Kokoro No Itami Nakunaru Made Zutto: Sanctuary

By: Hitokiri Gentatsu

Disclaimer: I own none of the Rurouni Kenshin characters and I am definantly not making any money from this story.

Chapter Two: Behind Enemy Lines

"I have never known peace until now"

Himura Kenshin

Tsuioku Hen

The journey to Aizu had wearied Kenshin almost beyond endurance but he did not allow his weariness to show. He kept his eyes focused on the road in front of him and tried to still the drumbeat of his heart. He pulled the wide hat he wore lower to help hide his features and tucked his arms into the new magenta gi that he now wore in place of his tattered, dark blue one. He winced slightly as a stone in the road caused pain to ripple across his wound but remained silent, wishing he had not agreed to come to Aizu in the first place.

'One wrong move and both of us could be killed. I know they would like nothing better than to capture and kill me in revenge for all the deaths I caused.' He shook his head at the thought and wondered how many widows and orphans he had created here, all for the sake of an ideal.

They had passed the last border station several hours ago and were now making their way to the small house Haishidiya's family owned. Kenshin trudged along behind the monk, his senses tuned to a higher pitch than was normally the case. Aizu was enemy ground to anyone who had been numbered among the Ishinshishi and, since their arrival, Kenshin had felt as if there were hundreds of hidden eyes watching his every move. The guard at the border station had scrutinized Kenshin's features closely before allowing him to pass and that worried him. All it would take was for one Aizu samurai to recognize him and the whole clan would be after his life.

He walked on, trying to ignore the warning bells that were going off in his head and once again thanked the gods that had given him such a youthful appearance. That, plus the colorful gi he now wore would, hopefully, make him appear to be no threat whatsoever.

'With any luck, the others will think I am too young to have served in the war or that I am some kind of servant.'

Haishidiya watched Himura closely, noting his tense posture and the way his eyes swept the road in front of him. He seemed about ready to bolt and to be hiding from something. It seemed as of he expected an attack at any time and that he was preparing himself for just such a thing.

"Hiding from your worries never accomplishes anything constructive, Himura-san," he said softly, his eyes on the road in front of him.

Kenshin stopped in the middle of the road and his eyes widened. 'Am I that transparent?' he thought as he turned to look at the monk.

"I am merely being cautious, Haishidiya-dono. It had not been long since Aizu was at war." He waved a hand at the overgrown field and ruined house they were passing for emphasis.

Aizu had been allied with the Shogun during the Bakumatsu in Kyoto. When the Shogun's army was defeated at the Battle of Tobu Fushimi, the first battle of what would be called the Boshin Wars, the Aizu clan was hardest hit by the loss. But, even though their cause was lost, they had refused to lay down their arms and remained in rebellion until the Imperial Army was dispatched to Aizu to put an end to the fighting. Kenshin had heard this from Hideki several months ago and now, ironically, he now found himself in Aizu, a place he had been warned to stay away from if he valued his life.

Kenshin shook his head and continued to walk, keeping an eye out for trouble. Haishidiya knew there was no point in arguing with the samurai. Himura was stubborn when it came to arguments. The man could argue any point and he would never back down once he had taken a stand on an issue.

"That stubbornness will get him into trouble someday, if it hasn't already," he thought as he began to lengthen his strides. He wanted to make it home before nightfall.

*

Haishidiya's home turned out to be a miniature temple situated on a small rise if heavily wooded land that shielded the place from view. The nearest village was several miles away and the area itself was as secluded as Kenshin could have wished for.

"I need all the quiet I can get right now," he thought, feeling a bit of the tension he had been dealing with since their arrival drain out of him.

The monk motioned him to a room on the eastern side of the house and Kenshin slide open the door, his eyes sweeping the room, more out of habit than anything else. He found a large room with windows that faced east and south. There was a folding screen, made of lacquered wood, depicting a battle and two scrolls hanging on the walls, which were decorated with birds and flowers done in a delicate female hand.

"Arigato, Haishidiya-dono," he said as he removed his hat and set it aside.

"I will go and prepare a bath for you. A nice relaxing bath is what you need right now, Himura-san." The monk looked at him closely and Kenshin knew then that he hadn't hidden the weariness he felt as well as he thought he had.

"Arigato…" he replied quietly as Haishidiya left the room, quietly sliding the door closed again.

Kenshin went immediately to one of the eastern facing windows and slide it open to find a view of the surrounding forest. He looked at the trees and felt himself begin to relax more.

"I need this rest and some peace for a change. If I am able to have that then maybe I will finally find some way to control Battousai." He slide the window closed again and waited for the monk to return.

*

Kenshin lowered himself slowly into the steaming water, being careful of his wounded stomach and wincing slightly when it came into contact with the water. It stopped hurting almost immediately though and he was able to sink into the water up to his chin, before plunging under the water for a few moments to clean his hair and then resurfacing. He sighed and closed his eyes, letting the water soak away the dirt and grime from the road. He could feel muscles that he hadn't realized were tense, relax and he could also feel himself slipping into slumber.

He jerked himself awake several times, having no wish to drown in the bath. Instead of remaining in the steaming water where he might fall asleep, he rose from it, toweling himself dry. Putting on a robe, he sat cross-legged on the wooden floor of the bathhouse. Then he took up another towel to dry his hair, watching the steam rise from the water while trying not to thing about anything in particular. The steam and the gentle, nearly imperceptible, movement of the water, momentarily mesmerized him. He allowed it to send him into a meditative state and let his mind wander.

He saw Tomoe, her sad, dark eyes watching his face as he held out a hand to her. He saw those same eyes again, gazing at him with all the love she had never expressed to him in words and he saw himself, covered in blood, holding her still form in his arms as hot tears fell from his eyes. Then he saw his sword gleaming in the setting sun, only it was the sakabatou he now carried and not a regular katana. At least it appeared to be the same sword. He saw himself standing protectively in front of something or someone that he couldn't see clearly. His eyes were narrowed but he saw no amber glow in them. The rage of the hitokiri was no longer present within that image of himself. Then the image blurred as it moved forward with god-like speed.

Kenshin's eyes snapped open and he blinked several times to clear his mind of its temporary confusion. It could not have been more than a few minutes since he had fallen asleep because his hair was still dripping, leaving a pool of water behind him. Kenshin toweled it absently, replaying that last image in his mind.

"That man was me…" he thought, remembering the calmness in the man's narrow eyes and the steady, strong beat of a Ki that was in perfect balance. "I want to become that man, but were do I begin?"

He thought about his 'dream' all through the rest of the day and through the evening meal. Haishidiya could tell Himura was deep in though but he said nothing. "This is probably the best thing for him to do at the moment. At least now he is thinking and not just reacting to the situation."

Kenshin returned to his room after the evening meal, pleading tiredness, and still deep in thought about the vision he had seen. He opened the window again and sat on the sill, one leg dangling outside. His arms were folded across his chest and his head was bowed, his hair masking his face. He thought about what he had seen. His older self had been standing in a defensive posture, his stance that of battoujutsu. His violet eyes had been narrowed and he was glaring at some foe that he had been unable to see. This situation would normally call forth Battousai from deep inside him, symbolized by the amber glow in his eyes, but there was no hint of amber rage in this man's eyes at all. The man's Ki had been strong, stronger by far than his own was now. Somehow, he had found a way to rid himself of the hitokiri so completely that there was no sign of him at all and yet his swordsman's spirit was strong.

"You will never be rid of me. We are too intertwined for that to ever be possible. There can never be one without the other." The hitokiri's voice was a faint whisper in his mind.

Kenshin ignored the thought and instead held onto this image of himself. He wanted to become that man, wanted what that man had and if there was a way to do so he would find it.

*

Over the next several days Kenshin kept the vision of his future self in his mind, pausing several times a day to replay and analyze the image as if it were one of his enemies. He wanted to discover how he had managed to overcome the killer within him but the vision told him nothing of that. Still there were other things that could be learned from the vision, not the least of which was that he would, if the vision were true, in time find a way to overcome the hitokiri hidden within his heart. At least now he had a clearer idea of what he was striving toward, even if he had no idea how to achieve that goal yet. He had also noticed something else about his older self. Kenshin had analyzed his counterpart's stance and discovered that, although it was definantly a Hiten Mitsurugi battoujutsu stance, it was one that was unfamiliar to him.

"Does this mean that I will someday complete my training in the Hiten Mitsurugi Ryuu?" he thought, and then he shook his head at the impossibility of that. It was a ridiculous notion. His Shishou would never take him back now, not after he had tarnished and dishonored his teachings.

He sighed heavily, remembering their last argument and his subsequent departure from his master's house to join with the Ishinshishi. There was no possible way he could ever return or ever complete his training at this late date.

Kenshin returned his attention to the soapy water in front of him and began to scrub the clothing within it, feeling himself begin to relax to the rhythmic pattern of washing. Over the last few years he had discovered the relaxing quality to be found in chores and that he actually enjoyed what his former comrades would call 'woman's work'. He smiled, watching the sudsy water sparkling in the sun and began to wonder what his foes would think of the legendary Hitokiri Battousai, most feared man in all of Japan, doing laundry. He smirked, thinking about his worst foe of those days, Saito Hajime, the leader of the third Shinsengumi squad. His smirk grew into a smile as he thought about how shocked the man would be if he could see the Battousai now, elbows deep in soapy water. That smile grew wider as he tried to imagine Saito in his

position, his hands covered with suds.

Suddenly, Kenshin got an image in his head that sent him into gales of laughter. He saw Saito attempting to clean the laundry and, when things did not go according to his plan, he began to try to Gatotsu the dirty laundry into submission. The image in Kenshin's mind was of a frustrated Saito, covered in water with soapsuds clinging to his face and hair. Kenshin chuckled at the image and then he began to laugh, clutching his wounded stomach, as his laughter sent shooting pains across the area. His other hand grasped the washtub and he leaned against it as he continued to laugh.

He tried to stop but the image in his mind did not go away and every time he believed he had calmed himself down, he would close his eyes and see the image and start laughing all over again. This went on for several minuets until Kenshin, who was by now on his knees from laughing so hard, accidentally upended the washtub onto himself. The coldness of the water shocked him into silence. He sat there, too stunned to move as the water pooled around him. His eyes widened in surprise as he stared at the now muddy clothing he had been washing and then down at himself. Then he uttered a word he had not said since he was a child in his parent's house.

"Oro…" he said quietly, his eyes wide and blinking.

Haishidiya watched from the porch of the house, smiling as he watched Himura get up and frown at the sodden and muddy mess that had been newly clean clothing a few moments before. The monk watched as Himura shook his head with a chuckle and returned to his rooms to change his wet clothes before returning to the laundry.

"Maybe he can finally begin to find peace with himself." Haishidiya silently prayed to Buddha that it would be so.