Baika

By irenadel

I see that screen go

down in the flames

with every step with every beautiful heel

pointed

n Tori Amos, Not the Red Baron

Too tired to even think of the pen I really don't like though I wonder if the hermetic vision of the night is left or right wing Tousama said as it was left his friend would still be at home I really do miss emptiness as I think it'll go better if the teacher is not looking at me no it was Miko thinks I ought to but should I try doing it from the wall in the teahouse is so small I can still measure that smudge of ink should put liquid paper but always looks so ugly and bell is ringing what number am I on only 3a if 4/2 * 2/8 then potency of a 7-5 teacher is looking again has such an ugly mouth that she doesn't touch my hand now I hope such a slimy skin like Sempai has cold hands though I wish he would wait for me in Yokohama train leaves at 2:45 what does he want from me though I cannot give there is need to know what I can do for him and me I will fall of the bridge and he really thinks I will fall off that bridge when you're looking at it this way fall is too bad to think of my mother screaming in the rails as the pain what more can there be if not this pain and mine do I have enough for the ticket still was the light on when I left in the mornings no one is awake except me and the maids are all snoring away Onisan was going today I wanted to go with him and Tousama is taking too long for the train to arrive as usually nothing stops it everyday I fall off the rails and keep wondering what blood tastes like me what do I taste like I smell like baika but not sure of the taste yes I would like a sit arigatou though I cannot hear what I'm saying through the din of inner thought you can smell the air around you with it's ashen semitones and the feel of the rail on my finger tips not clammy like Sempai's hands but disgustingly warm am sure he has a sticky touch but Tousama's is cool and his friend is also cold I think they are more dead than I am though I cannot picture it too clearly like Physics homework is only 1 to 8 plus the 3 first chapters for Monday if my stop has gone by yet then I will have to go around to that stop over at where mother used to take the train as I do now thou I don't think Tousama minds as much as he did with her and the way I think she died horribly I will die something like that is the future ecstatic yes I come from school no it is not too far to home though to Tousama it is a long way to trace back from that day in the teahouse with that same friend but was he speaking to Sempai yesterday though I think he is going or is he gone I am in any case too anxious for proper judgment but I bet it'll rain soon why didn't I bring umbrella expecting petal rain along the pier have I ever been to one but am sure Tousama has and my mother too but such a different from here as it would have mountains the Carpathians looming over like strange ghosts that are still alive like the ones at home especially Sempai always haunting around the house when he is here where does he go where Tousama goes too I bet but Onisan does yes this is my stop arigatou to my mother who let's me ride the train home but Sempai would rather have me locked up in the house with him all night and maybe the day too like Tousama who doesn't want me around in daylight that is why I must go over to count how many grains of rise doth lay in a bowl of broth that I don't really want to eat today so I'll just tell maid to keep it while I do something for the benefit of my own sanity like making snow fall earlier wish I could but it is still October and a few days before snowfall on the teahouse where Tousama will spend the night today I am worried that he will hate me when I go and ask him if he could just spare me a few seconds to touch his hand and be content and breathe finally but forgive me my love I was but thinking of wind through a seraph's eyes…

Author's Note: Well that was one tiring piece of work and I hope you will enjoy it. This is the first time I have tried to experiment with language as much as with themes; thus there are a few things I must clear out. The reason why it has no punctuation marks is to give an impression of fluid thoughts. I got this idea from something by James Joyce and really liked it. Other than that there are only a few words I will clarify for those of you who are not familiar with Japanese:

Tousama- is a very respectful form of "father"

Sempai- term used when referring to your superior… something like a big brother but lees to do with blood ties.

Onisan- is simply older brother Baika- literally white plum blossom