The Temples of Fanfiction by Mousse1/2
Chapter 3: Lots of Lunacy
Author's notes: Whoa, it's been more than a month than I updated! Sorry about the delay, I had to be away for a lot of the time what with the holidays and such, had to think up ideas for other fanfics I'm planning for the future, and also because the person I appointed Sage of Lunacy did not help me much w/ Temple setup. So now, I say to the people who have been appointed Sages, please have a good idea of at least 25% percent of your temple so I can do the rest and make it good. I still need someone to be the Sage of Horror and the Sage if Angst. Yep, there are now only 2 spots that haven't been taken. Anyway, the next Temple I do will be the one that the Sage for it has the most planned out is the most confident about his/her temple being ready for writing. Each Temple will take up 3 chapters (including the one where the Sage is met for the first time) so Sages, try to get a good idea of the temple you want by the time Chapter 4 is out, because in Chapter 5 I have to introduce a new Sage. Oh, and if you want to appear later, just tell me! And I don't own Zelda. Geez, I make long author notes, don't I? Anyway, FINALLY! ITS CHAPTER 3! ON WITH THE FIC!
Last time on The Temples of Fanfiction, Link and Shika had just met SS4 Psycho Link, a lunatic who built a disco in Hyrule Castle Town, which, as it turned out, had the Lunacy Temple hidden in it's Disco Ball. But, before Link and his annoying fairy could, SS4 Psycho Link went into the Temple. Then, Shika put two and two together and figured out that SS4 PSYCHO LINK WAS THE SAGE OF LUNACY! (What, you mad about this chapter and the next being spoiled because you know who the Sage is? C'mon, you can always figure it out before you even find a way to open the temple in the games!) When we last left Link, he had just entered the Temple.....
Link and Shika had entered the Lunacy Temple, where they were met by a dark, booming, evil voice, who greeted them with a most evil, terrifying phrase.
Dark, booming, evil voice: WAZZZZZZZZZZUP?
Link: AAAAAAAAH! ANNOYING OVER-USED GREETING! NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
DBEV: HEHEHEHEH!!!! WELCOME TO THE LUNACY TEMPLE, MORTAL! I PROMISE YOU THAT YOU WON'T LEAVE THIS PLACE WITH YOUR SANITY INTACT!!! ENTER TO THE MAIN CHAMBER IF YOU DARE!
Link: OK. Whatever.
Link then walked to the door in front of him that led to the main chamber, but was stopped by the dark booming evil voice.
DBEV: WAIT!!!!! AREN'T YOU SCARED? YOU'LL GO INSANE PERMANENTLY IF YOU GO IN THERE! YOU'RE STILL GONNA RISK YOUR SANITY IN THIS PLACE?
Link: Well, duh. I mean, c'mon I've already seen a giant talking tree as a god, a race of large beings made of rock that eat rocks, a half-woman half-fish princess that's in love with me (shudder), and an EVIL AUTHOR GUY THAT MADE HIS BIG ENTRANCE THROUGH A PENCIL!!! There's no way that I can get any more insane than I already am.
DBEV: WELL, GO ON IN IF YOU THINK YOU CAN HANDLE IT, BUT DON'T SAY I DIDN'T WARN YOU!
Link : Whatever. C'mon, Shika, Let's go!
Link and Shika then entered into the main chamber of the Lunacy Temple. Link found himself in a large circular room with an aluminum floor. Near the other side of the room, there was a giant figure in the shape of an oval with a line through it sticking out of the floor. When Link looked behind him, he saw that all traces of the door he came through in were gone.
Link: What the? What in the hell is this? How is this gonna drive me insane?
Shika: Wait! I sense it, it is strong in this room.
Link: What do you sense?
Shika: I sense... the power..... of CAFFEINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's coming from below the floor!
Link: Ok, that made absolutely no sense at all. Wait a minute........ WHAT'S THAT?
While Link and Shika were analyzing the room they were in, a huge tentacle-looking thing had been sneaking up on them.
Link: AHHHHHHHHH! A WEIRD TENTACLE-LOOKING THING!
Shika: Wait a minute Link! Look at that shell-like covering at the end! It's sort of like- A FINGER NAIL! IT'S A GIANT FINGER!
Link: Thanks, that really reassured me. (sarcasm, in case you couldn't tell)
(taking his Master Sword out) Alright, Shika! Try to find out more about this stupid place! I'll take care of the evil appendage!
Link then went to work fighting the finger, but every time he swung at it, it moved out of the way, then flicked Link to the other edge of the arena.
Link: Ugh! This is just like fighting those weird tentacles in Jabu-Jabu. Wait a minute! That's it!
Link then took out his boomerang and threw it at the finger.
Shika: WAIT A MINUTE! I thought you couldn't use the fairy boomerang as an adult!
Link: (catching the boomerang and throwing it again) Oh, this is the boomerang I used when fighting Master Hand.
( AN: In case some of you don't know what I'm talking about, Master Hand is the boss in the Super Smash Bros. Games, in which Link has the boomerang as a special move.)
Shika: Oh, yeah, I forgot about him. Anyway, I've figured out something.
Link: (still attacking the finger) Really? What did you find out?
Shika: That we are in the Lunacy Temple.
Link: AGGH! I ALREADY KNEW THAT!
Just then, the finger stopped attacking, and backed away, showing it's full body, revealing itself to be...... A GIANT WALL MASTER! The Wall Master then went to the oval-shaped figure and pulled it up until one end pushed a section of the floor down, revealing a hole.
Link: What the...? Wait a minute... Shika, go examine the side of the arena.
Shika then flew over the edge and down so she could view the side, and saw what Link suspected...... A huge red white and blue circle, and above it, in big golden letters: PEPSI. Shika then flew over to Link and relayed the news to Link.
Link: A giant Pepsi can, huh? Well, that's freaky. Huh? Wait a minute, is it just me, or is the can moving?
Indeed, Link was right, for while Link and Shika were busy examining their surroundings, the giant Wall Master had grabbed the Pepsi can, and was moving it upwards, until Link and Shika could see it's destination: A giant man, with huge zits covering his face, about to drink some soda.
Link: AHH! THERE IS NO WAY I AM GONNA LET THAT GUY SWALLOW ME!
Shika: LINK! JUST HANG ON TO THE EDGE FARTHEST AWAY FROM THE MOUTH, AND YOU WON'T GET SWALLOWED!
As Link rushed to the edge farthest from the mouth, the giant Wall Master started to slowly tip the can towards the thirsty glutton. Link hung on tightly to the edge to prevent himself from falling, while Shika hovered in the air above Link. Finally, when the entire can was drained of it's liquid, the Wall Master set the can back in it's starting space and moved away, leaving just Link and Shika on a giant empty Pepsi can.
Link: Ok, that was something I never thought would happen.
Shika: Hey, Link! Now that the can is empty, we can go inside it! and explore!
Link: You're right! In we go!
Then Link rushed up to the hole and jumped in, not worrying about the effects of gravity, which caused to fall very very rapidly until he hit the ground, followed by Shika slowly floating to the bottom.
Link: Ouch... that hurt.
Shika: You know, there was a ladder you could have climbed down without getting hurt. But now it's gone since we're in the can.
Link: D'OH!
At that moment, a HUGE pencil came down through the can, dividing it in half but still keeping it intact, the pencil acting as a giant wall. Then many other pencils flew in, creating doors, stairways, floors, etc. until the whole can became a tower.
Shika: I get it! The Lunacy Temple is the inside of a Pepsi can!
Link: Uh-huh, whatever, P-U, what's that smell? It's coming from... THAT! HOLY CRAP!
And that's exactly what it was. A huge pile of feces blocking what was apparently the entrance to the other side.
Shika: Link, the entrance to the boss and stuff must be on the other side! You need to move that pile!
Link: Ugh! No way! There's gotta be something in this side that can help me move it without having to touch it. Let's go in that door, on the other side of the room.
And so, Link and Shika went to the next room, which appeared to just be a circular room. Then the dark booming evil voice from the first room returned.
DBEV: BWAHAHAHAHHA! NOW ARE YOU SORRY YOU DIDN'T HEED MY WARNING?
Link: Actually, no.
DBEV: ARGH! WELL, ANYWAY, THERE'S NO ESCAPE FOR YOU NOW! IF YOU WANT TO GO TO THE NEXT FLOOR, YOU'LL HAVE TO DEFEAT THE ENEMIES LORD GOSSUKA SET FORTH FOR YOU! NOW TRY AND BEAT THIS!
Two pencils shot out of crevices in the walls, landed on the floor, and shattered into not pencil shards but bones. These bones then formed into two of Link's most common enemies.
Link: Stalfos? Two Stalfos? THAT'S ALL I HAVE TO DO IN ORDER TO GO TO THE NEXT FLOOR?
DBEV: YES! BWAHAHAHAHHA! AREN'T YOU SCARED NOW, LITTLE MAN?
Link: Are you kidding? Scared of Two Stalfos? You're the insane one!
DBEV: ARGH! THAT'S IT! STALFOS! ATTACK IN THE NAME OF GOSSUKA!
The Stalfos, who are honorable fighters, even if they are dead, did not believe in ganging up and agreed on one of them to fight Link first.
That Stalfos rushed towards Link, his sword ready. The other just stood and watched. (AN: Really, this is true in Ocarina of Time. Have you ever had two Stalfos attack you at once? No, they always have one stand back and watch while the other gets killed.) Link rushed up as well, but put his Mirror Shield up to block the sword attack from the Stalfos, and countered with a sword slice of his own. After a few minutes of the shield against the jump attack and then jump attack routine, the Stalfos collapsed and dissolved, and the second Stalfos, who was behind Link, jump-attacked him, creating a nice-sized slash in Link's back.
Link: AGGH! That hurt! Prepare to die, bone boy!
The second Stalfos was harder to attack than the first one was. He was much faster, and therefore was able to jump back even after his attack was shielded. Link tried to keep up with it's attacks but most often missed and got a scratch from the Stalfos's sword. But then, Link remembered he still had other weapons besides his sword. So, Link jumped back from the Stalfos, put his sword in his sheath, and grinned at the Stalfos, taunting him to come closer. The Stalfos, not being too bright walked up to Link, as if curious as to why Link put away his sword when he was still in battle. As soon as the Stalfos got close enough, Link quickly took out his Megaton Hammer and smashed the Stalfos until he was dead.
Link: Whew! Ok, so I admit that second Stalfos was a bit harder than the average Stalfos, but it was still pretty easy! Is that all you've got?
DBEV: HEH, SO YOU MANAGED TO BEAT THE STALFOS, PRETTY GOOD, I'LL LET YOU GO TO THE NEXT FLOOR, BUT YOUR NEXT CHALLENGES WILL BE MUCH MORE DIFFICULT! I'LL MAKE YOU REGRET YOU IGNORED MY WARNING AND ENTERED HERE!
The voice then stopped, and the ground rumbled.
Link: What's happening?
Shika: The floors moving up! It's like some kind of elevator!
Link: An elevator in a Pepsi Can? Ugh, this place is crazy!
The room then stopped moving, and Link and Shika came out. They were now in the room they landed in when they first entered the can, except they were on a higher level. Across from them, there was a hole in the pencil/wall that would lead to the next room. Link and Shika went across the room to the hole and entered into the next room. In the center of the room was a chimpanzee in white Japanese-like robes. When Link walked closer to the chimp a wooden door closed the hole he entered through, and the chimp stood up and took out a scimitar.
Shika: That's a Samurai Chimp! They are super-smart monkeys that are trained in the arts of the samurai! Dodge it's sword attacks and attack it! They are known to give useful information once beaten in combat.
Link: Alright, then, let's go, monkey!
The Samurai Chimp made the first move by jumping up and over Link's head to the other side of the room. Link responded by throwing his boomerang at it. The boomerang stunned the chimp, allowing Link to run up and do a jump attack on it. This brought the chimp out of paralysis, where and he hit Link in the side with the scimitar then went to the other side. Link threw the boomerang and jump attacked again, but this time he back flipped out of the chimp's reach when he did the slice. He then finished the fight with a quick slice at the chimp while he was recovering from the past attacks. The monkey's scimitar disappeared, and the chimp sat down at the spot he was when Link first entered.
Link: Ok, I beat you, now aren't you supposed to give me some information?
Chimp: Yes. You have bested me in combat, so now I give you this tip: When you face the stronger of my species, this strategy will prove useful: When one's front is focused on the problem, his back is waiting for disaster.
The Samurai Chimp then disappeared in a puff of smoke, and the doors of the room opened.
Shika: What was that supposed to mean?
Link: Well, this is the Lunacy Temple. Maybe it's not supposed to make any sense.
Shika: Hmm, you have a point. Well, anyway, the floor's moving! I think we're moving up to the third floor!
Link: Alright, we're there! ( walks out.) Hey, it's just another hallway to the next room! There's nothing here! C'mon, this is supposed to be tough? I can't believe this st-AHHHHHHHHHHHH!
That, for you who don't know, was the sound of someone being caught by a Wall Master in mid-sentence. And so, Link had to go all the way back to the hallway, where he prepared to lure out and kill the wall master.
Link: A-ha, here's the shadow, it's getting bigger, bigger, now! (moves out of the way) HA! TAKE THI- HUH?
That saying was because what landed and what had captured before was not a monster in the shape of a hand, like most Wall Masters are, but it was in the shape of a foot, was covered in a weird type of fungus that Link didn't recognize, and it was giving off a smelly odor.
Link: Ugh! I'm not even going to think about touching you!
Link then very hastily ran to the next room. It looked just like the room where he fought the Stalfos, except there was a switch on the other side of the room.(not the switches you step on, but those crystal-like things you hit w/ a weapon) The dark booming evil voice then made it's return.
DBEV: HEHEHEHEH! I'M SURPRISED YOU MADE IT SO FAR! BUT, ALAS, THERE IS NO WAY YOU WILL SURVIVE HERE ANY LONGER! BY NOW YOU MUST BE VERY CLOSE TO THE POINT OF HIGH INSANITY!
Link: No, not really. It's you who sounds insane.
DBEV: WHAT?! HOW DARE YOU! HEH, DOESN'T MATTER, ANYWAY, I'LL MAKE SURE YOU NEVER ESCAPE THIS ROOM! IN CASE YOU HAVEN'T NOTICED, THE DOOR YOU USED TO COME IN HAS CLOSED, AND IS LOCKED! THE ONLY WAY OUT NOW IS TO THE FOURTH FLOOR, IF YOU CAN MAKE IT THERE! SEE THAT SWITCH? HIT IT AND YOU'LL HAVE 30 SECONDS TO MAKE IT THERE! TRY AS MUCH AS YOU LIKE, YOU'LL NEVER MAKE IT!
Link: 30 seconds? I can do that! It's easy!
Shika: Are you sure, Link? That voice sure seemed confident that you would never escape.
Link: He's just trying to scare us, Shika. Watch, and I'll show you how easy this is!
Link then ran up to the switch and hit it with his sword. Many pencils shot from the roof and formed a staircase that led to the next floor, which was on the other side of the room. It took 10 seconds or them to form. Link then ran to the stairs, which took 15 seconds, So, Link climbed the stairs for 5 seconds when a buzzer sounded and the stairs disappeared.
Shika: Not so easy, is it, Link?
Link: Oh, shut up, Shika, I know what to do now. I need to use a ranged weapon!
Link then moved to where the foot of the stairs appeared, shot the switch with his Fairy Bow, then after the 10 seconds for the stairs to be formed, ran up the stairs for 20 seconds, then the stairs disappeared, and Link fell to the floor.
Link: ARGH! HOW DO I DO THIS!?
Shika: I thought you said you could do this easily, Link. Well, anyway, it appears you need some extra speed. Do you have the Bunny Hood?
Link: No, I gave it to one of those creepy kids that lived inside of the moon in Termina. (Majora's Mask, for those who haven't played it.)
Shika: Well, I guess we are stuck here. Oh, Link, I think you dropped that bag on the floor.
Link: (picking up the bag) Oh, this is my Seed Satchel from when I saved Holodrum from General Onox (Oracle of Seasons). Hey, I still have some seeds in here! Let's see, I've got some Ember seeds, Gale seeds, Pegasus seeds.... Wait a minute, I almost forgot, Pegasus seeds increase my speed!
So Link shot the switch, ate a Pegasus seed during the 10 seconds for the stairs to come, and dashed up the stairs into the Fourth Floor. Link, not wanting any encounter with the Foot-shaped Wall Master, quickly ran across the bridge into the next room, where there was another Samurai Chimp, but this one had two Scimitars, one in each hand.
Shika: Link, that's a Super Samurai Chimp! They are the same as normal Samurai Chimps except they have 2 weapons!
Link: Heh, no problem, I'll beat this one easily!
Link rushed up to the monkey and did a Jump Attack, but the S. Samurai Chimp blocked it with one of his Scimitars, while counter-attacking Link, with the other. The chimp then back flipped away from Link, then rushed forward and hit Link with both swords. Link kept trying to block and attack, but no matter what he did his attacks were always blocked and the Chimp always hit him with at least one of the Scimitars. Soon, Link was at the 1 and a half heart stage, where he hears the annoying beeping noise in his mind that instinctively tells him he's almost dead. Link quickly backed away, and tried to rethink his strategy.
Link: (while desperately dodging the Chimp's attacks) Dang, how am I supposed to hit this guy? It's impossible to attack him with those two swords at his front!
Shika: Link, I've got it1 Remember what the Samurai Chimp you beat said? "When you face the stronger of my species, this strategy will prove useful: When one's front is focused on the problem, his back is waiting for disaster." He must have been talking about this guy! He's got those 2 scimitars to make sure his front is unbeatable, but his back is completely vulnerable! You need to attack his back, Link!
Link: You're right! Alright, Chimp, now you're mine!
Link rushed towards the chimp again. The Chimp preparing for an attack to the front got scimitar ready to block. But Link flipped over the monkey's head and did a jump attack to the chimp's back. Then, before the chimp could respond, Link then did a quick series of slices to it's back, defeating it. The chimp's scimitars disappeared, and it sat down where it was at the beginning, like the first Chimp Link beat.
Chimp: Congratulations, you have bested me in combat. Since I am of a higher species of Samurai Chimps, I have the ability to heal you along with giving you a tip. Here is my tip: When facing the stronger of my species, this strategy will prove useful: When away, thou art safe. When close, thou art dead. Now, I shall bring you to full health.
The Chimp placed his hand on Link's shoulder, and healed all of Link's wounds. Then, he disappeared, and a staircase to the next floor appeared.
Shika: Well, it appears as if you are supposed to listen to their tips, after all.
Link: I can't believe this. The only things in this place that actually have meaning are the words of talking monkeys in ninja robes who fight using Scimitars? THIS PLACE IS CRAZY!
Shika: Well it's supposed to be, now let's go to the fifth floor and go to the next room! Judging from the pattern of the rooms we've been going through, I'd say that we'll meet the Dark Booming Evil Voice in the next room.
Link: Yeah right, this is the Lunacy Temple, remember? I doubt they are going to follow a pattern.
Shika: That's what you said about the Samurai Chimp's tip, and it turned out we DID need it, remember?
Link: Whatever, let's just go to the next room!
Link and Shika went to the next room, and, just like Shika said, the Dark Booming Evil Voice returned yet again.
DBEV: WHAT???? YOU MADE IT PAST MY BEAUTIFUL SWITCH TRICK AND BEAT THE SUPER SAMURAI CHIMP? LORD GOSSUKA WILL BE FURIOUS! THE NEXT ROOM CONTAINS THE TREASURE YOU NEED TO GO TO THE OTHER SIDE OF THE TEMPLE, SO I MUST STOP YOU AT ALL COSTS! BUT YOU MUST NO DOUBT BE DRIVEN INSANE BY NOW, CORRECT?
Link: Nope, once again, I am perfectly fine, and you are as insane as ever.
DBEV: ARGGGGGGH! NOW I'M REALLY MAD! LET'S SEE IF YOU CAN BEAT 2 MORE STALFOS!
Just then, 2 pencils came in, crashed and created bones, which took form into 2 more Stalfos.
Link: Again? Now I know you're insane.
DBEV: WE'LL SEE ABOUT THAT! STALFOS, DESTROY HIM!
Once again, one of the Stalfos rushed up to fight Link while the other stood by and watched. Link engaged in combat with the Stalfos, and after the routine shield, jump-attack strategy Link uses to defeat Sword-and-Shield carrying foes, the Stalfos crumbled to the ground, but the bones did not dissolve. The second Stalfos rushed up, but stayed on the defensive, continually blocking, not attacking.
Link: God Dangit! Why won't you attack?
Shika: Link, look out behind you! That Stalfos was stalling so this could happen?
When Link looked behind him, he saw that the Stalfos he had beaten had come back to life, and backed off, while the second Stalfos attacked Link while he let his guard down.
Link: CRAP! I hate regenerating Stalfos!
DBEV: YES, ISN'T IT LOVELY? YOU CAN TAKE ALL YOU WANT WITH THE FIRST ONE, BUT ONCE IT'S GONE, YOU ONLY HAVE A FEW MINUTES TO DEFEAT THE SECOND ONE, OR ELSE YOU START ALL OVER! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Link: Hmm, this one defends too much, so sword attacks won't hit it, and if I do beat it, the other one will just defend until it's too late! Wait a minute, I've got an idea!
Link walked up to the Stalfos that wasn't attacking. As Link suspected, the attacking Stalfos walked up to Link to attack. As soon as the second Stalfos came within reach, Link began to do strange hand movements.
Link: DIN'S FIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
A dome of flame surrounded Link, and then spread, engulfing the Stalfos. while they were busy dealing with the fire, Link rushed charged up a Spin Attack, and unleashed it, killing both Stalfos at the same time.
DBEV: NOOOOOOOOO! YOU BEAT THEM! NOW ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS BEAT A MINI-BOSS TO GET YOUR TREASURE! BUT YOU'LL BE NO MATCH FOR HIM! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
The floor then began to move, and Link and Shika were transported up to the top floor of the can. When they exited their room, there was no door on the other side of the main chamber. Instead, directly across from Link, was the first Mini-Boss. It was a giant ladybug, and on top of it was what appeared to be a giant Banana with arms, legs, eyes, and a mouth.
Banana: Ah, you must be Link, the stupid swordsman who dared to enter our Temple. Well, you shall journey no further! I, General Squishypeels, shall defeat you!
Link: Squishypeels? What kind of stupid name is that?
Squishypeels: What? You dare insult my glorious name? For that you shall die! Spotty, attack!
Boss music started to play, as Spotty (the giant ladybug) started to paw the ground like a bull, and under him, in big letters, appeared:
MINI-BOSS 1
GENERAL SQUISHYPEELS
BANANA GENERAL OF DOOM
The letters disappeared, and Spotty started to glow red, while Squishypeels took something from his body and threw it at Link. The projectile hit Link, making him immobile.
Link: What is this stuff?
Squishypeels: It is my Banana Goop of Terror! It will keep you stuck to the ground so I can run you over! SPOTTY, CHARGE!!!!!!!!!!!1
Spotty then charged forward at full speed, and, with Link not being able to move, hit him at full blast, knocking Link onto his back. The good side to this was that Link was no longer stuck. Spotty then backed up, and started to glow red again. Squishypeels threw more goop at Link, but this time Link dodged it.
Link: Haha, your stupid goop missed me! I can beat you easily, you stupid piece of banana cr-AHHHHH!
Before Link could finish his insult, Spotty had charged forward, and rammed into Link once again. Spotty then backed up and glowed red. Squishypeels threw the goop yet again, and once again it was dodged.
As soon as Link dodged it, Link threw his boomerang at Squishypeels. It did not hit him, but instead hit Spotty, stunning him. Link taking the advantage, rushed up and sliced Spotty in half, leaving Squishypeels to fend for himself.
Squishypeels: AHHH! YOU HAVE KILLED MY LOYAL STEED! NOW YOU SHALL PAY! SUPER BANANA GOOP ATTACK!
Squishypeels threw a HUGE mass of banana goop at Link, which he failed to dodge and got stuck in. Squishypeels then rushed up and began punching Link. Unfortunately for Squishypeels, his punches were weak and did not do much damage, and soon the goop wore off, and Link quickly finished off Squishypeels.
Link: Heh, what a weakling! He was nothing without his ladybug. Now for my treasure!
In the middle of the room, a treasure chest magically appeared. Link ran up to it and opened it and he took out his prize: a pooper-scooper.
Link: A pooper-scooper? THIS is what I get for going through all that!
Suddenly the item music played, and the You've Got a New Item Voice spoke
YGNIV: YOU'VE GOT THE POOPER-SCOOPER OF POWER! USE THIS TO MAGICALLY MOVE POOP WITHOUT HAVING TO TOUCH IT! ALSO, AS LONG AS YOU HAVE IT WITH YOU, YOU WON'T BE AFFECTED BY THE SMELL OF POOP!
Shika: Hey Link! Now you can move that pile of crap blocking the way to the other side!
Link: Good. I can't wait to get out of this god-forsaken place.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Well, it appears as though Link and Shika have made it half-way through the Lunacy Temple, but much more awaits them. Next Chapter, Link will go through the other half of the temple, where he will meet up with Gossuka again, fight another Mini-boss, and discover the identity of the Dark Booming Evil Voice. I promise you won't have to wait as long as you did for this chapter to read Chapter 4: Drunken Oxen, Possessed Swans, and the Lunacy Medallion!
Chapter 3: Lots of Lunacy
Author's notes: Whoa, it's been more than a month than I updated! Sorry about the delay, I had to be away for a lot of the time what with the holidays and such, had to think up ideas for other fanfics I'm planning for the future, and also because the person I appointed Sage of Lunacy did not help me much w/ Temple setup. So now, I say to the people who have been appointed Sages, please have a good idea of at least 25% percent of your temple so I can do the rest and make it good. I still need someone to be the Sage of Horror and the Sage if Angst. Yep, there are now only 2 spots that haven't been taken. Anyway, the next Temple I do will be the one that the Sage for it has the most planned out is the most confident about his/her temple being ready for writing. Each Temple will take up 3 chapters (including the one where the Sage is met for the first time) so Sages, try to get a good idea of the temple you want by the time Chapter 4 is out, because in Chapter 5 I have to introduce a new Sage. Oh, and if you want to appear later, just tell me! And I don't own Zelda. Geez, I make long author notes, don't I? Anyway, FINALLY! ITS CHAPTER 3! ON WITH THE FIC!
Last time on The Temples of Fanfiction, Link and Shika had just met SS4 Psycho Link, a lunatic who built a disco in Hyrule Castle Town, which, as it turned out, had the Lunacy Temple hidden in it's Disco Ball. But, before Link and his annoying fairy could, SS4 Psycho Link went into the Temple. Then, Shika put two and two together and figured out that SS4 PSYCHO LINK WAS THE SAGE OF LUNACY! (What, you mad about this chapter and the next being spoiled because you know who the Sage is? C'mon, you can always figure it out before you even find a way to open the temple in the games!) When we last left Link, he had just entered the Temple.....
Link and Shika had entered the Lunacy Temple, where they were met by a dark, booming, evil voice, who greeted them with a most evil, terrifying phrase.
Dark, booming, evil voice: WAZZZZZZZZZZUP?
Link: AAAAAAAAH! ANNOYING OVER-USED GREETING! NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
DBEV: HEHEHEHEH!!!! WELCOME TO THE LUNACY TEMPLE, MORTAL! I PROMISE YOU THAT YOU WON'T LEAVE THIS PLACE WITH YOUR SANITY INTACT!!! ENTER TO THE MAIN CHAMBER IF YOU DARE!
Link: OK. Whatever.
Link then walked to the door in front of him that led to the main chamber, but was stopped by the dark booming evil voice.
DBEV: WAIT!!!!! AREN'T YOU SCARED? YOU'LL GO INSANE PERMANENTLY IF YOU GO IN THERE! YOU'RE STILL GONNA RISK YOUR SANITY IN THIS PLACE?
Link: Well, duh. I mean, c'mon I've already seen a giant talking tree as a god, a race of large beings made of rock that eat rocks, a half-woman half-fish princess that's in love with me (shudder), and an EVIL AUTHOR GUY THAT MADE HIS BIG ENTRANCE THROUGH A PENCIL!!! There's no way that I can get any more insane than I already am.
DBEV: WELL, GO ON IN IF YOU THINK YOU CAN HANDLE IT, BUT DON'T SAY I DIDN'T WARN YOU!
Link : Whatever. C'mon, Shika, Let's go!
Link and Shika then entered into the main chamber of the Lunacy Temple. Link found himself in a large circular room with an aluminum floor. Near the other side of the room, there was a giant figure in the shape of an oval with a line through it sticking out of the floor. When Link looked behind him, he saw that all traces of the door he came through in were gone.
Link: What the? What in the hell is this? How is this gonna drive me insane?
Shika: Wait! I sense it, it is strong in this room.
Link: What do you sense?
Shika: I sense... the power..... of CAFFEINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's coming from below the floor!
Link: Ok, that made absolutely no sense at all. Wait a minute........ WHAT'S THAT?
While Link and Shika were analyzing the room they were in, a huge tentacle-looking thing had been sneaking up on them.
Link: AHHHHHHHHH! A WEIRD TENTACLE-LOOKING THING!
Shika: Wait a minute Link! Look at that shell-like covering at the end! It's sort of like- A FINGER NAIL! IT'S A GIANT FINGER!
Link: Thanks, that really reassured me. (sarcasm, in case you couldn't tell)
(taking his Master Sword out) Alright, Shika! Try to find out more about this stupid place! I'll take care of the evil appendage!
Link then went to work fighting the finger, but every time he swung at it, it moved out of the way, then flicked Link to the other edge of the arena.
Link: Ugh! This is just like fighting those weird tentacles in Jabu-Jabu. Wait a minute! That's it!
Link then took out his boomerang and threw it at the finger.
Shika: WAIT A MINUTE! I thought you couldn't use the fairy boomerang as an adult!
Link: (catching the boomerang and throwing it again) Oh, this is the boomerang I used when fighting Master Hand.
( AN: In case some of you don't know what I'm talking about, Master Hand is the boss in the Super Smash Bros. Games, in which Link has the boomerang as a special move.)
Shika: Oh, yeah, I forgot about him. Anyway, I've figured out something.
Link: (still attacking the finger) Really? What did you find out?
Shika: That we are in the Lunacy Temple.
Link: AGGH! I ALREADY KNEW THAT!
Just then, the finger stopped attacking, and backed away, showing it's full body, revealing itself to be...... A GIANT WALL MASTER! The Wall Master then went to the oval-shaped figure and pulled it up until one end pushed a section of the floor down, revealing a hole.
Link: What the...? Wait a minute... Shika, go examine the side of the arena.
Shika then flew over the edge and down so she could view the side, and saw what Link suspected...... A huge red white and blue circle, and above it, in big golden letters: PEPSI. Shika then flew over to Link and relayed the news to Link.
Link: A giant Pepsi can, huh? Well, that's freaky. Huh? Wait a minute, is it just me, or is the can moving?
Indeed, Link was right, for while Link and Shika were busy examining their surroundings, the giant Wall Master had grabbed the Pepsi can, and was moving it upwards, until Link and Shika could see it's destination: A giant man, with huge zits covering his face, about to drink some soda.
Link: AHH! THERE IS NO WAY I AM GONNA LET THAT GUY SWALLOW ME!
Shika: LINK! JUST HANG ON TO THE EDGE FARTHEST AWAY FROM THE MOUTH, AND YOU WON'T GET SWALLOWED!
As Link rushed to the edge farthest from the mouth, the giant Wall Master started to slowly tip the can towards the thirsty glutton. Link hung on tightly to the edge to prevent himself from falling, while Shika hovered in the air above Link. Finally, when the entire can was drained of it's liquid, the Wall Master set the can back in it's starting space and moved away, leaving just Link and Shika on a giant empty Pepsi can.
Link: Ok, that was something I never thought would happen.
Shika: Hey, Link! Now that the can is empty, we can go inside it! and explore!
Link: You're right! In we go!
Then Link rushed up to the hole and jumped in, not worrying about the effects of gravity, which caused to fall very very rapidly until he hit the ground, followed by Shika slowly floating to the bottom.
Link: Ouch... that hurt.
Shika: You know, there was a ladder you could have climbed down without getting hurt. But now it's gone since we're in the can.
Link: D'OH!
At that moment, a HUGE pencil came down through the can, dividing it in half but still keeping it intact, the pencil acting as a giant wall. Then many other pencils flew in, creating doors, stairways, floors, etc. until the whole can became a tower.
Shika: I get it! The Lunacy Temple is the inside of a Pepsi can!
Link: Uh-huh, whatever, P-U, what's that smell? It's coming from... THAT! HOLY CRAP!
And that's exactly what it was. A huge pile of feces blocking what was apparently the entrance to the other side.
Shika: Link, the entrance to the boss and stuff must be on the other side! You need to move that pile!
Link: Ugh! No way! There's gotta be something in this side that can help me move it without having to touch it. Let's go in that door, on the other side of the room.
And so, Link and Shika went to the next room, which appeared to just be a circular room. Then the dark booming evil voice from the first room returned.
DBEV: BWAHAHAHAHHA! NOW ARE YOU SORRY YOU DIDN'T HEED MY WARNING?
Link: Actually, no.
DBEV: ARGH! WELL, ANYWAY, THERE'S NO ESCAPE FOR YOU NOW! IF YOU WANT TO GO TO THE NEXT FLOOR, YOU'LL HAVE TO DEFEAT THE ENEMIES LORD GOSSUKA SET FORTH FOR YOU! NOW TRY AND BEAT THIS!
Two pencils shot out of crevices in the walls, landed on the floor, and shattered into not pencil shards but bones. These bones then formed into two of Link's most common enemies.
Link: Stalfos? Two Stalfos? THAT'S ALL I HAVE TO DO IN ORDER TO GO TO THE NEXT FLOOR?
DBEV: YES! BWAHAHAHAHHA! AREN'T YOU SCARED NOW, LITTLE MAN?
Link: Are you kidding? Scared of Two Stalfos? You're the insane one!
DBEV: ARGH! THAT'S IT! STALFOS! ATTACK IN THE NAME OF GOSSUKA!
The Stalfos, who are honorable fighters, even if they are dead, did not believe in ganging up and agreed on one of them to fight Link first.
That Stalfos rushed towards Link, his sword ready. The other just stood and watched. (AN: Really, this is true in Ocarina of Time. Have you ever had two Stalfos attack you at once? No, they always have one stand back and watch while the other gets killed.) Link rushed up as well, but put his Mirror Shield up to block the sword attack from the Stalfos, and countered with a sword slice of his own. After a few minutes of the shield against the jump attack and then jump attack routine, the Stalfos collapsed and dissolved, and the second Stalfos, who was behind Link, jump-attacked him, creating a nice-sized slash in Link's back.
Link: AGGH! That hurt! Prepare to die, bone boy!
The second Stalfos was harder to attack than the first one was. He was much faster, and therefore was able to jump back even after his attack was shielded. Link tried to keep up with it's attacks but most often missed and got a scratch from the Stalfos's sword. But then, Link remembered he still had other weapons besides his sword. So, Link jumped back from the Stalfos, put his sword in his sheath, and grinned at the Stalfos, taunting him to come closer. The Stalfos, not being too bright walked up to Link, as if curious as to why Link put away his sword when he was still in battle. As soon as the Stalfos got close enough, Link quickly took out his Megaton Hammer and smashed the Stalfos until he was dead.
Link: Whew! Ok, so I admit that second Stalfos was a bit harder than the average Stalfos, but it was still pretty easy! Is that all you've got?
DBEV: HEH, SO YOU MANAGED TO BEAT THE STALFOS, PRETTY GOOD, I'LL LET YOU GO TO THE NEXT FLOOR, BUT YOUR NEXT CHALLENGES WILL BE MUCH MORE DIFFICULT! I'LL MAKE YOU REGRET YOU IGNORED MY WARNING AND ENTERED HERE!
The voice then stopped, and the ground rumbled.
Link: What's happening?
Shika: The floors moving up! It's like some kind of elevator!
Link: An elevator in a Pepsi Can? Ugh, this place is crazy!
The room then stopped moving, and Link and Shika came out. They were now in the room they landed in when they first entered the can, except they were on a higher level. Across from them, there was a hole in the pencil/wall that would lead to the next room. Link and Shika went across the room to the hole and entered into the next room. In the center of the room was a chimpanzee in white Japanese-like robes. When Link walked closer to the chimp a wooden door closed the hole he entered through, and the chimp stood up and took out a scimitar.
Shika: That's a Samurai Chimp! They are super-smart monkeys that are trained in the arts of the samurai! Dodge it's sword attacks and attack it! They are known to give useful information once beaten in combat.
Link: Alright, then, let's go, monkey!
The Samurai Chimp made the first move by jumping up and over Link's head to the other side of the room. Link responded by throwing his boomerang at it. The boomerang stunned the chimp, allowing Link to run up and do a jump attack on it. This brought the chimp out of paralysis, where and he hit Link in the side with the scimitar then went to the other side. Link threw the boomerang and jump attacked again, but this time he back flipped out of the chimp's reach when he did the slice. He then finished the fight with a quick slice at the chimp while he was recovering from the past attacks. The monkey's scimitar disappeared, and the chimp sat down at the spot he was when Link first entered.
Link: Ok, I beat you, now aren't you supposed to give me some information?
Chimp: Yes. You have bested me in combat, so now I give you this tip: When you face the stronger of my species, this strategy will prove useful: When one's front is focused on the problem, his back is waiting for disaster.
The Samurai Chimp then disappeared in a puff of smoke, and the doors of the room opened.
Shika: What was that supposed to mean?
Link: Well, this is the Lunacy Temple. Maybe it's not supposed to make any sense.
Shika: Hmm, you have a point. Well, anyway, the floor's moving! I think we're moving up to the third floor!
Link: Alright, we're there! ( walks out.) Hey, it's just another hallway to the next room! There's nothing here! C'mon, this is supposed to be tough? I can't believe this st-AHHHHHHHHHHHH!
That, for you who don't know, was the sound of someone being caught by a Wall Master in mid-sentence. And so, Link had to go all the way back to the hallway, where he prepared to lure out and kill the wall master.
Link: A-ha, here's the shadow, it's getting bigger, bigger, now! (moves out of the way) HA! TAKE THI- HUH?
That saying was because what landed and what had captured before was not a monster in the shape of a hand, like most Wall Masters are, but it was in the shape of a foot, was covered in a weird type of fungus that Link didn't recognize, and it was giving off a smelly odor.
Link: Ugh! I'm not even going to think about touching you!
Link then very hastily ran to the next room. It looked just like the room where he fought the Stalfos, except there was a switch on the other side of the room.(not the switches you step on, but those crystal-like things you hit w/ a weapon) The dark booming evil voice then made it's return.
DBEV: HEHEHEHEH! I'M SURPRISED YOU MADE IT SO FAR! BUT, ALAS, THERE IS NO WAY YOU WILL SURVIVE HERE ANY LONGER! BY NOW YOU MUST BE VERY CLOSE TO THE POINT OF HIGH INSANITY!
Link: No, not really. It's you who sounds insane.
DBEV: WHAT?! HOW DARE YOU! HEH, DOESN'T MATTER, ANYWAY, I'LL MAKE SURE YOU NEVER ESCAPE THIS ROOM! IN CASE YOU HAVEN'T NOTICED, THE DOOR YOU USED TO COME IN HAS CLOSED, AND IS LOCKED! THE ONLY WAY OUT NOW IS TO THE FOURTH FLOOR, IF YOU CAN MAKE IT THERE! SEE THAT SWITCH? HIT IT AND YOU'LL HAVE 30 SECONDS TO MAKE IT THERE! TRY AS MUCH AS YOU LIKE, YOU'LL NEVER MAKE IT!
Link: 30 seconds? I can do that! It's easy!
Shika: Are you sure, Link? That voice sure seemed confident that you would never escape.
Link: He's just trying to scare us, Shika. Watch, and I'll show you how easy this is!
Link then ran up to the switch and hit it with his sword. Many pencils shot from the roof and formed a staircase that led to the next floor, which was on the other side of the room. It took 10 seconds or them to form. Link then ran to the stairs, which took 15 seconds, So, Link climbed the stairs for 5 seconds when a buzzer sounded and the stairs disappeared.
Shika: Not so easy, is it, Link?
Link: Oh, shut up, Shika, I know what to do now. I need to use a ranged weapon!
Link then moved to where the foot of the stairs appeared, shot the switch with his Fairy Bow, then after the 10 seconds for the stairs to be formed, ran up the stairs for 20 seconds, then the stairs disappeared, and Link fell to the floor.
Link: ARGH! HOW DO I DO THIS!?
Shika: I thought you said you could do this easily, Link. Well, anyway, it appears you need some extra speed. Do you have the Bunny Hood?
Link: No, I gave it to one of those creepy kids that lived inside of the moon in Termina. (Majora's Mask, for those who haven't played it.)
Shika: Well, I guess we are stuck here. Oh, Link, I think you dropped that bag on the floor.
Link: (picking up the bag) Oh, this is my Seed Satchel from when I saved Holodrum from General Onox (Oracle of Seasons). Hey, I still have some seeds in here! Let's see, I've got some Ember seeds, Gale seeds, Pegasus seeds.... Wait a minute, I almost forgot, Pegasus seeds increase my speed!
So Link shot the switch, ate a Pegasus seed during the 10 seconds for the stairs to come, and dashed up the stairs into the Fourth Floor. Link, not wanting any encounter with the Foot-shaped Wall Master, quickly ran across the bridge into the next room, where there was another Samurai Chimp, but this one had two Scimitars, one in each hand.
Shika: Link, that's a Super Samurai Chimp! They are the same as normal Samurai Chimps except they have 2 weapons!
Link: Heh, no problem, I'll beat this one easily!
Link rushed up to the monkey and did a Jump Attack, but the S. Samurai Chimp blocked it with one of his Scimitars, while counter-attacking Link, with the other. The chimp then back flipped away from Link, then rushed forward and hit Link with both swords. Link kept trying to block and attack, but no matter what he did his attacks were always blocked and the Chimp always hit him with at least one of the Scimitars. Soon, Link was at the 1 and a half heart stage, where he hears the annoying beeping noise in his mind that instinctively tells him he's almost dead. Link quickly backed away, and tried to rethink his strategy.
Link: (while desperately dodging the Chimp's attacks) Dang, how am I supposed to hit this guy? It's impossible to attack him with those two swords at his front!
Shika: Link, I've got it1 Remember what the Samurai Chimp you beat said? "When you face the stronger of my species, this strategy will prove useful: When one's front is focused on the problem, his back is waiting for disaster." He must have been talking about this guy! He's got those 2 scimitars to make sure his front is unbeatable, but his back is completely vulnerable! You need to attack his back, Link!
Link: You're right! Alright, Chimp, now you're mine!
Link rushed towards the chimp again. The Chimp preparing for an attack to the front got scimitar ready to block. But Link flipped over the monkey's head and did a jump attack to the chimp's back. Then, before the chimp could respond, Link then did a quick series of slices to it's back, defeating it. The chimp's scimitars disappeared, and it sat down where it was at the beginning, like the first Chimp Link beat.
Chimp: Congratulations, you have bested me in combat. Since I am of a higher species of Samurai Chimps, I have the ability to heal you along with giving you a tip. Here is my tip: When facing the stronger of my species, this strategy will prove useful: When away, thou art safe. When close, thou art dead. Now, I shall bring you to full health.
The Chimp placed his hand on Link's shoulder, and healed all of Link's wounds. Then, he disappeared, and a staircase to the next floor appeared.
Shika: Well, it appears as if you are supposed to listen to their tips, after all.
Link: I can't believe this. The only things in this place that actually have meaning are the words of talking monkeys in ninja robes who fight using Scimitars? THIS PLACE IS CRAZY!
Shika: Well it's supposed to be, now let's go to the fifth floor and go to the next room! Judging from the pattern of the rooms we've been going through, I'd say that we'll meet the Dark Booming Evil Voice in the next room.
Link: Yeah right, this is the Lunacy Temple, remember? I doubt they are going to follow a pattern.
Shika: That's what you said about the Samurai Chimp's tip, and it turned out we DID need it, remember?
Link: Whatever, let's just go to the next room!
Link and Shika went to the next room, and, just like Shika said, the Dark Booming Evil Voice returned yet again.
DBEV: WHAT???? YOU MADE IT PAST MY BEAUTIFUL SWITCH TRICK AND BEAT THE SUPER SAMURAI CHIMP? LORD GOSSUKA WILL BE FURIOUS! THE NEXT ROOM CONTAINS THE TREASURE YOU NEED TO GO TO THE OTHER SIDE OF THE TEMPLE, SO I MUST STOP YOU AT ALL COSTS! BUT YOU MUST NO DOUBT BE DRIVEN INSANE BY NOW, CORRECT?
Link: Nope, once again, I am perfectly fine, and you are as insane as ever.
DBEV: ARGGGGGGH! NOW I'M REALLY MAD! LET'S SEE IF YOU CAN BEAT 2 MORE STALFOS!
Just then, 2 pencils came in, crashed and created bones, which took form into 2 more Stalfos.
Link: Again? Now I know you're insane.
DBEV: WE'LL SEE ABOUT THAT! STALFOS, DESTROY HIM!
Once again, one of the Stalfos rushed up to fight Link while the other stood by and watched. Link engaged in combat with the Stalfos, and after the routine shield, jump-attack strategy Link uses to defeat Sword-and-Shield carrying foes, the Stalfos crumbled to the ground, but the bones did not dissolve. The second Stalfos rushed up, but stayed on the defensive, continually blocking, not attacking.
Link: God Dangit! Why won't you attack?
Shika: Link, look out behind you! That Stalfos was stalling so this could happen?
When Link looked behind him, he saw that the Stalfos he had beaten had come back to life, and backed off, while the second Stalfos attacked Link while he let his guard down.
Link: CRAP! I hate regenerating Stalfos!
DBEV: YES, ISN'T IT LOVELY? YOU CAN TAKE ALL YOU WANT WITH THE FIRST ONE, BUT ONCE IT'S GONE, YOU ONLY HAVE A FEW MINUTES TO DEFEAT THE SECOND ONE, OR ELSE YOU START ALL OVER! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Link: Hmm, this one defends too much, so sword attacks won't hit it, and if I do beat it, the other one will just defend until it's too late! Wait a minute, I've got an idea!
Link walked up to the Stalfos that wasn't attacking. As Link suspected, the attacking Stalfos walked up to Link to attack. As soon as the second Stalfos came within reach, Link began to do strange hand movements.
Link: DIN'S FIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
A dome of flame surrounded Link, and then spread, engulfing the Stalfos. while they were busy dealing with the fire, Link rushed charged up a Spin Attack, and unleashed it, killing both Stalfos at the same time.
DBEV: NOOOOOOOOO! YOU BEAT THEM! NOW ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS BEAT A MINI-BOSS TO GET YOUR TREASURE! BUT YOU'LL BE NO MATCH FOR HIM! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
The floor then began to move, and Link and Shika were transported up to the top floor of the can. When they exited their room, there was no door on the other side of the main chamber. Instead, directly across from Link, was the first Mini-Boss. It was a giant ladybug, and on top of it was what appeared to be a giant Banana with arms, legs, eyes, and a mouth.
Banana: Ah, you must be Link, the stupid swordsman who dared to enter our Temple. Well, you shall journey no further! I, General Squishypeels, shall defeat you!
Link: Squishypeels? What kind of stupid name is that?
Squishypeels: What? You dare insult my glorious name? For that you shall die! Spotty, attack!
Boss music started to play, as Spotty (the giant ladybug) started to paw the ground like a bull, and under him, in big letters, appeared:
MINI-BOSS 1
GENERAL SQUISHYPEELS
BANANA GENERAL OF DOOM
The letters disappeared, and Spotty started to glow red, while Squishypeels took something from his body and threw it at Link. The projectile hit Link, making him immobile.
Link: What is this stuff?
Squishypeels: It is my Banana Goop of Terror! It will keep you stuck to the ground so I can run you over! SPOTTY, CHARGE!!!!!!!!!!!1
Spotty then charged forward at full speed, and, with Link not being able to move, hit him at full blast, knocking Link onto his back. The good side to this was that Link was no longer stuck. Spotty then backed up, and started to glow red again. Squishypeels threw more goop at Link, but this time Link dodged it.
Link: Haha, your stupid goop missed me! I can beat you easily, you stupid piece of banana cr-AHHHHH!
Before Link could finish his insult, Spotty had charged forward, and rammed into Link once again. Spotty then backed up and glowed red. Squishypeels threw the goop yet again, and once again it was dodged.
As soon as Link dodged it, Link threw his boomerang at Squishypeels. It did not hit him, but instead hit Spotty, stunning him. Link taking the advantage, rushed up and sliced Spotty in half, leaving Squishypeels to fend for himself.
Squishypeels: AHHH! YOU HAVE KILLED MY LOYAL STEED! NOW YOU SHALL PAY! SUPER BANANA GOOP ATTACK!
Squishypeels threw a HUGE mass of banana goop at Link, which he failed to dodge and got stuck in. Squishypeels then rushed up and began punching Link. Unfortunately for Squishypeels, his punches were weak and did not do much damage, and soon the goop wore off, and Link quickly finished off Squishypeels.
Link: Heh, what a weakling! He was nothing without his ladybug. Now for my treasure!
In the middle of the room, a treasure chest magically appeared. Link ran up to it and opened it and he took out his prize: a pooper-scooper.
Link: A pooper-scooper? THIS is what I get for going through all that!
Suddenly the item music played, and the You've Got a New Item Voice spoke
YGNIV: YOU'VE GOT THE POOPER-SCOOPER OF POWER! USE THIS TO MAGICALLY MOVE POOP WITHOUT HAVING TO TOUCH IT! ALSO, AS LONG AS YOU HAVE IT WITH YOU, YOU WON'T BE AFFECTED BY THE SMELL OF POOP!
Shika: Hey Link! Now you can move that pile of crap blocking the way to the other side!
Link: Good. I can't wait to get out of this god-forsaken place.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Well, it appears as though Link and Shika have made it half-way through the Lunacy Temple, but much more awaits them. Next Chapter, Link will go through the other half of the temple, where he will meet up with Gossuka again, fight another Mini-boss, and discover the identity of the Dark Booming Evil Voice. I promise you won't have to wait as long as you did for this chapter to read Chapter 4: Drunken Oxen, Possessed Swans, and the Lunacy Medallion!