Interview with Mason Verger
Note: My name is Chenin. Jessica is my roommate at college who thinks that Mason Verger should get plastic surgery, and Tiffany is my friend who likes to pretend that she has Hannibal locked in her basement.
Chenin: (holds gun to Mason Verger's head) Okay, talk!
Mason Verger: Herro, my name iv Mafon Verver and I rook rike thif becuf I am a fychopaph and I cut off my own fafe. I would brame it on Hannibar Recsher, buf if I do, thif Fenin girl wirr shoot me. I don't want vat to haffen. It vas harf enough efcaping from vat ravenoush pig.
Jessica: (in audience) YOU'RE FRICKIN UGLY!! GET SOME PLASTIC SURGERY!!
Mason: Prashtic furvery? I never shought of vat!
Chenin: See, that's why you're a psychopath! Anybody who hangs himself with a noose and sings "That's Entertainment" while dogs eat his face can't be right in the head!
Jessica: GET SOME FRICKIN' PLASTIC SURGERY ALREADY!!!
Audience member: Shut up! I can't hear anything!
Chenin: You shut up, we didn't say anything anyway!!! Now, Mason, tell us what you plan to do now?
Mason: Vell, I vash finking vat now I wirr give up on my revensh on Hannibar Recsher and conshentrate on a new miffon.
Chenin: And what is that miffon- I mean mission?
Mason: GETTING REVENSH ON CORDELL!!! He'sh va one vat pushed me inshto vat pen of ravenoush pigsh!
Cordell: (runs in) I deny that! It was Hannibal Lecter!!!
Mason: You ifiot! Vat's jusht what he told you to shay!!!
Cordell: Is not!
Mason: Ish too!
Cordell: Is not!
Mason: Ish too! Chenin: QUIET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Cordell, get out of here before I shoot you! This isn't your interview!
Cordell: Oh yeah!? I bet if Hannibal Lecter ran in here you wouldn't tell him to leave.
Chenin: (blushes angrily) That's beside the point!! Just get out of here!!
Tiffany: (in audience) And Hannibal Lecter couldn't come here anyway because he's tied up in my basement!!!!!!!!
Chenin: (quietly) Some people have all the fun!
Jessica: JUST GET SOME PLASTIC SURGERY!!!!!
Mason: Vat'sh a good ivea!! Cordell, give me fome prashtic- vaisht a minute!! I'm shupposhed to ve getting revensh on you!!
Chenin: How easily he forgets.
Mason: Come here, Cordell! Fenin, gif me vat gun!!
Chenin: First off, my name is Chenin not Fenin! Secondly, you can't take my gun! It cost 4,000 dollars!!
Cordell: 4,000 dollars!?
Chenin: Yeah, it's a collector's item! It's the one Clarice Starling used to shoot that lady with the baby!
Mason: Ooo, I vansht one!!
Chenin: Too bad, it's mine! Now Cordell, get out of here before Mashon.uh, Mason goes psycho and starts feeding you to the dogs!
Cordell: Okay, but if anybody asks, Hannibal Lecter threw him into the pen of pigs!!
Chenin: Whatever, whatever, just get out of here!!!
(Cordell leaves)
Chenin: Anyway, don't you think it would be a better idea if you retire, Mason? I mean, look at you!!
Mason: Vat'sh vat shupposhed to mean!!??
Jessica: IT MEANS GET SOME PLASTIC SURGERY!!! Audience member: ALRIGHT!! WE HEARD YOU ALREADY!!
Chenin: SHUT UUUUUUPPPPPPPP!!!!! (audience is silent and you can hear crickets chirping) That's better. Anyway, I have a question for you, Mason. How come you can't walk? All you did was rip off your face!
Mason: I don't know!! I juft can't walk!! It'sh a myshtery to me.
Chenin: You're probably just faking it to get sympathy!!
Cordell: (pops his head through the door) I can say for a fact that that's not the case. I have had extensive medical training to become Mr. Verger's private physician.
Chenin: GET OOUUUUTT!!!
(Cordell runs away)
Mason: No no!! Lemme af him, Lemme af him!!! (He jumps out of his wheelchair, grabs Chenin's gun, and chases after Cordell. Gunshots are heard in the distance).
Chenin: I knew he was faking. I guess Cordell isn't such a prominent physician after all.
Jessica: (calling after Mason) GET SOME PLASTIC SURGERY!!!!!
Tiffany: Are we done? I have to be getting back to my cannibal.
Chenin: Well, he's got my prized gun. I'll just have go back to EBAY and see if I can find some other piece of memorabilia. I guess we're done. Okay, everybody go home. (Audience leaves). I want my gun back!! Well, I guess that's what I get for messing with a psychopath who cuts off his own face and then blames somebody else for it. Oh well!
THE END
Note: My name is Chenin. Jessica is my roommate at college who thinks that Mason Verger should get plastic surgery, and Tiffany is my friend who likes to pretend that she has Hannibal locked in her basement.
Chenin: (holds gun to Mason Verger's head) Okay, talk!
Mason Verger: Herro, my name iv Mafon Verver and I rook rike thif becuf I am a fychopaph and I cut off my own fafe. I would brame it on Hannibar Recsher, buf if I do, thif Fenin girl wirr shoot me. I don't want vat to haffen. It vas harf enough efcaping from vat ravenoush pig.
Jessica: (in audience) YOU'RE FRICKIN UGLY!! GET SOME PLASTIC SURGERY!!
Mason: Prashtic furvery? I never shought of vat!
Chenin: See, that's why you're a psychopath! Anybody who hangs himself with a noose and sings "That's Entertainment" while dogs eat his face can't be right in the head!
Jessica: GET SOME FRICKIN' PLASTIC SURGERY ALREADY!!!
Audience member: Shut up! I can't hear anything!
Chenin: You shut up, we didn't say anything anyway!!! Now, Mason, tell us what you plan to do now?
Mason: Vell, I vash finking vat now I wirr give up on my revensh on Hannibar Recsher and conshentrate on a new miffon.
Chenin: And what is that miffon- I mean mission?
Mason: GETTING REVENSH ON CORDELL!!! He'sh va one vat pushed me inshto vat pen of ravenoush pigsh!
Cordell: (runs in) I deny that! It was Hannibal Lecter!!!
Mason: You ifiot! Vat's jusht what he told you to shay!!!
Cordell: Is not!
Mason: Ish too!
Cordell: Is not!
Mason: Ish too! Chenin: QUIET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Cordell, get out of here before I shoot you! This isn't your interview!
Cordell: Oh yeah!? I bet if Hannibal Lecter ran in here you wouldn't tell him to leave.
Chenin: (blushes angrily) That's beside the point!! Just get out of here!!
Tiffany: (in audience) And Hannibal Lecter couldn't come here anyway because he's tied up in my basement!!!!!!!!
Chenin: (quietly) Some people have all the fun!
Jessica: JUST GET SOME PLASTIC SURGERY!!!!!
Mason: Vat'sh a good ivea!! Cordell, give me fome prashtic- vaisht a minute!! I'm shupposhed to ve getting revensh on you!!
Chenin: How easily he forgets.
Mason: Come here, Cordell! Fenin, gif me vat gun!!
Chenin: First off, my name is Chenin not Fenin! Secondly, you can't take my gun! It cost 4,000 dollars!!
Cordell: 4,000 dollars!?
Chenin: Yeah, it's a collector's item! It's the one Clarice Starling used to shoot that lady with the baby!
Mason: Ooo, I vansht one!!
Chenin: Too bad, it's mine! Now Cordell, get out of here before Mashon.uh, Mason goes psycho and starts feeding you to the dogs!
Cordell: Okay, but if anybody asks, Hannibal Lecter threw him into the pen of pigs!!
Chenin: Whatever, whatever, just get out of here!!!
(Cordell leaves)
Chenin: Anyway, don't you think it would be a better idea if you retire, Mason? I mean, look at you!!
Mason: Vat'sh vat shupposhed to mean!!??
Jessica: IT MEANS GET SOME PLASTIC SURGERY!!! Audience member: ALRIGHT!! WE HEARD YOU ALREADY!!
Chenin: SHUT UUUUUUPPPPPPPP!!!!! (audience is silent and you can hear crickets chirping) That's better. Anyway, I have a question for you, Mason. How come you can't walk? All you did was rip off your face!
Mason: I don't know!! I juft can't walk!! It'sh a myshtery to me.
Chenin: You're probably just faking it to get sympathy!!
Cordell: (pops his head through the door) I can say for a fact that that's not the case. I have had extensive medical training to become Mr. Verger's private physician.
Chenin: GET OOUUUUTT!!!
(Cordell runs away)
Mason: No no!! Lemme af him, Lemme af him!!! (He jumps out of his wheelchair, grabs Chenin's gun, and chases after Cordell. Gunshots are heard in the distance).
Chenin: I knew he was faking. I guess Cordell isn't such a prominent physician after all.
Jessica: (calling after Mason) GET SOME PLASTIC SURGERY!!!!!
Tiffany: Are we done? I have to be getting back to my cannibal.
Chenin: Well, he's got my prized gun. I'll just have go back to EBAY and see if I can find some other piece of memorabilia. I guess we're done. Okay, everybody go home. (Audience leaves). I want my gun back!! Well, I guess that's what I get for messing with a psychopath who cuts off his own face and then blames somebody else for it. Oh well!
THE END