TV Troubles
By: Tenshi no Nozomi (tenshi_no_nozomi@hotmail.com)
Warnings: same as always; major Mamoru bashing! This chapter is not for Mamoru fans. Heck, the fic probably isn't something you should probably be something Mamoru fans should pursue reading. there will be at least a minimum of slams!
Also. It seems to me that there's more curse words in this chapter than in the last. Perhaps it's my mood, or the one the characters are in. In either case, please be sure to read at your own discretion if that sort of thing offends you. Thank you.
Rating: same
DISCLAIMER: same
CHAPTER: Chapter Three
AN:
Ah. so here we are, at chapter three. Goodness. I normally don't make it this far with fics. Sad, huh? Actually, this is really overdue- I would have had this done much, much sooner but I ran into trouble.
First, I couldn't decided how to properly end the chapter so that it wouldn't be quite so weak as last time's, and I had to outline everything. Second, we got PlayStation 2, and I'm really close to beating FFX. I luv that game!!! And then the floppy disk I had everything on died on me. So there I was, halfway finished. but my chapter three was on an inaccessible floppy disk. I swear, I have the worst luck.
So anyway, it's almost June, and the year- hell, the month!- has absolutely flown by! I'm late in getting this out, school's almost out, which means finals and then a month long trip to Texas. Yes, I'll be spending practically all of June in Texas. Why? Cuz all of the relatives on my mom's side of the family live there, and I need a break from my family. .;; They're driving me nuts!
So, I don't know how much writing I'll be able to get done. but actually, it should be a fair amount. Why? Because I won't have any video games to distract me, a computer with Microsoft Word. and stuff like that. ^^ Maybe I'll even get some cool inspiration!
But that's enough; I've ranted far too much. Please enjoy the third installment to TV Troubles, and email me/ review to tell me what you think of it!! Replies to previous reviews can be found at the bottom after the story.
DEDICATION: To Sweet Kawaii Angel, Aidenn Legacy, Dee-Chan who all requested (kinda) that I do RK next. ^^
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Chapter Two: Frustrations (RK)
Had Usagi ever had the inane desire to live in the forest, she would have been in heaven now. Unfortunately, she had never had such a wish- and therefore was not only irate and grumpy, but tired of the scenery.
Gods, how she hated trees. They were too tall, and they blocked out the sun. Their bark was so itchy and scratchy, and there was always some kind of bug or bird on them ready to peck or bite the heck out of you.
She sighed and stomped down the path irately, wandering aimlessly through the seemingly endless forest from hell. Trudging behind her came Link, with Navi bobbing along wearily over his head, and behind Link his majesty, Hotohori, just as sullen as the rest of them.
Heh, heh. oh, how much fun it had been, trying to explain to him that they couldn't get him home. And if sarcasm were a poison, then Usagi would have been arrested by the FBI right then and there for carrying a lethal substance on her.
:: Flashback ::
".If you would just please take us back home, perhaps we will pardon this treason of yours." Hotohori said, trying again to reason with the 'savages.' It was obvious the 'da Nile' was not just a river in Egypt.
"Us? Us who?" Link looked genuinely puzzled, and if a sweatdrop wouldn't have weighed the fairy down to the point of being able to possibly flutter three inches off ground through back breaking work, she would have.
"For the last time, we can't! We don't know where we are, or really how we got here!" Usagi had had just about enough. Her day was going from bad to worse to punishment from God, and quite frankly she didn't need to have to deal with this right now. What she wanted to do was get out of this lousy forest before she had a conniption fit.
"Oh, Suzaku," he muttered, "I have been captured by the village idiots; save me!"
Usagi growled, and it was at that time Link decided it would be wise to restrain her. It was a good thing, too- it would have been a real shame to harm such a handsome young man, even if he was being a pain in the ass.
When Usagi had succeeded in calming down, she managed to hiss at him in a more or less feline and dangerous- but understandable- way. "Look. Either you can stay here, or you can come with us, your Majesty. Either way, I really don't care- but I'm going to find my way out of this confounded forest and figure out just what the heck's going on here, or my name's not Tsukino Usagi!"
:: End Flashback ::
It had been the beginning of a not-so-wonderful friendship. Not to mention it was strained even more with all the tension and the circumstances. Now all anyone needed was a friggin' straw to break the camel's back, and Usagi could not promise that anyone would come out alive.
Hi ho, hi ho, it's off to hell we go. Usagi had the sudden and insane need to giggle. Oh yes, she was cracking up finely, clear from her little egg shell and yolk. Not to mention her blood pressure was rising, and Usagi felt like brandishing a flame thrower and destroying all of the vegetation around her.
An appeasing image of herself armed with said weaponry surrounded by ash and flaming debris on what could have been a dusty battle field, laughing like a mad man. Say 'bye-bye,' Bambi. oh, what an image! Mother Nature, say your prayers. After that, she could go after the population of faeries.
She smiled dreamily, if not wistfully, and such thoughts ran rampant around in her mind like panicked little fairies- no pun intended. However, she was not smiling for long ahead of her, for things happen when you don't watch out where you're walking. Usagi ran head on into a rather large tree, abruptly clearing her head of the violent little fantasies she'd been entertaining.
"Owies." Usagi sniffled, and rubbed her nose. Well, her blood pressure had gone down momentarily, and that irritating itching sensation had left the back of her mind and jaw.
She smiled up sheepishly at her companions, who were staring down at her as though to say, 'What were we thinking when we let this basket case take the lead?' Maybe it was the fact that she seemed truly remorseful, or her big blue eyes looking at them sheepishly.
In any case, their eyes softened, and it was Hotohori who helped her back up. Really, for a guy so vain, he really is pretty sweet. She gave him a sweet smile, and Link looked away, though he was frowning.
"Men and their hormones," Navi huffed, who had personally been waiting for a chance to ditch the blonde girl. So far the girl had brought them nothing but trouble. And if Link was getting attached, then who knew what would happen next.
So they resumed walking through the forest, though it was hot and they were sweating. Well, Usagi was glowing- girls don't sweat, you know- and Navi was. immune to the heat, since it would have taken up half of her little spherical body to have a single sweat gland.
What I wouldn't give for a couch, Usagi groaned as they wandered along. She could almost feel the wrath of the blisters yet formed.
--------------------*
The scene with the scouts wasn't exactly a pretty one. What with Ami being the sole light of sanity, and even the two cats were acting up.
Shingo couldn't seem to decide just how he was going to kill his sister. He'd narrowed his choices down to hanging her from a ceiling fan by her toes or boiling her in a large pot. Quite frankly, Rei was anticipating this as well- she refused to allow Shingo to commit the deed without her.
Luna and Artemis were squabbling about petty things- namely which one of them was the better guardian. And whose charge would make the better, more responsible leader. If none of the others had been busy at the moment, they probably would have laughed till they cried.
Minako and Makoto were still trying to sort through the money. It was a bit hard to divvy up, seeing as they'd forgotten how much they'd put in. The neither had figured that they could just count all the money and then split it in half, or else suspected the other would take the money. So they weren't going anywhere fast.
Ami was wondering what the hell was wrong with these people- either a, she had not realized their stupidity before just now; b, they were on stupid pills or some kind of drug; or c. it was some kind of momentary lapse into insanity or an attack by a new enemy.
Oh, the thought that they would lose to some evil force by sheer stupidity..
Ami shook her head, and concentrated. She would make it out of this alive, and with her sanity in tact. Of course, if that goal turned out to be too far-fetched, she'd take them all down with her. And that though set her at a slight ease- and a smile on her face-, and she returned to work.
---------------------*
It was decided. Usagi would never, ever go on another hike in her life. Mother Nature just simply wasn't not her friend, and it was okay- the feeling was, indeed, mutual.
They had been wandering around here for what felt to have been at least two hours. And whereas in the places before it had been evening and the morning, it was mid-afternoon here, and the heat kept rising.
Usagi had been bitten to death by every kind of mosquito there was, she was certain, and wouldn't have been all too surprised if she caught malaria or something. Her feet were beyond aching, she was sluggish and tired, and she hadn't had anything to drink. She was sticky from sweat; covered in dirt; scratched from tree limbs, tree bark, and assorted other plants. Overall, she felt grungy.
Gods, she'd sell her one- currently- good arm and her mother for a drink of water and a shower.
She was so glad to be resting. even if the rock she was currently residing on was hard and lumpy, and just not very comfortable. A recliner, a recliner- my kingdom for a recliner. Preferably a new, leather one in an air conditioned house that still smells like leather, so that when I lay down I-
Her thoughts were interrupted as her companions stood up again. Usagi groaned; it felt as though they'd only sat for just a moment, and were now on the second leg of their eternal journey. The exercise would probably be good for her. if it didn't end up killing her.
If nothing else, and they were lost out here, at least the Link and Hotohori were armed. And if they were starved and truly desperate, then an underdone faerie burger would do just fine.
She stalked along, feeling like her legs were dead weights and ready to fall off. Link was in the lead now, and Usagi couldn't help but wonder if maybe he were even more directionally-impaired than she. She could have sworn that she'd seen this very same tree five times before.
And although normally she wouldn't have been able to tell a fir tree from an oak, after spending as much time as she had looking at nothing but the damned things, she'd begun to be able to tell.
"Link, we're going in circles," she whined up at him. Really, she knew it wasn't his fault- he was trying. But Usagi needed someone to point a finger at, and he seemed like a logical- if not correct- choice.
"I know," came the dull and tired sounding reply. Good, so she wasn't the only person here suffering in undeniable agony. You know what they say- misery loves company.
And just when Usagi thought for sure they'd die wandering around in that accursed forest, and that the last thing she'd ever see would be Navi, or some foliage, or a tree trunk, they found themselves out on a small, but fairly clear, dirt road. In fact, it seemed to lead down to a town.
Her companions were rejoicing. Navi was spouting of praise to Din, Farore, and Nayru like she wouldn't see a tomorrow. Hotohori was kneeling himself, thanking Suzaku that his punishment for allowing fools to kidnap him was over. Link was resting on the dirt, and smiling blissfully at nothing in particular.
But Usagi was so thankful to be out of there, she wasn't paying too much attention. In fact, she was sprawled out on the road on her back, staring up at a cadet blue sky she was grateful to see. And may the gods have had mercy on the horse that decided to try and walk over her.
--------------------------*
Oh, Mamoru was in deep, deep shit. He'd been in shit before, of course, but that was nothing compared to this. He was drowning in the stuff this time.
Two young, beautiful, and well-endowed women were marching his way, with looks to kill on their faces. He knew them both, of course- he had been seeing them both as of late frequently.
Only now, he was fairly sure, he would not be seeing them anymore. He'd be lucky if he ever saw anything again after this encounter. He prepared himself for what was to come.
"Mamoru!" Barked Yukiko, the taller of the two. Her shortly cropped black hair hung around her very unhappy-looking face, and her arms were crossed over his chest.
"We need to talk," added the second, Himewa sounding like the voice of death itself. In fact, the way her eyes looked, he could have mistaken them for the replica of cat's.
"Ladies. whatever about?" He was trying for the innocent approach to this, still hoping to avoid the conflict.
To this, he got a bang on the coffee table he was eating on by two fists- and a spilled coffee. He jumped up and away from the burning liquid, though, before it could touch his precious avocado colored blazer. and was rewarded by the site of the liquid burning straight through his leather couch.
Whoa, what the hell was that, he thought.
Damn. if he hadn't jumped up, we could have put him up on the Darwin Awards. (1) thought Himewa.
"Listen here! You think that you can just play around with us? We're not toys, and we don't have to take this kind of crap from you," Yukiko said, nice and loud so that the people in the other booths who were trying to look as though they weren't listening could hear everything without having to strain their ears.
Himewa nodded in agreement. "Either you date her or me- but not the both of us." To this, Yukiko sweat-dropped a bit: as though she would take that two-timing scum back! That he should be so lucky.
"Easy, ladies. there's enough of me to go around," he said, totally suave.
That was, of course, until he got the living crap beaten out of him. Justly so, I might add.
So after the two ladies were done trashing him beyond recognition, they left. If the only good things to come out of the event were that Mamoru had indeed been beaten up and a new and beautiful friendship had begun between the two girls, then that would be all right.
As Mamoru crawled out of the restaurant and toward the closest phone booth, wincing as his broken ribs throbbed and the bruises began to form already, he thought about things. This meant that his fun had been spoiled early. oh well, none of his flings lasted very long.
And he still had his little 'bunny' to go back. Gods, what a riot.. she was more faithful than a dog! And one of these days, when they were married, he would be rewarded for his patience and somewhat faithfulness.
Now, though, he had bigger, more important things to worry over. Like the fact he was sure he had a concussion, and was feeling pretty dizzy.
"Hello, 9-1-1? I think I need an ambulance."
-------------------------*
". So, basically, what you're saying is you want Navi and me to stay here while you go on to check out that town over there." Usagi couldn't help but feel but feel a bit suspicious.
"Well, yes." When he saw that both females- let us assume that Navi is indeed female, despite how it disgraces all of female kind- were ready to protest, Link rushed on. "It'll give the two of you a place to rest, and you'll be able to sit in the shade. and we'll do the work."
Usagi considered this for a moment, and then finally nodded her consent. " All right. But only on one condition. if you try to ditch me here, I will hunt you down. And when I catch you, it won't be pretty!"
"Possessive, aren't we," Navi muttered.
"Hey, I'm not thrilled with being stuck with you for any longer than I have to- much less being left with you. Besides, who knows what the people here are like? I'd be afraid to be left all on my lonesome with a helium puff- ball here to defend me. I mean. where Hotohori's from, I'm dressed like a. prostitute, so who knows what the people here will think?"
Hotohori nodded understandingly. "We'll be back, I swear to you on my honor as a Suzaku Seishi and the Emperor of Konan!"
Usagi smiled sweetly at him in return, and Link dragged the older man away, a slight blush on his face and grumbled words under his breath.
Usagi and Navi sat there for a few moments without talking. but only for a few moments.
"I can't believe you! How can you just- just flirt with them like that," raved the fairy. However, she was shortly tuned out.
Sheesh. I don't think I've ever felt so tired before. She yawned, before continuing her train of thought. What I'd do for a glass of water and a bed. I'm really thirsty. I wonder when I'll get home again. all though, I have to say, this place has the freshest air. not to mention there aren't any pyros around to yell at me.
Usagi leaned back, and took a deep inhale of the sweet, smelling air. Now that they were out of that horrible, horrible forest, things weren't so bad. Of course, her feet were still aching like the dickens, but she assumed she'd survive. Unless, of course, they fell off or something.
But her thoughts wandered back to the fact that she was, indeed, very thirsty- and swallowing her saliva wasn't very helpful. In fact, thinking about it made her feel kinda. nauseous.
"-And. hey, are you listening to me!?" The stupid fairies shrill tirade broke through her thoughts and killed her moment of peace. Of course the only thing she could in return was to get even.
"No," she replied simply.
The display that followed was interesting, to say the least. The fairy had a horrible fit, bashing itself against a tree, turning a rainbow of colors, and spouting all sorts of expletives, before ending her fit with a simple, "Aggggghhhh!!!!"
"Feel better now," Usagi asked while the small fairy panted and rested on a warm rock next Usagi's. Usagi just laughed at the silence that followed, before thinking her thoughts again.
For a few long minutes, there was no talking, before Usagi broke it. "I'm really thirsty," she wined for the sake of it. Navi seemed ready to blow another gasket when she saw something.
"Well, there's a well over there, isn't there?" Usagi instantly was on her way, wondering why the heck she hadn't seen it before.
As Navi saw the girl leaning perilously over the edge of the well trying to grab the bucket in the center, she was over come by her dark side. She couldn't help herself at she zoomed over there, and gave the odangoe haired girl just enough of a push to send her plummeting into the well.
"What the.- AGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!" Usagi cried out as she suddenly found herself plunging head-first into the well. Oh, how she hoped that the well was deep. There was a loud splash that followed this.
"Naaaavvviiii.."
"Sorry, it was just too tempting!" The fairy certainly didn't sound apologetic, though. Heck, she sounded like she was having the time of her life.
Devious little critter. Usagi grumbled mentally to herself. "All right, then, just help me out!" Somehow, though, she had a bad feeling about how the fairy might respond to this. And a few minutes later, her suspicions were confirmed.
"Help you out?" Now the fairy sounded absolutely demonic. And she was giggling. And then laughing, very hard- and definitely in the evil villain style. Uhm hum, Navi had definitely cracked.
Usagi groaned. "Aw, man. Navi, this isn't funny. I'm not supposed to get my cast wet!"
The fairie then laughed harder. In fact, she laughed so hard that her flying skills were momentarily impaired, and she dropped like a stone into the well. And suddenly, the situation didn't seem so funny.
Ker-plunk! "Ah, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha,- oh, no! My wings are wet! I can't fly when my wings are wet."
"I wonder, Navi. can fairies drown?" Usagi asked, suddenly looking very threatening herself. The wicked aura surrounding Usagi blazed and grew, like a malevolent black cloud haloing her.
"Uhh. sorry?" Navi sounded a bit more apologetic now, though it wasn't true remorse. Even if it had been, it would have been too late for Navi.
"Come on, Navi, I want to conduct an experiment. Maybe I can even hand in a science report to Mrs. Haruna and pass Science!" If it was possible, the dark air around Usagi grew, and almost condensed to the point of becoming a little black rain cloud, storming over her head.
But Navi just assumed that was the product of her imagination and uncontrolled fear. At least, so she hoped.
And promptly after that, if anyone had been standing nearby, they would have heard insane laughter and the sounds of a drowning animal- when in truth it was just a school girl dunking a fairy in a well. Nothing irregular about that, right?
-----------------------*
Link had decided that this place was punishment. For what crime, he wasn't sure, but whatever it was, he swore he'd never, ever do it again.
First they'd gotten stared at, and people had passed out when they saw him. Link tried not to take it too badly. He'd also wondered if Navi and Usagi would be okay, what with such unfriendly people out and around. And then the cops had shown up. oh, boy, had _that_ ever been pretty.
They had police chasing them all over the place- half of them because they were carrying weapons- hey, he'd tried to explain to them the dangers of Hyrule without a weapon, but they had just given him funny looks.
The other half was chasing after them for the 'pretty lady'- apparently, they thought Hotohori was some kind of a princess, and he was a demon. Hey, it wasn't his fault he had pointy ears! (:sniffle:) If it had been happening to anyone else, it would have been downright funny. As it was, it was a terrifying experience- and one that he hoped never to repeat.
They rounded a bend. and found them selves cornered by buildings and police officers. So as the evil officers rounded the corner and boxed them in, Link was busy trying to think of some way to get out of this mess. and Hotohori was wishing he'd stayed with the girls.
"You are surrounded! Drop your weapons, and come quietly with us"-
"Hand over the beautiful lady!!!" Demanded a group of hormone-driven officers, interrupting their sergeant, who had previously been talking.
"Hey," he began again in an attempt to regain control of the situation.
"Now, evil beast!" Demanded one of them in the crowd.
"The first one to slay the beast gets the girl," someone cried. This was instantly met with a roar of agreement, and suddenly there were police officers waving swords and clubs coming their way.
Hotohori sweat dropped. As much as he appreciated the idea of being rescued from this band of idiots, if they kept up then he'd be trampled as well. Which wouldn't be good for his good looks.
Link was frightened to the extent of peeing in his pants. He had a horde of armed officers coming his way, with demonic looks in their eyes. As much as he hated having to do this to the enforcers of the law, he really didn't have a choice.
He closed his eyes, and threw the Deku nut. A flash instantly filled the area, and the product of this was. interesting.
Men that had been stampeding moments before were now screaming or moaning in agony. Why? Because they'd been blinded. not to mention, a few of them were still trying to fight an unseen enemy, and consequently beating the crud out of their own men..
The sergeant sweat dropped, and blinked back the green and blue after- images frantically. Link grabbed Hotohori- who was also whimpering about being blind- and used his hook shot to get out of there before the effects ran off.
"Hey." the sergeant began, but it was too late. They were already escaping, and he sighed to himself. He looked at his own men, who were still groping around, looking for the 'demon' and 'the pretty lady.' Ooh, how he dreaded the thought of having to explain this to his superiors..
What had he ever done to deserve the task of leading these buffoons? He must have done something horrible in his past life. And therefore, had to pay for his mistakes with his sanity and reputation.
He groaned, and rubbed his temples. "Why didn't I listen to my mother and father, and just become a monk? Why, oh why.?" he moaned.
"Pretty lady, is that you!?" Cried a man close to him, who grabbed on to his uniform.
"No, you moron, it isn't!" he said, before knocking the said fool out with his nightstick. Enough was enough- "I quit!"
--------------------*
Ah, grocery shopping. another word for dull labor. Really, though it was. What kind of respectable man allowed himself to stuck gathering items to be cooked? Or rather added to a poisonous concoction.
At least Sanosuke and Yahiko had been nice enough to along with him. although Yahiko had run off, and Sanosuke wouldn't stop complaining. What a bad day. and he would have to end it eating poisonous food unfit for a prisoner.
So now, after a day of hard work- so to speak- they were walking home. Trudging, really. they didn't have much of a reason to be hurrying along.
"Oi, Kenshin," Sanosuke called, "let's stop here for a moment- I'm thirsty." And there indeed was the well for passerby's- the one filled with rainwater, and perhaps what ever else fell down there.
He stopped, though. Why not; if you were thirsty, then you just were. And Sanosuke had been nice enough to go along with him, when he could have spent the day ogling at ladies or flirting, or practicing. or whatever it was that the guy liked to do with his time.
"Did you hear, Kenshin?" Sanosuke asked him as he began to raise the bucket out of the water.
"Hear what?"
"Apparently there was a demon walking around in the town today with some pretty woman." He looked over at the older man and grinned slightly.
"Oh?" he asked, only half-interested. This sounded a lot like gossip to Kenshin, and he wondered for a minute if maybe there was something wrong with his friend. Perhaps he'd managed- if it were possible- to get hold of some food worse than Karou's or his own, and was therefore suffering from food poisoning or something.
"Hai. that's why it was so crowded. Everyone was out for the thing's blood, apparently. especially the police officers. Wonder if maybe it ate Yahiko?- ." Sanosuke was suddenly silent and staring intently at the bucket in his possession.
"Sanosuke? Daijobu desu ka"-
"There's a. _thing_ in my water!" Promptly, Sanosuke dropped the bucket back into the well.
"Owies!" something from down in there cried as a 'thunk' sound echoed in the well.
Sanosuke had backed away from the well now, and staring it as though he were waiting for it sprout legs or something.
"Kenshin. I really, really think we should turn and go now. What if this is one of those demon's consort things?"
"In a well? Sanosuke, are you feeling ill?" Not to mention, of course, did the either of them actually believe in demons. Yes, this was probably going to be one event added onto the many on his list of 'Events that Never Happened.'
"Give me the groceries, I'm going to kill that thing!" Without waiting for his companion's reply, he took the groceries, and made his way back to the well.
"Wait, Sanosuke! Can't we just talk this over"- He tried to beg, pleading as he thought of their fate that night. Bad food was better than none, and Kaoru would Not Be Amused.
It was too late, however, and Sanosuke was throwing the parcels into the well. Kenshin groaned to himself, and considered whether or not he should just camp out here for the night. It would most certainly be safer, what with the inevitable rage of Kaoru and Sanosuke obviously having lost his mind.
"Itai! Oi, baka, stop it," cried a female voice. "You're hurting me!" And Sanosuke did stop, considering the situation.
"Kenshin, that beast kidnapped some girl! We have to get her out of the well- and then kill that evil thing." Kenshin wouldn't have been all too surprised if his friend started foaming at the mouth at that point in time.
Kenshin could feel a massive headache coming on, but went closer to the well. He peered down cautiously, unsure that if he might see anything abnormal then perhaps it might make him go crazy as well.
Sure enough, there was a girl down there- a cold and wet looking one, with hair coming out of their ties. One arm was held above her head as a clumsy attempt for a shield against the offending objects, and she held the other one just above the water in a sling-like device.
Said objects bobbed harmlessly- though now useless and soaked- in the water nearby. Out of the corner or his eyes, Kenshin saw what looked like a pinprick of light glowing in the water. However, he chose to ignore it- most likely, it was just the light of a star being reflected.
"Are you all right down there?" he called out to her. Her coloring was strange, so perhaps she was some foreigner who had gotten lost and had an accident. It wouldn't be the weirdest thing that had ever happened here.
"Not really. you mind getting me out of here?" The girl looked up at them, large blue eyes hopeful.
"All right, miss, just hold onto your end of the rope, and we'll pull you up"-
"Oh, yippee, thanks misters!" The girl seemed to scoop something out of the water and dropping it into the bucket. She then held on, and looked back up at them, flashing a sweet smile.
Kenshin tried lifting the girl and rope out, and his eyes bugged out in surprise when he nearly got pulled in himself. Holy crap. just how much does this girl weigh?
"Oi, Sanosuke- give me a hand." Instantly the younger boy was helping him, straining with the effort.
"Hey, lady, just how much do you weigh, anyway? I think you need to take a diet!"
An indignant noise rose from inside the well. "Didn't your mother teach you any manners!? Really, though!"
----------------*
"Just what kind of magic do you possess," questioned the breathless Hotohori for the umpteenth time as they ran down the dirt path back to where Usagi and Navi were.
"They're not magic, for the last time. They're just Deku nuts- they produce a blinding flash of light, and sometimes freeze your enemies."
"But what kind of magic." the man began again. Link felt like hurting the other man. Yes, he was a companion, but how many times could you ask the same question? Sheesh.
Rounding the corner, Link was shocked to see neither Navi nor Usagi waiting for them. He panicked for a moment, then thought things over logically. Usagi and Navi had taken an immediate disliking to one another, and couldn't possibly work out a truce.
So, either they'd decided to have a duel to the death, or else they'd been kidnapped, or-
All of Link's thoughts halted as he noticed the men tugging on the rope in a well. And that led him to thinking about what Usagi and Navi might try in an attempt to get rid of each other. Link sighed; he simply would never understand women.
"Hotohori, I think we should help those two men over there. It's probably Usagi and Navi down there."
So begrudgingly, both Link and Hotohori aided Kenshin and Sanosuke in pulling them up. Both Kenshin and Sanosuke noticed that there was someone helping them, but they were too absorbed in the task at hand to turn around.
After what felt like an eternity of trying to pull them up, they finally succeeded. Sanosuke turned around to thank the people that helped him, but instead cried out. "AAHHH!! KENSHIN, IT'S THE DEMON EVERYONE WAS TALKING ABOUT!!!"
Poor Link looked ready to cry. For the last time, pointy ears didn't make you a demon, damn it all! It wasn't his fault that he was a Hyrulian.
"Link-kun, Hotohori-san! Oh my goodness, I though we'd never see you guys again," Usagi gushed, hugging both men to the best of her ability. "You have no idea what it's like to be trapped in a well. it's really smelly down there. Kinda creepy, too."
Link had a pretty good idea of what it was like to be in a well. He would have told her too, if she weren't already moving on.
"Doomo arigatoe for helping to get me out of there," Usagi said, bowing to both Sanosuke and Kenshin. "It was very kind of you. I'm afraid I'm a bit more than just a little clumsy, and Navi didn't help too much."
With that said, Usagi lightly kicked over the bucket, and out tumbled Navi. All in all, the fairie didn't look to damaged. All right, so one of its wings were ripped, and it looked a bit green around the edges, but who really wanted to be a white, glowing puffball all the time? It added a bit of color to her.
"Ooohhh. I think my squidely-spooch died on me."(1) Navi said, rolling over.
Usagi just blinked, and then smiled. "I hope you learned your lesson, Navi. Never pick on someone who's bigger than you and had opposable thumbs."
She was about to go on, but suddenly she didn't look to well herself. In fact, she kind of recognized this feeling. It was a bit like..
Oh, no. Oh, HELL no. Please, I don't want to feel like this again! Ack, somebody help I. whoa, the ground shouldn't be allowed to move that way.
Usagi doubled over again, feeling wave after wave of pain roll through her body, mainly accentuated around her stomach area. She groaned in pain, grit her teeth, and fought it off as best she could.
Meanwhile, the people around her looked concerned. They'd formed a mini group around her, with Link and Kenshin helping to keep her from falling over as she clutched at her stomach and crouched in pain.
Navi, meanwhile, was getting over her own ill-spell, and was trying to recognize what was going on around her. Oh, wait, why was the baka leaning over like that? She looked like she was getting ready to hurl or something.
Just like that last time-
About then, Navi realized what was going on. Of course, she realized it too late, but she got brownie points for figuring it out at all. "Link, no," she began, her voice seeming to stretch out forever, long and deep and slow.
And then, quicker than anything, the white light rolled in, swallowing them up, and taking them somewhere else.
----------------------------------------------* (1) Any Invader Zim fan knows about the squidely-spooch. On the episode where he steals all of the kids organs (I believe) he talks/ says something about his squidely-spooch or something. But anyhow, I thought of it, and I wanted to use it.
Okay, finally finished! I'm so sorry to all of you who had to wait so long for me to get this out. Believe me, it has been one hectic summer for me. . What with ff.net being all funky, my month long vacation, and my friend being here for two weeks, things have been more than a little crazy. But it was more than ten pages long, so you can forgive me, right? Please? Have mercy on a lazy author's soul!
And now, for the replies!!
Silver Sailor Shadows AKA SS Silver : Well, it wasn't out soon, but it was long. ^^;; Really though, I did my best. But I went through iffy, dry, uninspired spells. Hope you enjoyed this anyhow.
Avalon Hunter : ^^ Several people have begged me for GW, so that'll probably be next. As for Ranma ½, I'd love to do that one too. All sorts of gender-bending fun to be had there! ::cackles:: But really, though, I'm glad you're enjoying this so much.
SweetKawaiiAngel : lol; now you know how I feel about some of your fics that never get updated. Makes me sad sometimes. It also makes me think I spoil you guys rotten. I hope this is long enough for you, or I could be in for trouble.
Blue Moon : Yes, what would a multi-crossover be without GW. Well, you have your wish- GW is up to bat next.
Themoonmaiden : lol. I've done that before, though I only have one brother, and he already thought I was crazy. So it wasn't that much of a change. Yeah, originally there was going to be Ami bashing, but the story kinda formed itself differently on me. oh well. Smart people rule the world!
Dee-Chan : Ooohhh, Cookie! Gimme, gimme, gimme! Please? I was a good girl, even if it did take me a bit longer than it should have.
Nikki Smith2000 : ^^ WK is a definite. O.o; Oro, Farfie scares me. but I aim to please, so I'll try my best, okay?
Jade : Gundam Wing is a definite go. (I can't believe all of the people that have begged me to do it. sheesh.) As for Final Fantasy Nine. I would, but I don't know anything about it, really.
Aidenn Legacy : Hmmm. you mean in an omake? Only if you help me write it. ^^ I don't do well writing self-inserts on my own. I hope the adventure through RK land was okay for you. things probably were different than they are in the series, but oh well. I guess that's what you get for trying to destroy the tv, though. Kenji. :: cackles:: I have my own plans for him. Be afraid, Kenji Tsukino, be very afraid! :: thunder flashes in the background::
Firefly-chan : No need to apologize- thank you for reviewing at all! Most people don't, which is sad. GW is a go, and WK will happen in the future.
Htchime : Oh, thank you! ^^ You're very sweet to say so. Sorry I didn't update sooner, but it's here now, at least!
Gakkuri Naishinnou : Nuriko as emperor. I'll have to do a follow up on that, in the future. I'd hate to live there, though. Much as I like the guy, him as a ruler? Oh, boy. Hope you enjoy!
By: Tenshi no Nozomi (tenshi_no_nozomi@hotmail.com)
Warnings: same as always; major Mamoru bashing! This chapter is not for Mamoru fans. Heck, the fic probably isn't something you should probably be something Mamoru fans should pursue reading. there will be at least a minimum of slams!
Also. It seems to me that there's more curse words in this chapter than in the last. Perhaps it's my mood, or the one the characters are in. In either case, please be sure to read at your own discretion if that sort of thing offends you. Thank you.
Rating: same
DISCLAIMER: same
CHAPTER: Chapter Three
AN:
Ah. so here we are, at chapter three. Goodness. I normally don't make it this far with fics. Sad, huh? Actually, this is really overdue- I would have had this done much, much sooner but I ran into trouble.
First, I couldn't decided how to properly end the chapter so that it wouldn't be quite so weak as last time's, and I had to outline everything. Second, we got PlayStation 2, and I'm really close to beating FFX. I luv that game!!! And then the floppy disk I had everything on died on me. So there I was, halfway finished. but my chapter three was on an inaccessible floppy disk. I swear, I have the worst luck.
So anyway, it's almost June, and the year- hell, the month!- has absolutely flown by! I'm late in getting this out, school's almost out, which means finals and then a month long trip to Texas. Yes, I'll be spending practically all of June in Texas. Why? Cuz all of the relatives on my mom's side of the family live there, and I need a break from my family. .;; They're driving me nuts!
So, I don't know how much writing I'll be able to get done. but actually, it should be a fair amount. Why? Because I won't have any video games to distract me, a computer with Microsoft Word. and stuff like that. ^^ Maybe I'll even get some cool inspiration!
But that's enough; I've ranted far too much. Please enjoy the third installment to TV Troubles, and email me/ review to tell me what you think of it!! Replies to previous reviews can be found at the bottom after the story.
DEDICATION: To Sweet Kawaii Angel, Aidenn Legacy, Dee-Chan who all requested (kinda) that I do RK next. ^^
------------------------------------*
Chapter Two: Frustrations (RK)
Had Usagi ever had the inane desire to live in the forest, she would have been in heaven now. Unfortunately, she had never had such a wish- and therefore was not only irate and grumpy, but tired of the scenery.
Gods, how she hated trees. They were too tall, and they blocked out the sun. Their bark was so itchy and scratchy, and there was always some kind of bug or bird on them ready to peck or bite the heck out of you.
She sighed and stomped down the path irately, wandering aimlessly through the seemingly endless forest from hell. Trudging behind her came Link, with Navi bobbing along wearily over his head, and behind Link his majesty, Hotohori, just as sullen as the rest of them.
Heh, heh. oh, how much fun it had been, trying to explain to him that they couldn't get him home. And if sarcasm were a poison, then Usagi would have been arrested by the FBI right then and there for carrying a lethal substance on her.
:: Flashback ::
".If you would just please take us back home, perhaps we will pardon this treason of yours." Hotohori said, trying again to reason with the 'savages.' It was obvious the 'da Nile' was not just a river in Egypt.
"Us? Us who?" Link looked genuinely puzzled, and if a sweatdrop wouldn't have weighed the fairy down to the point of being able to possibly flutter three inches off ground through back breaking work, she would have.
"For the last time, we can't! We don't know where we are, or really how we got here!" Usagi had had just about enough. Her day was going from bad to worse to punishment from God, and quite frankly she didn't need to have to deal with this right now. What she wanted to do was get out of this lousy forest before she had a conniption fit.
"Oh, Suzaku," he muttered, "I have been captured by the village idiots; save me!"
Usagi growled, and it was at that time Link decided it would be wise to restrain her. It was a good thing, too- it would have been a real shame to harm such a handsome young man, even if he was being a pain in the ass.
When Usagi had succeeded in calming down, she managed to hiss at him in a more or less feline and dangerous- but understandable- way. "Look. Either you can stay here, or you can come with us, your Majesty. Either way, I really don't care- but I'm going to find my way out of this confounded forest and figure out just what the heck's going on here, or my name's not Tsukino Usagi!"
:: End Flashback ::
It had been the beginning of a not-so-wonderful friendship. Not to mention it was strained even more with all the tension and the circumstances. Now all anyone needed was a friggin' straw to break the camel's back, and Usagi could not promise that anyone would come out alive.
Hi ho, hi ho, it's off to hell we go. Usagi had the sudden and insane need to giggle. Oh yes, she was cracking up finely, clear from her little egg shell and yolk. Not to mention her blood pressure was rising, and Usagi felt like brandishing a flame thrower and destroying all of the vegetation around her.
An appeasing image of herself armed with said weaponry surrounded by ash and flaming debris on what could have been a dusty battle field, laughing like a mad man. Say 'bye-bye,' Bambi. oh, what an image! Mother Nature, say your prayers. After that, she could go after the population of faeries.
She smiled dreamily, if not wistfully, and such thoughts ran rampant around in her mind like panicked little fairies- no pun intended. However, she was not smiling for long ahead of her, for things happen when you don't watch out where you're walking. Usagi ran head on into a rather large tree, abruptly clearing her head of the violent little fantasies she'd been entertaining.
"Owies." Usagi sniffled, and rubbed her nose. Well, her blood pressure had gone down momentarily, and that irritating itching sensation had left the back of her mind and jaw.
She smiled up sheepishly at her companions, who were staring down at her as though to say, 'What were we thinking when we let this basket case take the lead?' Maybe it was the fact that she seemed truly remorseful, or her big blue eyes looking at them sheepishly.
In any case, their eyes softened, and it was Hotohori who helped her back up. Really, for a guy so vain, he really is pretty sweet. She gave him a sweet smile, and Link looked away, though he was frowning.
"Men and their hormones," Navi huffed, who had personally been waiting for a chance to ditch the blonde girl. So far the girl had brought them nothing but trouble. And if Link was getting attached, then who knew what would happen next.
So they resumed walking through the forest, though it was hot and they were sweating. Well, Usagi was glowing- girls don't sweat, you know- and Navi was. immune to the heat, since it would have taken up half of her little spherical body to have a single sweat gland.
What I wouldn't give for a couch, Usagi groaned as they wandered along. She could almost feel the wrath of the blisters yet formed.
--------------------*
The scene with the scouts wasn't exactly a pretty one. What with Ami being the sole light of sanity, and even the two cats were acting up.
Shingo couldn't seem to decide just how he was going to kill his sister. He'd narrowed his choices down to hanging her from a ceiling fan by her toes or boiling her in a large pot. Quite frankly, Rei was anticipating this as well- she refused to allow Shingo to commit the deed without her.
Luna and Artemis were squabbling about petty things- namely which one of them was the better guardian. And whose charge would make the better, more responsible leader. If none of the others had been busy at the moment, they probably would have laughed till they cried.
Minako and Makoto were still trying to sort through the money. It was a bit hard to divvy up, seeing as they'd forgotten how much they'd put in. The neither had figured that they could just count all the money and then split it in half, or else suspected the other would take the money. So they weren't going anywhere fast.
Ami was wondering what the hell was wrong with these people- either a, she had not realized their stupidity before just now; b, they were on stupid pills or some kind of drug; or c. it was some kind of momentary lapse into insanity or an attack by a new enemy.
Oh, the thought that they would lose to some evil force by sheer stupidity..
Ami shook her head, and concentrated. She would make it out of this alive, and with her sanity in tact. Of course, if that goal turned out to be too far-fetched, she'd take them all down with her. And that though set her at a slight ease- and a smile on her face-, and she returned to work.
---------------------*
It was decided. Usagi would never, ever go on another hike in her life. Mother Nature just simply wasn't not her friend, and it was okay- the feeling was, indeed, mutual.
They had been wandering around here for what felt to have been at least two hours. And whereas in the places before it had been evening and the morning, it was mid-afternoon here, and the heat kept rising.
Usagi had been bitten to death by every kind of mosquito there was, she was certain, and wouldn't have been all too surprised if she caught malaria or something. Her feet were beyond aching, she was sluggish and tired, and she hadn't had anything to drink. She was sticky from sweat; covered in dirt; scratched from tree limbs, tree bark, and assorted other plants. Overall, she felt grungy.
Gods, she'd sell her one- currently- good arm and her mother for a drink of water and a shower.
She was so glad to be resting. even if the rock she was currently residing on was hard and lumpy, and just not very comfortable. A recliner, a recliner- my kingdom for a recliner. Preferably a new, leather one in an air conditioned house that still smells like leather, so that when I lay down I-
Her thoughts were interrupted as her companions stood up again. Usagi groaned; it felt as though they'd only sat for just a moment, and were now on the second leg of their eternal journey. The exercise would probably be good for her. if it didn't end up killing her.
If nothing else, and they were lost out here, at least the Link and Hotohori were armed. And if they were starved and truly desperate, then an underdone faerie burger would do just fine.
She stalked along, feeling like her legs were dead weights and ready to fall off. Link was in the lead now, and Usagi couldn't help but wonder if maybe he were even more directionally-impaired than she. She could have sworn that she'd seen this very same tree five times before.
And although normally she wouldn't have been able to tell a fir tree from an oak, after spending as much time as she had looking at nothing but the damned things, she'd begun to be able to tell.
"Link, we're going in circles," she whined up at him. Really, she knew it wasn't his fault- he was trying. But Usagi needed someone to point a finger at, and he seemed like a logical- if not correct- choice.
"I know," came the dull and tired sounding reply. Good, so she wasn't the only person here suffering in undeniable agony. You know what they say- misery loves company.
And just when Usagi thought for sure they'd die wandering around in that accursed forest, and that the last thing she'd ever see would be Navi, or some foliage, or a tree trunk, they found themselves out on a small, but fairly clear, dirt road. In fact, it seemed to lead down to a town.
Her companions were rejoicing. Navi was spouting of praise to Din, Farore, and Nayru like she wouldn't see a tomorrow. Hotohori was kneeling himself, thanking Suzaku that his punishment for allowing fools to kidnap him was over. Link was resting on the dirt, and smiling blissfully at nothing in particular.
But Usagi was so thankful to be out of there, she wasn't paying too much attention. In fact, she was sprawled out on the road on her back, staring up at a cadet blue sky she was grateful to see. And may the gods have had mercy on the horse that decided to try and walk over her.
--------------------------*
Oh, Mamoru was in deep, deep shit. He'd been in shit before, of course, but that was nothing compared to this. He was drowning in the stuff this time.
Two young, beautiful, and well-endowed women were marching his way, with looks to kill on their faces. He knew them both, of course- he had been seeing them both as of late frequently.
Only now, he was fairly sure, he would not be seeing them anymore. He'd be lucky if he ever saw anything again after this encounter. He prepared himself for what was to come.
"Mamoru!" Barked Yukiko, the taller of the two. Her shortly cropped black hair hung around her very unhappy-looking face, and her arms were crossed over his chest.
"We need to talk," added the second, Himewa sounding like the voice of death itself. In fact, the way her eyes looked, he could have mistaken them for the replica of cat's.
"Ladies. whatever about?" He was trying for the innocent approach to this, still hoping to avoid the conflict.
To this, he got a bang on the coffee table he was eating on by two fists- and a spilled coffee. He jumped up and away from the burning liquid, though, before it could touch his precious avocado colored blazer. and was rewarded by the site of the liquid burning straight through his leather couch.
Whoa, what the hell was that, he thought.
Damn. if he hadn't jumped up, we could have put him up on the Darwin Awards. (1) thought Himewa.
"Listen here! You think that you can just play around with us? We're not toys, and we don't have to take this kind of crap from you," Yukiko said, nice and loud so that the people in the other booths who were trying to look as though they weren't listening could hear everything without having to strain their ears.
Himewa nodded in agreement. "Either you date her or me- but not the both of us." To this, Yukiko sweat-dropped a bit: as though she would take that two-timing scum back! That he should be so lucky.
"Easy, ladies. there's enough of me to go around," he said, totally suave.
That was, of course, until he got the living crap beaten out of him. Justly so, I might add.
So after the two ladies were done trashing him beyond recognition, they left. If the only good things to come out of the event were that Mamoru had indeed been beaten up and a new and beautiful friendship had begun between the two girls, then that would be all right.
As Mamoru crawled out of the restaurant and toward the closest phone booth, wincing as his broken ribs throbbed and the bruises began to form already, he thought about things. This meant that his fun had been spoiled early. oh well, none of his flings lasted very long.
And he still had his little 'bunny' to go back. Gods, what a riot.. she was more faithful than a dog! And one of these days, when they were married, he would be rewarded for his patience and somewhat faithfulness.
Now, though, he had bigger, more important things to worry over. Like the fact he was sure he had a concussion, and was feeling pretty dizzy.
"Hello, 9-1-1? I think I need an ambulance."
-------------------------*
". So, basically, what you're saying is you want Navi and me to stay here while you go on to check out that town over there." Usagi couldn't help but feel but feel a bit suspicious.
"Well, yes." When he saw that both females- let us assume that Navi is indeed female, despite how it disgraces all of female kind- were ready to protest, Link rushed on. "It'll give the two of you a place to rest, and you'll be able to sit in the shade. and we'll do the work."
Usagi considered this for a moment, and then finally nodded her consent. " All right. But only on one condition. if you try to ditch me here, I will hunt you down. And when I catch you, it won't be pretty!"
"Possessive, aren't we," Navi muttered.
"Hey, I'm not thrilled with being stuck with you for any longer than I have to- much less being left with you. Besides, who knows what the people here are like? I'd be afraid to be left all on my lonesome with a helium puff- ball here to defend me. I mean. where Hotohori's from, I'm dressed like a. prostitute, so who knows what the people here will think?"
Hotohori nodded understandingly. "We'll be back, I swear to you on my honor as a Suzaku Seishi and the Emperor of Konan!"
Usagi smiled sweetly at him in return, and Link dragged the older man away, a slight blush on his face and grumbled words under his breath.
Usagi and Navi sat there for a few moments without talking. but only for a few moments.
"I can't believe you! How can you just- just flirt with them like that," raved the fairy. However, she was shortly tuned out.
Sheesh. I don't think I've ever felt so tired before. She yawned, before continuing her train of thought. What I'd do for a glass of water and a bed. I'm really thirsty. I wonder when I'll get home again. all though, I have to say, this place has the freshest air. not to mention there aren't any pyros around to yell at me.
Usagi leaned back, and took a deep inhale of the sweet, smelling air. Now that they were out of that horrible, horrible forest, things weren't so bad. Of course, her feet were still aching like the dickens, but she assumed she'd survive. Unless, of course, they fell off or something.
But her thoughts wandered back to the fact that she was, indeed, very thirsty- and swallowing her saliva wasn't very helpful. In fact, thinking about it made her feel kinda. nauseous.
"-And. hey, are you listening to me!?" The stupid fairies shrill tirade broke through her thoughts and killed her moment of peace. Of course the only thing she could in return was to get even.
"No," she replied simply.
The display that followed was interesting, to say the least. The fairy had a horrible fit, bashing itself against a tree, turning a rainbow of colors, and spouting all sorts of expletives, before ending her fit with a simple, "Aggggghhhh!!!!"
"Feel better now," Usagi asked while the small fairy panted and rested on a warm rock next Usagi's. Usagi just laughed at the silence that followed, before thinking her thoughts again.
For a few long minutes, there was no talking, before Usagi broke it. "I'm really thirsty," she wined for the sake of it. Navi seemed ready to blow another gasket when she saw something.
"Well, there's a well over there, isn't there?" Usagi instantly was on her way, wondering why the heck she hadn't seen it before.
As Navi saw the girl leaning perilously over the edge of the well trying to grab the bucket in the center, she was over come by her dark side. She couldn't help herself at she zoomed over there, and gave the odangoe haired girl just enough of a push to send her plummeting into the well.
"What the.- AGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!" Usagi cried out as she suddenly found herself plunging head-first into the well. Oh, how she hoped that the well was deep. There was a loud splash that followed this.
"Naaaavvviiii.."
"Sorry, it was just too tempting!" The fairy certainly didn't sound apologetic, though. Heck, she sounded like she was having the time of her life.
Devious little critter. Usagi grumbled mentally to herself. "All right, then, just help me out!" Somehow, though, she had a bad feeling about how the fairy might respond to this. And a few minutes later, her suspicions were confirmed.
"Help you out?" Now the fairy sounded absolutely demonic. And she was giggling. And then laughing, very hard- and definitely in the evil villain style. Uhm hum, Navi had definitely cracked.
Usagi groaned. "Aw, man. Navi, this isn't funny. I'm not supposed to get my cast wet!"
The fairie then laughed harder. In fact, she laughed so hard that her flying skills were momentarily impaired, and she dropped like a stone into the well. And suddenly, the situation didn't seem so funny.
Ker-plunk! "Ah, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha,- oh, no! My wings are wet! I can't fly when my wings are wet."
"I wonder, Navi. can fairies drown?" Usagi asked, suddenly looking very threatening herself. The wicked aura surrounding Usagi blazed and grew, like a malevolent black cloud haloing her.
"Uhh. sorry?" Navi sounded a bit more apologetic now, though it wasn't true remorse. Even if it had been, it would have been too late for Navi.
"Come on, Navi, I want to conduct an experiment. Maybe I can even hand in a science report to Mrs. Haruna and pass Science!" If it was possible, the dark air around Usagi grew, and almost condensed to the point of becoming a little black rain cloud, storming over her head.
But Navi just assumed that was the product of her imagination and uncontrolled fear. At least, so she hoped.
And promptly after that, if anyone had been standing nearby, they would have heard insane laughter and the sounds of a drowning animal- when in truth it was just a school girl dunking a fairy in a well. Nothing irregular about that, right?
-----------------------*
Link had decided that this place was punishment. For what crime, he wasn't sure, but whatever it was, he swore he'd never, ever do it again.
First they'd gotten stared at, and people had passed out when they saw him. Link tried not to take it too badly. He'd also wondered if Navi and Usagi would be okay, what with such unfriendly people out and around. And then the cops had shown up. oh, boy, had _that_ ever been pretty.
They had police chasing them all over the place- half of them because they were carrying weapons- hey, he'd tried to explain to them the dangers of Hyrule without a weapon, but they had just given him funny looks.
The other half was chasing after them for the 'pretty lady'- apparently, they thought Hotohori was some kind of a princess, and he was a demon. Hey, it wasn't his fault he had pointy ears! (:sniffle:) If it had been happening to anyone else, it would have been downright funny. As it was, it was a terrifying experience- and one that he hoped never to repeat.
They rounded a bend. and found them selves cornered by buildings and police officers. So as the evil officers rounded the corner and boxed them in, Link was busy trying to think of some way to get out of this mess. and Hotohori was wishing he'd stayed with the girls.
"You are surrounded! Drop your weapons, and come quietly with us"-
"Hand over the beautiful lady!!!" Demanded a group of hormone-driven officers, interrupting their sergeant, who had previously been talking.
"Hey," he began again in an attempt to regain control of the situation.
"Now, evil beast!" Demanded one of them in the crowd.
"The first one to slay the beast gets the girl," someone cried. This was instantly met with a roar of agreement, and suddenly there were police officers waving swords and clubs coming their way.
Hotohori sweat dropped. As much as he appreciated the idea of being rescued from this band of idiots, if they kept up then he'd be trampled as well. Which wouldn't be good for his good looks.
Link was frightened to the extent of peeing in his pants. He had a horde of armed officers coming his way, with demonic looks in their eyes. As much as he hated having to do this to the enforcers of the law, he really didn't have a choice.
He closed his eyes, and threw the Deku nut. A flash instantly filled the area, and the product of this was. interesting.
Men that had been stampeding moments before were now screaming or moaning in agony. Why? Because they'd been blinded. not to mention, a few of them were still trying to fight an unseen enemy, and consequently beating the crud out of their own men..
The sergeant sweat dropped, and blinked back the green and blue after- images frantically. Link grabbed Hotohori- who was also whimpering about being blind- and used his hook shot to get out of there before the effects ran off.
"Hey." the sergeant began, but it was too late. They were already escaping, and he sighed to himself. He looked at his own men, who were still groping around, looking for the 'demon' and 'the pretty lady.' Ooh, how he dreaded the thought of having to explain this to his superiors..
What had he ever done to deserve the task of leading these buffoons? He must have done something horrible in his past life. And therefore, had to pay for his mistakes with his sanity and reputation.
He groaned, and rubbed his temples. "Why didn't I listen to my mother and father, and just become a monk? Why, oh why.?" he moaned.
"Pretty lady, is that you!?" Cried a man close to him, who grabbed on to his uniform.
"No, you moron, it isn't!" he said, before knocking the said fool out with his nightstick. Enough was enough- "I quit!"
--------------------*
Ah, grocery shopping. another word for dull labor. Really, though it was. What kind of respectable man allowed himself to stuck gathering items to be cooked? Or rather added to a poisonous concoction.
At least Sanosuke and Yahiko had been nice enough to along with him. although Yahiko had run off, and Sanosuke wouldn't stop complaining. What a bad day. and he would have to end it eating poisonous food unfit for a prisoner.
So now, after a day of hard work- so to speak- they were walking home. Trudging, really. they didn't have much of a reason to be hurrying along.
"Oi, Kenshin," Sanosuke called, "let's stop here for a moment- I'm thirsty." And there indeed was the well for passerby's- the one filled with rainwater, and perhaps what ever else fell down there.
He stopped, though. Why not; if you were thirsty, then you just were. And Sanosuke had been nice enough to go along with him, when he could have spent the day ogling at ladies or flirting, or practicing. or whatever it was that the guy liked to do with his time.
"Did you hear, Kenshin?" Sanosuke asked him as he began to raise the bucket out of the water.
"Hear what?"
"Apparently there was a demon walking around in the town today with some pretty woman." He looked over at the older man and grinned slightly.
"Oh?" he asked, only half-interested. This sounded a lot like gossip to Kenshin, and he wondered for a minute if maybe there was something wrong with his friend. Perhaps he'd managed- if it were possible- to get hold of some food worse than Karou's or his own, and was therefore suffering from food poisoning or something.
"Hai. that's why it was so crowded. Everyone was out for the thing's blood, apparently. especially the police officers. Wonder if maybe it ate Yahiko?- ." Sanosuke was suddenly silent and staring intently at the bucket in his possession.
"Sanosuke? Daijobu desu ka"-
"There's a. _thing_ in my water!" Promptly, Sanosuke dropped the bucket back into the well.
"Owies!" something from down in there cried as a 'thunk' sound echoed in the well.
Sanosuke had backed away from the well now, and staring it as though he were waiting for it sprout legs or something.
"Kenshin. I really, really think we should turn and go now. What if this is one of those demon's consort things?"
"In a well? Sanosuke, are you feeling ill?" Not to mention, of course, did the either of them actually believe in demons. Yes, this was probably going to be one event added onto the many on his list of 'Events that Never Happened.'
"Give me the groceries, I'm going to kill that thing!" Without waiting for his companion's reply, he took the groceries, and made his way back to the well.
"Wait, Sanosuke! Can't we just talk this over"- He tried to beg, pleading as he thought of their fate that night. Bad food was better than none, and Kaoru would Not Be Amused.
It was too late, however, and Sanosuke was throwing the parcels into the well. Kenshin groaned to himself, and considered whether or not he should just camp out here for the night. It would most certainly be safer, what with the inevitable rage of Kaoru and Sanosuke obviously having lost his mind.
"Itai! Oi, baka, stop it," cried a female voice. "You're hurting me!" And Sanosuke did stop, considering the situation.
"Kenshin, that beast kidnapped some girl! We have to get her out of the well- and then kill that evil thing." Kenshin wouldn't have been all too surprised if his friend started foaming at the mouth at that point in time.
Kenshin could feel a massive headache coming on, but went closer to the well. He peered down cautiously, unsure that if he might see anything abnormal then perhaps it might make him go crazy as well.
Sure enough, there was a girl down there- a cold and wet looking one, with hair coming out of their ties. One arm was held above her head as a clumsy attempt for a shield against the offending objects, and she held the other one just above the water in a sling-like device.
Said objects bobbed harmlessly- though now useless and soaked- in the water nearby. Out of the corner or his eyes, Kenshin saw what looked like a pinprick of light glowing in the water. However, he chose to ignore it- most likely, it was just the light of a star being reflected.
"Are you all right down there?" he called out to her. Her coloring was strange, so perhaps she was some foreigner who had gotten lost and had an accident. It wouldn't be the weirdest thing that had ever happened here.
"Not really. you mind getting me out of here?" The girl looked up at them, large blue eyes hopeful.
"All right, miss, just hold onto your end of the rope, and we'll pull you up"-
"Oh, yippee, thanks misters!" The girl seemed to scoop something out of the water and dropping it into the bucket. She then held on, and looked back up at them, flashing a sweet smile.
Kenshin tried lifting the girl and rope out, and his eyes bugged out in surprise when he nearly got pulled in himself. Holy crap. just how much does this girl weigh?
"Oi, Sanosuke- give me a hand." Instantly the younger boy was helping him, straining with the effort.
"Hey, lady, just how much do you weigh, anyway? I think you need to take a diet!"
An indignant noise rose from inside the well. "Didn't your mother teach you any manners!? Really, though!"
----------------*
"Just what kind of magic do you possess," questioned the breathless Hotohori for the umpteenth time as they ran down the dirt path back to where Usagi and Navi were.
"They're not magic, for the last time. They're just Deku nuts- they produce a blinding flash of light, and sometimes freeze your enemies."
"But what kind of magic." the man began again. Link felt like hurting the other man. Yes, he was a companion, but how many times could you ask the same question? Sheesh.
Rounding the corner, Link was shocked to see neither Navi nor Usagi waiting for them. He panicked for a moment, then thought things over logically. Usagi and Navi had taken an immediate disliking to one another, and couldn't possibly work out a truce.
So, either they'd decided to have a duel to the death, or else they'd been kidnapped, or-
All of Link's thoughts halted as he noticed the men tugging on the rope in a well. And that led him to thinking about what Usagi and Navi might try in an attempt to get rid of each other. Link sighed; he simply would never understand women.
"Hotohori, I think we should help those two men over there. It's probably Usagi and Navi down there."
So begrudgingly, both Link and Hotohori aided Kenshin and Sanosuke in pulling them up. Both Kenshin and Sanosuke noticed that there was someone helping them, but they were too absorbed in the task at hand to turn around.
After what felt like an eternity of trying to pull them up, they finally succeeded. Sanosuke turned around to thank the people that helped him, but instead cried out. "AAHHH!! KENSHIN, IT'S THE DEMON EVERYONE WAS TALKING ABOUT!!!"
Poor Link looked ready to cry. For the last time, pointy ears didn't make you a demon, damn it all! It wasn't his fault that he was a Hyrulian.
"Link-kun, Hotohori-san! Oh my goodness, I though we'd never see you guys again," Usagi gushed, hugging both men to the best of her ability. "You have no idea what it's like to be trapped in a well. it's really smelly down there. Kinda creepy, too."
Link had a pretty good idea of what it was like to be in a well. He would have told her too, if she weren't already moving on.
"Doomo arigatoe for helping to get me out of there," Usagi said, bowing to both Sanosuke and Kenshin. "It was very kind of you. I'm afraid I'm a bit more than just a little clumsy, and Navi didn't help too much."
With that said, Usagi lightly kicked over the bucket, and out tumbled Navi. All in all, the fairie didn't look to damaged. All right, so one of its wings were ripped, and it looked a bit green around the edges, but who really wanted to be a white, glowing puffball all the time? It added a bit of color to her.
"Ooohhh. I think my squidely-spooch died on me."(1) Navi said, rolling over.
Usagi just blinked, and then smiled. "I hope you learned your lesson, Navi. Never pick on someone who's bigger than you and had opposable thumbs."
She was about to go on, but suddenly she didn't look to well herself. In fact, she kind of recognized this feeling. It was a bit like..
Oh, no. Oh, HELL no. Please, I don't want to feel like this again! Ack, somebody help I. whoa, the ground shouldn't be allowed to move that way.
Usagi doubled over again, feeling wave after wave of pain roll through her body, mainly accentuated around her stomach area. She groaned in pain, grit her teeth, and fought it off as best she could.
Meanwhile, the people around her looked concerned. They'd formed a mini group around her, with Link and Kenshin helping to keep her from falling over as she clutched at her stomach and crouched in pain.
Navi, meanwhile, was getting over her own ill-spell, and was trying to recognize what was going on around her. Oh, wait, why was the baka leaning over like that? She looked like she was getting ready to hurl or something.
Just like that last time-
About then, Navi realized what was going on. Of course, she realized it too late, but she got brownie points for figuring it out at all. "Link, no," she began, her voice seeming to stretch out forever, long and deep and slow.
And then, quicker than anything, the white light rolled in, swallowing them up, and taking them somewhere else.
----------------------------------------------* (1) Any Invader Zim fan knows about the squidely-spooch. On the episode where he steals all of the kids organs (I believe) he talks/ says something about his squidely-spooch or something. But anyhow, I thought of it, and I wanted to use it.
Okay, finally finished! I'm so sorry to all of you who had to wait so long for me to get this out. Believe me, it has been one hectic summer for me. . What with ff.net being all funky, my month long vacation, and my friend being here for two weeks, things have been more than a little crazy. But it was more than ten pages long, so you can forgive me, right? Please? Have mercy on a lazy author's soul!
And now, for the replies!!
Silver Sailor Shadows AKA SS Silver : Well, it wasn't out soon, but it was long. ^^;; Really though, I did my best. But I went through iffy, dry, uninspired spells. Hope you enjoyed this anyhow.
Avalon Hunter : ^^ Several people have begged me for GW, so that'll probably be next. As for Ranma ½, I'd love to do that one too. All sorts of gender-bending fun to be had there! ::cackles:: But really, though, I'm glad you're enjoying this so much.
SweetKawaiiAngel : lol; now you know how I feel about some of your fics that never get updated. Makes me sad sometimes. It also makes me think I spoil you guys rotten. I hope this is long enough for you, or I could be in for trouble.
Blue Moon : Yes, what would a multi-crossover be without GW. Well, you have your wish- GW is up to bat next.
Themoonmaiden : lol. I've done that before, though I only have one brother, and he already thought I was crazy. So it wasn't that much of a change. Yeah, originally there was going to be Ami bashing, but the story kinda formed itself differently on me. oh well. Smart people rule the world!
Dee-Chan : Ooohhh, Cookie! Gimme, gimme, gimme! Please? I was a good girl, even if it did take me a bit longer than it should have.
Nikki Smith2000 : ^^ WK is a definite. O.o; Oro, Farfie scares me. but I aim to please, so I'll try my best, okay?
Jade : Gundam Wing is a definite go. (I can't believe all of the people that have begged me to do it. sheesh.) As for Final Fantasy Nine. I would, but I don't know anything about it, really.
Aidenn Legacy : Hmmm. you mean in an omake? Only if you help me write it. ^^ I don't do well writing self-inserts on my own. I hope the adventure through RK land was okay for you. things probably were different than they are in the series, but oh well. I guess that's what you get for trying to destroy the tv, though. Kenji. :: cackles:: I have my own plans for him. Be afraid, Kenji Tsukino, be very afraid! :: thunder flashes in the background::
Firefly-chan : No need to apologize- thank you for reviewing at all! Most people don't, which is sad. GW is a go, and WK will happen in the future.
Htchime : Oh, thank you! ^^ You're very sweet to say so. Sorry I didn't update sooner, but it's here now, at least!
Gakkuri Naishinnou : Nuriko as emperor. I'll have to do a follow up on that, in the future. I'd hate to live there, though. Much as I like the guy, him as a ruler? Oh, boy. Hope you enjoy!