It's the kind of love that you read about in trashy romance novels or cry over on the big screen. I never dreamed it could happen to me. I will probably never fully understand why I was graced with something so good, when the rest of my life is in shambles at my feet. Perhaps it's my reward for putting up with so much crap and trying to survive the bleak world from whence I'm from.
I never expected it to happen. I always knew that I had some kind of emotional attachment to this man. He was a dear friend, someone who was always unconditionally there for me. He's the kind of friend that one only makes once in a lifetime. So, to say that I was surprised that I fell in love with him would have to be a no. I think as much as my head told me not to do it, my heart was crying out for me to love him with all of my soul. I'm so glad that for once I listened to my heart.
I've often heard people say that they have met their soul mates. Well, one year ago I would have laughed at that idea. I would have told you that soul mates do not exist, that there is no one perfect person for everyone in the world. Sometimes you get lucky and pick the right one and sometimes you don't. One year ago I realized that there are such things as soul mates, and I have found mine.
When I am with him, I can be myself. I can show him my darkest secrets and my wildest adventures and I know that they are safe. He will still love me, no matter how low my spirit may get or how much wild passion I need to unleash. It's still hard for me to show that side of myself. But I'm learning and I'm getting better as time goes on. Fortunately, he has been patient and understanding. No man has ever done that for me before.
I have never been loved by anyone like John Carter has loved me. When he kisses me it's like we are alone stranded on a desert island and no one will ever interrupt us. We have all the time in the world and nothing to do but kiss. He can make my skin come alive and tingle at his slightest touch. And when he makes love to me, it's like a completion of myself. It's not about sex and quick satisfaction; it's about mutual gratification and demonstration of deep love through physical intimacy. It's a connection between souls and spirits that is made complete through physical unity. It's like nothing I've ever experienced before.
I have never loved anyone like I love John Carter. He is the first person I think about when I awake in the morning, and the last person I think about before I drift off to sleep. I literally live to see his smile, feel his arms around me, and have him kiss me. He is the very air that I breathe. It is wonderful to live your life solely for the enjoyment of someone else. I am glad that I get to live mine for John. I couldn't ask for anyone better to love.
I see him coming towards me now. His smile lights up my whole world. I eagerly accept his embrace and then his warm kiss. He can still make my knees buckle with just the way he looks at me. "Are you already to go Mrs. Carter?" he asks me softly.
I wrap my hands around the back of his neck and smile deep into his eyes. "Only if you are coming with me." He takes me by the hand and we leave the room together. After all we have guests waiting in the living room.
"Congratulations!" They all shout in unison as my love and I walk into the living room. There are many hugs and more good wishes before everyone settles down to watch us our open gifts. I open them one by one marveling and making a big fuss over every gift whether it be small or large, cheap or expensive. After what seemed like hours, John and I were finally alone again in our apartment.
He made a jestering motion with his hand, "It appears that they have all forgiven us for eloping. We need a bigger place for all this stuff."
I laughed a loud. "We really do. It was very generous of everyone."
"They are all so excited, probably as excited as we are."
"That's pushing it just a bit." I smiled at him and kissed him again. We both sunk into the kiss, relunctant for both the kiss and the magic of this night to end. The kiss got more intense and we ended up in our bedroom. We have ended up there quite a bit over the last week. Since we got married. I couldn't get enough of him before we were married, now he's like an obsession to me. I can't stand to be apart from him, I want him always with me, always next to me, always holding me.
After we cleaned up and attempted to put away all the presents from our impromptu wedding reception, we snuggled down on the couch with a big bowl of popcorn to watch Moulin Rouge. I sat as close to my new husband as I could pressing my thigh against his. He wrapped his arm protectively around my shoulders and at random times throughout the movie would lean down and kiss the top of my head.
If I could choose any moment to freeze in time, this would be it. Safe in the arms of the man I love, and knowing that he loves me back. We belong together forever, and I'm so glad. I never have to run again, I don't have to hide, I don't have to pretend, and I don't have to imagine because all of this is real. It's very real and it's happening to me. I snuggle even closer to him and he starts to rub the back of my neck with his hand. I love it when he does that. It's a simple gesture yet one that says so much. It says that I am comforted, protected, and treasured.
When the movie was over John picked up the remote and stopped the VCR. He smiled warmly into my eyes and said, "You know this movie has a lot of truth of it."
"It's so sad though. I hate it that she dies and leaves him all alone."
"But she leaves him with the greatest lesson that he will ever learn," John reminded me gently.
And as my husband leans down and kisses me deeply the words of the lesson echo through my head…
"The
greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to be loved, and loved in return."
Yeah, I think I have that covered.