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Secrets of the Wild
Part 2: The predator
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They said they caught an assassin, which made my breath skip. But that wasn't what made my heart jump. The ex-Peacekeeper assassin was no doubt Aeryn. She knows nothing about what I have become so the surprise look on her face means nothing to me.
I found her Peacekeeper file, not because I wanted to read it. I don't really know why I wanted it in the first place. I guess it is because I feel I lead her life, her past life. Sikozu refused to leave my side while I see the 'prisoner'. She knows nothing of my past; she does not care about my past. All she cares about is my future. My future . What is *my* future?
I feel nothing. For four cycles I have made myself into a zombie. If I didn't feel for anything then nothing can ever betray me, that's my new motto. I am Peacekeeper Captain John Crichton. I say it with no pride, no hatred but with honesty. I was given no choice, either die or live. Both meant that I would lead a different life, I would have to change. Becoming a Peacekeeper is death, a dead end. So why did I take that choice? Because I still loved Aeryn at the time and it meant a chance to find her. But after four cycles I have given up. I have dismissed all thoughts of her. Aeryn is the past, *my* yesterday. It is better to feel nothing. It is better to believe nothing. It is better not to love, hate or despise anyone.
So I look at Aeryn like she means nothing to me, which is not entirely true. Her hair is longer but she keeps it in the usual braid. She wears the Retrieval uniform, black and grey. So much like the Peacekeeper uniform that sometimes it is hard to distinguish between the two. The Radiant Aeryn Sun stands before me as a prisoner. For three long cycles I have been a slave to her. I have followed her around like a lost puppy but she refused to acknowledge anything. And even when she did it was not me . yet it was. I should have died not him. I cannot just strip off the mask that I have put up for so many cycles. I have a job, a goal but will I archive it with her by my side? Not as an ally but as an enemy? I will show her that I can keep in control, that my world no longer revolves around her. My world is nothing. It is dark and cold. The 'sun' does not rise.
"Officer Sun, what brings you here?" I lean back in the chair.
She looks at me still in surprise. It does not show on her face but her eyes, they hold something else. I know she will refuse to talk. I open my mouth to speak again but a thought occurs to me. I turn to Sikozu.
"Thank you Lieutenant." She looks at me but does not argue.
It is better to pretend. That's how we are: business, no emotions, unattached. I can tell that I will have to explain later. For now she leaves, glancing at Aeryn on her way out. The past and the possible future. So who holds my present? My life has never been in my hands.
I continue to sit and look at Aeryn after Sikozu left. She stands doing the same thing. Who will win the staring contest?
"So the human has learnt the meaning of silence," she said. Her voice is the way I remembered it. Husky, controlled, plain and simply Aeryn. I smile slightly at her. I win that contest.
"Crichton, a Peacekeeper?" I can hear the disbelief on her voice.
"Why so informal Officer Sun? I am the Captain on board." I show no weakness. A Peacekeeper line.
"What are you doing here Crichton?" She emphasis the name, 'Crichton'.
"Where would I be? I am no longer who I was. Does my profession offend you?" I grin.
"No, your 'profession' does not offend me. I never thought you would become one of *them*. But how?"
"Scorpius," I say. The name is still cold to me.
Scorpius did this to me . it is partially the truth. I see her eyes flicker at the name. She wants to know more but whatever she asks I will refuse to answer, for now. Some things in my life are best left untold.
"So Officer Sun, what are you doing here?" I ask again leaning forward, resting my elbows on the table.
"I was brought here by your Peacekeepers," she spits the words out.
I know enough about the assassins to know that the avoid anything that involves their 'missions'. Aeryn is doing exactly that, always following procedures.
"Cut the crap, I know you were on a mission. That's what assassins do right? Who were you tracking down this time?"
"A person." She answers bluntly.
I close my eyes and laugh, something I haven't done in quite a while. "Wrong answer Officer."
She looks at me. "Why are you so cold?"
The grin is no longer on my face. I call the guards back in. Before they take her away I answer her question.
"Because of you."
Two arns later I walk into my quarters. Sikozu sleeps soundly on the bed. I shrug off my coat and throw it into the corner. Sitting on the edge of the bed with my back to her sleeping form, I take the pulse rifle off my thigh. It isn't Wionna. I gave her up a long time ago, no use hanging onto the past. This one was a newer model, even deadlier.
"John?"
I undress and climb under the covers. She rests her head on my chest and I wrap an arm around her waist.
"Who was she?"
"She was my past."
She moves closer. There is silence for a few microts.
"Where you ."
"No, I was never her lover." I look down at her. She seems satisfied with the answer and drifts off again.
We don't love each other. She is my comfort when I am lonely; I am her comfort when she is lonely. My pleasure, my play but not my heart I sleep with a woman beside me, not Aeryn, but someone else. Someone who will not confuse love from war, heartbreak to heart ache. Not a want but a 'need'.
I wake up suddenly. No one is beside me, it is early but Sikozu has left my quarters. It is an unspoken routine. A mask on who and what we really are. To them she is a Kitsha, my recreational partner. However something else made me wake up. I put on my usual uniform, grab my pulse rifle and walk out. I don't know where I'm heading. It's like my legs have a life of their own. My mind is a daze. I turn and head to Sikozu's quarters though. I palm the door. She's in the shower.
"Sikozu?"
"John," she hears the worry in my voice. "What is it?"
She walks out of the shower, dries herself quickly and puts on her red outfit.
"I don't know but something isn't right." She nods. She has learned to trust my instincts.
Together we walk out. We go through the corridors then stop at a door. My mind clears up. I hold my pulse rifle in my right hand. I don't feel the pain of it digging into my hand from the tight hold. Something is not right. The scream confirms it. I burst through the door. Sikozu right behind me, a trusted partner. I only stop for a third of a microt to 'admire' the hideous Aurora Chair. An old enemy who has cost me much. I was in that chair and I prayed that no one would ever go through the same hell. But Aeryn now sits in the chair. The memories being ripped out of her head.
"Turn it off," I say calmly.
They refuse. Aeryn screams again.
"I said," I raise my pulse rifle to the controllers head. "Turn it off," through clenched teeth. They turn it off. Five of them, drunk, torturing another being. Young Peacekeepers who want their fun.
"Report to my Command in the morning. Now get out of my sight." They scoot off like rats.
I will deal with them later. I walk to Aeryn who is in throbbing pain from the chair. I look at the image on the screen. The image of a nightmare, a wormhole.
"Sikozu, get the med tech."
She hesitates then walks out. I unstrap Aeryn from the chair. Her body limp and lifeless.
"Aeryn? Aeryn, can you hear me?"
She looks up at me and smiles. Before she falls unconscious she says one last sentence.
"Why be so informal Captain Crichton? I am merely a prisoner."
I smile sadly.
Secrets of the Wild
Part 2: The predator
_____________________
They said they caught an assassin, which made my breath skip. But that wasn't what made my heart jump. The ex-Peacekeeper assassin was no doubt Aeryn. She knows nothing about what I have become so the surprise look on her face means nothing to me.
I found her Peacekeeper file, not because I wanted to read it. I don't really know why I wanted it in the first place. I guess it is because I feel I lead her life, her past life. Sikozu refused to leave my side while I see the 'prisoner'. She knows nothing of my past; she does not care about my past. All she cares about is my future. My future . What is *my* future?
I feel nothing. For four cycles I have made myself into a zombie. If I didn't feel for anything then nothing can ever betray me, that's my new motto. I am Peacekeeper Captain John Crichton. I say it with no pride, no hatred but with honesty. I was given no choice, either die or live. Both meant that I would lead a different life, I would have to change. Becoming a Peacekeeper is death, a dead end. So why did I take that choice? Because I still loved Aeryn at the time and it meant a chance to find her. But after four cycles I have given up. I have dismissed all thoughts of her. Aeryn is the past, *my* yesterday. It is better to feel nothing. It is better to believe nothing. It is better not to love, hate or despise anyone.
So I look at Aeryn like she means nothing to me, which is not entirely true. Her hair is longer but she keeps it in the usual braid. She wears the Retrieval uniform, black and grey. So much like the Peacekeeper uniform that sometimes it is hard to distinguish between the two. The Radiant Aeryn Sun stands before me as a prisoner. For three long cycles I have been a slave to her. I have followed her around like a lost puppy but she refused to acknowledge anything. And even when she did it was not me . yet it was. I should have died not him. I cannot just strip off the mask that I have put up for so many cycles. I have a job, a goal but will I archive it with her by my side? Not as an ally but as an enemy? I will show her that I can keep in control, that my world no longer revolves around her. My world is nothing. It is dark and cold. The 'sun' does not rise.
"Officer Sun, what brings you here?" I lean back in the chair.
She looks at me still in surprise. It does not show on her face but her eyes, they hold something else. I know she will refuse to talk. I open my mouth to speak again but a thought occurs to me. I turn to Sikozu.
"Thank you Lieutenant." She looks at me but does not argue.
It is better to pretend. That's how we are: business, no emotions, unattached. I can tell that I will have to explain later. For now she leaves, glancing at Aeryn on her way out. The past and the possible future. So who holds my present? My life has never been in my hands.
I continue to sit and look at Aeryn after Sikozu left. She stands doing the same thing. Who will win the staring contest?
"So the human has learnt the meaning of silence," she said. Her voice is the way I remembered it. Husky, controlled, plain and simply Aeryn. I smile slightly at her. I win that contest.
"Crichton, a Peacekeeper?" I can hear the disbelief on her voice.
"Why so informal Officer Sun? I am the Captain on board." I show no weakness. A Peacekeeper line.
"What are you doing here Crichton?" She emphasis the name, 'Crichton'.
"Where would I be? I am no longer who I was. Does my profession offend you?" I grin.
"No, your 'profession' does not offend me. I never thought you would become one of *them*. But how?"
"Scorpius," I say. The name is still cold to me.
Scorpius did this to me . it is partially the truth. I see her eyes flicker at the name. She wants to know more but whatever she asks I will refuse to answer, for now. Some things in my life are best left untold.
"So Officer Sun, what are you doing here?" I ask again leaning forward, resting my elbows on the table.
"I was brought here by your Peacekeepers," she spits the words out.
I know enough about the assassins to know that the avoid anything that involves their 'missions'. Aeryn is doing exactly that, always following procedures.
"Cut the crap, I know you were on a mission. That's what assassins do right? Who were you tracking down this time?"
"A person." She answers bluntly.
I close my eyes and laugh, something I haven't done in quite a while. "Wrong answer Officer."
She looks at me. "Why are you so cold?"
The grin is no longer on my face. I call the guards back in. Before they take her away I answer her question.
"Because of you."
Two arns later I walk into my quarters. Sikozu sleeps soundly on the bed. I shrug off my coat and throw it into the corner. Sitting on the edge of the bed with my back to her sleeping form, I take the pulse rifle off my thigh. It isn't Wionna. I gave her up a long time ago, no use hanging onto the past. This one was a newer model, even deadlier.
"John?"
I undress and climb under the covers. She rests her head on my chest and I wrap an arm around her waist.
"Who was she?"
"She was my past."
She moves closer. There is silence for a few microts.
"Where you ."
"No, I was never her lover." I look down at her. She seems satisfied with the answer and drifts off again.
We don't love each other. She is my comfort when I am lonely; I am her comfort when she is lonely. My pleasure, my play but not my heart I sleep with a woman beside me, not Aeryn, but someone else. Someone who will not confuse love from war, heartbreak to heart ache. Not a want but a 'need'.
I wake up suddenly. No one is beside me, it is early but Sikozu has left my quarters. It is an unspoken routine. A mask on who and what we really are. To them she is a Kitsha, my recreational partner. However something else made me wake up. I put on my usual uniform, grab my pulse rifle and walk out. I don't know where I'm heading. It's like my legs have a life of their own. My mind is a daze. I turn and head to Sikozu's quarters though. I palm the door. She's in the shower.
"Sikozu?"
"John," she hears the worry in my voice. "What is it?"
She walks out of the shower, dries herself quickly and puts on her red outfit.
"I don't know but something isn't right." She nods. She has learned to trust my instincts.
Together we walk out. We go through the corridors then stop at a door. My mind clears up. I hold my pulse rifle in my right hand. I don't feel the pain of it digging into my hand from the tight hold. Something is not right. The scream confirms it. I burst through the door. Sikozu right behind me, a trusted partner. I only stop for a third of a microt to 'admire' the hideous Aurora Chair. An old enemy who has cost me much. I was in that chair and I prayed that no one would ever go through the same hell. But Aeryn now sits in the chair. The memories being ripped out of her head.
"Turn it off," I say calmly.
They refuse. Aeryn screams again.
"I said," I raise my pulse rifle to the controllers head. "Turn it off," through clenched teeth. They turn it off. Five of them, drunk, torturing another being. Young Peacekeepers who want their fun.
"Report to my Command in the morning. Now get out of my sight." They scoot off like rats.
I will deal with them later. I walk to Aeryn who is in throbbing pain from the chair. I look at the image on the screen. The image of a nightmare, a wormhole.
"Sikozu, get the med tech."
She hesitates then walks out. I unstrap Aeryn from the chair. Her body limp and lifeless.
"Aeryn? Aeryn, can you hear me?"
She looks up at me and smiles. Before she falls unconscious she says one last sentence.
"Why be so informal Captain Crichton? I am merely a prisoner."
I smile sadly.