Hey Everyone! This chapter is VERY confusing and has a lot of
foreshadowing. You aren't meant to know what is wrong with Kat just the
fact that there is indeed something wrong. If you can't understand, please
don't flame, just e-mail me and I'll explain what's going on. But keep in
mind that it'll ruin the story if I do. Anyway, thanks so much for your
helpful and thoughtful reviews. They're always enjoyable and motivating!
Enjoy!
Chapter 3
All through the movie I could feel Hawkeye staring at me yet every time I looked over at him, he childishly looked away and I smiled every time. I tried to forget what I heard earlier but I knew that it wasn't going to be easy. Despite the fact that I was sincerely trying to enjoy myself, I couldn't help but come off as a little cold and unfriendly compared to my previous state when I was unaware of Hawkeye's feelings. I hoped desperately that he wouldn't notice but I should've known that he would.
"What's the matter Kat?" Hawkeye asked finally, lifting his arms, "I don't smell do I."
"No, that's not it." I said as cheerfully as possible, "I'm just tired I guess."
He smiled and continued watching the movie but I just couldn't focus. I felt guilty for lying to him, although it wasn't a complete lie. There was truth in the fact that I was tired but that wasn't what had been bothering me. I needed to get out of here. I couldn't do this anymore. I knew that eventually it would lead to something more and I wasn't about to get my heart broken again once he realized what was wrong with me. Not again.
Just as I was opening my mouth to make up an excuse for leaving, I felt something drape across my shoulder. I noticed that it was Hawkeye's arm and instantly felt guilty. How could I have done this? I was so careful and yet it happened again. I knew all along that it could never work out and yet I had to let him, and myself for that matter, become attached. However there was always the possibility that he was simply infatuated with me as some people were with the first impression but it wasn't love. It couldn't be love. I needed to stop this now before it got to far.
"Hawk," I told him, "I'm feeling a little light-headed. Do you think we could cut this night short? I need some sleep."
"Sure thing," he said, bolting up instantly, "You're sure your okay now, right? You're not sick or anything."
"No," I told him, smiling at the coincidence, "I'm just tired."
"You should be," he said smiling down at me, his blue eyes sparkling, "It's only your second day and you already work harder than most nurses."
"Well I have to give my all to these boys," I told him sincerely, "They're giving their all for their country so I feel I should do the same for them."
As I got up, I felt the blood rush to my head. This had happened before. I knew what was going on. Not now. Please, not now. I could feel my knees begin to shake and knew eventually, in a few short seconds they'd give and there was nothing I could do about. I should've known that this might happen and yet I still over-exerted myself. My father had told me that no matter what I did I shouldn't work to hard or else it would simply progress. I could feel myself begin to go down, yet I didn't hit the ground. I felt strong arms wrap around my waist and for a brief second I felt safe. Only to be replaced with, like so many times before, my worst fear, darkness.
It was light out when I opened my eyes again. The sun instantly stung them as they blinked themselves open. Then it came rushing back to me. The fainting; the blackness; the truth. Hawkeye was a doctor; he must've known that the cause of my fainting wasn't simply fatigue. Why did it have to happen? I was just beginning to accept it and as usual it gets worse.
I looked to my right and saw the face of a wounded soldier with a white, bloodstained bandage covering half of his face. I looked to my left and saw a young Korean man who Captain Hunnicut had treated yesterday smiling at me. I realized that they had brought me to Post-Op and my will forced me to get out of bed and go right back to work. Just as I put my feet on the ground Hawkeye appeared.
"I don't think that you should get out of bed just yet," He said with a touch of hostility in his voice. I knew he knew, "You should at least wait until you're strong enough."
"But I can't," I objected, "I need-I need to help with the casualties. I'm not staying here."
"As a doctor," He said seriously, "I think it would be best for your and the patients if you stayed in bed."
"But I can't I need to-" I started but was cut off.
"If not as a doctor, than as a friend," He said putting his hands on my shoulders, "Stay in bed."
I sighed and looked up at him, "Well I can do that in my own tent," I started, "There's no use in me staying here and taking up beds for the wounded."
"Alright then," He said smiling, "I'll take you to your bed."
"No it's fine I can go by myself." I told him. I didn't want to have any unwanted conversations with him.
Before he could object I was out the door. I didn't even look back. I was to ashamed. I didn't talk to anyone until I was in my tent. I lay on my bed wanting to cry but knew that my willpower wouldn't allow it. I was so embarresed and angry at the world and yet there was nothing I could do. I heard a knock at the door and heard Margaret's voice.
"Katty," she said in a concerned voice, "Are you alright."
Paranoid, I thought that she was aware of my condition too and felt all that more embarrassed. I hated pity. It was the worst thing to have bestowed upon a person and I knew that as soon as everyone knew what was wrong that would be my life, a constant array of pity.
"Yes Margaret," I told her once the steadiness had returned to my voice, "I'm fine."
"Do you think I could come in?" she asked.
"Sure," I told her hesitantly; although that was the last thing in the world I wanted. She opened the door almost immediately and came in.
"I just saw you run across camp and was wondering if anything was wrong." She told me, "If there is you know you can tell me."
"No," I lied, "Nothing's wrong. Hawk-I mean Captain Pierce just thought it best if I stayed in bed for the day. Obviously I objected, and if you need my help I'm more than willing, but he said that it'd be better for the patients."
"Well as soon as you're feeling strong enough," she told me, "After you've rested of course, you're welcome to come back to the OR."
"I'm sure I'll be fine soon." I said sitting down on my cot.
"As am I. Captain Pierce said that your fainting was probably caused by you working so hard yesterday or the fact that you got up to quickly," she explained, "Yet even so, he still stayed up all night by your side making sure that nothing was wrong."
"He told you that?" I asked excitedly, "I-I mean he did that. That was nice of him."
I was actually more excited by what he thought was the cause of my fainting. Knowing he stayed up all night concerned just worsened my original problem.
"Yes, I couldn't believe it," she said smiling, "I guess I always knew under all that sarcasm and mindless wit was a sweet caring person."
"I guess so." I agreed, as she turned to leave, "Oh Major." I called out, "Are you sure I couldn't do something simple like Triage or Post-Op? I really think that I had enough rest last night."
She hesitated for a while but agreed. The only catch was that I wouldn't be admitted to the OR no matter how bad it got but I knew that if they needed me she would put me in.
As I made my way back to Post-Op I ran into BJ. I remembered that I still hadn't apologized to him for over-reacting the night before and yet he still had a friendly smile on his face under his mustache.
"Hey," He said cheerfully, "I think you're supposed to be in bed aren't you?"
"Yes but I really didn't feel like sleeping." I explained, "I have a responsibility to these people and I never back down from a challenge, no matter how hard."
"Volunteered for the Army, gives up sleeping privileges," He said smiling, "There's just no stopping you is there Callaway."
"No sir," I told him. "Not when there's work to be done."
"Alright then," he said as he left, "But when the works all done, you be sure to have fun with my buddy Hawk. He seems to take a liking to you and now I know why. It's not that hard to spot. You just make sure that he doesn't see you out here walking around. He may seem carefree but when it comes to his patients, he's a real strict guy."
"I'll try to steer clear," I told him smiling, although I couldn't have been more serious, "Oh and BJ, I'm sorry about the whole mix up we had before, I was just a bit paranoid being in a new place and all and jumped to conclusions to quickly. I hope we can just forget about it."
"Already done," He said cheerfully, "I can hardly remember as it is." With that he continued his way across the compound back to his tent.
As I walked over in the direction of Post-Op, I thought that it might be best for me to have a bit of nourishment before I did anything since it was probably best to get my strength up to ensure that nothing like what happened last night would happen again. I walked over to the so-called food, but as usual it looked less than eatable so I steered clear and thought that coffee would be a best choice. Just as I sat down to take my first sip I heard the distant sound of constant spinning blades and knew what that meant. I took a breath and looked around at the people running to prepare for the inevitable and though it was full of gore and agony, I knew there is no other place I'd rather be. I belonged here. Finally I was making a difference. Whether or not I would today was out of my hands.
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Chapter 3
All through the movie I could feel Hawkeye staring at me yet every time I looked over at him, he childishly looked away and I smiled every time. I tried to forget what I heard earlier but I knew that it wasn't going to be easy. Despite the fact that I was sincerely trying to enjoy myself, I couldn't help but come off as a little cold and unfriendly compared to my previous state when I was unaware of Hawkeye's feelings. I hoped desperately that he wouldn't notice but I should've known that he would.
"What's the matter Kat?" Hawkeye asked finally, lifting his arms, "I don't smell do I."
"No, that's not it." I said as cheerfully as possible, "I'm just tired I guess."
He smiled and continued watching the movie but I just couldn't focus. I felt guilty for lying to him, although it wasn't a complete lie. There was truth in the fact that I was tired but that wasn't what had been bothering me. I needed to get out of here. I couldn't do this anymore. I knew that eventually it would lead to something more and I wasn't about to get my heart broken again once he realized what was wrong with me. Not again.
Just as I was opening my mouth to make up an excuse for leaving, I felt something drape across my shoulder. I noticed that it was Hawkeye's arm and instantly felt guilty. How could I have done this? I was so careful and yet it happened again. I knew all along that it could never work out and yet I had to let him, and myself for that matter, become attached. However there was always the possibility that he was simply infatuated with me as some people were with the first impression but it wasn't love. It couldn't be love. I needed to stop this now before it got to far.
"Hawk," I told him, "I'm feeling a little light-headed. Do you think we could cut this night short? I need some sleep."
"Sure thing," he said, bolting up instantly, "You're sure your okay now, right? You're not sick or anything."
"No," I told him, smiling at the coincidence, "I'm just tired."
"You should be," he said smiling down at me, his blue eyes sparkling, "It's only your second day and you already work harder than most nurses."
"Well I have to give my all to these boys," I told him sincerely, "They're giving their all for their country so I feel I should do the same for them."
As I got up, I felt the blood rush to my head. This had happened before. I knew what was going on. Not now. Please, not now. I could feel my knees begin to shake and knew eventually, in a few short seconds they'd give and there was nothing I could do about. I should've known that this might happen and yet I still over-exerted myself. My father had told me that no matter what I did I shouldn't work to hard or else it would simply progress. I could feel myself begin to go down, yet I didn't hit the ground. I felt strong arms wrap around my waist and for a brief second I felt safe. Only to be replaced with, like so many times before, my worst fear, darkness.
It was light out when I opened my eyes again. The sun instantly stung them as they blinked themselves open. Then it came rushing back to me. The fainting; the blackness; the truth. Hawkeye was a doctor; he must've known that the cause of my fainting wasn't simply fatigue. Why did it have to happen? I was just beginning to accept it and as usual it gets worse.
I looked to my right and saw the face of a wounded soldier with a white, bloodstained bandage covering half of his face. I looked to my left and saw a young Korean man who Captain Hunnicut had treated yesterday smiling at me. I realized that they had brought me to Post-Op and my will forced me to get out of bed and go right back to work. Just as I put my feet on the ground Hawkeye appeared.
"I don't think that you should get out of bed just yet," He said with a touch of hostility in his voice. I knew he knew, "You should at least wait until you're strong enough."
"But I can't," I objected, "I need-I need to help with the casualties. I'm not staying here."
"As a doctor," He said seriously, "I think it would be best for your and the patients if you stayed in bed."
"But I can't I need to-" I started but was cut off.
"If not as a doctor, than as a friend," He said putting his hands on my shoulders, "Stay in bed."
I sighed and looked up at him, "Well I can do that in my own tent," I started, "There's no use in me staying here and taking up beds for the wounded."
"Alright then," He said smiling, "I'll take you to your bed."
"No it's fine I can go by myself." I told him. I didn't want to have any unwanted conversations with him.
Before he could object I was out the door. I didn't even look back. I was to ashamed. I didn't talk to anyone until I was in my tent. I lay on my bed wanting to cry but knew that my willpower wouldn't allow it. I was so embarresed and angry at the world and yet there was nothing I could do. I heard a knock at the door and heard Margaret's voice.
"Katty," she said in a concerned voice, "Are you alright."
Paranoid, I thought that she was aware of my condition too and felt all that more embarrassed. I hated pity. It was the worst thing to have bestowed upon a person and I knew that as soon as everyone knew what was wrong that would be my life, a constant array of pity.
"Yes Margaret," I told her once the steadiness had returned to my voice, "I'm fine."
"Do you think I could come in?" she asked.
"Sure," I told her hesitantly; although that was the last thing in the world I wanted. She opened the door almost immediately and came in.
"I just saw you run across camp and was wondering if anything was wrong." She told me, "If there is you know you can tell me."
"No," I lied, "Nothing's wrong. Hawk-I mean Captain Pierce just thought it best if I stayed in bed for the day. Obviously I objected, and if you need my help I'm more than willing, but he said that it'd be better for the patients."
"Well as soon as you're feeling strong enough," she told me, "After you've rested of course, you're welcome to come back to the OR."
"I'm sure I'll be fine soon." I said sitting down on my cot.
"As am I. Captain Pierce said that your fainting was probably caused by you working so hard yesterday or the fact that you got up to quickly," she explained, "Yet even so, he still stayed up all night by your side making sure that nothing was wrong."
"He told you that?" I asked excitedly, "I-I mean he did that. That was nice of him."
I was actually more excited by what he thought was the cause of my fainting. Knowing he stayed up all night concerned just worsened my original problem.
"Yes, I couldn't believe it," she said smiling, "I guess I always knew under all that sarcasm and mindless wit was a sweet caring person."
"I guess so." I agreed, as she turned to leave, "Oh Major." I called out, "Are you sure I couldn't do something simple like Triage or Post-Op? I really think that I had enough rest last night."
She hesitated for a while but agreed. The only catch was that I wouldn't be admitted to the OR no matter how bad it got but I knew that if they needed me she would put me in.
As I made my way back to Post-Op I ran into BJ. I remembered that I still hadn't apologized to him for over-reacting the night before and yet he still had a friendly smile on his face under his mustache.
"Hey," He said cheerfully, "I think you're supposed to be in bed aren't you?"
"Yes but I really didn't feel like sleeping." I explained, "I have a responsibility to these people and I never back down from a challenge, no matter how hard."
"Volunteered for the Army, gives up sleeping privileges," He said smiling, "There's just no stopping you is there Callaway."
"No sir," I told him. "Not when there's work to be done."
"Alright then," he said as he left, "But when the works all done, you be sure to have fun with my buddy Hawk. He seems to take a liking to you and now I know why. It's not that hard to spot. You just make sure that he doesn't see you out here walking around. He may seem carefree but when it comes to his patients, he's a real strict guy."
"I'll try to steer clear," I told him smiling, although I couldn't have been more serious, "Oh and BJ, I'm sorry about the whole mix up we had before, I was just a bit paranoid being in a new place and all and jumped to conclusions to quickly. I hope we can just forget about it."
"Already done," He said cheerfully, "I can hardly remember as it is." With that he continued his way across the compound back to his tent.
As I walked over in the direction of Post-Op, I thought that it might be best for me to have a bit of nourishment before I did anything since it was probably best to get my strength up to ensure that nothing like what happened last night would happen again. I walked over to the so-called food, but as usual it looked less than eatable so I steered clear and thought that coffee would be a best choice. Just as I sat down to take my first sip I heard the distant sound of constant spinning blades and knew what that meant. I took a breath and looked around at the people running to prepare for the inevitable and though it was full of gore and agony, I knew there is no other place I'd rather be. I belonged here. Finally I was making a difference. Whether or not I would today was out of my hands.
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