Seven Year Slayer – chapter 10

Story outline: Seven years is a long time to slay. Something's gotta change!

Timeline: Some months into an imaginary season 7; Spike is back with a soul; Willow learning to be a good witch; Giles in Sunnydale

Spoilers: Rumors of season 7

Summary: Are Spike and Buffy together now? Yes!

Disclaimer: All ME

Buffy was waiting for Spike to show. Funny, the way people never seemed to be early anymore when you cared if they showed up. She'd been going over her feelings about last night until she didn't know what they'd been anymore. Had it gone well? Was Spike her boyfriend now? There'd been all kinds of undercurrents she couldn't name.

She almost wished for last year's simplicity again. If she wanted Spike, she'd go to him and he'd be there, all happy and eager to see her. If he wanted her, he'd show, she could say either yes or no, her decision. Although for a while it had always been yes. She had wanted him, even then.

Now Spike had a soul. In theory, the way was clear for love without problems. But in reality, she had no idea what would happen tonight. What he would say. When they'd said goodbye that night, just holding each other, no kiss, she'd felt happy, and very sure about him. The when she woke up this morning, all certainty was gone. Would he even show? She didn't really know how to deal with the new fragile Spike.

There he was. Buffy whipped her head around. She couldn't find him with her eyes yet, but other senses told he was near.

"Buffy, " Spikes voice said softly.

A little uncertain Buffy went up to him. He stood looking at her in silence. She couldn't read his face.

"Spike," she said equally softly and reached up to touch his cheek with her knuckles. She traced her hand around his head, down to his neck, and stood on tiptoe to kiss him. The soft kiss was so much like she remembered, and yet so different. The Spike she knew threw himself into every action with abandon, always going for the moment, not caring about tomorrow. This Spike looked and tasted the same, but there was a hesitancy in him that was new.

Buffy sensed Spike looking at her. She opened her eyes and tried to look back, but his face was too much in the shadow.

"You sure about this, love?"

"No, "she said honestly. "But I'm willing to try."

Spike's arms slid around her and he pulled her towards him.

"You sure I'm not still an evil disgusting thing?"

"No, same answer again!"

Spike's voice wasn't quite steady.

"You know, Buffy, this is everything I wanted for ages. And all I could think about today is how incredibly pissed I am at you!"

Buffy couldn't believe her ears.

"I kept seeing this film in my head, of all the times you blew me off, beat me up, or was just plain nasty to me, for no good reason. You bloody well put me down all the time, and all I'd done wrong was love you. You were insulted that I could presume to love you. You thought I was beneath you."

All Buffy could think was: He's breaking up with me? Already?

"Don't look so scared, love. I'm not breaking up with you. Loving is about forgiveness. And I want to forgive you. It's just…I wanted you to love me without the soul."

"How can you say that, Spike? How could I let myself love a soulless being? The worst thing is that I did, you know. I loved you, and I trusted you, and I felt so ashamed of myself for doing that. And look what happened…"

" Are there no human rapists, then?" Spike said bitterly.

"You couldn't have raped me, Spike. I'm stronger than you. I let it go on for so long because… you always knew what I felt. I trusted you to do know that then, too. But you didn't. I thought I'd hurt you so badly that you…Can't we just forgive each other?"

"I want to."

They held on to each other tighter. Buffy tried to press every inch of her body to Spike's. They fitted so perfectly together. This was that wonderful feeling she remembered, every fiber and nerve ending tingling sweetly and glowing with anticipation.. Only now she didn't have to put away those feelings or label them 'wrong'. She could call them 'love'.

"What's the plan for tonight? "she murmured in his neck. "Let's walk home?".

"Dawn? "

"Sleeping over at Janice's, " Buffy answered. "You want to keep it secret?"

"It's the keeping quiet I was thinking about, love…"

In spite of the tremor she heard in his voice, the words themselves gave Buffy a delicious thrill in her belly. Yeah, she planned to make some noise later on…

"Hey, " she said a little gruffly, grabbing his shirt with two hands, making him look into her eyes, "No bluffing, okay? If you're ready, you're ready, if you're not, you're not."

They walked the twenty minutes to Revello Drive, not speaking, just holding hands. Buffy noticed that Spike slowed down as they neared the house, and her hand was definitely being crushed. She saw him swallow.

"What the matter, Spike? You've been to house since you came back, right?"

"Yeah, but not like this – feels different, being taken here – holding hands an' all …" Spike looked into her eyes as he said that but his hand shook in hers.

Buffy felt touched by his obvious emotion, but some of his apprehension washed over her as well. She vowed she would get him back to trusting her again, if she had to talk and drag him through every inch of the way.

"Okay, " she said impulsively, "I'm no good with the big words, let me show you how I feel…"

In one swift motion she grabbed Spike by the torso and behind the knees, and carried him up the steps and over the threshold like a bride. "Welcome to my house!" she grunted, as she put him down in the hall. Spike felt quite giddy somehow, and had to hold on to Buffy to prevent himself from falling.

He took in the broad grin on her face with wonder. " You have changed", he said, trailing his hand over her glowing face. "Don't think I've ever seen you this exhilarated…"

"Yeah, can't think why, " she imitated him. "It's you, you moron! You make me feel like this!"

Spike felt his lips stretch in a smile as wide as Buffy's. He was feeling it, he was actually feeling happy. He caught her close to him. He was like a bottle of champagne with the top off, all the fizzy wine on the verge of spilling out.

"I love you so much!" he blurted out. He wished he hadn't said that. Those words must hold the track record for causing Slayer retreat. But not this time. He sensed the flush spreading over Buffy's skin and her heartbeat faltering once and then speeding up unbelievably. He couldn't help but start kissing those warm lips and cheeks, hearing and feeling the blood rush in even more. Words kept bubbling out of him, uncontrollable, "Buffy, sweetheart, love, my Goldilocks, my Slayer, mine, mine, mine…" and instead of driving her way from him they had the opposite effect. He couldn't believe it, she was pushing even closer to him, kissing him back, looking at him, really looking at him, who would have thought a look from her eyes could excite him far more than her hands on him? She did, she did put her hands on him, and he could take it, he wouldn't panic, it was okay, he trusted her, she wouldn't…

Spike was lying on the stairs, his head at the seventh step or so.

Buffy was looking at him strangely. "Spike…" she hesitated. What had happened? "Spike, you fainted or something! You okay?"

He felt so ashamed. He'd done it all wrong again. The great love scene, hero and heroine reunited at last, and the bloody stupid hero faints with excitement and fright. Well, he had been carried over the threshold like the heroine, right? He started to get up, he'd just sodding leave, this clearly wasn't meant to be, when he saw the corners of her mouth start to twitch, and then she was laughing? Laughing at him? But she put her body on his, her head in his neck and she had this giggle that said "laugh with me, you were being silly" and he did! He could laugh with her and touch her, and she was so warm, and he must be about tepid now, she was heating him up so nicely, the friction of her hot callused little Slayer hands on his belly causing bolts of pleasure in his groin, god it had been a long time…

The stairs were just fine, here on Joyce's ugly little rug-thing or whatever they called it. His hands knew what to do, even if he wasn't so sure. His hand slid up her back, under her top. The feel of that smooth skin under his fingertips was magic, and he could feel all the little hairs on her back stand up, and she made a little sighing noise, and moved against him, so warm she was, so hot, and she made him gasp, as if he really need to breathe, but it was just a reflex…And then her top was off, and his shirt, and those silky little breasts were sliding over his skin. He opened his eyes hastily, he shouldn't forget to look, she was looking at him so greedily, with her flushed face and her mouth a little open. If she just kept looking into his eyes he would be fine, he would know he was still real, and she could see it too. Thank god the body knew what to do, was reacting as it should when her hands unbuttoned his jeans and freed his cock, all eager and happy and shiny for her, and why were they still on the stairs? Then he was in her, oh the heat, and now she was under him, how had that happened, and for a moment that threw him off, flashing back to his worst moment, but he persevered, had to make new memories….The feel of her, and her scent, and the motion of their rocking bodies, were anchoring him, he was feeling more solid now, the body was not controlling him, he was controlling it.

Spike growled deep in his throat, and Buffy felt his chest reverberate against her, felt it in her stomach, and the look in his eyes made her feel a little spasm deep inside, almost there now. The heat was coming off her in waves, her face must be blood red. He flipped them over, not losing contact for one moment. And she was on his lap, while he was leaning on the stairs, much more comfortable for her than those steps digging in her back, but she only noticed that now they were gone. She held on to the banister, and pushed with her knees, sliding slowly up and down the length of him, torturing him a little, because she knew he wanted it to be really hard and fast right now. She knew because she remembered. She wanted it too.

And there it was, the feeling of surfing up a giant wave. She tried to make it last, she wanted to wait it out and see him come too, but although his mouth was open and his eyes were starting to squeeze shut, she went first, unbelievably rippling sensations crashing through her, radiating out from her womb to her whole body, finally forcing her to make some noise, as she'd promised herself, some noise alright… and he was still looking at her, had wanted to see her climax and she gasped: "Love you Spike" and that set him off, as she just knew it would, and she watched him squeeze his eyes shut and buck and spasm, and he groaned so heartfelt against her neck, it almost made her cry.