Bish Hunters #1: The Slayers
****************************
Kai: Yay! This is the chapter when the two other Bish Hunters come in!!
Noriko: A word to our reviewer, midori and kiori: thanks for the suggestion, but we already know who the other Bish Hunters are...and they're real people! And God forbid if either of them were Xelfilia supporters...*shudder* I go for Valfilia!!
Kai: And...to anyone who's wondering: we ARE actually brother and sister in real life!!
Noriko: ON WITH THE SHOW!!...er...story...
****************************
Guide to Japanese -- there's some Japanese used in this fic...this'll help ya if you don't know any!
~Baka - idiot
~Damare - shut up
~Gojushin-sama - Master
~Gutei - foolish little brother
~Hai - yes
~Iie/iya - no
~Itai - ow (Thanks to Sammi-chan!)
~Ja ne/sayonara - see ya later/goodbye
~Jajauma - bitch
~Kuso - damn
~Matte - wait
~Nani - what
~Nani sore desu ka - what is that?
~Odango - the Sailor Moon buns...except my hair is too short so I've only got the buns, no pigtails...
~Oka-san - mother
~Onee-san - big sister
~Otaku - anime fan
~Oto-san - father
~Ototo-chan - little brother
~Sore - that
~Sore wa himitsu desu - "Now, that is a secret!"
****************************
Chapter Three - Why Me?
The next morning Kai and Noriko were roused by Lina, who reported that Xellos was here to see them.
"Oh, no..." Noriko moaned as she got dressed in alternate clothing they had found in Noriko's backpack. "If I have to hear 'sore wa himitsu desu', I'm going to go crazy..."
"Hey, Onee-san," Kai said as they made their way downstairs to the restaurant for breakfast, "what if the other two Bish Hunters ARE--"
"Don't. Even. Say it," Noriko said through gritted teeth.
"Sheesh...what's your problem? You got PMS or something?"
"Kai-kun...I'm about to meet the most annoying living thing on the face of the planet. Don't. Test. My. Patience."
Kai half-smiled. "Okay, Onee-san." He paused. "Where did these clothes come from?"
"I don't know, but it sure beats what we were wearing yesterday."
Noriko was wearing something very close to Lina's costume, minus the cape and shoulder armor. The only difference was that Noriko's was white with black boots and gloves and the sash that ran across her chest. Kai was dressed in a pair of black pants with black shoes, and he wore a blue shirt with a green border and green gloves.
"Hmm. You're right."
~~
"Sammi-chaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan! MATTE!"
Samantha Ishagi turned on her heel just in time to see one of her best friends, Heather Uiriamusu, come speeding at her on her rollerblades. Heather crashed into Samantha and they both fell on the ground.
"Itai..." Samantha sat up, rubbing her head. "Heathy-chan, WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?!"
Heathy stood up shakily on her rollerblades and grinned. "Ohayo, Sammi-chan! I got rollerblades yesterday. Where's Noriko-chan?"
Sammi stood up also. "I dunno. She said she was heading for the library or something. Why don't we go catch up with her?"
"Hai!" Heathy linked her arm with Sammi and skated away, dragging her friend behind her.
"AAHH!!" Sammi shrieked. "THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT!!!"
~~
Noriko and Kai saw the purple-haired demon sitting at the table, grinning like an idiot, Kai put a hand on his sister's shoulder.
"Don't do anything rash..."
"I didn't even do anything!" Noriko hissed.
"Yet, Noriko-chan. YET."
Noriko shot him a glare and sat down at the table with Lina, Zel, Gourry, Amelia, and...Xellos.
"Good morning," Noriko said in a strained voice.
Lina looked at her oddly. "What's wrong with you?"
"Well, hello!" Xellos exclaimed. "So, you're the Bish Hunters? My, my. But where are the other two?"
Noriko stood up and slammed her hands on the table. "Don't play dumb, Xellos! You know a whole lot more than my brother or I do!"
"Oh?"
"OH YES!"
"Calm down, Noriko-chan!" Lina put a hand on her shoulder. "Man, you're almost as bad as Filia."
"Not quite," Kai told her. "She's sort of more like you."
"OH? AND WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?!" Lina and Noriko shouted, holding up their fists.
Kai shrank back, a sweat drop hanging off his head. "Eh...nothing...nothing at all..."
"GOOD!"
"So...shall we get going?" Xellos suggested.
"You know, we don't have astral bodies. WE need to eat!" Noriko pointed out.
The others looked surprised. "Wow, you sure know a lot about the mazoku," Gourry remarked.
Before Noriko could answer, Xellos cut in. "Well, she wouldn't be a true otaku if she didn't!"
"NANI?!" Lina, Zel, and Amelia shouted.
"Nani...?" Gourry blinked.
"I think it's time that some things were clarified," Xellos said as the food arrived and Noriko, Kai, Gourry, Lina, and Amelia began devouring it. "You see, Kai and Noriko aren't from this world."
Lina and Amelia stopped shoveling food down their throats, and Zel spat out his coffee. "WHAT?!"
Kai fell on the floor laughing. "Aahah! Xellos made Zel do a SPIT-TAKE!"
"Ototo-chan! THIS IS SERIOUS!"
Kai stopped laughing. "Oh."
"You see, Kai and Noriko got here by means of the Claire Bible," Xellos continued. "Actually, it was the complete collection of the manuscripts--"
"WHAT?!" Zel shrieked, jumping up. "WHERE IS IT??"
Kai blinked. "Um...in our world?"
"Did you see what the cure was?!"
"Nope. The second we opened the book we got sucked in here."
Zel moaned and sank back down into his chair. "Dammit..."
"Aww, don't worry, Zel," Lina said. "I'm sure that you'll find the cure someday."
"Not in this lifetime," Zel retorted.
"Anyway, Kai and Noriko here know a lot about this world," Xellos concluded. "There are all manners of written and animated information about us."
"Great," Lina sighed. "Just great...well, we'd better get going."
Noriko grabbed the last piece of toast before Amelia could get her hands on it. "Sure, why not?"
~~
"Noriko-chaaan...Kai-kun..." Sammi called softly through the library, pausing to look at the dusty books that lined the infinite shelves. "Damn it! Where are they? OW!" Heathy had just bumped into her back.
"Gomen ne!"
"Take off those stupid rollerblades, will you?"
"Fine." Heathy knelt down and took her blades. As she stood up, something caught her eye.
"Ohh, Sammi-chan, what's that?"
"What?"
"THAT!" Heathy pointed to a soft blue glow coming from underneath one of the bookshelves. The two fifteen-year-olds got on their hands and feet and crawled around the bookshelf to find the source of the light.
"Whoa! This book is GLOWING!" Sammi exclaimed.
"No, really?" Heathy retorted. "What's it called?"
"Hmm..." Sammi picked it up, stirring dust, and she sneezed. The book fell from her hands and hit the ground. It opened and enveloped Sammi and Heathy in a soft blue light.
~~
Noriko tapped a stick on the ground as they walked, Xellos hovering over them. It was only a great deal of self-control that kept her from wringing the extremely annoying mazoku.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII--OW!"
Kai and Noriko jumped abot five feet, clinging to each other, at the sound of the familiar voices piercing the air.
"No..." Kai said.
"It can't be..." Noriko continued.
"SAMMI-CHAN AND HEATHY-CHAN!!"
Heathy and Sammi disentangled themselves from each other, and jumped up.
"Noriko-chan! Kai-kun!"
"Hey, cool clothes!" Sammi exclaimed. Sammi and Heathy were clad in attire identical to Noriko's, except that Sammi's was red with orange-yellow, and Heathy's was pinkish-red with purple.
"Where are we?" Heathy asked.
"Welcome to the Slayers world," Kai said bluntly.
"Ah, the Bish Hunters have all reunited!" Xellos exclaimed, landing on the ground.
"These are the Bish Hunters?" Zel muttered.
Heathy and Sammi turned, and Noriko moaned. "Oh, God...why me?"
Heathy and Sammi's eyes were sparkling. "Our bishounen..."
Zel jumped back. "Your WHAT?!"
"Erm...I believe it's sort of a custom of their world--" Xellos started.
"XELLOS!" Sammi shrieked.
"ZELGADIS!" Heathy shouted.
They lunged and attached themselves to their bishounen, and Noriko and Kai watched, sweatdropping.
"That's just sad..." Kai said.
"I wouldn't be talking, Ototo-chan," Noriko remarked.
"Yeah, but I don't do that to my bishoujo," Kai argued. "That's just wrong..."
Sammi had latched onto Xellos's waist, and Heathy onto Zel's neck.
"Erm...I..." Xellos stuttered, sweatdropping. "Could you PLEASE get off me?"
Zel was completely stunned. He couldn't think of anything at all to say to the girl squeezing the living daylights out of him.
"Uhh...Noriko-chan?" Lina said. "I think that your friend is going to kill Zel. And I don't think that Xellos over there reacts to such positive emotions."
Noriko's eye was twitching. "I...think you're right..." She put her fingers to her mouth and whistled sharply.
"HEATHY-CHAN! SAMMI-CHAN! STOP KILLING THE BISH!"
Heathy and Sammi reluctantly let go and trudged over to Noriko and her brother.
"Why did you have to spoil our fun?" Sammi complained.
"Shut up and listen to Xellos," Kai said.
"OKAY!"
Xellos cleared his throat nervously. "Erm...well...as you can see, you're in our world now. That is because you, the Bish Hunters, have a task to complete."
"Which is...?" Heathy asked.
Xellos waved his no-no finger and opened his mouth, but Noriko put him in a headlock.
"You say it, and this astral body goes bye-bye."
"O--kay--" Xellos choked out. "I get it..."
Noriko released him, and stepped back, hitting her fan into her hand.
"So...who are they?" Lina asked, pointing to Sammi and Heathy.
"This is Samantha, a.k.a. Sammi, and this is Heather, but we call her Heathy," Noriko replied.
"Heather? That's a pretty name," Zel remarked without thinking.
Heather went starry-eyed. "Really? Ya think so?"
"Calm down," Kai said. "If you two just sit around DROOLING all day we won't anything done."
"And besides," Noriko added, "if you don't keep yourselves under control, we'll just send you back."
That seemed to work. Lina leaned over and whispered, "Can you really do that?"
Noriko snorted. "No. But they don't know that..."
"Come on," Xellos said. "We're got to go get Filia!"
"Filia?" Sammi's eyes went flat. "Why...?!"
"'Cause she's part of the task. Let's go." Kai said quickly.
"Damn," Sammi muttered. "I knew it was too good to be true..."
So they continued on, Xellos and Zel fearful for their sanity...
****************************
Noriko: Oh! LONG CHAPTER!!
Kai: Sammi-chan, you finally appeared. Are you happy now?!
Noriko: I should hope so...my fingers hurt from typing...
Kai & Noriko: SAYONARA!!
****************************
Kai: Yay! This is the chapter when the two other Bish Hunters come in!!
Noriko: A word to our reviewer, midori and kiori: thanks for the suggestion, but we already know who the other Bish Hunters are...and they're real people! And God forbid if either of them were Xelfilia supporters...*shudder* I go for Valfilia!!
Kai: And...to anyone who's wondering: we ARE actually brother and sister in real life!!
Noriko: ON WITH THE SHOW!!...er...story...
****************************
Guide to Japanese -- there's some Japanese used in this fic...this'll help ya if you don't know any!
~Baka - idiot
~Damare - shut up
~Gojushin-sama - Master
~Gutei - foolish little brother
~Hai - yes
~Iie/iya - no
~Itai - ow (Thanks to Sammi-chan!)
~Ja ne/sayonara - see ya later/goodbye
~Jajauma - bitch
~Kuso - damn
~Matte - wait
~Nani - what
~Nani sore desu ka - what is that?
~Odango - the Sailor Moon buns...except my hair is too short so I've only got the buns, no pigtails...
~Oka-san - mother
~Onee-san - big sister
~Otaku - anime fan
~Oto-san - father
~Ototo-chan - little brother
~Sore - that
~Sore wa himitsu desu - "Now, that is a secret!"
****************************
Chapter Three - Why Me?
The next morning Kai and Noriko were roused by Lina, who reported that Xellos was here to see them.
"Oh, no..." Noriko moaned as she got dressed in alternate clothing they had found in Noriko's backpack. "If I have to hear 'sore wa himitsu desu', I'm going to go crazy..."
"Hey, Onee-san," Kai said as they made their way downstairs to the restaurant for breakfast, "what if the other two Bish Hunters ARE--"
"Don't. Even. Say it," Noriko said through gritted teeth.
"Sheesh...what's your problem? You got PMS or something?"
"Kai-kun...I'm about to meet the most annoying living thing on the face of the planet. Don't. Test. My. Patience."
Kai half-smiled. "Okay, Onee-san." He paused. "Where did these clothes come from?"
"I don't know, but it sure beats what we were wearing yesterday."
Noriko was wearing something very close to Lina's costume, minus the cape and shoulder armor. The only difference was that Noriko's was white with black boots and gloves and the sash that ran across her chest. Kai was dressed in a pair of black pants with black shoes, and he wore a blue shirt with a green border and green gloves.
"Hmm. You're right."
~~
"Sammi-chaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan! MATTE!"
Samantha Ishagi turned on her heel just in time to see one of her best friends, Heather Uiriamusu, come speeding at her on her rollerblades. Heather crashed into Samantha and they both fell on the ground.
"Itai..." Samantha sat up, rubbing her head. "Heathy-chan, WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?!"
Heathy stood up shakily on her rollerblades and grinned. "Ohayo, Sammi-chan! I got rollerblades yesterday. Where's Noriko-chan?"
Sammi stood up also. "I dunno. She said she was heading for the library or something. Why don't we go catch up with her?"
"Hai!" Heathy linked her arm with Sammi and skated away, dragging her friend behind her.
"AAHH!!" Sammi shrieked. "THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT!!!"
~~
Noriko and Kai saw the purple-haired demon sitting at the table, grinning like an idiot, Kai put a hand on his sister's shoulder.
"Don't do anything rash..."
"I didn't even do anything!" Noriko hissed.
"Yet, Noriko-chan. YET."
Noriko shot him a glare and sat down at the table with Lina, Zel, Gourry, Amelia, and...Xellos.
"Good morning," Noriko said in a strained voice.
Lina looked at her oddly. "What's wrong with you?"
"Well, hello!" Xellos exclaimed. "So, you're the Bish Hunters? My, my. But where are the other two?"
Noriko stood up and slammed her hands on the table. "Don't play dumb, Xellos! You know a whole lot more than my brother or I do!"
"Oh?"
"OH YES!"
"Calm down, Noriko-chan!" Lina put a hand on her shoulder. "Man, you're almost as bad as Filia."
"Not quite," Kai told her. "She's sort of more like you."
"OH? AND WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?!" Lina and Noriko shouted, holding up their fists.
Kai shrank back, a sweat drop hanging off his head. "Eh...nothing...nothing at all..."
"GOOD!"
"So...shall we get going?" Xellos suggested.
"You know, we don't have astral bodies. WE need to eat!" Noriko pointed out.
The others looked surprised. "Wow, you sure know a lot about the mazoku," Gourry remarked.
Before Noriko could answer, Xellos cut in. "Well, she wouldn't be a true otaku if she didn't!"
"NANI?!" Lina, Zel, and Amelia shouted.
"Nani...?" Gourry blinked.
"I think it's time that some things were clarified," Xellos said as the food arrived and Noriko, Kai, Gourry, Lina, and Amelia began devouring it. "You see, Kai and Noriko aren't from this world."
Lina and Amelia stopped shoveling food down their throats, and Zel spat out his coffee. "WHAT?!"
Kai fell on the floor laughing. "Aahah! Xellos made Zel do a SPIT-TAKE!"
"Ototo-chan! THIS IS SERIOUS!"
Kai stopped laughing. "Oh."
"You see, Kai and Noriko got here by means of the Claire Bible," Xellos continued. "Actually, it was the complete collection of the manuscripts--"
"WHAT?!" Zel shrieked, jumping up. "WHERE IS IT??"
Kai blinked. "Um...in our world?"
"Did you see what the cure was?!"
"Nope. The second we opened the book we got sucked in here."
Zel moaned and sank back down into his chair. "Dammit..."
"Aww, don't worry, Zel," Lina said. "I'm sure that you'll find the cure someday."
"Not in this lifetime," Zel retorted.
"Anyway, Kai and Noriko here know a lot about this world," Xellos concluded. "There are all manners of written and animated information about us."
"Great," Lina sighed. "Just great...well, we'd better get going."
Noriko grabbed the last piece of toast before Amelia could get her hands on it. "Sure, why not?"
~~
"Noriko-chaaan...Kai-kun..." Sammi called softly through the library, pausing to look at the dusty books that lined the infinite shelves. "Damn it! Where are they? OW!" Heathy had just bumped into her back.
"Gomen ne!"
"Take off those stupid rollerblades, will you?"
"Fine." Heathy knelt down and took her blades. As she stood up, something caught her eye.
"Ohh, Sammi-chan, what's that?"
"What?"
"THAT!" Heathy pointed to a soft blue glow coming from underneath one of the bookshelves. The two fifteen-year-olds got on their hands and feet and crawled around the bookshelf to find the source of the light.
"Whoa! This book is GLOWING!" Sammi exclaimed.
"No, really?" Heathy retorted. "What's it called?"
"Hmm..." Sammi picked it up, stirring dust, and she sneezed. The book fell from her hands and hit the ground. It opened and enveloped Sammi and Heathy in a soft blue light.
~~
Noriko tapped a stick on the ground as they walked, Xellos hovering over them. It was only a great deal of self-control that kept her from wringing the extremely annoying mazoku.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII--OW!"
Kai and Noriko jumped abot five feet, clinging to each other, at the sound of the familiar voices piercing the air.
"No..." Kai said.
"It can't be..." Noriko continued.
"SAMMI-CHAN AND HEATHY-CHAN!!"
Heathy and Sammi disentangled themselves from each other, and jumped up.
"Noriko-chan! Kai-kun!"
"Hey, cool clothes!" Sammi exclaimed. Sammi and Heathy were clad in attire identical to Noriko's, except that Sammi's was red with orange-yellow, and Heathy's was pinkish-red with purple.
"Where are we?" Heathy asked.
"Welcome to the Slayers world," Kai said bluntly.
"Ah, the Bish Hunters have all reunited!" Xellos exclaimed, landing on the ground.
"These are the Bish Hunters?" Zel muttered.
Heathy and Sammi turned, and Noriko moaned. "Oh, God...why me?"
Heathy and Sammi's eyes were sparkling. "Our bishounen..."
Zel jumped back. "Your WHAT?!"
"Erm...I believe it's sort of a custom of their world--" Xellos started.
"XELLOS!" Sammi shrieked.
"ZELGADIS!" Heathy shouted.
They lunged and attached themselves to their bishounen, and Noriko and Kai watched, sweatdropping.
"That's just sad..." Kai said.
"I wouldn't be talking, Ototo-chan," Noriko remarked.
"Yeah, but I don't do that to my bishoujo," Kai argued. "That's just wrong..."
Sammi had latched onto Xellos's waist, and Heathy onto Zel's neck.
"Erm...I..." Xellos stuttered, sweatdropping. "Could you PLEASE get off me?"
Zel was completely stunned. He couldn't think of anything at all to say to the girl squeezing the living daylights out of him.
"Uhh...Noriko-chan?" Lina said. "I think that your friend is going to kill Zel. And I don't think that Xellos over there reacts to such positive emotions."
Noriko's eye was twitching. "I...think you're right..." She put her fingers to her mouth and whistled sharply.
"HEATHY-CHAN! SAMMI-CHAN! STOP KILLING THE BISH!"
Heathy and Sammi reluctantly let go and trudged over to Noriko and her brother.
"Why did you have to spoil our fun?" Sammi complained.
"Shut up and listen to Xellos," Kai said.
"OKAY!"
Xellos cleared his throat nervously. "Erm...well...as you can see, you're in our world now. That is because you, the Bish Hunters, have a task to complete."
"Which is...?" Heathy asked.
Xellos waved his no-no finger and opened his mouth, but Noriko put him in a headlock.
"You say it, and this astral body goes bye-bye."
"O--kay--" Xellos choked out. "I get it..."
Noriko released him, and stepped back, hitting her fan into her hand.
"So...who are they?" Lina asked, pointing to Sammi and Heathy.
"This is Samantha, a.k.a. Sammi, and this is Heather, but we call her Heathy," Noriko replied.
"Heather? That's a pretty name," Zel remarked without thinking.
Heather went starry-eyed. "Really? Ya think so?"
"Calm down," Kai said. "If you two just sit around DROOLING all day we won't anything done."
"And besides," Noriko added, "if you don't keep yourselves under control, we'll just send you back."
That seemed to work. Lina leaned over and whispered, "Can you really do that?"
Noriko snorted. "No. But they don't know that..."
"Come on," Xellos said. "We're got to go get Filia!"
"Filia?" Sammi's eyes went flat. "Why...?!"
"'Cause she's part of the task. Let's go." Kai said quickly.
"Damn," Sammi muttered. "I knew it was too good to be true..."
So they continued on, Xellos and Zel fearful for their sanity...
****************************
Noriko: Oh! LONG CHAPTER!!
Kai: Sammi-chan, you finally appeared. Are you happy now?!
Noriko: I should hope so...my fingers hurt from typing...
Kai & Noriko: SAYONARA!!