Title: A Passing Shadow: Book I: Deep Down Dark: Chapter 10
Author: VicNoir
Rating: R
Disclaimers, etc.: please see previous chapters.
When we got to the shop, both Willow's and Giles's cars were parked outside, which meant that Spike was there, too.
"Wait out here, Buffy."
I like Tara, I really do. But at that point, I was getting a little fed up with her whole new assertive thing.
"I don't think so, Tara. He's gotta face me sometime."
She frowned and started to say something and then it was the battle of the resolve-faces. I won, mostly 'cause I had more practice. We went in.
I wish I'd had a camera, 'cause I really don't think I can describe the scene in a way that does it justice.
You know that nifty table near the back of the shop? The one that lights up from underneath? Xander was standing on it. Actually, he was dancing on it, if you could call it that.
He had his shirt in his hand and he was swinging it around in a big circle. His pants were unbuttoned and he was doing a pretty funky bump and grind to whatever music was playing in his head.
Giles was doing his best to talk him down from the table, but Xander wasn't going for it. Every time Giles reached up to grab him, Xander just laughed and shimmied to one side or the other. And his pants, which were baggy to begin with, had started to travel southward, taking his plaid boxers with 'em. The only thing holding them up was the huge bulge that stuck way out in front.
Willow and Spike were nowhere to be seen.
Tara and I just stood there and stared.
"Xander, you MUST come down from there THIS INSTANT. This is a place of business, after all, and I CANNOT allow you to continue this RIDICULOUS and UNSEEMLY behavior." Never before had Giles sounded so much like a retired librarian.
But Xander just kept on shakin' his booty, until finally all of his bopping and bumping dislodged the jeans and boxers, and there he stood, in all his glory.
I wish, for Giles's sake, that I could say that was the end of the show. But since he couldn't dance very well with his pants around his ankles, Xander decided to get creative. He grabbed his...thingy...and started shaking it like it was a baton and he was conducting an orchestra.
"Xander! GET DOWN FROM THERE. NOW!"
"Why don't you come on up here and get me, Rupe-y?" He actually sounded like he was...flirting.
That's when Giles lost it. He jumped up and tackled Xander. They both crashed to the floor behind the table where we couldn't see them. But we could hear them.
"Bloody HELL! Xander, get OFF of me!"
"Gotcha now, Giles! And I'm SO gonna KISS THE LIBRARIAN!"
"LET GO!"
Then there was the definite sound of something ripping and then the wet, smacky sound of somebody being kissed. And then the door opened behind us and Anya walked in.
"Hi. What's going on?" She was holding the cash-box.
"OW! OWWWW!"
Giles must've gotten desperate, 'cause when they finally stood up, Xander had a bloody nose.
Anya took one look at nearly-naked and still-turned-on Xander, and torn-shirt, mussed-hair Giles, and went big-time ballistic. Even though she's supposedly all-human these days, I swear I saw her eyes go seriously demon-y.
"Rupert Giles and Xander Harris! How DARE you do this to me!"
"Now, Anya, this isn't what it-"
"SHUT UP, Giles! So THIS is the thanks I get for being a good employee? You send me out to the bank so you can jump my fiancé?"
It didn't help that Xander wouldn't stop giggling. He was shuffling towards Anya, his thingy still big and bopping along, with a huge grin on his face.
"Hey, baby, where ya been? I missed ya!"
"And YOU! How COULD you, Xander?" Now I was starting to feel sorry for her-her feelings were hurt and it was at least partly my fault.
"Anya, listen, there's been a mistake-"
"I'LL say there's been a mistake, Buffy. Why did I ever think I could have a normal relationship on a hellmouth, anyway? Nothing ever goes the way it's supposed to-and now the man I planned to marry has become a homosexual!" She was starting to cry.
"No, Anya, listen-Willow did a spell-"
"A spell? Willow cast a spell that turned Xander and Giles into homosexuals? I knew she didn't like me very much, but I thought we were beginning to be friends-"
"No, Anya, Xander and Giles aren't gay-"
"I should say not!" Giles was straightening his clothes and fixing his hair.
"Not that there's anything WRONG with that, right, Giles?" I looked at him and then at Tara, who was standing there biting her lip.
"Er...no...of course not, it's just that I don't happen to be-"
By this time, Xander had reached Anya and was rubbing himself up against her and making little grunting noises. She pushed him away.
"OK, somebody better explain what's going on here, because I've already made a deposit on a very expensive wedding dress and-"
"Like I said, Willow did a spell. A...a potency spell. On Spike." I braced myself for Giles's reaction.
"Oh, good Lord-have you all gone utterly mad? Don't you know what might have-"
"It seemed like a good idea at the time." I had no intention of letting Giles know what had happened between Spike and me.
"But if she did the spell on Spike, then how come...?" Anya had stopped pushing Xander away and was letting him nuzzle her neck.
"We used a book of Spike's that had Xander's business card inside, so the charm worked on both of them. I'm really, really sorry, guys-this is just awful." Now Tara looked like SHE was going to cry.
"OK-I guess I understand." Xander had one hand down the front of her blouse, and Anya wasn't looking nearly so upset anymore.
"There's still the issue of legalities. Xander will have to appear in court sometime soon to face charges of lewd conduct. Really, girls, this is beyond the pale."
At that point, Willow came in from the back room and I kinda lost interest in the conversation. I met her a few steps from the door.
"I want to see him. Now." I started off strong, 'cause I figured she was gonna argue. Surprise-she didn't bother.
"Yeah, I guess you've got some things to talk about." She seemed distracted. Then I realized that she was looking over my shoulder at the little scene that was playing out at the front of the store.
"Is he OK?"
"Huh? Oh-yeah, he's fine. I mean, as fine as can be expected, under the circumstances."
The shop door slammed and Tara came over to stand near us.
"What's going on?" Willow looked at Tara and Tara looked at Willow and there was some serious angsty stuff in the air.
"Xander and Anya are going home to...satisfy the charm. Willow, Giles would like to speak with you. Immediately." Uh oh. Somebody was in trouble. I knew I should go and take my share of the blame, but what can I say? I bailed.
I walked up to the door and knocked. No answer. I turned the knob and went in.
While I had been deceased, Giles and the gang had turned the training room into a kind of research lab/crash pad, complete with big-screen TV and three pull-out sofa-beds. Spike was stationed on one of them, pretending to be asleep.
"Rise and shine, Bleach Boy." I was going for light-hearted. It came out pushy. Story of my life.
His eyes snapped open and bore right into me. Even blind, his gaze was something to deal with. I sat down on one of the other sofas.
"What d'you want, Slayer?"
"Oh, I don't know-thought you might be up for a game of Scrabble." I paused. He didn't take the bait. "What do you THINK I want, you blood-sucking idiot? WHY THE HELL DID YOU TAKE OFF LIKE THAT!?!?!"
"Don't you watch the telly, Slayer? Leavin' the scene of the crime is standard procedure. I was merely playin' my part in your little drama."
"WHAT the hell are you talking about, Spike? I already told you-there was no crime. What happened was a mistake, but that's all it was."
"So says the Slayer. I've a feelin' your Watcher will think differently."
"Giles doesn't need to know."
"He's not a fool, Buffy."
"I'll pass along the compliment. Are we done talking about Giles yet? 'Cause I've got some stuff I'd like to say."
He was quiet.
"First of all, I want to apologize, which is a relatively new thing for me, so just bear with me here, OK?" I was fishing for a smile, but he didn't bite. "So, I'm sorry. I'm sorry we did the spell without asking you first. I'm sorry that it unleashed...whatever it was that got unleashed. By the way, I gotta say-that particular side of your demon is pretty impressive. Had me on the ropes in under five minutes. Why don't you use it more often-like, in battle and NOT against me, ever again, OK?"
He didn't answer.
"What...I mean, how are you feeling now? Is everything...back to normal?"
"Nope. Still blind."
"Yeah, well, that's not exactly what I meant."
"I know what you meant."
"And?"
He shrugged.
"You wanna...test it out?"
He shrugged again. I got up and sat down again on the end of his sofa.
His feet were bare under the blanket. I took one of them into my lap and began to run my fingers over the top of it. The skin was soft and smooth and very white. I looked into his face and saw that his eyes were closed.
I stroked the sole of his foot and felt him tense. I began massaging his toes-they're very cute toes, by the way-and he relaxed again and sunk further down into the cushions.
"That's very nice, Slayer, but I suspect it won't do the trick."
"No?"
"No."
"Oh." I tried not to sound disappointed.
"So...is there anything...I mean..."
"I doubt it." I was beginning to realize that my own frustration was a pretty small thing compared to what he must be going through.
"Just as well, Slayer. You can forget about your right misguided little infatuation and find yourself a whole man with eyes and danglies all fully functional and ready for action, can't you then? Much simpler all 'round."
The edge of anger in his voice didn't bother me nearly as much as the fact that he was willing to give me up without a fight. Just my ego talking again, but it was talking loud and I decided to listen.
"Who the hell do you think you are, to dismiss me like that? You think you're the only one with feelings around here? What if I don't WANT to find a WHOLE man? What if I want YOU?" OK, that came out wrong. But I was wound up.
"Your misfortune, Slayer. I've had enough of this bleedin' push-me pull-you rot. An' I thought DRUSILLA was fickle."
Now, looking back, I can see that he was working overtime to piss me off. But in the moment, all I knew was that he had compared me-unfavorably-to the bitch-queen that had started all this misery in the first place. And I reacted like you can probably guess I would.
I lunged at him, grabbed him by the hair, and slapped him. Hard. Twice.
Then I slammed out of the room and didn't see him again for a month.
tbc
Author: VicNoir
Rating: R
Disclaimers, etc.: please see previous chapters.
When we got to the shop, both Willow's and Giles's cars were parked outside, which meant that Spike was there, too.
"Wait out here, Buffy."
I like Tara, I really do. But at that point, I was getting a little fed up with her whole new assertive thing.
"I don't think so, Tara. He's gotta face me sometime."
She frowned and started to say something and then it was the battle of the resolve-faces. I won, mostly 'cause I had more practice. We went in.
I wish I'd had a camera, 'cause I really don't think I can describe the scene in a way that does it justice.
You know that nifty table near the back of the shop? The one that lights up from underneath? Xander was standing on it. Actually, he was dancing on it, if you could call it that.
He had his shirt in his hand and he was swinging it around in a big circle. His pants were unbuttoned and he was doing a pretty funky bump and grind to whatever music was playing in his head.
Giles was doing his best to talk him down from the table, but Xander wasn't going for it. Every time Giles reached up to grab him, Xander just laughed and shimmied to one side or the other. And his pants, which were baggy to begin with, had started to travel southward, taking his plaid boxers with 'em. The only thing holding them up was the huge bulge that stuck way out in front.
Willow and Spike were nowhere to be seen.
Tara and I just stood there and stared.
"Xander, you MUST come down from there THIS INSTANT. This is a place of business, after all, and I CANNOT allow you to continue this RIDICULOUS and UNSEEMLY behavior." Never before had Giles sounded so much like a retired librarian.
But Xander just kept on shakin' his booty, until finally all of his bopping and bumping dislodged the jeans and boxers, and there he stood, in all his glory.
I wish, for Giles's sake, that I could say that was the end of the show. But since he couldn't dance very well with his pants around his ankles, Xander decided to get creative. He grabbed his...thingy...and started shaking it like it was a baton and he was conducting an orchestra.
"Xander! GET DOWN FROM THERE. NOW!"
"Why don't you come on up here and get me, Rupe-y?" He actually sounded like he was...flirting.
That's when Giles lost it. He jumped up and tackled Xander. They both crashed to the floor behind the table where we couldn't see them. But we could hear them.
"Bloody HELL! Xander, get OFF of me!"
"Gotcha now, Giles! And I'm SO gonna KISS THE LIBRARIAN!"
"LET GO!"
Then there was the definite sound of something ripping and then the wet, smacky sound of somebody being kissed. And then the door opened behind us and Anya walked in.
"Hi. What's going on?" She was holding the cash-box.
"OW! OWWWW!"
Giles must've gotten desperate, 'cause when they finally stood up, Xander had a bloody nose.
Anya took one look at nearly-naked and still-turned-on Xander, and torn-shirt, mussed-hair Giles, and went big-time ballistic. Even though she's supposedly all-human these days, I swear I saw her eyes go seriously demon-y.
"Rupert Giles and Xander Harris! How DARE you do this to me!"
"Now, Anya, this isn't what it-"
"SHUT UP, Giles! So THIS is the thanks I get for being a good employee? You send me out to the bank so you can jump my fiancé?"
It didn't help that Xander wouldn't stop giggling. He was shuffling towards Anya, his thingy still big and bopping along, with a huge grin on his face.
"Hey, baby, where ya been? I missed ya!"
"And YOU! How COULD you, Xander?" Now I was starting to feel sorry for her-her feelings were hurt and it was at least partly my fault.
"Anya, listen, there's been a mistake-"
"I'LL say there's been a mistake, Buffy. Why did I ever think I could have a normal relationship on a hellmouth, anyway? Nothing ever goes the way it's supposed to-and now the man I planned to marry has become a homosexual!" She was starting to cry.
"No, Anya, listen-Willow did a spell-"
"A spell? Willow cast a spell that turned Xander and Giles into homosexuals? I knew she didn't like me very much, but I thought we were beginning to be friends-"
"No, Anya, Xander and Giles aren't gay-"
"I should say not!" Giles was straightening his clothes and fixing his hair.
"Not that there's anything WRONG with that, right, Giles?" I looked at him and then at Tara, who was standing there biting her lip.
"Er...no...of course not, it's just that I don't happen to be-"
By this time, Xander had reached Anya and was rubbing himself up against her and making little grunting noises. She pushed him away.
"OK, somebody better explain what's going on here, because I've already made a deposit on a very expensive wedding dress and-"
"Like I said, Willow did a spell. A...a potency spell. On Spike." I braced myself for Giles's reaction.
"Oh, good Lord-have you all gone utterly mad? Don't you know what might have-"
"It seemed like a good idea at the time." I had no intention of letting Giles know what had happened between Spike and me.
"But if she did the spell on Spike, then how come...?" Anya had stopped pushing Xander away and was letting him nuzzle her neck.
"We used a book of Spike's that had Xander's business card inside, so the charm worked on both of them. I'm really, really sorry, guys-this is just awful." Now Tara looked like SHE was going to cry.
"OK-I guess I understand." Xander had one hand down the front of her blouse, and Anya wasn't looking nearly so upset anymore.
"There's still the issue of legalities. Xander will have to appear in court sometime soon to face charges of lewd conduct. Really, girls, this is beyond the pale."
At that point, Willow came in from the back room and I kinda lost interest in the conversation. I met her a few steps from the door.
"I want to see him. Now." I started off strong, 'cause I figured she was gonna argue. Surprise-she didn't bother.
"Yeah, I guess you've got some things to talk about." She seemed distracted. Then I realized that she was looking over my shoulder at the little scene that was playing out at the front of the store.
"Is he OK?"
"Huh? Oh-yeah, he's fine. I mean, as fine as can be expected, under the circumstances."
The shop door slammed and Tara came over to stand near us.
"What's going on?" Willow looked at Tara and Tara looked at Willow and there was some serious angsty stuff in the air.
"Xander and Anya are going home to...satisfy the charm. Willow, Giles would like to speak with you. Immediately." Uh oh. Somebody was in trouble. I knew I should go and take my share of the blame, but what can I say? I bailed.
I walked up to the door and knocked. No answer. I turned the knob and went in.
While I had been deceased, Giles and the gang had turned the training room into a kind of research lab/crash pad, complete with big-screen TV and three pull-out sofa-beds. Spike was stationed on one of them, pretending to be asleep.
"Rise and shine, Bleach Boy." I was going for light-hearted. It came out pushy. Story of my life.
His eyes snapped open and bore right into me. Even blind, his gaze was something to deal with. I sat down on one of the other sofas.
"What d'you want, Slayer?"
"Oh, I don't know-thought you might be up for a game of Scrabble." I paused. He didn't take the bait. "What do you THINK I want, you blood-sucking idiot? WHY THE HELL DID YOU TAKE OFF LIKE THAT!?!?!"
"Don't you watch the telly, Slayer? Leavin' the scene of the crime is standard procedure. I was merely playin' my part in your little drama."
"WHAT the hell are you talking about, Spike? I already told you-there was no crime. What happened was a mistake, but that's all it was."
"So says the Slayer. I've a feelin' your Watcher will think differently."
"Giles doesn't need to know."
"He's not a fool, Buffy."
"I'll pass along the compliment. Are we done talking about Giles yet? 'Cause I've got some stuff I'd like to say."
He was quiet.
"First of all, I want to apologize, which is a relatively new thing for me, so just bear with me here, OK?" I was fishing for a smile, but he didn't bite. "So, I'm sorry. I'm sorry we did the spell without asking you first. I'm sorry that it unleashed...whatever it was that got unleashed. By the way, I gotta say-that particular side of your demon is pretty impressive. Had me on the ropes in under five minutes. Why don't you use it more often-like, in battle and NOT against me, ever again, OK?"
He didn't answer.
"What...I mean, how are you feeling now? Is everything...back to normal?"
"Nope. Still blind."
"Yeah, well, that's not exactly what I meant."
"I know what you meant."
"And?"
He shrugged.
"You wanna...test it out?"
He shrugged again. I got up and sat down again on the end of his sofa.
His feet were bare under the blanket. I took one of them into my lap and began to run my fingers over the top of it. The skin was soft and smooth and very white. I looked into his face and saw that his eyes were closed.
I stroked the sole of his foot and felt him tense. I began massaging his toes-they're very cute toes, by the way-and he relaxed again and sunk further down into the cushions.
"That's very nice, Slayer, but I suspect it won't do the trick."
"No?"
"No."
"Oh." I tried not to sound disappointed.
"So...is there anything...I mean..."
"I doubt it." I was beginning to realize that my own frustration was a pretty small thing compared to what he must be going through.
"Just as well, Slayer. You can forget about your right misguided little infatuation and find yourself a whole man with eyes and danglies all fully functional and ready for action, can't you then? Much simpler all 'round."
The edge of anger in his voice didn't bother me nearly as much as the fact that he was willing to give me up without a fight. Just my ego talking again, but it was talking loud and I decided to listen.
"Who the hell do you think you are, to dismiss me like that? You think you're the only one with feelings around here? What if I don't WANT to find a WHOLE man? What if I want YOU?" OK, that came out wrong. But I was wound up.
"Your misfortune, Slayer. I've had enough of this bleedin' push-me pull-you rot. An' I thought DRUSILLA was fickle."
Now, looking back, I can see that he was working overtime to piss me off. But in the moment, all I knew was that he had compared me-unfavorably-to the bitch-queen that had started all this misery in the first place. And I reacted like you can probably guess I would.
I lunged at him, grabbed him by the hair, and slapped him. Hard. Twice.
Then I slammed out of the room and didn't see him again for a month.
tbc