have simply told me this while we were awake!" I punched him in the arm hard enough to make him sway. Shit! I felt the warmth of his body tilt away and heard the scrape of his shoes as the skidded on the floor. I grabbed his sleeve- trying to pull him upright again and failing. He suddenly righted himself and made me tumble backwards, Sesshomaru falling with me because I still held his sleeve. I landed first on my back and Sesshomaru fell on top of me.
We were stunned, I think, and laid like that for several heartbeats. I blew air out in a rush, fed up and annoyed. "Come on, Fuzz ball- up you get." I pushed at the life sized doll, trying to roll him off. Much to my surprise, the doll moved. His head was between by breasts and he shook it, rising up in a push up motion, his lower body pinning me to the floor still. His hair was mussed, falling over his eyes and I could see him blink those amber orbs several times before they focused on me. Sesshomaru looked confused- hell, he and I both- and I pushed his hair out of his eyes,
He continued to look at me, then finally spoke in a rough voice. "What are you doing here?"
I arched a brow at him and ignored his question. "Welcome back to the land of the living." I said and cocked my head. "Sort of, anyway." He blinked and looked around- at least one of us could see completely. Except for Sesshomaru's bright amber eyes, I couldn't see a damn thing. Maybe if I answered his question, he'd move off me. "I don't know where we are." I touched his nose and those darting eyes turned back to me.
"I went to sleep." I said and felt a tremor go through his body. Alarmed, I ran a hand through his hair. "What place did you go to?" I asked and he continued to shake. I could feel his head whipping around, his eyes just brief flashes in the dark. He continued to shake and with his body pressed against me I could feel his breathing speed up. I grabbed his head, a hand on either side of his face, and pulled him back to face me. "Sesshomaru, what's wrong? Calm down please."
He collapsed back on top of me and wrapped his arms around me. He was calming down but he was still shaking. I took a hint from his mother and ran my hands through his hair. I couldn't hear anything moving around beside the both of us so I wasn't worried about enemies- Yay; no nightmare causing youkai trying to kill us all! What a switch! Now if I could just figure out what was wrong with Sesshomaru life could return to normal. I continued to run my hands through his hair, rubbing his arms as I tried to be soothing.
"Why is it so dark?" Sesshomaru asked, voice muffled because his face was pressed against my neck. His breath on my throat sent goose bumps along my skin. His tail curled around me as well and his arms tightened their hold. "Bad things happen in the dark." He whispered so softly I wasn't sure I'd heard him correctly.
Every child knew that bad things happened in the dark, just as every horney teenager knew that could things could happen at well. There had to be something pretty nasty in the darkness if it could send Sesshomaru running for cover- cuddling up to a human for protection; boy will Sesshomaru hate me later. Well, knowledge is power. I took the bait. "What kind of bad things?"
"Very bad things." He sounded close to tears. I looked at him, trying to move his head by nudging it with my chin. I didn't succeed but kept trying anyway.
"Sesshomaru, tell me." Maybe some quiet ordering would help. "You have to tell me or I can't help." I bucked him with my hips, trying to dislodge him again. He didn't move but I felt his weight lessen; a pint sized Sesshomaru clung to me. It wasn't much of an improvement, but I could move now. I held the little youkai in my arms- he wouldn't let me go anyway- and sat back up. I rubbed his back now that I was more comfortable and wondered why I had been given the terrific job of comforting the icy Sesshomaru- in a dream or in reality.
"The Gods hate me," I muttered to myself and turned my attentions back to the child in my lap. Maybe asking him to 'tell me' wasn't possible for him; it was time for a change in tactics. I bowed my head, resting my forehead on the crown of his skull. He looked up at me, startled, and our eyes met. "Show me, Sesshomaru. Show me what frightens you so." I commanded and he shook harder, but nodded, showing me wide haunted eyes. Light flicked from the wall in front of me and Sesshomaru flinched, hiding and pressing himself against me. His tail wrapped around both of us, winding around so much that my middle was hidden under a blanket of white fur. I looked pregnant, in a bizarre may, and for some reason that thought resonated in my head, bouncing around like a very important but half remembered idea. I let it go and promised to try and pursue it later. Right now I had to concentrate on what Sesshomaru was showing me and more importantly, why.
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