Title: Xander and Harmony: The First Cuddle
Author: Am-Chau Yarkona
E-mail: spam@hagden169.fsnet.co.uk
Summary: Like it says.
Rating: PG
Pairing: Xander/Harmony (To coin a popular Sunnydale phrase, duh!)
Spoilers: Buffy season six generally, esp "Hell's Bells" and thereafter.
Warnings: people being losers, reference to demon self-help manuals and snogging, mostly hormonal.
Author Notes: Okay, so this pairing disgusts even me. Still, it's funny, and worryingly possible. part of my 'First Cuddles' series. If you enjoy this, look out for (or ask me where to find) the follow up fic to the 'First Cuddles': 'The Coming Out Party'. All part of the Demon!Cuddleverse.
Story Notes: Harmony's self-help books are fictional. Please do not allow yourself to become too scared by them. This is my first attempt at writing fic as a screenplay, and while I've written screenplays before, this is different. I've made no attempt
Disclaimer: Not mine. If they were, I'd never let things like this happen to them- but then, I wouldn't be writing fanfic, either.
Sunnydale Park, evening.
Xander is sitting on a bench, having watched the sun set while getting drunk. He is now agreeably sloshed- drunk enough to slur his words and brain, but not so drunk he won't remember this in the morning. Behind him, we see Harmony creeping up. She is slightly tispy, and sways as she moves.
Harmony (standing at Xander's shoulder): Oh, it's you. I was going to eat you, but I don't like eating people I know.
Xander completely ignores her.
Harmony: Hey! Hey, Xander, it's me. You remember me.
He turns his head slightly and looks at her.
Xander: Harmony?
Harmony: That's right! You do remember me.
Xander: Remember I don't like you. Thought you were a vampire now. Aren't you going to bite me?
Harmony: I am, but I don't like eating people I know. It's icky.
Xander: See what you mean.
Harmony: So, how's it going with demon girl?
Xander: We split up, at the wedding.
He takes another swig from his can, and is slightly puzzled when nothing comes out. It is empty and he hasn't really noticed yet.
Harmony: Oh. Her fault or yours?
Xander: Mine.
Harmony: So you're a free agent again?
Xander: Yeah, guess so. Less of the agent, but definately free.
Harmony: So we could- you know.
Xander: Aren't you with someone? Pretty, dumb vampire like you.
Harmony: Nah. Spike dumped me, didn't you hear? It was ages ago.
Xander: No, I didn't hear. No one tells me anything.
Harmony: That can't really be true. They tell you some things.
Xander: Buffy didn't tell me she was shagging Spike.
Harmony: Spike shagged Buffy!
Xander: So I understand.
Harmony: Oh. Do you want to shag me?
He gazes at her, a little startled. His eyes travl down her body, taking in the blond hair, pretty face, and shaply body.
Xander: I think I do. I want Anya really, but she slept with Spike, so I don't mind shagging you.
Harmony: Spike shagged Anya!
Xander: Yaeh. Saw it. On the table in the Magic Box.
Harmony: In front of you?
Xander: No, secret camera. Nerd herd. You know. Well, maybe you don't, but I'm not about to be the one who tells you.
Harmony: Fair enough. Wanna shag me now?
Xander: Okay then.
Leaning over, he kisses her and her hands begin to grope eagerly at his body. Soon they disappear from view, and we hear a heavy thump as they roll off the bench.
Harmony (out of sight): Yeah, baby, just there. Grrr.
Author: Am-Chau Yarkona
E-mail: spam@hagden169.fsnet.co.uk
Summary: Like it says.
Rating: PG
Pairing: Xander/Harmony (To coin a popular Sunnydale phrase, duh!)
Spoilers: Buffy season six generally, esp "Hell's Bells" and thereafter.
Warnings: people being losers, reference to demon self-help manuals and snogging, mostly hormonal.
Author Notes: Okay, so this pairing disgusts even me. Still, it's funny, and worryingly possible. part of my 'First Cuddles' series. If you enjoy this, look out for (or ask me where to find) the follow up fic to the 'First Cuddles': 'The Coming Out Party'. All part of the Demon!Cuddleverse.
Story Notes: Harmony's self-help books are fictional. Please do not allow yourself to become too scared by them. This is my first attempt at writing fic as a screenplay, and while I've written screenplays before, this is different. I've made no attempt
Disclaimer: Not mine. If they were, I'd never let things like this happen to them- but then, I wouldn't be writing fanfic, either.
Sunnydale Park, evening.
Xander is sitting on a bench, having watched the sun set while getting drunk. He is now agreeably sloshed- drunk enough to slur his words and brain, but not so drunk he won't remember this in the morning. Behind him, we see Harmony creeping up. She is slightly tispy, and sways as she moves.
Harmony (standing at Xander's shoulder): Oh, it's you. I was going to eat you, but I don't like eating people I know.
Xander completely ignores her.
Harmony: Hey! Hey, Xander, it's me. You remember me.
He turns his head slightly and looks at her.
Xander: Harmony?
Harmony: That's right! You do remember me.
Xander: Remember I don't like you. Thought you were a vampire now. Aren't you going to bite me?
Harmony: I am, but I don't like eating people I know. It's icky.
Xander: See what you mean.
Harmony: So, how's it going with demon girl?
Xander: We split up, at the wedding.
He takes another swig from his can, and is slightly puzzled when nothing comes out. It is empty and he hasn't really noticed yet.
Harmony: Oh. Her fault or yours?
Xander: Mine.
Harmony: So you're a free agent again?
Xander: Yeah, guess so. Less of the agent, but definately free.
Harmony: So we could- you know.
Xander: Aren't you with someone? Pretty, dumb vampire like you.
Harmony: Nah. Spike dumped me, didn't you hear? It was ages ago.
Xander: No, I didn't hear. No one tells me anything.
Harmony: That can't really be true. They tell you some things.
Xander: Buffy didn't tell me she was shagging Spike.
Harmony: Spike shagged Buffy!
Xander: So I understand.
Harmony: Oh. Do you want to shag me?
He gazes at her, a little startled. His eyes travl down her body, taking in the blond hair, pretty face, and shaply body.
Xander: I think I do. I want Anya really, but she slept with Spike, so I don't mind shagging you.
Harmony: Spike shagged Anya!
Xander: Yaeh. Saw it. On the table in the Magic Box.
Harmony: In front of you?
Xander: No, secret camera. Nerd herd. You know. Well, maybe you don't, but I'm not about to be the one who tells you.
Harmony: Fair enough. Wanna shag me now?
Xander: Okay then.
Leaning over, he kisses her and her hands begin to grope eagerly at his body. Soon they disappear from view, and we hear a heavy thump as they roll off the bench.
Harmony (out of sight): Yeah, baby, just there. Grrr.