"Sydney, what are you doing?"
Her brain had been clouded by a rose colored haze from the moment she decided to kiss him, so to her that question seemed like possibly the dumbest one on earth. Wasn't it obvious what she was doing? It took actually looking in strait in the face to realize what he had meant at which point the ground fell out from underneath her. Recited every curse word in every language she had ever known inside her head. Finally she realized that he was still standing there expecting an answer. She opened her mouth to speak, but her throat became painfully tight. 'Come on, Syd! It doesn't have to be clever it just has to be words!!!!!' She yelled at herself.
"I............I'm sorry...........I just thought...........I made a mistake......ummm......I better get going," she managed to choke out, before hurrying to her car, keeping her eyes on the ground the whole time. He made no move to stop her.

Sydney drove home and walked up the path to her house.
"Hey, girl. How are you?" Francie asked as the came in the door.
"I'm good," Sydney responded looking off into nowhere.
"Are you sure? You're acting strange." Francie said, eyeing her questioningly.
"Yeah.....I'm going bed," She said and slowly walked into her bedroom and shut the door, leaving Francie staring after her confused. She changed into her pajamas and crawled into bed, all the time her thoughts were a million miles away. She had never felt so embarrassed in her life. Of all the scenarios she had imagined, that one was not included. She felt a little confused about why he had pulled away. 'There were plenty of reasons. You just assumed he felt the same way you did, there was absolutely to proof of that fact.' she thought to herself. On the other hand, she had been so sure.........
'Why? Because he bought you a Christmas gift? Well newsflash it was four years ago and besides that, men give their mothers picture frames as gifts! It was simply nice gesture, but no, it must mean something more? What are you in Jr. High?!' the dark side of her mind argued cruelly. Sydney glanced over at her nightstand. The frame was resting there, it mocked her telling her that she was an overly dramatic fool. She groaned and angrily knocked it onto the floor.
She shook her head. There had to be some other reason, even though some people would argue that she was just kidding herself, she felt that it had to be more complicated than just that he wasn't interested. After all their lives were extremely complicated. They both worked for the CIA, up until recently were agent and handler, her mother killed his father................her mother killed his father. Could that be it? Maybe. So what all of that stuff he said about her not being responsible for her mother's actions was just bull? No, he meant it at the time, but perhaps being imprisoned for three years by said mother might have served to change his mind.
'Ugh, damn him! No actually, damn me! Damn me for feeling his way about him!' She thought to herself. She figured she might as well admit now what Barnett, Weiss, and probably even her dad already suspected.......she loved him. They worked together for that first year, but it wasn't until after Taipei that she really fell hard. Unfortunately her realization had come after he was swept away by the circumference. Like in the Joni Mitchell song "don't it always seem go to that you don't you what you've got till it's gone", well that certainly rang true for Sydney. It was that reason that had caused her to never really get over his death. It was different even than with Danny. Danny had known how she felt about him, Vaughn hadn't.
'Not that he would have cared, he made that obvious tonight' she thought to herself. She suddenly felt so stupid and pathetic. She spent four years pining for someone who would never come back, well now he had come back and it turned out that her feelings couldn't be more misplaced. She shuddered as the memory of John came back yet again.
John Pierce, he was a columnist for a literary review whom she dated for almost three years. Her and John were, well to describe in it in the simplest of ways.....perfect for each other. They were compatible in what interests they shared, what interests they differed in, what they agreed on, what they disagreed on, they were simply able to live with each other so well. They fought of course, but beneath even their worst of arguments there was always the feeling that they both knew things would get better eventually. From the very beginning everyone got the vibe that their relationship was not only strong, but would be permanent. They discussed marriage quite a few times, however she always was of the attitude that they were happy in their lives right then so they had no need to get married simply to prove that their love was strong. However, five months ago he pulled out the big guns. He took her to dinner for their anniversary, and got down on his knees and proposed right in the middle of the restaurant. It was a proposal and as well as a veiled ultimatum. Either we're committed fully to this, or we get out before it goes any further. She knew that out was really her only choice, after all she had no problem saying yes to Danny, obviously something was not right if she was having so much trouble saying yes to John. So after what seemed like a lifetime together, they ended it in one night. It was one of the few times in her life that she felt certain that she was making the right decision. Though, she had probably been the only one who thought so. Jack was about the only person that didn't tell her she was an idiot for turning John down. He told he was sorry to hear that they broke up, but she knew it was relieved more than anything. Her father had hated John, as he had every man in her life since she was twelve.
She sighed, that was all pretty much irrelevant now. It was in the past even if she did regret it, which in all honesty she didn't. She climbed out of bed, went over and picked up the picture frame, carefully dusting it off and putting it back on it's place on her nightstand. Every thing was irrelevant now. Regardless of what Vaughn's feelings for her may have been at once, things had changed between, and regardless of how much she disliked it, she did not know where things would go from here. She got back into bed and stared back over at the frame. 'I will not cry....' she repeated over and over again like a mantra as she forced herself into sleep.

**Aww, we went from yummy kissing goodness to all angsty. :( I even made myself depressed. Hehe, don't worry though, I promise there will be a happy ending eventually.**