Legal: I own Taomaru- no body else yet.
Note: I forgot to say this earlier; I am from the school of thought that when it comes to magic and describing it, less is more. I deliberately write the magic scenes hazy because sometimes magic can't be completely explained. ::shrugs:: I always think it takes the fun out of magic if you describe it to the tiniest detail anyway. If you know how it works, what fun is it anymore?
Chapter 8: Release
I had finished my bath and hadn't felt much better. I was all cried out for now and that was okay; crying never accomplished anything anyway. The red lines that had covered my right arm were gone, had faded away to where ever they had come from- fine with me. I felt weak, shocky, my eyes, ears, and skin hypersensitive to the fine line dividing pain from none. I had had to pull out new pajamas- the ones I had pulled out were to harsh against my tingling skin. As a result, I was wearing a nightgown and had to wander around in low light. Despite feeling bizarre I had the overwhelming desire to do something. To do something that related to me, Kagome, and not to any one from this time. I could cook but I needed a kitchen and if I went to the kitchen I would get no peace. I eyed my bag- what I needed was to do something that would end this war and let me the hell out of here.
I tossed the giant pack on the bed, almost falling over from the effort and joined it myself. I was glad the room wasn't dusty- I didn't know how to get someone to clean it and didn't want to do it myself. I pulled out my textbooks and notebooks, found a pen and put on my headphones. I started with my history book, looking through every battle I could find. I started making notes about the strategies used, defenses and offenses, marking if they were successful, where they were from and the aftermath. I had to stop after a while and arrange my other books around me within easy reach. I started doodling battle plans and placements off lamps, soldiers and weapons. I had five hundred years on everyone here and books that covered almost every major advancement in the world- if I couldn't figure out a winning strategy out of everyone here, then we were screwed.
I played music while I worked, blocking the dog demons from my head and bothering me. I think I would have screamed if Inu Yasha had suddenly popped into my head confessing his love for me and that he was sorry. Screamed and, quite possibly killed him on the spot. I ran a hand through my head, snagging my fingers on several tangles in the damp mass. I hadn't bothered to dry it much, or brush it for that matter, but I had tied it back in a sloppy bun to keep it out of my face. Now I wished I had taken the time to braid it or something- combing the snarls out was going to be murder. Well, a couple more pages and I'd rest to brush it out. I munched potato chips while I continued to work. I had my biology, physics, world history, and Japanese history books open with accompanying note books spread about by the time I paused. I yawned, stretching, and felt sleepy but I still had a bit to go- I wasn't even halfway through my history books. I hunted for my brush- how long had I been doing this?
My brush had semi-firm bristles and was good at getting out tangles. I started from the bottom making my way upward. I closed my eyes as I worked, didn't need to see anyway, and wondered about what to do with the Shikon shards. My magical abilities came partial from the damn thing- maybe there was a way to call the shards to me. After all, it had rested snugly inside me for seventeen years- surely there had to be a way to make them come back. Sadly, I didn't know how to do it. I could purify the shards of evil energy but that didn't mean much if I couldn't find any. I felt my shoulders slump and my head fall forward; man even after everything that had happened I couldn't get a break. I rubbed my eyes and felt like crying again.
A hand touched my shoulder and I jumped three feet in the air, dropping my brush and letting out a shriek that made me cover my own ears. I hit the bed and strong arms scooped me up, pinning me against a broad chest. Panic blossomed inside me and I started fighting, screaming mentally and verbally. I was pushed away and I crossed the bed in seconds. I picked up one of my books, ready to pitch it at my attacker until I saw who it was. Hell, when I saw who it was I still debated chucking it at him. "Sesshomaru," I looked at the closed door. "How did you get in?"
The dog demon had his hands over his ears, his tail wrapped around himself. He looked so pathetic and unhappy I set the book down and crawled a few feet toward him. He looked different aside from his clothing and lack of armor, but I couldn't put my finger on it. Maybe it wasn't a physical mark but something was differently new about the dog demon. I pulled off my headphones and reached out a wary hand to touch his arm. He blinked, lowered his hands and tail, and frowned. "Screaming is not a way to greet someone."
"It is if you scare the hell out of me." I retorted and pulled my hand back, sitting on my knees and sighing. Damn- after the adrenaline rush Sesshomaru had caused, I was feeling pretty beat. "What do you want, Sesshomaru?" I asked tiredly.
"I actually came to see how you were fairing." He replied and I couldn't keep the surprise off my face. He cocked his head and gave me a lopsided smile. I had to rub my eyes and he immediately asked what was wrong.
"I think I'm hallucinating." I said, blinking and rubbing. "I could have sworn you smiled."
"I did smile." He said quietly and looked uncomfortable.
I frowned. "No games please Sesshomaru. I am…" I couldn't say fine because I wasn't fine. "I'm still useable." I said with a note of bitterness on the last. I looked at the bed, littered with my stuff.
"Useable?" I heard him ask and I didn't bother to respond- he was intelligent enough; he'd figure it out. I saw his tail snake around me, circling my waist and lifting upward. I yipped in surprise and a heartbeat later I was in Sesshomaru's lap. I tensed, sitting ramrod straight as his arms held me close and his chin settled on my head. He was warm and offering comfort and radiated understanding. I tried to pull away- it was just too creepy, too soon after my sense of reality had been scrambled. He held me firm however, wrapping his tail around us both.
"Don't do this to me!" I begged, still trying to get away. "Please don't play with me right now!" I couldn't deal with this and not cry. Small tears ran down my cheeks and I slumped against the dog demon, eyes closed, miserable. "Please let me go. Please don't use me any more…" I sobbed and I felt him move his head from the top of mine to my shoulder. He didn't say anything, didn't budge. I tried a more potent avenue, calling my magic to make him let me go. With no music to buffer and crappy blocking on my part, Sesshomaru felt what was going on and he bit me.
His teeth didn't break the skin of my neck but they did apply enough pressure to make my heart skip a beat. He growled warningly and I stopped trying to gather my magic. After a few seconds, Sesshomaru let go but didn't move from the spot. He stayed put, his breath tickling my neck and scattering my thoughts. I had never been held like this in reality, had never been so aware of a guy before. I froze and couldn't make my body move, feeling my heart beat faster and needing more air.
"What were you doing when I scared you?" He asked and my skin rose in goose bumps. I knew he was enjoying my reaction, enjoying the way he could scramble my circuits, but it surprisingly, he wasn't being malicious. Through the link we shared- which I had initiated accidentally- I knew that Sesshomaru was more relaxed with himself when he was around being me. The youkai was in the mood, so to speak, but at the moment just wanted someone to cuddle with. Eep; Sesshomaru wanting to cuddle was a scary thought. I tried to think about why this sudden shift in personality had happened as Sesshomaru leaned to one side- bringing me with him- and picked something off the bed. He removed his head from my neck and I saw the object he had picked up just as he popped it in his mouth. I blinked and realization crashed around me.
I flashed on the chocolate bar I had made him eat before the skirmish up top began. Chocolate- chocolate was making him act this way. "I am so stupid!" I said and would have smacked my head if my hands hadn't been pinned. It was so obvious that I did indeed feel very stupid. The aspirin Sesshomaru had swallowed had thinned his blood to decrease its flow to his head and end the pain of the migraine from hell. After the scare of overdosing was out of the way and the excess aspirin purged from his system, I had made him eat chocolate and drink juice- both of which would provide quick energy for his body to repair itself. The juice had done what it was supposed to but the chocolate had apparently had a side effect. The candy was toxic in normal dogs but wasn't making the youkai sick. Instead, his body was reacting like a human's- including the endorphin rush that accompanied consuming it. Endorphins were the body's natural opiates, a natural high that would be released when a person was in love and could be replicated by eating large quantities of chocolate. With his blood thinned, Sesshomaru was enjoying a very good, very amorous high and guess who he wanted to snuggle with.
"What is it?" Sesshomaru asked, loosening his hold enough to rub my arms soothingly. Now that I knew why, I didn't feel so threatened by him but that was killed by another thought; how would he react if I told him what he was feeling was synthetic? I shielded my thoughts from him as I thought this over. On one hand I could tell him and deal with the aftermath-after all, it couldn't possibly be that bad- or I could choose not to tell him and simply make sure he didn't eat anymore sweets. I sighed unhappily; I decided to tell him, it wouldn't be fair not to.
"Sesshomaru, how you are feeling is a result from the chocolate you ate. In its weakened state, your body is reacting to the candy like a human's would. I'm sorry." I said, defeated, and prepared for any retaliation. I was the only one I knew of that had such rotten luck with men. I was beginning to be quite glad I had gotten in a fight with the Hojo worshipers- at least I had one guy left. Thinking of Hojo helped me as much as thinking about Inu Yasha had; I felt sad and depressed and just wanted to go home. I sagged, letting my guard down and an opening for any revenge by Sesshomaru- maybe I'd get lucky and he'd put me out of my misery. My eyes prickled and I blinked rapidly, fighting a sob until it only came out as a hitching sound. A weight settled on my chest and I sniffled.
His tail unwound, curling up beside me in a fluffy heap. I kept my eyes on the maps and notes I had made, watching the images blurred and wavered. I sniffed again and squeezed my eyes. I would not cry, I would not cry dammit! I swore a blue streak mentally as I felt the first few tears fall. I was supposed to be cried out by now- I had cried through my bath, I didn't want to die during my death. I felt Sesshomaru remove his arms, move away from me, and I didn't move except to hunch a little and make myself smaller. I closed my eyes, screwing them shut and bit my lip, trying to be quiet. I drew my knees up, curling my arms around them. I didn't want to see anything, didn't want to see anyone.
I cracked an eye open and spotted my notebook. I pushed it with my foot so Sesshomaru would notice it. That's what I was doing before you scared me, I didn't trust my voice- it would probably break or I'd sob or something. It's possible battle strategies that you might want to look at. I haven't had a good view of the entire castle so I could only make placement circles. Everything's labeled and easy to read. I heard the notebook being picked up, heard the pages being ruffled, and felt Sesshomaru's surprise that I had been doing something so productive and helpful. I'm a weapon, remember? I'm supposed to do things like this. I felt tired and wished that he would either kill me or leave; if it was the latter then I could cry again in peace- if it was death then I wouldn't worry about it.
It was comforting being in a ball, a physical position that reminded me of safety and of being home. I wished now that I had left a longer note for everyone back there, wished that I had at least been able to see them one last time beside the past week of missing each other. I shouldn't have brought dad's stuff here, should've left it with mom so she could have enjoyed it more and 'reminisced.' I smiled at that and wondered if Inu Yasha would bring it all back to her when he had a free moment. I wondered if Sesshomaru would simply destroy it al when he was through with me and what archeologists would say when they found motorcycle parts from the 1970's among the remains of a 1400 castle. That would be funny to see, their expressions as they tried to figure it out.
You are too emotional to be a weapon. Sesshomaru sent to me and I smiled bitterly into my knees.
Go get Taomaru to fuck with my memory again. I said tiredly. I have every right to be emotional, so screw you. You want a better weapon, go get someone who hasn't had a shitty day. God, I hated myself, so mired in self pity that the prospect of having my memories played with didn't frighten me anymore. I sniffled and spared a hand to rub my forehead- I had a headache again. I slammed my barriers in place and hid behind them- no reason for all of us to be miserable, was there? I felt the futon shift under Sesshomaru's weight as he moved closer to me. He sat nearby, his body heat warming my side. Get it over with Sesshomaru. I said emptily.
If my lady so desires. He said, his tone giving no emotion away with his reply and I tensed, hunching tighter. I tried to stay quiet, feeling my shoulders shake and my diaphragm hiccup. I thought I did really well; only my breathing gave away any sound, just little hiccup sounds. It'd be over soon, if not completely then partially. I thought of my dad and wondered if I'd be able to see him again. I hoped my family wouldn't be sad- maybe the lack of seeing each other would prove a blessing.
Making my way downtown, walking fast, faces pass and I'm home bound
Staring blankly ahead, just making my way, making my way, through the crowd.
I stopped hiding my tears, letting them fall freely as I starred out at the room, not really seeing it. I thought of all that I had gone through, not just the recent events, but all the things my traveling companions and I had gone through; solving the mystery of Naraku and our endless hunt for him as well as the shards. Of the times we laughed and defended each other.
And I still need you…
I thought of Inu Yasha, the day I had fallen through the well and into this nightmare. I remembered the softness of his ears when I played with them, unable to stop myself from fondling the fuzzy triangles. He had looked so cute when asleep, so innocent and very different from how he acted when I set him free.
And I still miss you…
I thought about how we had acted toward each other before and after Kikyo had been resurrected. I sifted through my memories of that endless week after he had pushed me through the well and had tried to destroy it afterward, of wondering if he was okay and then coming back and having that concern thrown back in my face.
And now I wonder…
I saw him kiss Kikyo and start to sink into the earth with the bitch after she enchanted him so he couldn't see me pinned to a nearby tree, unable to move. I remembered screaming at him and then the hanyou waking up, Kikyo's spell broken by my magic.
If I could fall, into the sky…
Do you think time, would pass us by?
I felt my eyes flutter, the lids becoming too heavy to keep open. I still cried but no sound escaped my lips. What would my life have been like if I had never gone near the Bone Eater's well? If I had never met Inu Yasha?
'Cause you know I'd walk a thousand miles…
I saw the foyer upstairs through Taomaru's eye as he stood beside Inu Yasha and the others. They were all glaring at Jaken, the toad glaring back but demanding they get 'the scheming wench' away from Lord Sesshomaru.
If I could just see you…
I looked through Inu Yasha's eyes, looking emptily at the toad and not caring. He was thinking about me, about how stupid he had been all this time and also hoping I was alright with Sesshomaru nearby.
If I could just hold you…
Finally, I saw through Sesshomaru's eyes, saw the huddled figure Kagome Higirahi had become- what I had become. I felt his high, how good he was feeling, and saw my lips form a brief smile as some of his mood passed to me. He was blocking his emotions and thoughts from me but I could still feel his body move, feel it when he raised his left hand in preparation to strike. He was really going to lash out at me, really going to use those claws and tear me apart. I prayed he would knock me out first or kill me with the initial blow.
I drew a shaky breath as I came back to my body, to being the poor abused weapon used to further everyone else's power but my own. I sobbed once and distantly, through the link we shared, felt Sesshomaru let his hand swing forward even as it stuck the back of my neck. A brief flash of pain and the sensation of falling to one side before my eyes closed and I felt no more. It was everything I had asked for.
Tonight…
Sesshomaru slid off the bed, taking the notebook with him. He left the room and its occupant, shutting the door and heading for the castle proper. Kagome had done a poor job- if she had tried at all, which the demon lord doubted- of blocking her thoughts from him. He had felt everything she had as she relived her memories, now felt the dark taint of betrayal she had as she reviewed each one. She had had no fear in her, none at all, when she had sat there awaiting his wrath; just a hope that maybe he would end her pain and Sesshomaru had followed through with her request, feeling the brief sense of relief before her mind fell quiet and her body fell into his lap.
Though he'd never admit to anyone, the memories of her family had touched a nerve in Sesshomaru. The youkai had had to grow up very fast when his father had refused to protect his kingdom until he was ready. As a result, Sesshomaru had cut himself off from his emotions but also from the needs that all children need filled. Aside from Jaken, and now Rin, Sesshomaru had been alone. He had never had a meaningful relationship, had never had someone he could confide in or simply cuddle with who accepted him as Sesshomaru and not as Great Demon of the Western Lands. He had decided long ago that those holes wouldn't be filled and so had dismissed them as an unattainable, unnecessary desire.
But Kagome had awakened those needs, first in the woods when he had run into her as she struggled to the village, then when she had agreed to help inside that old miko's hut. It had begun to congeal into something solid as the youkai watched Inu Yasha deny Kagome the respect and treatment she deserved. When his brother had attacked Kagome and injured her gravely, Sesshomaru had felt a strong urge to protect her and that was why he had picked her off of the floor, holding her in his lap as he sent his healing power into her to repair her body. Even wounded, both physically and emotionally, Kagome's fighting spirit had shone bright. Sesshomaru had been glad he had not been on the receiving end of her anger when she had explained about the bruise on her belly. Yes, Kagome's willful spirit had been present in every encounter she and the dog demon had except the one he was walking from. Sesshomaru refused to acknowledge the thing in the room as Kagome; she had been a vibrant thing, not that pathetic shell of a creature now lying prone in his old room.
He reached the last hallway and glanced down at the notebook, at the same time noticing he had blood on his claws. He frowned unhappily; nothing he could do about it now. Sesshomaru walked into the castle, heading toward the group of humans, his brother and his uncle. He spotted the three visiting lords and frowned again; it did not escape his eyes that they were plotting behind his back. A takeover, I bet.
Inu Yasha looked up at him first, sniffing the air in alarm. The hanyou's jaw dropped, his eyes on Sesshomaru's bloody hand. The others followed his gaze and all of them looked pensive and angry. Taomaru also looked at his nephew in surprise and disappointment. Last of all Jaken turned around, eyes of adoration falling on his Lord. "Sesshomaru-sama!" The youkai wailed happily and ran over to hug the dog demon's leg. With a small sigh, Sesshomaru patted Jaken's head and pried him off his leg. Beaming, the toad youkai was content to trot smugly beside his master's side.
"You didn't," Inu Yasha said in horror. "You couldn't have!"
"Isn't that one of Lady Kagome's notebooks?" Miroku asked, eyes narrowed at the pale youkai.
"Where's Kagome?" Sango demanded, hoping that everyone was just over reacting. Beside her, the two bundles of fur that Kagome had brought with her whined and Sango's own pet youkai Kirara mewed.
"I can't feel her anymore." Taomaru said in a subdued voice, his eye pale grey. "I can't feel you two either." He looked at Sesshomaru and Inu Yasha. "She's missing in hear." He touched his temple lightly and everyone else simply stared at him, not understanding, not wanting too.
"No!" Inu Yasha yelled and the lords on the other side of the room turned to listen. "Where is she, Sesshomaru?"
Sesshomaru was annoyed. He was loosing control of things rapidly and he couldn't afford that. Even though the Demon Lord was dressed in lighter clothing, he was still a formidable opponent; it was plain that he had reclaimed usage of his right arm and the poison claws that came with the limb. He reached the group and stared at Inu Yasha with empty eyes; a clear message to shut up because Sesshomaru was at his most dangerous. Inu Yasha lunged at his brother but Taomaru grabbed him and pinned him down while Inu Yasha kicked and roared. When the hanyou failed, Miroku and Sango charged for an attack but Taomaru grabbed them too. While his uncle dealt with the three, Jaken and Sesshomaru met with the amused lords.
The three dropped to their knees, heads bowed. "Great Lord Sesshomaru," Lord Baskama began and Sesshomaru didn't miss that the man was now addressing him with the appropriate title. "It is good to know that you are well." The pale youkai arched an eyebrow at that.
Lord Shumir explained. "Great Lord, when we did not see you on the battle field, we worried that your half brother may have caused you harm in some way. We kept a contingent of guards on him and the humans until word came that you were well." Meaning, Sesshomaru though in disgust, that if I were dead they would kill Inu Yasha and anyone loyal to the Dog clan so one of these imbeciles could take over the Western Lands.
The last lord spoke up to continue the ass kissing. "We are relieved that you have come to no harm and overjoyed that you have regained your right arm!" Lord Kimitsu sputtered. I bet, Sesshomaru thought and suppressed a sneer. After Kagome's little display, they had better grovel before their lord.
"Come," Sesshomaru gestured toward the stairwell. "We have much to do in preparation. The Dark Army will be here in a day or two and as we are, will be destroyed." Without another word, Sesshomaru turned on his heel and led them to the map room on the second floor. Using Kagome's plans as a blue print, everything was set in place and readied. The only major obstacle was that none of them knew how to operate the modern items. Sesshomaru assured them that all would be taken care of and had gone off to talk to the soldiers, grouping them in the arrangements Kagome had marked down. The new arrivals were seen to, fed and briefed for battle. Among the rabble, Sesshomaru spotted a wolf youkai who he didn't know. One look at the boy and Sesshomaru dismissed him from his mind, too preoccupied with planning to really evaluate the wolf youkai accurately. It was something that would come back to haunt the dog demon.
Pennath here!
Okay, so I'm posting a bit early but it was that or post late. Since everyone seems to really want the chapter out on time I decided to do this early- I won't be able to do it Monday because my tests start tomorrow. ::cringes and looks for hiding place:: Anyway, please keep reviewing and if you don't understand something please contact me and I will happily explain it to you.
Well, I hope everyone has a wonderful week and I will see you next Monday. Please don't flame me about this chapter, it will all be explained later. (Remember the note I posted why back when at the beginning of this Part?)