Disclaimers: I don't own Gundam Wing.

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Everything. That's what was wrong, everything. I had lost everything. And to him. Yes I'll admit it, I'm jealous. He's always led the pampered life of a prince, and I'm sure he deserves everything he's had all his pampered life, but why did he have to take everything I had too? Quatre, why Catherine?

I'm sitting here alone in my room, in your mansion. I really don't care that you're celebrating your wedding right now. I was there for the ceremony and a dance with my sister, all the while pretending to be happy for you, but I really, really don't want to be there to see you two so damn happy. I don't want to see my sister happier than I've seen her in a long time. I don't want to see you happy either. Hell, I don't want to see you happy being together. I don't want to feel guilty for hating you, Quatre, because you took my sister away.

I've never been an 'emotional' person. I don't think I've ever been jealous in my life up until this point in time. Sure, I've been in this very mansion and wished I could have one of the expensive chairs or the awesome cars, but I've never actually been jealous. All I've ever felt was the simple, 'I would like to have one of those,' type feelings. Never the, 'I hate you because you have what I don't' feelings. Now I do. You took the one great thing in my life away from me.

She was my sister, Quatre, mine. You have twenty-nine of them, but you still had to take my only one. You could have had any other woman in the universe and you still had to take the one that loved me. Catherine understood me, helped me, accepted me, and what do you do? You take her away from me and leave me with no one. You were my best friend Quatre, and now I don't even have you anymore.

I stand up from the expensive chair in my room and start to pace. I don't have anything. The circus, there's nothing left there. I don't even have an act without her. And I don't have even half an idea of where to start looking for work.

Friends, I don't have those either. Most of the other performers at the circus are more like acquaintances, who avoided the silent freak that is me. The other pilots don't have time for their rejected friend. Duo is now running a successful salvage yard and mechanics shop with his new fiancé Hildie. Wufei and his partner Sally are practically engaged already. Heero and Relena, to think that they were anything short of head over heels in love with each other is completely foolish. None of them really know what it feels like to have your everything taken from you.

 In a frustrated rage I punch the wall. I don't care that she was my sister. I don't care that people think I'm insane for loving my sister the way I do. She was my sister, and now she's Quatre's wife. "Catherine Winner."

I've never felt as empty as when I said her new name. I remember when they started dating. She was so happy and I didn't mind because she still was hanging around. But then she started seeing Quatre more and more, and when they couldn't see each other they talked on the phone. It seemed that I no longer had a place in her heart. When they announced their engagement and that she was leaving the circus and moving in with Quatre I was crushed to say the least. I had actually cried that night. And nobody had been there to care.

I did my best to pretend to be happy for them, but it was hard. I lost my best friend and my only sister and partner in one shot. How could anyone be happy when they lose everyone important to them?

The room is empty and quiet. Everyone is outside for the party but I've closed the windows to shut out the merriment outside. I don't want to hear about how my losses are causing so much joy for others. But I peek just to see and there they are dancing. I can even see them smiling.

There is nothing left for me here, I realize. No one wants an emotional shut out who can't even be happy for their sister when she falls in love with the most wonderful guy in the world, or a guy who can't make friends or a guy who doesn't want to talk. Who knows, maybe it'd be better if I just ended it for myself. I'm sure I'd ease the burden from the happy couple's shoulders. They don't need me making them feel bad for making me depressed.

A glass case on the wall holds a saber and two daggers on either side of it.  I'm unstoppably drawn to it. I effortlessly open the case and pull one of the daggers out. When I picked it up I couldn't help but look at my reflection on the sharp blade. I looked exactly how I felt. A broken man. When I turned my head and glanced at my reflection in the mirror. I looked exactly the same. My rage was renewed as I dropped the dagger on the floor and I strode ever to the offending looking glass. Soon my fist was in the middle of its newly made shards. I didn't care whatsoever that my hand was torn to shreds and bloodied. My mind was elsewhere.

 Could I really do it? I've tried to do this before. But Catherine was there to stop me.

Funny, she wouldn't be here to stop me this time. That's okay. I only hope they'll forgive me for ruining their wedding day. Luckily my body won't be found until after they leave. Perhaps, I'll leave a note. Yes, I'll do that.

I sit down at the mahogany desk that Quatre so graciously provided in almost all of his thirty quest rooms. There is of course fine stationery in the desk but I keep searching for more plain paper. Such beautiful paper shouldn't be ruined with a suicide not. Finally I find an old spiral and pull out a regular pen from the holder on the desk.

            To anyone who finds this note.

                        I'm sorry to trouble you even after my death but I request who ever finds this not to tell Catherine and Quatre about this till they return from their honeymoon. And I also request that you tell them that I got stabbed protecting a little girl who was about to be jumped on the street instead of me killing myself on their wedding night. I know it is a farfetched lie but, I don't want to hurt them. I realize that whoever you are, that you probably don't care about me and that's fine with me, but please, care enough for Catherine and Quatre to tell them that I loved them both. And please tell them that lie.

            Sincerely

            Trowa Barton

I signed it and laid it on the desk. I was tempted to get it over with now but first I wanted to read it and make sure I had included everything I had wanted to. I read it out loud just to make sure it sounded alright, and it did. I stood up and went to retrieve the dagger from where I had left it. It was beautiful like everything else in Quatre's life. The hilt was made of carved jade and the blade was mirror bright. I wished that there could have been something less perfect for me to end my life with. I didn't want to ruin this with my blood. Maybe one of the glass shards would do. No, none of them would have been big enough.

I glanced out the window once more. It was almost dark, and soon they would be leaving for their trip. I closed my eyes and raised the weapon.