(The show comes back from its Orbit gum--Fabulous---commercial to find Mog
with a large bandage on top of his head, and many spear-sized scratches on
his body. We see many large security guards dressed in black suit and dark
sunglasses and earpieces standing all around the set. Mog goes onto meet
the characters from Final Fantasy VII.)
Mog: Now on Team AVALANCHE, first we have the master of the skies Cid Highwind.
Cid: F@#king moogle.
Mog: Shut up! The only reason you're still here is because one of your characters is dead-
Cloud: -Aerith!!! I love you!!!
Mog: One is hibernating in a coffin, and the other is a robot.
Cid: Just wait 'till after the show. I'm tying you to the back of my airship by your pom pom and then make tight turns by every tall building I find.
(Mog nervously moves away from Cid.)
Mog: Next we have the gorgeously well endowed-
Tifa: -Hey, my eyes are up here, not down there.
(Mog looks up from Tifa's chest.)
Mog: And strong and scary Tifa Lockheart!
Tifa: And don't lemme catch you staring at me like that again.
Mog: (Scared.) Yes ma'am.
(Mog moves on from Tifa, hoping the rest of the team won't want to kill him either.)
Mog: Next we have the. Jesus you're big.
Barret: I pity the foo' who don't use 1-800-Collect!
Mog: What?
Barret: Nothing foo'.
Mog: O.k.
(Mog inches away from Barret, thanking God that the only real cameo he made in Final Fantasy VII was in a stupid and pointless little arcade game.)
Mog: Now we have the. lovely. Yuffie Kisaragi.
Yuffie: Hiya! Hey, what's that thing on your head? Looks like a huge materia!
Mog: Don't touch the pom pom!
(Yuffie touches Mog's pom pom!)
Mog: KUPOPOPOPO!!!!!!!!
(Mog lunges towards Yuffie. Yuffie backs away as the security guards try to restrain the now distressed Mog.)
Mog: Okay, okay! I'm good, I'm good! Lemme go!
(The security guards let go of Mog and he goes to introduce the last AVALANCHE team member.)
Mog: Now finally! The last member of team AVALANCHE and the team member, Cloud Strife!
Barret: Hey foo'! I'm the leader of AVALANCHE!
Mog: That's not what my cue cards say.
(Barret cocks his gun arm and point it at the moogle.)
Barret: What did you say, foo'?
Mog: .Just, that (gulp) you're the leader.
Barret: That's right foo'!
Cloud: .Whatever.
Narrator Squall: Hey! That's my line!!!
(Cloud unsheathes his very, very, very large buster sword.)
Narrator Squall: (Gulps.) Nevermind, the lines yours!
Cloud: Good. Now I suggest you mosey.
Cid: Godammit Cloud! You sound like a f@#king sissy every time you say that.
(Mog walks away as Cloud and Cid are arguing with each other.)
Mog: Sweet Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, that AVALANCHE is a violent bunch.
Mog: Now on Team AVALANCHE, first we have the master of the skies Cid Highwind.
Cid: F@#king moogle.
Mog: Shut up! The only reason you're still here is because one of your characters is dead-
Cloud: -Aerith!!! I love you!!!
Mog: One is hibernating in a coffin, and the other is a robot.
Cid: Just wait 'till after the show. I'm tying you to the back of my airship by your pom pom and then make tight turns by every tall building I find.
(Mog nervously moves away from Cid.)
Mog: Next we have the gorgeously well endowed-
Tifa: -Hey, my eyes are up here, not down there.
(Mog looks up from Tifa's chest.)
Mog: And strong and scary Tifa Lockheart!
Tifa: And don't lemme catch you staring at me like that again.
Mog: (Scared.) Yes ma'am.
(Mog moves on from Tifa, hoping the rest of the team won't want to kill him either.)
Mog: Next we have the. Jesus you're big.
Barret: I pity the foo' who don't use 1-800-Collect!
Mog: What?
Barret: Nothing foo'.
Mog: O.k.
(Mog inches away from Barret, thanking God that the only real cameo he made in Final Fantasy VII was in a stupid and pointless little arcade game.)
Mog: Now we have the. lovely. Yuffie Kisaragi.
Yuffie: Hiya! Hey, what's that thing on your head? Looks like a huge materia!
Mog: Don't touch the pom pom!
(Yuffie touches Mog's pom pom!)
Mog: KUPOPOPOPO!!!!!!!!
(Mog lunges towards Yuffie. Yuffie backs away as the security guards try to restrain the now distressed Mog.)
Mog: Okay, okay! I'm good, I'm good! Lemme go!
(The security guards let go of Mog and he goes to introduce the last AVALANCHE team member.)
Mog: Now finally! The last member of team AVALANCHE and the team member, Cloud Strife!
Barret: Hey foo'! I'm the leader of AVALANCHE!
Mog: That's not what my cue cards say.
(Barret cocks his gun arm and point it at the moogle.)
Barret: What did you say, foo'?
Mog: .Just, that (gulp) you're the leader.
Barret: That's right foo'!
Cloud: .Whatever.
Narrator Squall: Hey! That's my line!!!
(Cloud unsheathes his very, very, very large buster sword.)
Narrator Squall: (Gulps.) Nevermind, the lines yours!
Cloud: Good. Now I suggest you mosey.
Cid: Godammit Cloud! You sound like a f@#king sissy every time you say that.
(Mog walks away as Cloud and Cid are arguing with each other.)
Mog: Sweet Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, that AVALANCHE is a violent bunch.