A/N: I just got a cat, and the little lubbly ho gave me the idea. And she used to be called "Phoebe", which is like a total twist of fate and not the good kind! Oo! It's a twist of hell! Anyways... I'll be quiet now.
A Long Time Coming
Phoebe was sitting at the table eating a bowl of the infamously custom-made 'Lucky Charmeds' (if they're not in the store you're "all lucked out") when the doorbell rang. She glanced at the clock. Weird, it was only a little after eight. Who could be calling at this hour? Her 'clients' didn't usually start arriving until about eleven. She got to her feet. Maybe it was the mailman.
The very idea of this made her heart palpitate a little faster - he might have a parcel... or a 'very large package'! She hurried into the hall to catch site of the man's outline through the glass in the door. He was big, burly and wearing a blue uniform. That fitted the right description! And maybe he was cute too...
Tugging open the door, Phoebe realised her gown was open only when his eyes travelled apprehensively down to the cleavage area of her satin nightdress. Feeling her cheeks go pink, she quickly tied her gown up and fixed him with an embarrassed grin. "What can I do you for?" she asked, eyeing the large cardboard box he carried under his left arm.
"Animal welfare," he grunted in reply. "Been gettin' a few calls about the treatment of pets in this house." He held up a warrant allowing his legal entry into the manor.
Phoebe's mouth practically hit the floor. "What? You're kidding, right?"
The man charged past her and into the house, searching for something. Piper and Paige blundered down the stairs at the sound of crashing as the grandfather clock hit the floor with a 'bang' and splinters flying in all directions. The man - his badge said "Phil" - didn't care when Piper screamed that they'd "just got that fixed" about the clock, he was here on a mission.
"What the paige is going on?" Paige groaned, placing a palm on her cheek and being fairly disgruntled on finding several shards of splintered wood from the clock embedded in her skin. Great start to the day, woody!
Phil glanced up at the idiums on the steps. "Animal welfare, come to rescue mistreated animals."
"What are you talking about?" Piper yelled, "We treat our cat extremely well!"
"We have a cat?" Paige asked, only to receive a good slapping for her sheer lack of subtlety in this time of crisis.
Glaring at them, Phil produced two photographs and showed them to the sisters. "Recognise these?"
"Yes, that's Kit our cat," Phoebe told him. "And we treat her good."
Phil nearly hit the lesbium. "These are two separate cats!" he shouted. "Don't you even know you own two of them?" The Charmed Ones went blank. Two? Phil continued. "One male, one female, the female is the mother. How could you not know?"
"We only ever saw one at a time!" Piper reasoned.
"And I never even saw any of them," Paige added, "Huh, I didn't even know about them!"
Looking at her, Phil sighed. "Didn't you see the litter tray or the food out anywhere to give you a hint?" Paige shook her head no.
Phoebe waved her hand towards Phil, gaining his attention. "Wait. Now you're telling us we're supposed to feed them? Don't be ridiculous!"
Looking behind him, Phil saw a flash of fur. "Ah ha! There's one of the poor things." He followed it with his carrier swinging open and waiting for it's new resident, and dived behind a chair in pursuit. "Gotcha!" Holding it up, he screamed when he saw it was an unidentifiable creature. "What the paige is this?"
"Oh that's our nekkid mole rat," Paige replied nonchalantly. "Now once again, we have a cat?"
"Two," Phil cried from the next room where he'd recovered one of the cats, "And you had two, not have. I'm taking these poor animals to be re-homed."
Paige stepped in front of him. "No, I can't let you do that. Sure this is the first time I've met little..." she looked behind her at her sisters and silently urged them for a prompt.
"Kit," Phoebe said.
"Kit," Paige resumed, "But I bet I would've loved him-"
"Her," Phil said. "This is the mother cat. And I don't give a damn about you or your bug eyes. Or your sisters for that matter!" He found the other cat, and gently lifted him into his carrier. "There you two go. You'll be in a better place in no time." He placed a tiny piece of catnip into the cats' carrier and watched them play with it. "Just to make the stressful journey easier," he muttered. Then he hoisted it up and made his way to the door.
The sisters followed, protesting all the way. "You can't do this!" Piper spluttered, "Kit is our cat! And so is... um... Kite. Yeah, Kit and Kite! They're ours!"
"Hold on," Paige said, "You're telling me we have a cat?"
Phoebe screamed. "Oh shut up Paige!"
Kit the cat hissed and stretched her clawed paw out through the bars of the carrier, managing to slice a nasty-looking gash across Phoebe's cheek. "You suck as an owner!" she spat. "You all suck! Suck butts!"
Silence.
"Did Kit just talk?" Paige asked.
"No, I'm sure that was Kite," Piper replied, not seeing anything strange with the situation.
Phil began to walk away. Phoebe pulled off her robe so when she was chasing him she was very scantily clad. Nothing new then. "Wait, Phil, please! I'll give you free appointments!"
Phil turned and looked at her disdainfully. "If you're offering to whore yourself to me for free then in that case I'm gay."
Phoebe stopped short, trying to understand what he meant and whether it was an insult or not. Bam! Her brain processed it. "Thanks! I'll call you," she smiled. "Now, the cats?"
Sighing, Phil swung the cage into his van and clambered in afterwards. Phoebe's nightdress caught in the door as it slammed shut, ripping a huge slit down the front. He drove away, leaving Phoebe looking almost as revealing as usual, and Piper and Paige gaping after him in disbelief.
Phoebe trudged back up towards them. "Maybe it's for the best," she sighed. "It's been a long time coming."
"What? Phoebe! What are you talking about?" Piper yelled animatedly. "This is terrible! Kit is part of our family... as is... Kite. I just want to get my hands on whoever called animal welfare and reported us in the first place and throttle them!"
Somewhere 'up there', Prue hung up the phone. A giggle escaped her throat. "That'll teach them to..." she trailed off. "Ah screw it, I wasn't trying to teach them anything... I just like pissing them off!"
"Prue honey?"
Looking up, Prue grinned. "Coming Lierre!"
Somewhere in Americumland, a girl looked up towards the ceiling. "Hey! Lierre's MY character!" Stephanie cried. But did anybody listen? Well that's another story. Called "Nobody Listened". Apt.
Welcome my little cat to the KT family, even though she has no name yet! And no, I'm not naming her after a Charmed character... the poor thing's already been through that travesty. Light and lubb to you all!
A Long Time Coming
Phoebe was sitting at the table eating a bowl of the infamously custom-made 'Lucky Charmeds' (if they're not in the store you're "all lucked out") when the doorbell rang. She glanced at the clock. Weird, it was only a little after eight. Who could be calling at this hour? Her 'clients' didn't usually start arriving until about eleven. She got to her feet. Maybe it was the mailman.
The very idea of this made her heart palpitate a little faster - he might have a parcel... or a 'very large package'! She hurried into the hall to catch site of the man's outline through the glass in the door. He was big, burly and wearing a blue uniform. That fitted the right description! And maybe he was cute too...
Tugging open the door, Phoebe realised her gown was open only when his eyes travelled apprehensively down to the cleavage area of her satin nightdress. Feeling her cheeks go pink, she quickly tied her gown up and fixed him with an embarrassed grin. "What can I do you for?" she asked, eyeing the large cardboard box he carried under his left arm.
"Animal welfare," he grunted in reply. "Been gettin' a few calls about the treatment of pets in this house." He held up a warrant allowing his legal entry into the manor.
Phoebe's mouth practically hit the floor. "What? You're kidding, right?"
The man charged past her and into the house, searching for something. Piper and Paige blundered down the stairs at the sound of crashing as the grandfather clock hit the floor with a 'bang' and splinters flying in all directions. The man - his badge said "Phil" - didn't care when Piper screamed that they'd "just got that fixed" about the clock, he was here on a mission.
"What the paige is going on?" Paige groaned, placing a palm on her cheek and being fairly disgruntled on finding several shards of splintered wood from the clock embedded in her skin. Great start to the day, woody!
Phil glanced up at the idiums on the steps. "Animal welfare, come to rescue mistreated animals."
"What are you talking about?" Piper yelled, "We treat our cat extremely well!"
"We have a cat?" Paige asked, only to receive a good slapping for her sheer lack of subtlety in this time of crisis.
Glaring at them, Phil produced two photographs and showed them to the sisters. "Recognise these?"
"Yes, that's Kit our cat," Phoebe told him. "And we treat her good."
Phil nearly hit the lesbium. "These are two separate cats!" he shouted. "Don't you even know you own two of them?" The Charmed Ones went blank. Two? Phil continued. "One male, one female, the female is the mother. How could you not know?"
"We only ever saw one at a time!" Piper reasoned.
"And I never even saw any of them," Paige added, "Huh, I didn't even know about them!"
Looking at her, Phil sighed. "Didn't you see the litter tray or the food out anywhere to give you a hint?" Paige shook her head no.
Phoebe waved her hand towards Phil, gaining his attention. "Wait. Now you're telling us we're supposed to feed them? Don't be ridiculous!"
Looking behind him, Phil saw a flash of fur. "Ah ha! There's one of the poor things." He followed it with his carrier swinging open and waiting for it's new resident, and dived behind a chair in pursuit. "Gotcha!" Holding it up, he screamed when he saw it was an unidentifiable creature. "What the paige is this?"
"Oh that's our nekkid mole rat," Paige replied nonchalantly. "Now once again, we have a cat?"
"Two," Phil cried from the next room where he'd recovered one of the cats, "And you had two, not have. I'm taking these poor animals to be re-homed."
Paige stepped in front of him. "No, I can't let you do that. Sure this is the first time I've met little..." she looked behind her at her sisters and silently urged them for a prompt.
"Kit," Phoebe said.
"Kit," Paige resumed, "But I bet I would've loved him-"
"Her," Phil said. "This is the mother cat. And I don't give a damn about you or your bug eyes. Or your sisters for that matter!" He found the other cat, and gently lifted him into his carrier. "There you two go. You'll be in a better place in no time." He placed a tiny piece of catnip into the cats' carrier and watched them play with it. "Just to make the stressful journey easier," he muttered. Then he hoisted it up and made his way to the door.
The sisters followed, protesting all the way. "You can't do this!" Piper spluttered, "Kit is our cat! And so is... um... Kite. Yeah, Kit and Kite! They're ours!"
"Hold on," Paige said, "You're telling me we have a cat?"
Phoebe screamed. "Oh shut up Paige!"
Kit the cat hissed and stretched her clawed paw out through the bars of the carrier, managing to slice a nasty-looking gash across Phoebe's cheek. "You suck as an owner!" she spat. "You all suck! Suck butts!"
Silence.
"Did Kit just talk?" Paige asked.
"No, I'm sure that was Kite," Piper replied, not seeing anything strange with the situation.
Phil began to walk away. Phoebe pulled off her robe so when she was chasing him she was very scantily clad. Nothing new then. "Wait, Phil, please! I'll give you free appointments!"
Phil turned and looked at her disdainfully. "If you're offering to whore yourself to me for free then in that case I'm gay."
Phoebe stopped short, trying to understand what he meant and whether it was an insult or not. Bam! Her brain processed it. "Thanks! I'll call you," she smiled. "Now, the cats?"
Sighing, Phil swung the cage into his van and clambered in afterwards. Phoebe's nightdress caught in the door as it slammed shut, ripping a huge slit down the front. He drove away, leaving Phoebe looking almost as revealing as usual, and Piper and Paige gaping after him in disbelief.
Phoebe trudged back up towards them. "Maybe it's for the best," she sighed. "It's been a long time coming."
"What? Phoebe! What are you talking about?" Piper yelled animatedly. "This is terrible! Kit is part of our family... as is... Kite. I just want to get my hands on whoever called animal welfare and reported us in the first place and throttle them!"
Somewhere 'up there', Prue hung up the phone. A giggle escaped her throat. "That'll teach them to..." she trailed off. "Ah screw it, I wasn't trying to teach them anything... I just like pissing them off!"
"Prue honey?"
Looking up, Prue grinned. "Coming Lierre!"
Somewhere in Americumland, a girl looked up towards the ceiling. "Hey! Lierre's MY character!" Stephanie cried. But did anybody listen? Well that's another story. Called "Nobody Listened". Apt.
Welcome my little cat to the KT family, even though she has no name yet! And no, I'm not naming her after a Charmed character... the poor thing's already been through that travesty. Light and lubb to you all!